Author's Note: Well, here's my first (long overdue) chapter in the RCOTIC saga. I like villains, so that's why I'm focusing on them this time around. But...keep reading, and Steve will make an appearance. ^_~
---------------------- Now, back in the villains' foyer...

There was a reason our fiendish buta hadn't been seen for a while.

"There's something wrong with you, pig!" screeched the pig's (now former) lover, hurtling down the corridor into her own allotted room, where the echo from her slammed door made everyone else in the corridor cringe.

"Of course, I'm a villain," he remarked slyly, only peeking out of his own door to ensure that Ry'la wouldn't throw chairs at him like she did last time they had a fight.

"What's the ruckus, sir? Shall I call your guards?" yelled Jili, his butler, from the other end of the hallway. Strains of Japanese rock blasted from Jili's room into the hallway.

The Pig glared back down the hallway. "No, it's just Ry'la again. Turn that infernal noise off! It's ruining the ominous feeling of my fortress."

Jili nodded, forming his hands into several shapes while mumbling strange, almost formless words. The music abruptly stopped.

The Pig fell over. "I meant turn it OFF, not cast a silence spell! Not doing exactly what I told you to makes me feel like you're undermining my authority! And I don't like that!"

Jili smiled, cocking his head a bit. "We'll just pretend I turned it off."

Strains of sobs could be heard from Ry'la's room.

"What happened?" said Jili, weaving himself through the various Dark Mages wavered, stumbled, or crawled through the hallway. All of them were pretending that nothing was amiss. It was better not to interfere in the Pig's affairs, they had learned through experience, because if they didn't they would be forced to watch one of Jili's Japanese sugar-coated shows for girls.

The Pig clutched his sheet around him more tightly, as if to not to reveal himself to the crowd. Jili was confused, because the Pig walked around naked all the time anyway. After all, he was a Pig.

"She got mad because of my villainy again," mumbled Pig.

"Ahh, so she is blaming you for a tendency in herself to find evil attractive?" said Jili.

The Pig's ears perked up a bit. "Well, if you put it that way.."

Jili smiled in his indeterminable way. "How else could it be, my lord? You are inherently evil."

The Pig looked up to the sky. "True. I am the evilest, the fiestiest, save one.."

"...and he is your lord and master," finished Jili. "She knew all this when she came to your Fortress of Doom, intending to become your High Priest but becoming your lover instead."

"Yes..I remember that day...it was just last week.." trailed off the Pig, looking vaguely sentimental (as much so as a Pig could look).

"I love you!" he yelled at Ry'la's room. More sobs followed. The passing Dark Mages tried not to look interested.

"Can I help you with anything pertaining to this?" Jili had a strange look in his eyes. The Pig recognized it.

"You were watching those crap Japanese shows again, weren't you?"

"They're not crap," replied Jili calmly.

'I'd only let Jili get away with that, primarily because the stuff he watches is the source of my best tortures,' thought the Pig, and said stoically "They're crap. However, back to the subject at hand. No, I do not wish you to do anything for Ry'la. She must realize that I am simply disgustingly, frustratingly, wonderfully, hungrily evil on her own. Then she will come back to me."

Jili nodded.

"A more pressing matter," said the Pig, "is the fact that I do not have any cool-looking armor. If I am to destroy that group which opposes me, I must have cool-looking armor."

Jili started jumping around and clasping his hands together. "Yes, like they do in anime!"

The Pig glared back at him. "No. I won't be demeaned enough to make anything like those horrible shows you watch."

The crying from Ry'la's room continued, but more and more the sobs sounded forced.

"What I make it incredibly similar to armor from one of my shows but we just pretend it's not similar?" said Jili, furiously sketching on a pad that appeared out of nowhere.

The Pig hesitated for a minute. "Oh, all right. For the Global and Morality Cleansing Coalition to win the world in a convincing manner and to ensure my growing popularity I must have Cool Armor! Then," here he clenched his fists and looked up into the sky in a raging manner, "I will crush that group of misfits and finally my Master will give me permission to join in the fight against That Penguin!"

"Ooh, and we'll just add some spikes here..." mumbled Jili, clearly not listening.

The Pig was annoyed. "Is ANYONE listening to me?"

As if on cue (but really because they were trained that way), all the Random Dark Mages turned around and said "YES!"

The Pig grinned evilly. "Good." An otherwise ordinary rope descended down from the ceiling and he pulled it. The entire floor save for where the Pig and Jili were standing opened, and all the Dark Mages went hurtling down to their doom. Or at least to a big pool of water. A satisfying splash sounded several seconds later.

Sighing, the Pig remarked "That is such an excellent stress reliever."

Jili scratched his head and muttered "I've seen that before..but no matter."

Both heads turned when down the hallway a door edged open. Out came Ry'la, a stunning beauty with long black hair, who almost tiptoed down the hallway with the greatest grace. She was completely naked.

Jili covered most of his eyes.

When she came to the Pig, she foisted her arms around him.

"After I have thought...I have decided that being evil isn't so bad after all. I will join you in your fight against Light Mages everywhere as your High Priest and lover!" with this, she gave him a long kiss that Jili tastefully placed a black box over.

"So the plan to take over the universe continues," sighed Jili, and returned to his sketches of the Cool Armor. 'I wonder if those idiots working against Our Leader have thought he's gone for good since he's been busy with this idiot woman.' ---------------

Pulling his scant possessions out of his Uhaul, Steve Deception paused. He pulled a clear wand out of his pocket that glimmered in the light, showing the green liquid that flowed inside. It seemed to wink at him.

"This isn't good.." he muttered. "The Dark power of the universe has just increased significantly. The Pig will be attacking again soon."

Several random fangirls in the area fainted.