RelyingChieflyOnTheIgnoranceofChildren:Nikuya No Buta-13 <<
Instantiation:
Disclaimer: Mine, but it could be yours to, it just isn’t. Count the registered Trademarks. It’s fun!
It was then that a man in a butler uniform appeared before the chamber of the grand porculence and his by-law bride. “Sir”, exclaimed Jili, butler of buta, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “The Cool Armor is ready.” Months had he and the mechanics worked on these designs and implementation was the least of spectacles. For under the thick eyebrows of the porcine ruler, only one thing was of particular interest, the hardwired lettering that read, “PIGBOARD 3.0”. Truly this was the travel device of a god, as the cloven one was treated in his Delawarian fortress.
Elsewhere,
Steve and Nick and Sykamore were wandering around. “What are we doing this chapter?” asks Nick. “Probably nothing, I was put in here for yaoi fangirl bait. Syky is an embodiment of bad jokes only the author understands. And I don’t know what you were put here for.” says Steve. “Oh, um, stock Karl’s employee foil.” realizes Sykamore. “You guys want to come to my place and play Boggle” “I find that generally acceptable.” The scene fades out.
Meanwhile, Chinese Place Stu has returned from a delivery to find that his place of employment has been completely destroyed. So he stops home to see his daughter in the capable but giving and sort of dissuading arms of Leslie. And so, Chinese Place Stu takes Asesina, his little ball of pyrokinetic offspring into a backpack and heads towards corporate headquarters. Believe me I’m going somewhere with this.
“For he so loved the world that he left Tokyo and headed out through the sea to find a place where he would be accepted for who he was.” Wrote Vlad as his first issue of Saddam and Gammurrut was coming to be. And Leslie came in from the snow and took off her woolen cap and Vlad turned from his work and smiled at what the hat had done to her impossible Mohawk. Then Leslie flipped him off and they laughed and laughed and all was right with the world. At least that’s what they told the masses, but all was not right and here’s an example…next paragraph.
Leroy sits at the bedside in Inez’ laboratory and Inez serves regular customers. Time passes and he leaves because comatose young butter-crust human girls don’t help the story along if they jump back right away. But deep in the shadows lying in wait in their super sly stealth is the gang of fowl so devious they risk painful alliteration at every turn. Leroy walks home, with his hands in his pockets and his fedora covering his right eye. “Qua-Qua-Qua-Qua” cries a voice from the shadows. The duck with the eye-patch comes up to Leroy followed by a great many other ducks, Norton, the new guy, punches his palm, the ducks shake their heads in embarrassment. The eye-patch duck says something in duck, that will not be translated for continuums sake. His fellows quack in agreement, Leroy, not speaking duck, is terrified. And as they snort flames from their nostrils, Leroy turns away and runs home. Eye-patch duck yells at Norton.
At house, Leroy comes through the door with a shocked _expression. Majorine is there, and slightly amused with what she has just witnessed. Shadow and Maggot, with staff and suitcase in hand leave through the door to visit family. And we have said through the door to many times in this paragraph.
Bernie stands and collects the roaming spirits that prevent his decay and Robyn sleeps on the sidewalk beneath him. And someone somewhere is calling Child Services. And the moon shines high above the Kraken of the deep and the aliens of the Jumbo Shrimp have moved to loom over the Pacific so as not to upset the Kraken. And Chinese Place Stu pedals his bicycle ever closer to China and the baby Asesina in her camel jumper sleeps. And a cold wind blows, and Noman enjoys the hotels fine premium network programming. And Jili retires for the night to the chamber adjacent to Boss Lord Pig’s. Ry’la does some junk that Ry’la likes to do and Boss Lord Pig turns over in his sleep. But there happens to be remains to a monestary that existed not so long ago. And Post Officer Bob and Inez have a beer on their sofa. And Castrati Bob 2 has been asleep for hours. And Boggle is a surprisingly complex game. And there the bartender serves the pimp and secrets are exchanged.
At the ruins, at last, Druid hooded Shadow Walker kneels against the rubble, and Maggot presses against him. “You’re going to be okay, baby” she says. And he sweats profusely and she says, “You can do it. I have faith in you.” And he turns around, and said, “I’m sorry, honey. But I need all my concentration for this” and she pouts and slowly melts back into Shadows coat. And it’s not easy for him to admit that she isn’t real, but it was lonely being of the leading family, and now he’s the only one. But not anymore, and the matter collects and he winces in pain and he lets down his hood. He collapses on his knees and elbows, and he screams, and he screams, and he screams. And he doesn’t want to be alone and he wants to get this thing out of his head but he hurts so bad. And he reaches for the staff and he really can’t reach it and he swears to himself and asks “How the hell did she talk me into this?” But she’s you isn’t she? And he gets the staff and he makes an incision, and another and another and another and he rips the skin off. And he holds it in his arms and he pulls up his hood and he brings Maggot back, and says “This is us.” And hands it to Maggot and falls fast asleep. So Maggot walks among the gravel and rubbish and debris with it in her arms and says , “Star Walker.” And a lot more is right with the world.
