Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from BtVS. I am not using them for personal or monetary gain. This story was written merely for fun. "Bad Medicine" belongs to Bon Jovi. I hope that was clear enough. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend.

Rating: R (This is the edited version of a story containing "adult content." While all actual graphic content has been removed, it still deals with sex-related issues. Oh, and it has a few naughty words. If that bothers you, don't read this.)

Summary: Buffy's sick, and only Spike has the cure. But is she in for more than she bargained for?

Timeline: Season 4, After "Doomed." Goes AU after that. I'm ignoring a lot of the season 4 stuff, like Adam and the Faith body switch. Not because I don't know it happened or something, but because I just don't feel like dealing with any of it.

Feedback and Archiving: I love feedback and am always grateful for constructive criticism. Flames will be used for mocking and taunting. I'm usually okay with archiving, just be polite and ask me first. Also, if you are of age and interested in reading the non-edited version, email me and I'll tell you where you can find it. Email: addie_logan@yahoo.com

Shameless Website Plug: My other stories can be found here: https://www.angelfire.com/scifi/addielogan/buffy.html

 

Bad Medicine

By: Addie Logan

*** *** ***

I ain't got a fever got a permanent disease
It'll take more than a doctor to prescribe a remedy
I got lots of money but it isn't what I need
Gonna take more than a shot to get this poison out of me
I got all the symptoms count 'em 1,2,3

First I need
That's what you get for falling in love
Then you bleed
You get a little but it's never enough
On your knees
That's what you get for falling in love
And now this boy's addicted cause your kiss is the drug

Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Shake it up, just like bad medicine
There ain't no doctor that can
Cure my disease

Bad, bad medicine
Bad, bad medicine

I don't need no needle
To be diving me a thrill
And I don't need no anesthesia
Or a nurse to bring a pill
I got a dirty down addition
It doesn't leave a track
I got a jones for your affection
Like a money on my back

There ain't no paramedic
Gonna save this heart attack

When you need
That's what you get for falling in love
Then you bleed
You get a little but it's never enough
On your knees
That's what you get for falling in love
Now I'm addicted and your kiss is the drug

Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Shake it up, just like bad medicine
So let's play doctor, baby
Cure my disease

Bad, bad medicine
Bad, bad medicine

I need a respirator cause I'm running out of breath
You're an all night generator wrapped is stockings and a dress
When you find your medicine you take what you can get
Cause if there's something better baby well they haven't found it yet

Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Shake it up, just like bad medicine
There ain't no doctor that can
Cure my disease

Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Shake it up, just like bad medicine
Your love's the potion that
Can cure my disease

Bad, bad medicine
Bad, bad medicine

*** *** ***

Buffy Summers strolled through the cemetery searching for her next slay. She'd built up a lot of tension recently between the near-apocalypse and her relationship with Riley, and she was looking forward to working it off with a good old-fashioned demon fight.

She got her wish when a large, scaly creature jumped from the bushes, snarling. For once, Buffy disposed with the puns, wanting to get right to the action. She launched herself at the demon, throwing herself into the fight fully.

Suddenly, Buffy felt herself land on her back and the demon descended on her, pinning her arms above her head. Her mind spun as she tried to think of just how she had ended up on the loosing side, and how she could turn the tables again.

Before she had a chance, the demon leaned down, biting her hard. The flash of pain brought Buffy's instincts back to full strength, and she brought her leg up, kicking him off her. Buffy pulled herself off the ground, falling back into fighting stance. However, before she could make another move, she felt a sudden wave of dizziness. Her arms felt heavy, almost limp. The demon was coming towards her again, and Buffy did the only thing she knew she could do at the moment.

She ran.

*** *** ***

"Giles, you have to help me."

"Buffy!" Giles exclaimed with worry as he helped her from the door over to his couch. "You look terrible! Here, lie down and tell me what happened."

"There was this thing. And I was fighting it. And then it bit me."

"Bit you? Was it a vampire?" Giles asked, wondering if her weakness could be coming from a loss of blood.

"No," Buffy said, shaking her head slightly. "I'm not sure what it was. It was big and scaly." Buffy groaned. "Giles…I don't feel so good. It started right after it bit me."

Giles nodded. "I'll call the others, see if we can find anything on a scaly demon with a toxic bite." He patted Buffy. "Don't worry, we'll figure out what it is."

Buffy nodded, her eyes closing. "Thank you, Giles."

*** *** ***

"Why is he even here? Did he threaten to stake himself again?"

