The Wouters Edge

*The Yankees Payroll this year is greater than the Twins payroll combined for the last 5 seasons*

Late November of last year, savoring the taste of the Yankees World Series Loss, the Minnesota Twins were in baseball limbo. While other teams were gearing up for spring training, the Twins were still uncertain of their future. With no off-season acquisitions, the Twins were jubilant to exist. Even after four Twins were named All-Stars in the season's homestretch, the commissioner was quoted as calling the Twins , "An abberation...." After dismissing the A's in the first round of the playoffs the commissioner called it, "A miracle." Insisting that small-market teams cannot compete in a free agent market with ballooning salaries. The Twins represent everything that is still sacred about baseball. The core of their team came from their farm teams, playing up through the ranks together. There are no players who receive "special treatment," the word team is constantly stressed with this team. Their biggest strength, defense and fundamentals, a very blue collar approach. And FUCK the rally Monkey, no one likes mascots that fling their own feces! And what about the shitpile teams? Florida, Milwaukee, the White Sox? I went to a Sox game this year, and the most exciting thing that happened, was a fight in the concession stand over "who was putting cheese on what.." But the Twins still won, they still have a team, they proved the world wrong, and will be back next year!



Have you seen cartoons these days? It's as if escaped convicts were placed in a room, armed only with magic markers, and a head full of acid. The storylines are ridiculous and the animation looks like shit Japanimators would mutter *what the fu..*. If this is the crap that kids are watching these days, what kind of future leaders can they grow up to become? What is wrong with giant anvils falling on Coyotes? What is wrong with half-human, half-cat cartoons now? Azriel and Papa Smurf are no longer household names, things are no longer simply, "smurfy." And what about television in general? Fucken reality t.v. shows suck it. What the hell is going on? The Real World was new, interesting, ORIGINAL. Now, it's fucken teams of people that vote for stuff, and everyone has fake tits and a six pack. What the fuck! And the worst part, people fucken watch it! Remember when characters like the zany whacky neighbor Skippy would come over to the Keaton's to hit on Mallery? Remember Heathcliffe Huxtable cooking up schemes to get a piece of the chocolate cake Claire has been slaving over all day. Remember how nearly every house from a family sitcom had 2 staircases? One in the living room, and one in the kitchen, Family Ties, Cosby Show, Different Strokes, Growing Pains, The Hogan Family all had this family sitcom important ingredient. Now there is fucken Gilmore Girls, 7th Heaven, ... are you gagging yet? What the fuck? Kids should be forced to watch Nick at Night just for educational purposes. Everyone remembers when Arnold got molested by the bikeshop owner, a life lesson well learned. But, it's not just the shows, it's the fucken commercials. "I Love Burritos at 4 AM..... blah blah blah.... here's to love songs.." You must be fucken kidding me. What happened to "Where's the Beef?," and the Big Mac song? Specifically, what the fuck is wrong with the Coors Corporation and their awful fucken commercials?! Here's to Love songs? Here's to football? Here's to fuck off Coors your commercials make me want to jab a javelin in my eye, and pencils in my ears! You notice that those ass-ramming unoriginal bastards didn't even change the lyrics, just at the end instead of saying, here's to love songs, they say here's to football. If you listen to that song it's like a dyslexic attention deficit disorder 10 year old wrote the song. *Note to Coors Advertisement Team* "Hey assholes, not only do those commercials NOT make me want to drink Coors products, but it makes me want to kill you and your offspring to make certain this can never happen again!". What kind of people are running television now? What kind of idealess jackasses are involved in advertisement? Is it the jews? A question possibly with no answer (they are all secretly underground). P.S. Does anyone else notice how much Girls Gone Wild advertises? I mean, if you really think about it, a lot of people must buy those tapes for there to be that many advertisements.
Really makes you wonder... I mean you could know someone that has purchased these tapes and you don't even know about it... Sick bastards!...



70% of all marijuana in the United States is smuggled over the Canadian or Mexican border. Thanks to 9/11 (Goddamn the Taliban sucks!) the border patrols are out in stronger and more efficient force, therefore catching many more otheriwse law abiding drug-smugglers. A + B = weed shortage. Now as many of you know, I live near a section of town simply known as "Boys Town." It is the gay district. Now, I have nothing against them or their right to congregate at clubs such as "The Manhole." But, are we not all in agreement it is more inherently wrong to insert your penis into another man's bunghole than to smoke a plant which grows naturally? I mean what kind of society will condone a section of town for men to gather and have butt-love festival 2002, but it's illegal and morally unjustifiable to smoke weed? We pot-smokers should have a section of town of our own? Instead of rainbows spewed everywhere, there could be smiley faces and cannabis leaves. The grocery stores could stock items that are incredibly easy to make. 24 hour food delivery from any restaurant in the area. Why is everyone out to get us (potsmokers)? We are generally a kind gentle people. We keep to ourselves and enjoy napping, a peaceful tribe. *For the smokers* remember the last time you got your place really milky with smoke? And you were shitting yourself thinking *what will the neighbors think* imagine never having that paranoid feeling again. Marijuana doesn't make you paranoid, it's all the tattle-tail goody two-shoe mother fuckers that could narc on me that makes me paranoid. And if I don't mind that 4 blocks down the road that two guys go into dark rooms and sodomize each other while listening to N'Sync, then no one should care if I sit in my apartment and smoke a joint. What was once already a pain in the ass has become a giant hemroid. Pulsating every time I sit down to smoke and realize the well has run dry. Beware of buying dime bags in parks from people with the name of tre-dog, they might be selling you a bag of oregano. And if you happen to drive, and are behind a large truck, and you happen to notice that the driver is hauling a large quantity of marijuana. Get out of his way and let him get to where he's going, there are people waiting out here!...

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