Youth sports: Want to coach? Be prepared

It's amazing, but many youth sports "experts" continue to rant and rave against parents coaching their own children. Sure, in many cases, it would be ideal if there were so many qualified, motivated adults out there to coach all of our young athletes that there was no need for moms and dads to do anything but volunteer for the snack bar and watch the games.

The reality, of course, is that a very high percentage of the coaches in youth leagues do have a child or two on the team. If it weren't so, we probably wouldn't have very many teams out there for kids to play on. And, since this isn't going to change, why don't we look at ways to help these parents do a good job?

First off, any parent should carefully consider the pros and cons of coaching his or her child before taking on the responsibly.

There are many positive reasons to coach your children. For knowledgeable parents, why cheat your child out of the experience and expertise you might bring to a sport? Or, for that matter, your skills in organization, motivation or enthusiasm? There is a great opportunity for a bonding between the coach and child that can be very special, as well as the chance to control the quality of the assistant coaches, practices and substitutions during games. It's also an unusually good chance to spend time with your child's friends and peers and see the interactions you might not have access to elsewhere.

On the negative side, many issues jump out. It's often difficult to retain objectivity -- to avoid being too emotionally involved. It can be hard to refrain from pushing a son or daughter too hard or too easy -- the balance can be almost unrealistic for some parent-coaches.

There also can be problems with your youngsters' teammates; the extra pressure and peers' perceptions can make a son or daughter very uncomfortable. Additionally, parent-to-parent confrontations loom just over the horizon if a coach is seen as showing favoritism for his or her child or poor judgment in playing time, position selection or even winning and losing.

For many parents, this will be their first try at coaching, so here are some tips from some experienced parent-coaches who have had to learn the hard way how to balance family and sports:

• Go to the basic training offered by most leagues for coaches and look for any seminar or instructional clinics you can attend outside of the program. These will not only help you with organization, teaching skills and safety, but can give you insight on the psychology of working with kids, especially your own.
• Have a preseason meeting with your players' parents in which you set the goals, standards of play and conduct, priorities, philosophies and what your approach will be during the upcoming season.
• On the field, when coaching, your responsibilities include such things as respect for officials, playing fairly and giving each player an equal chance to improve, participate and have a good time. Make sure you begin with these and continue with them throughout the season.
• Be open to evaluation from other parents. Are you living up to the goals and standards you set at the preseason meeting? Is the team improving, not just on the skills level, but as a group? Have you kept things fair for everyone, especially with regard to your own child?
• Ask some other coaches how you're doing. Share problems and solutions because most of them will also have a son or daughter on their team.
• At home, a coach should avoid discussing the individual team members -- their strengths, weaknesses and personalities. The coach should, however, discuss his own child's play. Many difficult situations can be averted through communication and an open relationship -- including the athlete telling his mom or dad whether he or she is doing a good job.
• Separate the coach-parent roles away from competition. Make sure to be even more aware of the positive role model you must be at home.
• Listen to your spouse. If he or she sees unhealthy situations arising, don't be defensive, consider it. A constant exchange of ideas and a system of checks and balances to ensure you are doing the best things for your child and the team is essential.

Concerns about parents coaching their own children are justified. I mean, who hasn't experienced a coach's kid playing all of the glory positions such as pitcher, quarterback or shooting guard? Or, on the other side of the equation, watched in horror as a coach verbally or physically pushed his or her child beyond reason?

The important thing is to be prepared for these situations if you do decide to coach and to be understanding and helpful, if possible, to the parent who has taken on the task if you decide to pass. Leagues can do only so much to protect children and ensure a good experience. The rest is really up to all of the parents involved with a team, not only the coaches.