The Wouters Edge

Facing elimination, trailing by five runs, the Angels accomplished what you've seen so many times in heart-warming (or stomach turning?) Disney Classics. Though there were no "Mighty Ducks," apparently there were "Angels in the Outfield" (yes, that is an actual film). Bottom of the seventh inning, they are down by five runs, and that cursed Rally Monkey makes his first appearance of the evening. The Angels score 3 runs, and then 3 more in the bottom of the 8th and win by one. Then simply came back the following night and dispatched the reeling Giants. And with their retarded "thunder stix," and that damned shit-flinging mascot of theirs, the Angels won their first World Series title as a franchise. Why am I soured? It all seemed a little too cute, or too perfect?... Is it possible this series was fixed? Think about it, Disney stock is falling, Six Flags and other major amusement park chains kick Disneyland's asshole, the Mighty Ducks suck, ABC now employs the beligerant John Madden, and no one, no one would have told you that the Angels would win the series this year. Is it possible that Eisner in a fit of insanity (a product of extended exposure to miracle-like comeback wins in his own warped Disney Reality)took all his liquidable cash and bought off the Giants? It could be a double play worth millions. With ensuing advertisement specials, (I wonder if they will go to Disneyland?) television revenue, and a script likely in the works, Eisner's net worth could take a "Giant" leap. Not that you could tell this man is the CEO of Disney, he was clad in a Mickey Mouse t-shirt (what an asshole!) jeans and a tweed sport jacket, (What an even bigger asshole!). And besides, Fuck California! California has so many teams for everything, it's completely unfair! I mean shit, baseball teams are Dodgers, Giants, Angels, A's. Football, Raiders, Forty Niners, and the Chargers. Basketball teams, Warriors, Clippers, Kings, and of course the Lakers. They have 3 fucken hockey teams, Minnesota the source of where people live through their hockey, just got a team a year ago! California has a shitload of people, I realize this, but we all know eventually it will break off from the rest of the Continental United States only to be swallowed by the blue vastness of the Pacific Ocean. I'll miss all the hot actresses who will inevitably be at the Lakers game that day...



Speaking of the Lakers, did anyone catch the final pre-season game of the year between the Kings and the Lakers? During the game, Rick Fox recieves a pass and throws an elbow and brushed Doug Christie to the floor. Christie sprang to his feet tossing the ball off Fox's head and the two started jarring at each other. Fox, then put his open hand into Christie's face and pushed him away, when Christie placed a lovely left-handed uppercut to Fox's chin. The two were both ejected from the game and started to head back to the locker rooms when Fox, ran around to meet Christie in the tunnel. The two went at it again, until Sacramento's bench emptied to separate the two again. At which Grimace 'er Shaq-pack in all his plaid glory wonders back there to get involved. What a melee', why does Fox always yap? Why are the Lakers so damn cocky? Everyone who watched the finals last year knows how close it was, how close they came in 2000 to losing it. It took two nearly ridiculous mental breakdowns of their opponents (Portland in 2000, and Sac last year), with one obviously dominant performance in 2001. Yet, Shaq, Fox, Horry, Kobe, Phil, keep yapping. First of all, alright, I hate them, but Phil, Shaq, Kobe, go ahead, talk, you have that inherent right now. Fox, Horry, sit down, sit down you Jerry Curl having mutha fucka, and sit down, you Will Smith-lookin', mutha fucka! Shit, any 3, any 3 in the league can do what Fox does on that team, and that is a fact, deal with it Lakers fans. And why haven't they changed the name in all these year? The Lakers have as much business having that name as the Utah does having the Jazz as the name. There are no lakes in LA, and there is no Jazz in Utah. Rightly, they should be respectively known as, the LA Crackwhores, and the Utah Mormons.



I just have to say, this year as a Vikings fan, has not only been painful, but embarassing at times. By week four, I had abandoned all hope and was still licking my wounds from week one's debacle against the Bears. The cocky, LUCKY Bears. Well, things are a little different in Week 8. As the Vikings looked like a glimpse of their 98 dream team, at one point scoring on five of six drives, and stopping the A-Train in his own endzone for a safety. The Bears, Lions and Vikings now share the cellar in the NFC North. If the Vikings are going to suck this year, it’s fine, I can accept that, but my NFL season is still saved thus far cuz the Bears suck too. Not only do they suck, they suck worse than the Vikes right now. The Vikings suck, I think they are 2nd worst in giving up points in the entire league, but the Vikings have 2 wins in their last 3 games, the Bears started out 2-0, but one win was against the shitty Vikings, they have now lost 5 in a row. Bears suck!…



A bond between a father and his son is different than many relationships. Especially when you spend time together hiding in the trunk of a car shooting random innocent adults and children with a 323 rifle. This is almost too much isn’t it? First of all, what a terrible awful act. What kind of bastards shoot at innocent people, let alone, kids?! Crimes against children are simply INEXCUSABLE! Remember the beligerant father-son combat team from the Whitesox game this year? Is this going to become a trend? Are fathers and sons now joining forces for evil? Or did they see Road to Perdition and just miss the point? Whatever the case, since this is a multi-state ordeal how does this really work? I mean if they are tried in some state and that state doesn’t have the death penalty, and they are tried in yet another where there is the death penalty, then, how does that work? You know GWB is chomping at the bit, wishing they had tried that nonsense in Texas, they’d be in the chair 15 minutes after their inevitable conviction. If you watched CNN 3-5 years ago, you could distinguish between National and News from the Middle East. National news was filled with political scandal and controversy, and World news pertaining to the Middle East was filled with terrorism, famine and fear. The line in the sand is getting harder to find, with terrorists, foreign and homegrown, we are starting to look more like Palestine each day… So, if you are feeling the urge to strap yourself with explosives or you feel the urge to start sniping innocents with your father, don’t! We aren’t a third world country asshole! Move to fucken South America or the Middle East! More than likely you will be popular among the other nutbags. Or at least do this in the South, they’re mostly illiterate and inbred anyway….

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