I could end this now, but there is still fun to be had. For this night, Shu is taking inventory at the Karl’s headquarters, and here come Chinese Place Stu with Asesina, and the bicycle skids to a halt in front of the warehouse. And Chinese Place Stu gets off of the bicycle and enters the warehouse to report massive property damage to the branch in Mountainous. But only big brother Shu is there and he can’t file that sort of thing without a higher up. When all of the sudden there is some stock sciffy sounds.
So Leslie, Vlad, Leroy and Majorine are at home. Leroy is scared because of the ducks that are looming, and Leslie is bored because Asesina is with Chinese Place Stu. So Vlad suggests that they go out and fight Boss Lord Pig’s minions. “I mean, we’re hardly ever together like this and it will keep your mind off of the feeling.” So Majorine in an effort to prove her actual existence in the storyline goes to the phone and calls the Post Officer Bobs, because he’s the character in that family with the longest name. “Yo, Bob,” she says. “You want to come and fight some minions with us?” And Bob goes off to talk it over with Inez, who is more than welcome to come to but it turns out she can’t but Post Officer Bob can go, and hey why not take Castrati Bob 2, as well, you two don’t spend enough time together, but he’s not properly trained, training what training, well isn’t tomorrow a school day, one day won’t kill him. On the other end, Majorine taps her foot, and places the phone in the crook of her neck. She does the pseudo sock puppet thing with her hand towards the anxious audience. Finally, a decision has been made, and the phone is hung upon the receiver as the call has ended. Then they go to the former Strip Mall of Doom to collect Bernie and Robyn. Now it’s off to Delaware.
Public Transportation occurs. Welcome to Delaware, the first state of the GCMC Empire. “You know what, if we went to his home and asked him to accept an attack, it might be awesome?” “I suppose it would be.” So, there’s a house on the hill and it’s a very high caliber house. That is where our heroes head, Robyn rings the bell. A few minutes pass, then a slot opens in the gate. “How may I help you,” says the voice from behind the gate. “We’d like to stage an attack.” says Vlad. “We will be right with you.” says the voice. Moments pass, the entire gate opens and a bushel of soldier pawns followed closely by Jili emerge. Violence ensues. Some soldier pawns are destroyed. Now Jili is making a beeline for Castrati Bob 2. Post Officer Bob pushes his son out of the way and takes the brunt of Jili’s powerful vector attack. Post Officer Bob could not handle the attack on his upper middle-aged frame. He falls in slow motion to the ground of broken glasses and never to return. Vlad whispers, “He’s ready.” and Leroy crumples into a ball. Leroy rolls into Castrati Bob 2’s hand.
As it turns out, the global warehouse for Karl’s Chinese Food Emporium franchises is no longer on the globular Earth, and there’s nothing the Kraken can do about it. For you see, the aliens on the Jumbo Shrimp are enjoying the fine takeout of the earth. And with them are quite a few of the universal shades of pimp samurai. So, we ask you this, “Can a half incubus delivery boy with a penchant for the frozen vegetable deadly arts, a pyrokinetic infant, and Shu collect the 22 remaining gifts of the universe?” Play the shade game released shortly to find out.
Delaware. Castrati Bob 2 is angry, his father has just died, he’s in a strange country, and he’s holding an armadillo. So he does what anyone with his skill level in bowling does, he releases the armadillo at a high speed. And goes to cry over his father, and while this to would be a good spot to end the chapter, we’ve had recent death and there is a noncorporeal entity catching corpse that was just one entity away from gaining sentience and motion. And that one may have to be the former Post Officer Bob.
Right now, Bernie Inert erupts. There are survivors, not many. Jili escapes, Majorine slinks away, Leroy burrows into the earth, Leslie flies up above the commotion, the zombie protects the new armadillo slinger, as he picks up his fathers old glasses. And Robyn soothes the savage beast.
Elsewhere, Sykamore won Boggle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~The Letters page~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey, it’s another letter from me. I write:
“Dear CheeseWeaseasel(LemoN) and other RCOTIC staff,
In chapter 10, there was implication that our heroes went to Mexico. I don’t think there has been anything written like that but all the chapters numerically since then are available. Why is this?
-you
”
Me, it has recently come to my attention that the Mexico trip did happen, it just happened during the time of Chapter 11 where the chapter was primarily, BLP. If you want a variant in which the Mexico saga was displayed, it could be done and it will be cheap filler to delay 14 for another quarter.
Our next letter comes from HAL1985. e writes:
“ yeah. you still want an applet?”
HAL1985, sure.
So send me email with RCOTIC in the title and I will put your letter up.
