Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative

Standard but only slightly useless disclaimer: The X-files
and the characters of Dana Scully, Fox Mulder, and Frohike
are the property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, the FOX
Network, and anyone else whose property they are.  No
infringement is intended.  (Fat lot that'll do you in
court!)

Warning: Although a tame PG or even G on the Jesse Helms-o-
meter, some minor third season spoilers.

This isn't much of a story; it's more of a vignette (what my
family would call a "character study").  Your understanding
will be increased if you first take the time to read my
other vignette, "Smart Is Sexier than I Thought."  Praise
and/or flames to TraceyI@aol.com.

"The Ties that Blind" (1/1)

     Mulder took one last glance around him to make sure he
wasn't being followed before sidling up to the tie rack, a
trained professional in the field of nonchalantness.  He
casually picked through a number of garish ties, removed one
from the rack, and held it to his neck.  Turning to his
right, he pretended to ask the opinion of the man standing
next to him.  "What is it, Frohike?" Mulder asked quietly,
gesturing at the tie for maximum effect.  "This isn't like
you at all," he added, surreptitiously eyeing all the
surrounding shoppers in the busy menswear department.  "You
never want to meet in such a public place."
     Frohike stopped poking nervously at the ties in front
of him and scratched the back of his head.  "Um, Mulder..."
he began.
     The taller man tried to make inconspicuous "hurry up"
motions.  "You said you needed help," Mulder prodded.  "What
did you do?  Frohike, did you and the other Gunmen e-mail
limericks to a conservative senator again?   Charge 1-900 calls
to the DOD?"
     "Um, Mulder, I asked you to meet me here in the tie
department," Frohike mumbled as he waved his hand toward
the rack, "because I need help picking out a tie."
     Mulder blinked twice, taken aback.  "You WHAT?" Mulder
and Frohike had asked each other for some pretty strange
favors in the past, but this was above and beyond the call. 
"I broke the speed limit, two laws of physics, and three
Commandments to get here and you're having a TIE emergency?" 
He shook his head.  "Frohike, we're square.  I got you a
date with Scully.  I don't owe you any more favors."  To his
surprise, Mulder thought he saw one side of Frohike's mouth
curl up when he mentioned his partner's name.
     Frohike finally turned to Mulder, unsuccessful in his
attempt to meet him eye to eye.  He suddenly wished he were
six inches taller.  "Mulder, this is important," he stated,
squaring his shoulders and raising himself to his full
height but still only coming up to Mulder's neck, damn him.  "I
want to look good on my next date with Agen . . . Dana."
     This time Frohike couldn't avoid the smile that inched
up his lips.  His eyes twinkled with satisfaction as Mulder
lost his grip on the tie and fumbled clumsily, trying to
grasp the silky length of material as it slipped to the
ground like an electric blue eel.  "You do not," Mulder said
as he bent down and snatched the offending accessory off the
floor.
     "Yes I do, Mulder," Frohike insisted proudly.  "The
lovely Agent Scully is accompanying me to my high school
reunion tonight."  His face darkened.  "Listen, Mulder, this
is serious.  You get gorgeous women all the time.  It would
really mean a lot to me to show up tonight, looking good,
with a beautiful woman like Dana on my arm.  Plus," he
hastened to add, "I really want to show her a good time and"
he glanced down at himself "not have her be embarrassed to
be seen with me."
     Mulder looked hard at Frohike, seeing a side of him
that had not been previously visible.  Mulder didn't have
many friends, and he wasn't really sure whether Frohike
counted among them or was just an irritation he tolerated
because of the quality of the information the little man
could procure--a cyberpimp.  Mulder realized he had always,
if unconsciously, thought of Frohike as an annoying,
selfish little sexual harassment suit in the making.  It had
never occurred to him that Frohike might actually be a nice
guy who could think about Scully's feelings instead of (or
at least in addition to) her breasts.
     "OK."  Sufficiently calmed, Mulder relaxed his
shoulders, took a deep breath, and started flipping through
the ties on the display rack, selecting a number of
seriously ugly ties and holding the first up to Frohike's
chest.  "Now that's stylin'."
     "Come on, Mulder," Frohike protested.  "You said you'd
help!"
     "You know, you're kind of cute when you're petulant. 
Besides," Mulder insisted as Frohike sputtered, "I am being
serious.  I would definitely sport this particular example
of sartorial splendor.  Serious babe magnet.  Trust me."
     In a strange gesture, Frohike grimaced and shrugged at
the same time.  "Well," he drawled doubtfully, "if you're
_sure_."
     Mulder flashed one of his million dollar smiles.  "Like
I said, trust me."
     Forty-five minutes later, after Mulder had convinced
Frohike that he needed a whole new look, the two men headed
for the parking lot.  Frohike clutched his expensive
purchases apprehensively.  "Mulder, are you _sure_ I'll look
good in this?" he asked for the forty-second time.
     Mulder threw up his hands in exasperation and
surrender.  "Yes, Frohike," Mulder assured him in the type
of tone one usually reserves for a child who has asked "Are
we there yet?" for the forty-second time.  He stopped in his
tracks, turned to Frohike, and narrowed his eyes.  "In
fact, I own exactly that same suit."
     Frohike too stopped, sensing that he was skating on
thin ice.  "But . . . ," he began.  He didn't want to upset
his friend by asking his fashion advice and then suggesting
he had no taste.  Besides, he had to admit that Mulder had
to be doing _something_ right in the female-attracting
department.  "Well, if you're _sure_ this tie goes with this
suit . . . ."
     Mulder flashed Frohike a maddening grin as he started
walking again, this time much more quickly, reaching his car
in a few paces.  "How the hell should I know?" Mulder called
just before ducking into the driver's seat.  "I'm color
blind, remember?"
************************************************************ 
   Scully answered the door, carefully pulling a scarf over
her hair in preparation for the promised top-down ride in
the Mustang.  She did a double take when she saw Frohike
standing there in a dark blue suit and new hairstyle (sort
of spiky on top but longer in the back).  His tie looked
like something Jackson Pollock might have decorated when he
was a baby and didn't like his strained peas and apricots. 
Struggling to stifle a giggle, Scully took the proffered
wildflowers and thanked Frohike with a quick peck on the
cheek, leaving a lipstick smudge that clashed with the blush
that crept over his face.
     "Frohike," she teased, "have you been shopping with
Mulder?"
************************************************************
Finis