by On Soaring Wings
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PLOT: Usagi is invited to Mamoru's apartment to discuss some important things going on in her life. In the end, they break up, but Mamoru decides to give her something to remember him by before she walks out for good....
NEW CHARACTERS: None
LENGTH: 390 words
RATING: PG-13
COMMENTS: Just four words .....SPERM IN A CAAAAAAAN!!!
Really, break up scenes are a dime a dozen in the world of Sailor Moon fanfiction, if not a penny a dozen. Usagi leaves Mamoru for either Seiya or Haruka. Mamoru leaves Usagi for either Rei or Minako. Seiya leaves Usagi for Yaten. Chibi-Usa leaves Helios for Peruru. Michiru leaves Haruka because she's not gay, and vice versa. Ami and Makoto just leave. Almost always, it involves infidelity, and almost always, you can bet on the rejected party to go insane, become evil, angst about it, or simply go *poof* the entire rest of the fic, never to be seen again.
But while this story also involves infidelity, it also has a....rather unique solution to certain canonical problems involving an Usagi/Mamoru break-up. Don't get me wrong, it's a bad solution when logic is considered. But it's still....unique. After all, what other way to react to the woman who cheated on you despite the fact that you've died for her more times than you care to remember over a span of millennia, than to...present her with a can of your sperm so she can have a child with her lesbian lover? Awww, how nice and cuddly, isn't it? *blech*
Quite frankly, both Usagi - the woman who won't let her own future daughter get near Mamoru without a hissy fit - and Mamoru - the man who all but angsts during his break-up in the anime, and who gives Usagi the cold shoulder when he suspects her as having an interest in Haruka in the manga - are waaaaay out of character here. Especially Mamoru. The first thing I said after I read this story was, "Wow, Mamoru is just a tad too cool about this." After all, its two girls he used to date (in the anime, anyway) who have spurned him for one another. If I were Mamoru, I'd find that a tad creepy. Instead, it appears Mamoru has thoughts of all the future lesbian orgies he's going to get to witness - while obstensibly taking care of his future child. He just seems that nonchalant about it.
And the sperm. Good lord. WHO puts sperm in a CAN? HOW in the world did Mamoru do it? And HOW the hell is it so heavy that Usagi can't keep her balance catching it? Logic leaves me at this point. Quite frankly, there are loads of overtones as to how he may have done it, and as to what kind of canister it is (it has to be a Green Giant corn can or something) that inquiring minds are best left to not look into. The weight, on the other hand, is not quite, um, as easily pondered, unless Mamoru's sperm has an atomic mass greater than uranium. Looks like Usagi had better get cracking on putting it to use before it all turns into lead!
And wouldn't you know it, at the time of this writing, this fanfiction is barely 4 months old, so far making it the most recent fanfiction on this archive. No doubt it will change, sooner or later. And no doubt this fanfiction will join its older, more reviled brethren in the ranks of fanfiction where nothing makes absolutely any sense whatsoever.
Sailor Moon and related characters are copyrighted ©1991-2006 Naoko Takeuchi.
