1000 Ways To Waste Time Part 1
Add up a series of numbers your social security number, your date of birth, your telephone number, to see if the total is divisible by seven Add up your debts Annoy a friend Argue with a colleague about who is the best football quarterback ever Arm wrestle with a colleague Arrange a protest march for a cause you believe in Arrange a seating plan for the office Arrange to meet a friend in the washroom to Arrange unpaid bills by date order Arrange your next vacation from work Ask a friend to help you make your own list of wasteful tasks Ask colleagues to show you photos of their last vacation Ask your boss for new office furniture Ask your grandpa what grandma was like when she was young Avoid stepping on the gaps between sidewalk paving stones during your lunch break Balance a pen, pencil, knife, and fork across your index finger Balance on one leg of your chair Begin to work out your family tree Blow paper at colleagues through a straw Blow up a paper bag and burst it behind a friend Blow your own imaginary trumpet Blow your own trumpet Blubber your lips with your fingers, making bub, bub, bub noises Boil water and make a cup of tea Bore your friends by explaining how to draw an equilateral triangle that contains three right angles Borrow a pen from someone in another Borrow something from someone and forget to return it Braid your hair Break your diet Bring a violin case to work for a week and carry it with you wherever Browse through Roget's Thesaurus Brush back your hair with your left hand Build a ladder of good intentions to Build a house of cards Build a model Eiffel Tower using Build a model of the white House from old cigarette packs Cacuate how much money you spend on average each day Calculate all the money you have spent in your life so far Calculate how long it would take you and three friends to build a major Calculate how long it would take you to read a twenty-volume encyclopedia Calculate how many minutes you have been alive Calculate how many seconds there are in one year Calculate how much better off you were last year Calculate how much money you spend each year Calculate what you would do if you had a million dollars Calculate which way is north of where you sit Calculate your age in days Calculate your annual budget Calculate your monthly expenses Call people rude names; then hide Call someone whose name begins with the letter "L" Call up someone you talked to last year Call up someone you talked to yesterday Carve miniature boomerangs from paperboard and flick them at ends Carve your initials onto your desk Catch a cigarette in your mouth Challenge a colleague to a plant-growing race - see who can grow the tallest plant in three months Challenge the office assistant to a game of marbles Change the batteries in your radio Change the order of your keys on your key ring Change the proportions of your face Chat to a friend about your last date Chat to a workmate about the book you are reading Check all the illustration numbers in this book against their captions Check share values in an old newspaper (maybe one ten years old) to see whyt changes have occurred Check share values in the newspaper Check the classified ads in the paper to see if there is anything you need Check to be sure your money is not counterfeit Check your answers for yesterday's crossword puzzle Check your house price from the real estate advertisements in the local paper Check your make-up in a small mirror Check your underarms for body smells Check your waist measurement Chew a match Chew a toffee Chew the end of a ballpoint pen Christmas dinner party Clean out the sleep from your eyes Clean out the supply closet Clean out vour ear with Q-Tip Clean out your wastepaper basket Clean up the mess after clearing out the hole punch Clean your comb Clean your fingernails Clean your hairbrush Clean your shoes Clear out the company medicine cabinet Clear out the hole punch Click your tongue to make a sound like galloping horses Close your eyes and imagine what it would be like to be blind Coin a phrase Color in the pattern on the facing page four colors or tints so no two abutting araeas have the same color Color squares on graph paper Comb your hair down Compare yourself to earlier photographs Conduct a marching band while humming and chatting Conduct an imaginary orchestra Conjugate ten verbs Console a colleague Construct a fictitious resume for yourself Construct a theory for the location of your soul Construct elaborate geometric patterns, then color them in with colored pencils Construct elaborate patterns using circles Construct your company's organizational tree Consult a book to interpret your dreams Consult an oracle Contact someone on the computer system Convince someone that an African elephant has smaller ears than an Asian elephant Copy out your list of "tasks to do" again in a neat form