"No, it's Xander's mom. Apparently the last time we left Spike alone in the basement she came down and talked to him for an hour."

"It was more like two. Two bloody hours of hell."

"Hey, that's my mother you're talking about…"

"Oh, like you like her…"

Buffy sat up, holding her head. The room was full of voices and…Buffy paused. And smells. Nice smells. Masculine smells. She got up, languidly stretching. She walked over to the group, trying to control the sudden rush of feelings that hit her. "Find anything?" she asked.

Giles looked up. "Buffy! You're awake."

"Yeah. You guys were sorta loud."

"Sorry," Giles said, glancing down. "Are you feeling any better?" He took off his glasses.

"I don't know," Buffy said, moving closer to him. "I feel sorta funny…"

"Your cheeks seem a bit flushed," Giles commented. "Are you running a fever?"

"I don't know," Buffy replied. She licked her lips. "I do feel kinda hot…" She looked at Giles, her eyes hazy and slightly unfocused. "Could you…help me with that?"

Giles began to clean his glasses furiously. "Buffy, what are you…"

Buffy climbed into the chair with Giles, straddling his lap. "Have I ever told you how incredibly sexy you are?" Buffy asked, her voice a low purr.

"Um, no," Giles replied nervously. "And honestly, I wish you hadn't."

"Buffy, why don't you get off Giles," Xander said as he picked Buffy up under the arms and stood her up away from him.

Buffy spun around, pouting. Her expression quickly changed as she looked Xander up and down, licking her lips. She placed her hands on his chest, rubbing down. "Xander…you'll take care of me, won't you?"

"He most certainly will not!" Anya yelled, snatching Xander away from Buffy. "That's my man! Get your own!"

"I only want to borrow him!" Buffy replied. She whimpered. "Please?"

"Um, is the Slayer usually like this, because…"

Spike stopped in mid-sentence when Buffy turned around, looking at him with wild eyes. "Spike!" She walked to him slowly, seductively. Spike stared at her as she moved closer, reminding himself that he really didn't need to breathe. When she got to him she captured his earlobe with her teeth, giving it a sharp tug before letting go and whispering, "Remember everything I whispered in your ear when we were 'engaged?' Want me to actually do it?"

Spike gaped. For the first time in his life—or unlife—he was at a loss for words.

"Buffy!" Willow said, grabbing her friend. "What is wrong with you?"

Buffy whimpered. "I need a man, Willow. Now. I don't care who…" She whimpered.

"I believe this may be an adverse effect of the demon's bite," Giles said, glasses and handkerchief in hand.

"Gee, ya think?" Xander asked.

Buffy pressed herself up against Spike, rubbing against him intimately. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore her scent, knowing if he did what he wanted to do at the moment, one of her friends would stake him before he could blink. "So, uh, any idea about how to stop this?" Spike asked weakly.

"We need to figure out what sort of demon attacked her," Giles said. "And, um, for now, I think we should restrain her."

"No!" Buffy said. "Unless, maybe it's a little bondage fun…" She winked at Spike.

Spike sputtered, the images Buffy's last comment created threatening to short-circuit his brain. "I'll hold her if you gits can restrain her."

"Wouldn't you rather just take me some place where we can be alone?" Buffy asked, reaching down to cup Spike through his jeans.

"Oi! Stop that," Spike said, moving her hand. Buffy immediately put it back.

"A little help here…"

Giles had gotten the chains he'd used for Spike when he'd first arrived with the chip. "Bring her over here," he said gesturing to a chair.

Buffy whimpered as Spike picked her up and carried her, but put up very little fight, aside from smacking his chest a couple of times. "I think whatever weird power's working on her has made her weak," Spike noted, helping Giles get her in the chair.

"That's probably lucky for us," Giles replied.

Buffy's eyes were closed as they fastened the chains around her. Suddenly, her eyes popped open, and she looked at Spike with desperation. "Please. I know you want to, Spike…"

Spike didn't say anything. He just turned away, going to sit on the couch away from her.

Giles stood, going back to the others. "Research. Now."

*** *** ***

"Buffy, was this the demon by any chance?" Willow asked, holding a book for Buffy to look at.

Buffy opened her eyes slowly, licking at her dry lips. She stared at the picture for a moment, her eyes unfocused. Then she nodded.

Willow looked up, smiling. "Buffy says that's the one." Her smile quickly faded at Giles's "oh dear." "What's wrong?" Willow asked.

"That's a Mauruk demon. They, um, prepare the female for mating by injecting them with a powerful aphrodisiac, administered through a bite."

