Chapter-12 pneumonic devie

Authored by the illustrious CheeseWeasel(LemoN)

Disclaimer: So here it is. The good old-fashioned disclaimer. All that is owned by others is not to be profited off of, and all else is owned by me, and the members of the HCG.

Old Joe’s stamp of unedit-ion: “When I am your age, We had things called “better judgment” and dammit we used it. All the time.”

Recapsulation: In the last installments a great deal many of the standard group went questing for the gifts of the 43 Shades of Pimp Samurai. And we shall have a single player applet for you to complete as soon as we get enough (170+) RCOtrivia questions. We have 0. Then in a completely unrelated part of the story, BLP (with new GCMC additions Ry’la and Jili) waxed plotly with additional author Et-chan. And Steve Deception kept refusing to get substantial characterization. But never fear, we’ve got new material with the return of an old format: flashbacks, incomprehensible references and :gasp: new characters.

Begin Story:

Razor Nick sat at the smoky tavern’s bar, sipping sporadically at the cup in front of him. Waging a war of self-pity upon himself, whatever gets you through the night. Anyway, “Hey,” He moves his head from his drink and sees. “Hey, what are you?” “What do I look like, a toaster pastry?” “Yes, you do.” “Well, I’m not. I’m your suicide fairy.” “What’s your name, sweetie?” “Sykamore, but not by choice. And quite frankly, it’s not nice to flirt with death.” “So now your death? And who’s flirting? And why do you think I need the services of a suicide fairy?” “Don’t get me started on the first two but because, your friends abandoned you, I’m on commission, And I can see about three dozen knives on your person.” “Thirty-seven, I feel so naked.” A guy comes up to the bar, he sits down. He asks the bar tender, “Got any staples?” The bartender says, “I am appalled with your grammar, but your spelling is adequate, and this kind of insubordination is to be expected every once in a while but, would you order them if I had them?” “The guy says, “Yes.” The guy turns to Razor Nick. “Hey,” says he. “Is that a suicide fairy?” “Yeah, what’s it to you.” “Well, it is said that if two people are able to see the same of this species. They are destined to be together.” Razor Nick rocks his head. “Why should I believe you.” “I’ve got a glowy green thing.” “I find this generally acceptable. We should talk more about your credentials elsewhere. C’mon, Sykie.” Sykamore, more disgruntled then before, climbs on to Razor Nick’s shoulder.

Elsewhere, Leroy is at work having coffee. Shadow, having received a job at Leroy’s firm, is with him. “Well, this is hopelessly derived.” “Yep, so are you going on the Shade Quest, Shadow?” “I don’t know. Do you think I should? I was planning to take off the week between Christmas and New Years, so Mags and I could visit some family. Are you going?” “No, I’d think this’d be a better mission for you. Besides, it would look suspicious if we both took off at the same time.” “I think I might want to wait until my options are vested before I go on missions. What about Vlad and Armadillo bowling?” “Vlad’s gotten really proficient at other skills since you killed him. Besides Asesina is about my size and she’s a pyrokinetic.” “You really think Majo or Stu or Leslie would let Vlad hurl their daughter/niece into anything. I mean you’ve got a carapace. But all she’d have is maybe a 3 foot globe of fire around her.” “I gave Majo carapacial armor for her baby shower.” “You gave clothes at a shower? And you expect them not to be returned.” “Yeah, why not.” “One…” Moving on.

Meanwhile in House in Mountainous, Majorine is wandering the house. “Hey Vlad. What are you doing?” “I’m drawing a comic strip.” “What’s it about?” “ It’s called Saddam And Gammirut, It’s about a medieval warlord and a rampaging turtle-monster who suffer many hardships, but develop a long lasting friendships, as their culture evolves. And best of all, it will teach the readers a little about the era.” “You and your apocrypha.” She leaves. Outside, Leslie is playing with Asesina. And we’re going to do some physical comedy involving babies pulling hair, it’s been overdone. But it symbolizes, that we know what people expect. Enough of that.

So, Bernie is standing outside Karl’s Chinese Food Emporium, his kids are with him. And Robin is trying to get a good picture. But, these cars are pulling into The Strip Mall of Doom, and you can’t take a picture of a license plate. So, eventually she gets the picture and takes the kids back home. At home, she gets Bernie’s jacket and brings it to him. While there, she meets Emily, a former GCMC employee like herself. Emily, having been estranged from Robyn for a while, congratulates the couple on their marriage. Robyn asks Emily to take their picture. Unfortunately, the pull of the Jumbo Shrimp, which is hovering at a lower altitude now, deferred some tide. And this upset the Krakken. The Krakken rose up to protect its home’s natural order. Which flooded the valley where the Strip Mall of Doom is located obliterating it. Emily, upon taking the picture washed away. Bernie is sedentary. Robyn held onto Bernie. The House is on such an altitude that the wave did not cover it. Sub-Delaware is strangely unaffected. The green glowy thing protected Steve Deception, Razor Nick, & Sykamore. The Post Officers have flood insurance. Emily washed into the practice of Alberts ,Burke, & Leroy. The tide subsided.

At what used to be, Steve Deception, the guy from earlier,(It was a little confusing but bear with us.) tells of his qualifications. “As a child my name was Steve Deception, as I grew older I started to be called Steven Deception, However my preferred name is Steve Deception. 5 years ago I graduated the University of The Supreme Left Kess with a degree in cryptozoological biochemistry. I became employed at the parks department of The Supreme Left Kess and due to my amazing skill soon worked alongside Lord Aloe Kessian himself. However, my employment was terminated upon my development of this formula.” He holds up the glowy green thing. “I find that generally acceptable. What about you, Syky?” Sykamore grimaces. “Yeah, it saved us from rust just a little while ago.” (This is the premise for RCOTIC: Form Over Function. If anyone else would enjoy writing that.)

The lovely thing about youth is they are still rubbery. And as we all know Emily is young. And despite whatever time passed in the chapter so far, it is time that the practice lets out. Emily begins to regain consciousness. She is badly injured. Leroy and Shadow rush over to her. “Quick, Shadow, do something for healing.” “I’m no healer, Inez is our healer.” “Then, let’s get her to Inez.” Meanwhile, Someone has not left the practice. This diabolical someone is on the phone. On the phone with some ducks. Some ducks who may or may not breathe fire. They do breathe fire, and they’re generally upset with what they’ve been told to do. In response, the diabolical someone has only this to say; “it’s good to fight the living. Afer all, I am Burke, the Bad-Ass Accountant.”

FIN

And now it’s time for RCOTIC Q & A.
We have One question this time. This one comes from me.
I write,
“Dear RCOTIC staff,
While writing chapter 12, it occurred to me that while Bernie has been standing in front of Karl’s Chinese Food Emporium he hasn’t decayed. Why is this?
Yours,
CheeseWeasel(LemoN)”


Dear CheeseWeasel(LemoN),
In the RCOTIC universe, there are a number of non-corporeal entities, examples are shades and incubi. Bernie Inert’s body may have captured some of these entities and used them as a subconsciousness to keep him from decaying.


Next Chapter: If you thought you had to wait a long time for this chapter. The next CWL chapter of RCOTIC will be a choose your own adventure story which should prove painful for the CWL chapter after that.