Count how many pages are in this book Count television antennas from the window Count the buttons on your jacket Count the freckles on your face Count the freckles on your forearms Count the holes in your watch strap Count the number of checks left in your checkbook Count the number of matches in a box Count the number of Smiths in the telephone book Count the number of times "love" appears in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet Count the roof tiles on the nearest building Count the small change in your pockets or purse Count the stars Count the typographical errors in a newspaper Count the windows in the biggest building you can see from your window Count the words on this page Count your blessings Cover a sheet of paper with doodles Crack your knuckles Create a new cocktail for the office Christmas party Create shadow figures using your hands Cross and uncross your legs and practice your most impressive sitting position Cry to get sympathy from a friend or your boss Cultivate bangs (if you're a woman) Cut an envelope to make scrap paper Cut out heads from magazines and stick them on other bodies Cut out pictures from magazines Cut yourself some shoe liners from old cardboard Dance a jig Dance around the office with a colleague Daydream Decide how you are going to pay your debts this month Decide what style of topiary you would like in your garden Decide what you really want to do with your life Decide where to go on vacation in next year Decide which items on your "Things to do" list need doing Decide who you are going to pay this month Demonstrate a karate throw to a colleague Describe a journey to Britain on an old ship Describe the last days in the lives of the dinosaurs that made these fossils Describe to a colleague how you would explain to a child how a baby is made Describe what Lincoln might be thinkig if he were not a statue Design a new chair Design a new desk Design a new mode of transportation Design a new office notice board Design a stamp to commemorate your life Design an old postage stamp Design an outfit for anoffice toga party Design new office shelving Design yourself a new office Despair ! Devise your own coat of arms Devise your own ornamental device Dilute the error-correcting fluid Discuss Ludwig Wittgenstein's Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus with a workmate Distort a picture of you or a friend on the company photocopier Do skipping with an imaginary rope Do a "head-over-heels" Do a jigsaw puzzle upside down Do a magic trick in front of your colleagues Do a self-portrait using colored pencils Do absolutely nothing for five minutes Do exercises in your chair Do fifty push-ups Do sit-ups on the floor Do some exercises Do some kitting Do the same thing and see if it is divisible by three Doodle Doze in a chair Draw a cartoon of a close friend Draw a cyclops step-by-step Draw a funny picture of your family Draw a map of Europe from memory Draw a map of your town ti Draw a Ouija board and try to contact the original chairperson of your company Draw a totem pole using the faces of colleagues and friends Draw boxes and triangles in the margins of books Draw cartoons Draw circles by tracing around the base of a bottle or cup Draw daisies in the margins of paper or a book Draw different types of lips and match them to workmates Draw faces on balloons Draw Frankenstein's monster Draw glasses on faces in today newspaper Draw lines across the contours of faces in magazines Draw mustaches onto photos in magazines Draw out your family tree Draw spectacles on photographs in newspapers Draw twenty circles on a sheet of paper and draw a different face in each one Draw up a two-month calendar and add special events Draw your favorite flower Draw your own profile Dream of possessing your loved one Dream of taking a ride on a dolphin Drum out a rhythm with your fingers During a phone conversation tell your loved one how devoted you are Each week, look at the backs of your hands for signs of aging Eat a candy with a noisy wrapper Eat strange food that will keep you awake all night and make you feel so tired that tomorrow you will fall asleep Eat your lunch with chopstics Eavesdrop Empty your pockets Enact the sky between two airplanes, using your hands to describe the actions, and making machine gun noises with your mouth Estimate the cubic capacity of a container Estimate your total wealth Evaluate how much spare time you have each week to do nothing Exercise your tongue by trying to make it reach the tip of your nose Fall asleep at your desk Fall into a fit of rage Fall into a rage Fax a list of jokes to a friend Feed the birds outside the window Feel very angry about some trivial problem and talk about it endlessly to f'riends Fiddle with your earring Fight an imaginary Figure out how to catch the animals that escaped from the zoo Figure out how to make a 3-D