"But it'll wear off, right?" Xander asked. "I mean, if she doesn't, um, mate with this Mauruk thing, she'll just go back to being normal Buffy?"

"I'm afraid it's not that simple. In order to ensure that the, um, mating ritual, is performed to its completion, the female stays this way until the male is, um, finished. If that does not occur, she dies."

"So either Buffy has sex with the demon that bit her or she dies?" Anya asked. "That's not very romantic…"

"It…it doesn't have to be the Mauruk," Giles said. "It can be, um, any male. The key is that he, um, well…"

"Ejaculates in her?" Anya supplied.

"Well, yes," Giles said, blushing furiously.

"So we get the Slayer laid," Spike said, shifting uncomfortably. Buffy's scent was becoming almost too much for him. "Where's that wanker she's dating?"

"Oh, Buffy and Riley aren't at that stage yet," Willow said.

"Buffy has a boyfriend?" Giles asked.

"Don't worry, he's not a possibly evil vampire or anything like that," Anya said. "He's just a commando."

"One of the commandos we've been researching?" Giles asked. Xander, Anya, Spike, and Willow all nodded. "And no one told me this because…"

"I thought we did," Willow said. "We just found out ourselves…"

Giles shook her head. "It's not of consequence right now anyways. And, um, this Riley would probably not be the best choice anyway."

"Why not?" Anya asked.

"Because along with preparing the woman, the Mauruk's bite also insures that the female will be impregnated—if the man is capable of that, that is."

"So let me get this straight," Xander said, "It's not up to Buffy either finds a man to get her pregnant, or she dies."

"Not necessarily," Giles replied. "If the man were, say, sterile, then Buffy would be safe from pregnancy."

"I'm sterile," Spike said suddenly, causing everyone to turn and look at him. "Well, dead, actually. Couldn't put a bun in her oven even if I wanted to."

"Spike, there is no way we're letting you touch Buffy," Xander snapped, glaring at the vampire.

"What, are you just going to let her die then? Look at her. She doesn't have much time left."

They turned to look at Buffy. Her head had lolled to one side, and her breathing was ragged. "Spike has a point," Anya said. "I mean, it may not be the ideal situation, but unless we want Buffy to die…"

"No," Giles said. "There has to be some kind of antidote, something. I'm not letting that thing put his hands on Buffy."

"Yes, and while you're 'researching' and searching for an antidote that probably doesn't exist, she's dying," Spike said.

"Why do you care?" Xander asked. "You want Buffy dead anyway."

Spike frowned. Why didn't he want her to die? "Because when she dies, I want it to be at my hand, in a real battle—not like this." He tried to convince the others—and himself—that that was the reason.

"Guys, as much as I hate this, we don't have much of a choice," Willow said. "This thing is killing Buffy. Spike could very well be our only hope."

Giles looked over at Buffy. The flush from earlier had left her cheeks, leaving her a sickly pale. Giles knew the Mauruk's bite worked quickly. She didn't have much time left. "Willow's right. It is for her own good. I just hope Buffy understands when this is all over."

"Giles, you're not actually going to…"

Giles didn't let Xander finished. "Spike, take her upstairs."

Spike nodded, going to unchain Buffy from the chair. Buffy whimpered. "Shh, pet, it's okay," Spike said softly, hoping the others couldn't hear. "I'm going to take care of you." He carried Buffy away.

Giles stood as he heard his bedroom door closed. "Xander, come with me. We're going to find this Mauruk, and we're going to kill it. Willow, Anya, stay here and make sure Spike doesn't try anything beyond what he has to."

No one argued. Xander and Giles left the house, weapons in hand.

*** *** ***

Spike carried Buffy upstairs to Giles's room. He knew that, being evil and all, he should probably get some sort of satisfaction out of defiling the Watcher's bed like this, but instead all he could think was that the other man would probably burn the sheets when all was said and done.

When he was honest with himself, Spike could admit that he wanted Buffy, that he'd always wanted Buffy—from that first moment he'd watched her dancing at the Bronze. But not like this. He wanted her to want him, too. Still, he didn't want her to die—something that disturbed him too much for him to dwell on.

He laid Buffy gently on the bed. She let out a choked sob, her head thrashing. "It's okay, luv" Spike cooed, quickly removing his clothes and joining her on the bed. "Spike's gonna take care of you."

