RCOTIC:14
Instigation/Duck Sauce
Present Perfect Begins
By: CheeseWeasel(LemoN)
Disclaimer: All that belongs to you is yours. This belongs to me. Profit is not an issue at the moment.
“My name is Shu. I work at Karl’s Chinese Food Emporium world headquarters as night supervisor in the distribution warehouse and I’ve had a hell of a night. You see, it all startedwhen my half-brother came to report damages to the store he works at in Mountainous, he brought his infant daughter, Asesina, who’s a little fireball. But the reunion wasn’t all backgammon and pastries, we were abducted by aliens and are being forced to scour foreign planets for junk food for our new lords and masters. If only we knew of a friendly cosmic entity whose power is beyond that of myself, my brother and the niece combined that would help us get back to Earth” this was entered into the PDA of the mysterious man known as Shu. He looks at his brother, his neice snuggled against him, visibly older and tosses his concert tickets to the cold steel warehouse floor.
Meanwhile on earth, a crowd is gathering for the forced revelry of the burial of the body of the man known as Post Officer Bob Nuley. All are grief stricken, in better days Bob would have been called a hero, a model employee, prodigy, or triumphant over adversity. He left behind him widow Inez Nuley and their only son also named Bob, who clutches his fathers glasses. As the stone is placed, a bald man in sunglasses clasps the son’s shoulder. Hope is rekindled that the better days are yet to come. An armadillo extends a hand and walks the widow to the pub downtown. Others join them.”Bob was a hell of a guy, and it’ll have a hard time crushing his spirits.”expresses Fred, an ex coworker of the newly deceased as he swigs his golden liquor. “Bernie expresses his condolences.” Says Robyn, the necromancer-wife of the large quiet man in the corner. Majorine slinks out the side exit.
As a thief, she had gotten good at slinking. But as of now she was in a rut, having just recently reentered the circuit. Majorine walked the evening streets until she came to the residence of a high-end retailer. She leans in the counter. “Hey, kiddo.” The balding man behind the counter says, “Long time, no see.” “Yeah,” says Majorine. “But seriously, Eli, I’m looking for a heist, and I know you don’t want to be left out.” “Ok, here’s what I know.”Eli whispered, checking the room for customers. “ There’s this real high ticket item, that supposedly just came into town. It’s this chemical compound and it’s real powerful. The government wants it. Offering a ton and a half of currency for it. And I know you don’t like dealing with the pig so when you get it I’ll present it to him.” “Ok, but what is it” “It’s in the property of an individual and he’s probably keeping a low profile, all I know is the compound is green and glowy.” Majorine left the building.
Robyn Inert wheeled the truck with her husband on it to the long abandoned Saint Thaddeus’ legitimate housing for the dead, with Tom and Erin, their ghoulish children in tow. “Bernie,” Robyn spoke. “Be a dear and break down that wall, please” And as the spirits collected in him, Bernie did as he was told. “Oh my, kids. Look what your daddy got for us. Isn’t it pretty, just like you my babies.” Someone inside Bernie was thinking “For my lucky polygons, lady. They’re three years old, you’ve got to let them grow up.” And Robyn smacked him. Outside the mausoleum, Robyn met the neighbors as she engraved the letters INERT over the previous owners names, while Bernie stood standingly with the children in the little house that death built. Meanwhile, Vlad, Castrati Bob 2, and Leslie were headed ever northward.
Sykamore was through playing Boggle because the Toaster-pastriesque suicide fairy of love was at a loss of mutual understanding because Steve Deception’s little brother, Quarelle, and Razor Nick’s niece, Siege, had been dropped off for undisclosed reasons. After, quite a bit of incessant bickering in which Steve unlocks a flashback from Sykamore. Flashback 14.1 begins now.
“My name is Sykamore, and I’m not really what you’d call a fairie’s fairy. In fact I pretty much aren’t into any of those crazy pastimes. My mother was a banshee, and m father was half dryad, and half bogart. So needless to say I didn’t have a very typical childhood. To top it off, I look like a toaster pastry. And as fairies go, interracial and boxy aren’t going to go over well with the rest of the kids. But once school was over, I said, you know what, I can maximize my talents by haunting a bar and getting people to die or procreate or both. And I can’t complain. But don’t call me a bogart. I know bogarts and I am hardly a bogart” end Flashback 4.1.
Elsewhere, at Northward. Vlad, Leslie and Castrati Bob 2 came to a house. Vlad knocked on the door. Several moments later, a muscular red-bearded man, although it’s graying now, with a Viking hat and kilt came to the door. “Hi, Sven,” Leslie said flashing her toothy grin. “Leslie, Vlad, me boyo! You two are still together, come in come in you reek of the undead.” “Yeah, about that…” “Vlad? You? This is the kind of thing I’d expect from Leslie but, my Odin! Well, you know the rules, zombies have to stay in the basement.”
Sitting by the side of the road, Quarelle and Siege discuss their futures. “Siege, I noticed that your uncle has a lot more sharp things on him then you. What gives?” “You think needle-nosed pliers are sharp? That’s the nicest thing anyone ever said to me.” “No but seriously what gives with your uncle and the sharpness?” “In my family, I guess it’s cultural, the amount of cutlery you carry on your person is a sign of your personal status and desirability, as it is custom that we kill our mates after our hejira. But since I lack the affinity for raw steel, I’m thought of as remedial.” “I don’t want my big brother to die. But what do you have an affinity for?” A figure crept stealthily through the night. “Things that go Boom. How about you?” “I guess explosions are pretty cool.” A beautiful friendship.
Majorine had located the thing that was green and glowy; she was determined to possess it. She had snuck into the apartment of Steve Deception and was nearly on top of the green glowy wand, when the lights turned on. Steve Deception charged forth, reaching crazed for the green glowy thing. Majorine drew her sword and jutted his gut. She then took the green glowy rod and slipped it into a pocket in her belt. She looked at her watch to see if the local fast food chain was open when the knife sprouted through it and into the wall behind her. The knife of the blonde spike headed man cradling Deception in his arms. Razor Nick’s eyes flickered. “No one kills my lover’s but me.” Majorine winced as the blood dripped off her long glove. “But perhaps you can offer a replacement.”
END Chaper 14 