icosahedron from paper Figure out how to use color in a map with the minimum number of colors so that no two adjacent areas are the same color Figure out how you would teach a bear to dance Figure out if you can climb through a playing card Figure out the height of your office building Figure out the largest single sum of money you ever earned Figure out the largest single sum of money you ever paid anyone Figure out the middle letter of the alphabet Figure out the plot for a novel Figure out what you would do locked in the bathroom without toilet paper Figure out what your enemies think of you Figure out what your friends think of you Figure out who is the shortest person in the office Figure out who is the tallest in your office Figure the relationship between extraterrestria forces, metaphysical forces, paranormal forces, and the orders of spiritual levels in Heaven and Hell Figure the values of half and half and half a number until you arrive at its twentieth value Fill in a crossword puzzle without using the clues Fill in earlier weeks in your office calendar Fill in every letter p on the facing page end avoid reading the text Fill in the teeth on the photographs of people in magazines Fill in your office calendar with things you would like to be doing Fill out the personal notes page of your office calendar Find a new friend Find a place to lie down in peace Find a secret space and play cards with your friends Find fault with everyone Find out how to adopt an animal at the zoo Find out the birthdays of all your collegues Find out what is on TV thais week Find out who borrowed your scissors and get them back Flick paper at friends Flip a coin to see who gets the coffee at break Fold and refold your handkerchief Fold brown paper into neat squares Frighten a friend Gaze at the clouds Get drunk Get everyone in the office to swap desks to confuse your boss Get someone's attention by kicking them in the backside Get very drunk Get your calculator to spell words Give up one of your favorite activities for a month so that you feel virtuous Go forth and preach Go out and buy a pack of cigarettes Go out and send a letter Go sit on the toilet Go to the bathroom Go visit your friends in the company and chat Greet a new employee Grow a mustache (if you're a man) Grow an unusual hairstyle Grow your hair into a new style Guess how much and then count the money in your pockets Guess the value of a dollar in a year's time Guess the weights of your f'riends Guess who will be the next US President Guzzle a pint of beer Hammer a nail in the wall to hang your coat on Have a cigarette Have a cold beer Have a snack Hire a fancy-dress outfit at lunch break and wear it all afternoon Hold your breath Hold your head in your hands Hold your right ear with your lett hand and your nose with your right hand, then hold your left ear with your right hand and your nose with your left hand, and repeat and repeat Hop on one leg along a straight line If you could return to earth as a celebrity, who would you be? Imagine a conversation in which your bank manager asks for your help Imagine a day in the life of a coach horse in nineteenth century England Imagine a discussion with a drunk Imagine a perfect murder Imagine an orgy Imagine an unlikely place to meet a friend Imagine an X-ray of your hand Imagine arriving for work in the US President's car Imagine being Adam and what you would have done on meeting Eve Imagine being a character in a novel Imagine being a slave asleep on a slave ship Imagine being bandaged alive and put in a mummy's coffin Imagine being eaten alive Imagine being Eve and what you would have done on meeting Adam Imagine being taken away by a superhero Imagine being taken away by King Kong Imagine being thin Imagine being very poor Imagine being very rich Imagine colleagues' reactions if you came to work dressed differently Imagine coming to work by elephant Imagine coming to work in a tank Imagine coming to work on your own orie-wheeled invention Imagine confronting an opponent riding an elephant on the battlefield Imagine doing a different job Imagine for what reason you would want to blow up the government offices Imagine Ginger Rogers inviting you to dance and waltz around the room Imagine having a conversation with Jesus Imagine having a howler monkey for a pet Imagine having a life as short as that of a butterfly Imagine having tea in China Imagine having to fight for your country hundreds of years ago Imagine having to fight in World War I Imagine having to fight in World War III Imagine having to go out and kill your lunch before you can cook and eat it Imagine having to migrate to reach a breeding ground Imagine having your boss just where you want Imagine how cold it must be to wear a kilt in winter Imagine how cold it would living in an igloo Imagine how long it would take to get to work on a horse Imagine how