Afterwards, Spike lay beside Buffy, trying to will his body to stop shaking. He'd had an idea that sex with a Slayer would be good, but not like that. Not that good. He could hear her breathing softly beside him, and he turned to look at her, the fear of her reaction overshadowed by his need to see her face. She was looking at him, her expression one of confusion. "Are you gonna stake me?" Spike asked softly.

"No," Buffy replied. "You…you saved my life. I guess."

Spike shrugged. "Couldn't let you die like that. 'Sides, thought it might be fun, shagging the Slayer. Something to brag to the other vamps about over a pint of blood."

"You're a pig."

"So you've told me in the past, pet," Spike said with a smirk. He reached out, skimming a hand down her body. "Though you didn't seem to mind me so much tonight."

"Any man would've done. You were just…convenient," Buffy said flippantly, but Spike could see the desire still in her eyes.

"Want another go, Slayer?"

Spike had fully expected Buffy to push him off of her, tell him he was disgusting, and quite possibly throw him in a vat of holy water. Instead, she grabbed him, kissing him hard, letting him have her again.

Buffy fell onto his chest, her body trembling. Spike grabbed a throw from the bottom of the bed with his feet and draped it around them, holding her close. He pressed a gentle kiss into her hair. "Are you all right now, Buffy?" he asked softly.

Buffy looked up sharply at him. "Why…why do you care?"

Spike stroked her cheek. She looked so young and fragile like this, and he realized with a shock it made him want to protect her, not hurt her. "I didn't want you to die."

Buffy could take his crude behavior, his threats and taunts. But this, this kindness and concern for her well-being… It wasn't something that was supposed to be coming from Spike. "Get out," she said, her eyes suddenly hardening.

Spike stiffened in surprise. "Buffy…"

Buffy pushed off of him, wrapping the throw tightly around her. "This doesn't change anything between us, Spike. I'm still the Slayer, and you're still an evil, disgusting thing. Get away from me. I don't want to be reminded of what I just had to do."

"Had to do?" Spike asked, getting up and putting his pants back on. "Maybe the first time was demon influence, Slayer, but that second time—that was all you. You wanted it, pet. You wanted me."

"Get out!" Buffy yelled.

Spike finished dressing. "Well, I can certainly see why no one ever sticks around for a repeat performance with you, Slayer," he sneered before leaving the room, slamming the door behind him. He heard something glass shatter against the door and knew she'd thrown something at his retreating form, but he didn't care.

Willow and Anya were sitting on the couch, looking up at him expectantly. "Is Buffy gonna be okay?" Willow asked.

"Yep. Back to her normal holier-than-thou self. Glad I could help with that."

"Sounded like fun from down here," Anya said.

"Yeah, well, I faked it," Spike snapped. "I'm going back to the whelp's basement."

"You're not really supposed to wander around on your own," Anya said.

"Then tag along, I don't bloody care," Spike replied. "But I'm certainly not staying here with the Slayer."

"You two can go," Willow said. "Buffy would probably rather Spike left now anyway." Spike scoffed at Willow's last statement, but didn't say anything.

"All right," Anya said, standing up. Spike started out the door. "Hey, wait for me!" she called, running after him.

Willow walked upstairs, knocking lightly on Buffy's door. "Hey, it's me…"

Buffy opened the door. She was dressed again, but disheveled. "Hey, Will."

"You okay?" Willow asked.

"Been better. But I'm not dead, so that's something—I guess. Did Spike leave?"

"Yeah, he and Anya went back to Xander's. It's just us. Do you need to talk?"

"There's not anything to say. I…I had to have sex with Spike."

"I know, Buffy. It must have been awful for you."

Buffy immediately flashed back to the mind-numbing pleasure she'd felt with Spike inside of her. "Yeah…awful. He'll probably never let me live it down and…oh god, what am I going to say to Riley?"

Willow frowned. "I'm sure Riley would understand. I mean, you had to, right? It's not like you had sex with him when you weren't under some freaky demon mojo."

Buffy paled slightly. "Yeah, I'm sure Riley will totally be understanding about the fact I had hot, passionate sex with a gorgeous vampire."

"It was hot and passionate?" Willow asked. "And you think Spike's gorgeous?"

"No! I mean, uh, that's what Riley will think. You know how guys are, always jumping to crazy conclusions."

"Uh huh."

"Look, I don't really want to talk about this. It happened, and there's nothing I can do about it now. I just want to go back to the dorm, go to sleep, and forget about the whole thing."

"Maybe you should stick around here for a bit. Giles and Xander aren't back yet, and…"

Downstairs, the front door opened. "We're back!" Xander called.

