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My Mother Encapsulated

So Dan and I are in the process of moving to Alaska and renting the condo. My mother, in her typical fashion, has decided to make every aspect of this transition her personal business, from how to transport to bunnies to meeting prospective tenants to what kind of place we will rent in Fairbanks. The great irony of my mother's current behavior in general is that the entire time my sister and I were growing up, she sighed and moaned endlessly about what a terrible burden we were, and how she would be so happy if it weren't for the burden of raising us. Anyway, now we are raised and for the most part successful, functioning adults. And what is my mother's reaction to this? Leaping for joy at the absence of her burden? Joining a ping pong team? Taking up ancient Chinese literature? Taking a Mediterranean cruise? Why, no, silly!

This short conversation beautifully and concisely illustrates her embracement of life. You have micromanagement, infantilism, self-pity, poking her nose where it really doesn't belong, painstakingly exaggerated false patience, adoption of and straining under self-invented burdens, and that beautifully and dramatically sad, put-upon martyrdom, all rolled up into good intentions! That's my mother in a nutshell.

Her: "Phoebe, remember what I tode you? What kind of apartment do we want in Fairbanks?"

Me: "We? Errr..."

Her: Sssssiiiiigggghhhh "I tode you already. Do we want furnished or unfurnished?"

Me: "Errrrr... We want unfurnished, of course..."

Her: "Tell mommy why."

Me: "Errr... because we already have furniture?"

Her: "NO." Sssssssiiiiiiiigggggghhhh "That is not deh reazung, Phoebe." ssssiiiiiiggghhhh

Me: "Errrr...?"

Her: "Deh reazung is BECAUSE." sigh "Deh reazung is because the previous tenant might have fleas, and their furniture might have fleas!" Man! So close! I had the right answer, but the wrong reason! And I had gotten so close to getting it right! No wonder she is so worried about me! I just can't get it right!

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