long it would take to write your own biography Imagine how sorry everyone will be when you are dead Imagine how to cope with being a werewolf Imagine how you would escape from being tied up Imagine how you would interview your boss for your job Imagine how you would look after being told you have got a raise Imagine how you would look after being told your raise doubles your salary Imagine how you would pick a fight with your friends Imagine life if you were as small as a cat Imagine making a living by loaning people money Imagine playing solitaire in a prison for thirteen years Imagine pressing hot kisses onto the one you love Imagine reading a diary of several past generations written by your greatgrandmother Imagine riding home through tragic on a penny-farthing Imagine standing next to the tallest tree in the world Imagine ten things you might buy on vacation Imagine the colors of fairies' wings Imagine the weight of an elephant's suit of armor Imagine the worst thing that could happen to you Imagine two whales making love in the ocean Imagine utter despair Imagine wearing a fifth-century metal helmet a day Imagine what child care is like for male seahorses Imagine what excuses you would make if caught in an embarrassing position Imagine what is "going on" next door Imagine what it is like in Heaven Imagine what it is like in Hell Imagine what it is like to have an operation without anesthetic Imagine what it would be like inside an iron maiden Imagine what it would be like to be a fish in the sea Imagine what people will be reading about in a year's time Imagine what style of beard you prefer Imagine what you will do between now and your retirement Imagine what you will do when you retire Imagine what you woud do with ultimate power Imagine what you would be like as your boss's boss Imagine what you would be worth if you had owned some successful shares for ten years Imagine what you would do if you had only one year to live Imagine what you would do if locked in a dungeon for twenty years Imagine what you would do if you got your toe stuck in the bathtub faucet Imagine what you would do if you had only one day to live Imagine what you would do if you had only one week to live Imagine what you would do if you were the richest person in the world Imagine what you would do if you were very, very ugly Imagine what you would do upon discovering someone you love has died Imagine what you would do with $100,000 Imagine what you would do with superhero powers Imagine what you would say in a message to space, trying to contact alien species Imagine what you would say to someone - a friend or relative - who returns from the dead Imagine what you would say to the Devil if you went to Hell Imagine whom you would torture if you owned a rack Imagine why you might have won an Oscar Imagine wild sexual positions Imagine wnat you would look with no hair Imagine working in a pit crew for a racing team Imagine working in a tower in a castle Imagine you are about to take off in the space shuttle Imagine you are floating in space Imagine you are in control of a major operation Imagine you are making love with Marilin Monroe (if you are a man) Imagine you are making love with Robert Redford (if you are a woman) Imagine Robert Redford and Marilyn Monroe making love together Imagine your boss as a piece of fruit Imagine your living room with new wallpaper Imagine your worst nightmare Imagine yourself in women's clothing (if you are a man) Imagine yourself as an artist painting your dream house Imagine zero gravity Imitate other people's way of walking Improve your ambidextrous skills Improve your whistling skills In the two pictures shown upside down against each other, figure out the differences Inform a colleague about the difference between a zubra and a zebra Invent new items for a later edition of this book Invent signals that you can send across a field Invent a caption for this picture Invent a conversation between Napoleon and Hitler Invent a conversation with a drunk parrot Invent a corresponaence with someone famous Invent a day in the life of a small dinosaur Invent a mechanical contraption to make the tea or coffee Invent a motto Invent a new animal using the characteristics of three existing ones Invent a new identity for yourself Invent a secret alphabet and write messages in it Invent a wonderful fancy costume Invent an office golf obstacle course Invent an unusual fancy-dress costume Invent characters for a novel Invent families for these people Invent imaginary creatures Invent new monsters and creatures on paper and give them collegues’ names Invent personalities for each of the people in this picture Invent ten new "Old Testament" commandments Invent ten reasons why you I would give people medals Invent the conversation you might have if you met with an alien Invent the worst opening sentence of a novel