Buffy went downstairs, brushing past Willow. "Did you kill it?" she asked.

"Yes," Giles said. He took off his glasses before asking his next question. "How did, um, things go with Spike."

"Fine. I'm cured. Now let's never speak of it again."

"That's quite all right with me," Giles said. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to, um, burn my sheets."

"Actually, we never bothered to get under the sheets," Buffy said. "So just the comforter…" She saw the look of horror on the faces of her Watcher and her friends. "I'm just gonna go back to the dorm. You coming, Will?"

"Yeah," Willow replied. "Let's go."

*** *** ***

It had been three days since the incident with the Mauruk demon, and Buffy had managed to avoid bringing up the subject with any of her friends—mainly because she'd been avoiding them as well. But one nagging question from something Spike had said that night made her finally seek him out.

"What do you mean he moved out?" Buffy demanded to know, her hands firmly set on her hips. "He's a cold blooded killer, Xander. You can't just let him wander around on his own."

"Cold blooded killer with a chip in his head," Xander reminded her. "Look, living with him was no picnic. And the damper if put on my sex life… I mean, it's not like Anya and I could do anything with him here. What were we supposed to do, invite him to join in? It's Spike, and…" Xander stopped suddenly. "Sorry, Buffy. I wasn't thinking…"

Buffy brushed it off, ignoring the sudden knot in her stomach. "It's no big. I did what I had to. It's over."

"So why did you want to find him exactly?" Xander asked.

Buffy blushed slightly. "That, um, night he said something about 'shagging the Slayer' being something he could brag to his friends about. I just want to threaten him a bit, make sure it doesn't get out."

"Buffy, if he dared to tell a single demon, I swear I'll help you stake him."

"Thanks for the offer, Xander, but if anyone gets to stake Spike, it's gonna be me. I think I've more than earned it."

"I can give you directions to the crypt he moved in to. I helped him tap a power line for it. You know, for the blood and television. Apparently he can't live in a place that doesn't allow for him to watch Passions."

"So Giles wasn't making it up. Spike seriously watches that."

"Religiously." Xander frowned. "If 'religiously' can be used to describe anything a vampire does…"

Buffy shook her head. "All right. Crypt. Where is it?"

*** *** ***

Spike jumped up as the door to his crypt swung open with a resounding clang. He looked up, his eyes bulging a bit when he saw Buffy. "Bloody hell, Slayer, you scared me half to death."

"Spike, you're already dead."

"Good point. Scared me half alive?" Buffy rolled her eyes. Spike crossed his arms in front of him, reasserting his usual cocky swagger. "Right. So what brings you here this time of the day? I figured cemeteries were more of a nighttime hang out for you."

"Look, the other night when we, um, did that, you said something about bragging to your friends about, um, you and me."

Spike smirked. "And what? You've come to check up on your precious reputation? Don't worry, pet. I'm unpopular enough as it is with the demon world now that it's come out that I've been killing my own kind. Don't need it getting around that I'm the Slayer's boytoy, too."

"Ugh. Boytoy? That's a thought I so do not want. Just make sure you don't decide to make it known."

"Or what? I finally meet the business end of Mr. Pointy?"

Buffy narrowed her eyes. "Yes. And don't push it."

"I seem to recall you liked me pushing 'it' the other night."

"Ew! Gross, Spike. You are such a…"

"A pig. I know. Heard it before. So was that all you wanted, Slayer?" He gave her a slow, suggestive smile.

"Of course!" Buffy said, the way he was looking at her making her nervous. "What else would I want from you?"

Spike's smile grew as he caught the scent of her arousal. Had the other night left as much of an impression on her as it had on him? "Maybe you want this," he said, grabbing his belt and calling attention to the bulge in the front of his jeans.

"Don't make me stake you…" Buffy said, her eyes transfixed on that certain part of Spike's anatomy.

"I think you'd rather have me stake you," Spike replied.

"Geez. Corny, much, Spike?"

Suddenly, Buffy felt herself pressed up against the wall of the crypt, Spike's vampire speed bringing him to her before she had a chance to blink. "I know you want me, Slayer. I can smell it all over you You've gotten all hot for another vampire."

"No…I don't want you."

"Then stop me." Spike kissed Buffy hard, any protest she had dying as his lips sealed themselves to hers. "You like this with me, don't you Slayer?" Spike asked, his mouth moving up to her ear. "This is what you need, isn't it, pet? Something wild, hard. Primal."

"Yes!" Buffy cried, almost unaware of herself anymore, only knowing that she had to have Spike. "More, Spike…please. It's  was so good before…"

Spike lifted her up, carrying her over to the sarcophagus he'd been using as a bed, laying her down on the blankets. Buffy moaned. "Spike…I need…oh god, I need…"

"I know what you need, baby," Spike purred in as he joined her.

*** *** ***

Buffy lay under Spike, her arms still wrapped around him. She knew she should probably push him off, but he felt so good pressed against her overheated skin. "Why…why did we do this again?" Buffy asked after a few moments of silence.

"Dunno," Spike said with an almost imperceptible shrug. "Seemed like the thing to do at the time."

"It really did," Buffy replied with a giggle. Suddenly she sobered, pushing against Spike's chest. He rolled off her, fixing his pants as Buffy smoothed her skirt back down. "It has to be the Mauruk bite," she said.

Spike looked at her askew. "Did you get bitten again?"

"No, but it must still be having an effect on my system."

"Giles said it would wear off as soon as someone, um…" Spike winked at her. "Let's just say I did my part. Three times at last count."

"No, Giles must've missed something. Some sort of more long term effect." Buffy's eyes grew wide. "What if…what if I keep wanting to have sex with you?"

"And this is bad because…"

"Spike, stop it! That would be awful!"

"Hey! I was there, too, Slayer, and I do not recall anything being awful. Best of my unlife is more like it."

"Best of your…"

Spike realized what he'd said and backpedaled. "Uh, no. Not the best ever you, know. Just of late. Harmony, was all right, but…"

Buffy held up a hand. "Mental picture of you with Harmony is not something I want."

"Yeah, me either," Spike muttered. "Look, Slayer, you can try to rationalize this all you want, but the truth of the matter is, you're hot for me."

"No! God, ew. It's the Mauruk. I know it is. It's the only explanation as to why I'd do something so disgusting."

"Well, you sure know how to stroke a man's ego," Spike muttered.

"I don't want to stroke your ego—or any part of you," Buffy snapped.

"So you want to go again?"

"Oh god, yes."

Spike leapt at Buffy, grabbing her and pinning her once again to the sarcophagus.

*** *** ***

"I honestly can't feel my limbs. Or the rest of my body for that matter. Wow."

Spike smiled, running his fingers through Buffy's hair as she lay on his chest. "Yeah, 'wow' about sums it up."

"I knew I hadn't staked you yet for a reason." Buffy giggled.

"What, you let me live all this time so I could shag you for hours? Minx."

"Maybe. Wait…hours? It hasn't really been that long, has it?"

"Yeah. It was still light out when you got here, and the sun's been set for a while now."

"How do you know? Not like this place gets a huge amount of direct sunlight…"

"Vampire, luv. I know when the sun's down."

Buffy sat up. "Oh god. It didn't…time went by so quickly."

"Guess the old thing about it flying when you're having fun rings true after all. Something wrong?"

Buffy hopped off the sarcophagus, gathering up her clothes and redressing. "I was supposed to meet someone."

"Who? One of your little Scoobies?"

"Not exactly. I have to go."

Spike got down and went after her, grabbing her arm. "Who?"

Buffy looked up at him, her eyes wide. "Riley," she admitted.

"No."

"What?"

"You're not going to meet that git. Not after what we just did."

"Spike, this was just a lingering effect of the Mauruk, okay? It's out of my system now."

"So what, we just go back to being enemies?"

Buffy pulled her arm away from him. "Yes."

Spike's expression softened in a way she'd never seen if do before, and for a second Buffy wondered if he was going to cry. "Buffy, I can't do that…"

"Look, I don't know what you thought was happening here, but it was just sex. Good sex, yes, but just sex. And technically, seeing as you're a soulless vampire, and I'm the Slayer, it was very, very wrong. It can't ever happen again."

"Fine, you bloody little bitch," Spike snapped, making Buffy take a step back. "Go snog the soldier boy. Tell yourself it's the 'right' thing to do. But don't you dare come back to me again when you have an itch he can't scratch."

"Oh believe me, Spike, I won't."

Buffy stormed out of his crypt, slamming the door behind her.

*** *** ***

"Willow, did Riley by any chance…" Buffy stopped when she saw who was sitting on her bed. "Come by the dorm and stay?"

"Buffy!" Riley exclaimed. "I was getting worried! You didn't show up for our date, and then Willow said you hadn't been by the dorm all afternoon."