Invent ways of disposing of a body Invent Winston Churchill's next line Invite friends out for a drink after work Jump on your chair and shout "cockroachI" to frighten your colleagues Keep a diary Lace your shoes differently Laugh at old photographs of yourself and colleagues Laugh at your boss latest demands Lean back in your chair and look at the ceiling Learn five new words in your dictionary Learn how to carry out resuscitation Learn the symbols for the signs of the zodiac Learn to calculate Learn to draw an equilateral triangle Learn to identify pasta types Learn to identify the names for parts of a sword Learn to identify the sex of earwigs Learn to read your fortune in the lines on the palms of your hands Lie horizontal on the floor Lie very still and pretend to be dead List a boy's and girl's name for each letter of the alphabet List a the hotels you have stayed in List all the animals you would like to visit at the zoo List all the places in the world you would like to visit List as many creepy-crawly insects as you can List the faults of your friends List what you would do if you had only ten days to live List what you would do if you had only ten minutes to live List your ten favorite actors or actresses List your ten favorite names for boys List your ten favorite names for girls Listen in on e private conversation Listen to pop music on headphones Listen to the radio Look at old diaries to see what you did this timeast year and the year before Look at your vacation photos Look out of the window Look through last year's staff party photographs Look to See if anything has fallen behind the radiators Look up the value of your old LPs in a catalog Make a "Big Brother" poster of your boss using the photocopier Make a Christmas card list of friends Make a cup of coffee Make a cup of tea Make a funny hat Make a ist of your charms Make a liist of time-wasting activities Make a list in order of priority of the tasks to do Make a list of all the people you owe dinner invitations Make a list of all the people you'd enjoy having sex with Make a list of anagrams from your name Make a list of everything you ate yesterday Make a list of extinct or endangered species Make a list of friends you could write to when you get back Make a list of omissions from this list Make a list of people you should invite to dinner Make a list of ten questions you would ask Napoleon should you meet in the afterlife Make a list of the ten best films ever made Make a list of the ten most attractive men in the world Make a list of the ten most attractive women in the world Make a list of the ten people you would arrest immediately if you became dictator Make a list of the things you would do to your bank manager if you had power over him Make a list of the things you are most afraid of having done Make a list of the things you are most proud of having done Make a list of things that you would pack to take on a vacation to Hawaii Make a list of things to do on the weekend Make a list of your best features Make a list of your debts Make a list of your faults Make a list of your replies in answer to questions about your work colleagues so the lie detector does not reveal your true feelings Make a machine for blowing smoke rings Make a mask out of a piece of card or paper Make a musical instrument from a paper and comb Make a musical instrument out of drinking straws Make a paper airplane Make a paper box Make a paper chain Make a paper hat from office stationery Make a paperclip chain Make a parcel of unwanted objects and send it to someone in a different departs Make a rubbing of a coin Make a shopping list for next Christmas Make faces at the goldfish Make facial expressions in a mirror Make funny faces at the person nearest you Make ink blots and move them around to form shapes Make labels for all the office drawers Make patterns with paperclips Make rude gestures to passersby Make rude hand gestures Make shadaw images with your hands Make silhouette cutouts of your workmates Make silly noises Make sure that the birthdays of all your family and friends are listed in your office calendar Make ten words from your name using each letter just once Make up a joke Make up a nonsense conversation to have with a friend Make up anagrams for different countries Make up some Chinese-style writing and invent what it says Make your desk untidy then make it tidy again Make your own crossword puzzle March around the office like a Roman soldier Massage the bags under your eyes Master the art of playing musical spoons Measure the height of the plant by your desk Measure theength of your fingers Measure your height Meditate Memorize the formula for calculating the velocity of water passing through a tube giving the interior distance and the speed Memorize the order of the books in the "Old Testament" Name Snow White's seven dwarfs Name the 101 Dalmations