"We were about to organize a search party," Willow said with a little smile.

"Well, I'm all in one piece. No search party required."

"Did you get into something rough with a vamp?" Riley asked.

Buffy's eyes bulged. "Huh?"

"You, um, have a few cuts and bruises. I thought maybe…"

"Yeah, it was a vampire," Buffy said. "Did get sort of rough there for a bit…"

"Glad to see you came out on top," Riley said.

"What!?"

"You…you won the fight. Staked it."

"Right…came out on top as in won. Got it. Yeah, I did that, uh huh."

"Buffy, are you all right?" Willow asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired."

"Of course you are, after your night," Riley said, pushing a strand of hair behind Buffy's ear. "Want to take a rain check on our date?"

"You don't mind?"

"No, it's fine," Riley said. "It's getting late anyway." He kissed her forehead. "You get some sleep, and I'll call you tomorrow."

"All right. Thank you for being so understanding."

"No problem. Good night, Buffy."

"Good night, Riley."

As soon as Riley left the room, Buffy flopped back on the bed. "Willow, I'm a horrible person."

"For canceling a date with Riley because of a vampire?"

"Yes."

"But Buffy, Riley knows that you're the Slayer…"

"You don't understand. The vampire I was with tonight—it was Spike."

"You staked Spike!? Did the chip stop working?"

"No, the chip works fine. And I didn't stake him."

"Then what…oh." Willow's eyes grew wide as full recognition sunk in. "Oh!"

"It must be something left over from the Mauruk bite. Maybe Mauruks make their, um, mates want them a few more times, to, you know, make sure everything worked out all right…"

"Giles read everything he could about them, Buffy, and he said that you should be completely cured now."

"No! I can't be! Otherwise, why would I let him do those things to me? I couldn't stop, Will. I knew I should stop, knew it was wrong, but…but I just kept going. Over, and over, and over again."

"Over and…wow."

"Don't say anything to anyone else about this," Buffy said. "Xander and Giles would freak, and Riley… Oh god, I don't even want to think about how this could mess things up with him."

"Don't worry, Buffy. My lips are sealed. But if this Mauruk mojo is still affecting you, then don't you think you should talk to Giles about it? Maybe he can figure out some sort of antidote that doesn't involve romps with the undead."

"No! Look, I was fine until I saw Spike. It must just be affecting me with him, because he was the one to, um, take care of the problem. If I can stay away from him, it'll be fine. And how hard can staying away from Spike be? I mean, it's Spike. I hate him." Buffy sat up, a look of determination on her face. "It'll be simple. All I have to do is stay away from Spike."

*** *** ***

"Guess now you know what it takes to pry apart the Slayer's dimpled knees…" Buffy said, lying in Spike's arms.

Spike groaned. "Did I actually say that?"

"Yes, you actually did."

"I was, um, mad with power. The ring."

"Riiight. You're just lame."

"If I wasn't completely shagged out, I'd have a witty comeback for that."

Buffy chuckled, then winced slightly. "You seriously need a bed in here. This sarcophagus is murder on the back."

"I thought you said earlier that this is the last time you're ever doing this."

"It is. I just, um, meant for you. On second thought, keep the sarcophagus. I totally don't care about your comfort level."

"You know, Slayer, we don't have to stop this," Spike said, tracing patterns on her bare abdomen. "I mean, it's a lot more enjoyable than trying to kill each other—though that had its perks, too. And it's not like you haven't gotten involved with a vampire before…"

"Angel was completely different. He had a soul. You're just…a monster."

"So, what, you're just going to go back to Captain Cardboard? Come on, Slayer. You and I both know that he's not enough to satisfy you. He's…boring."

"Riley is plenty interesting."

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure he's good for hours of stimulating conversation."

"Like we've ever had a conversation."

"We're having one right now."

"This isn't a conversation. It's an argument."

"Well, it's gonna be if you keep being so…argumentative."

"Ugh. I have no idea why I came back here with you tonight."

"Cause you ran into me in the cemetery and couldn't keep your hands off me."

Buffy frowned. "Oh yeah. What were you doing there anyway?"

"Um, I live here. So to speak. Why were you patrolling my cemetery?"

"The others were dead." Buffy winced. "No pun intended."

"Sure you didn't just want to see me, Slayer?"

"I never want to see you, Spike."

"But you want to feel me, don't you, pet? Want to feel me all over you…inside of you."

Buffy sat up. "Stop it."

Spike's fingers ghosted up and down her back. "So it's 'stop' now. Earlier you were begging me to never do that. Ever."

Buffy turned, slapping him. "Don't touch me. Don't ever touch me again." She moved away from him, dressing quickly.

"And she's off," Spike muttered, continuing to lounge on the sarcophagus. "You know, this is starting to get a bit redundant."

"Well, I'm putting an end to that, because I'm never coming near you again. And if I see you, I'll stake you. Got it?"

Spike grabbed his duster off the ground, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one. He took a drag. "Whatever, Slayer. Go play nice with your boy. See if I care. Riley. What kind of poofter name is that anyway?"

Buffy ignored him. When she'd finished dressing, she turned to him again, brandishing a stake. "You just stay the hell away from me, Spike. Whatever's going on here, it isn't what I want. It's just something that demon did to me, and I'm not letting you take advantage of me anymore."

"Take advantage? You were beggin' me to…"

Buffy threw the stake. Spike caught it, centimeters away from his chest. "Hey. Watch it with the pointy sticks."

Buffy only glared at him before walking out again. Spike threw the stake to the ground and finished his cigarette.

*** *** ***

"Is it possible for us to learn to behave in a way contrary to the way we would normally? According to the theory of operant conditioning, the answer to this is yes. Through this type of conditioning, an organism will learn to modify its behavior in response to the comparison between the behavior enacted and the output received. Naturally, the organism will begin to act in the way that allows it to receive the most pleasurable experience."

Buffy slunk in her chair as she listened to Professor Walsh's lecture. Her mind wandered, unbidden, to Spike. Was that why she wanted him—because she'd found a more "pleasurable experience" than fighting him? Was she helpless against her own biology, "conditioned" to want Spike every time she saw him?

No, Buffy told herself, that couldn't be the case. She had free will, the ability to make choices. It didn't matter how pleasurable being with Spike was, it was very wrong, and not what she wanted.

Her gaze traveled down to Riley. What did she want? She had originally been drawn to Riley because she'd wanted a normal boyfriend, someone outside the world she occupied as the Slayer. But now that she'd found out Riley wasn't that, did she still want him? "Normal" or not, he was still good. He was strong, supportive, dependable. She knew she could trust and rely on him in a way she never could with Angel, even before Angelus had resurfaced. With Riley, she saw what could become a safe, comfortable, long-term relationship.

But was that what she wanted? Would getting seriously involved with Riley really mean giving up passion, fire, like she'd worried before? And if it did, was that something worth giving up for comfort and security?

Her mind went back to Spike again. He could make her melt more from a glance than Riley could from his most heated kiss. Now that she thought about it, no one since Angel had ever worked her up nearly as much as Spike did. Angel and Spike didn't have a lot in common—aside from the obvious. Was that what drew Buffy to both of them, the fact that they were vampires? Was she some kind of monster lover? Buffy felt suddenly sick to her stomach. She was supposed to kill vampires, not crave them like a drug. What was wrong with her? Surely none of the other Slayers had had this problem…

"Buffy? You in there, Buff?"

Buffy jumped at the sound of Willow's voice. "What?"

"Class is over. People are leaving. Thought maybe you'd like to follow their example."

"Oh. Right. Sorry. Something Professor Walsh said got me thinking."

Willow elbowed Buffy. "Sure. You were probably having another Riley daydream."

Buffy gave Willow a stern look. "Come on, nosy. Let's go back to the dorm."

Riley was waiting for Buffy in the hallway. "Hey! We're still on for tonight, right?" he asked.

"Tonight?"

"The Bronze. We were…"

"Rain check. Right," Buffy said. "I didn't forget, I swear. I just…temporarily misplaced the information in my brain."

"Sure. Pick you up at seven?"

"You bet."

"Great. I have some stuff to do now, but I'll see you then."

"See you then," Buffy echoed. Riley gave Buffy a wide smile before jogging off.

"So are things still good between the two of you?" Willow asked as she and Buffy began to walk.

"Of course! Why wouldn't they be?"

"You're seemed sort of on edge around him ever since," Willow lowered her voice, "ever since what happened with Spike."

"Ugh. Do we have to bring up that unpleasant subject?"

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I'm just worried about you. You said before that you thought the Mauruk bite was still affecting you. Is it now?"

"No! I am back to completely despising Spike. Riley is the only man I want. Spike bad, Riley good."

"Spike bad, Riley good? Have you been drinking?"

Buffy elbowed her best friend. "Shut up, Will."

"Hey, um, I'm going to be out of the room tonight—probably won't come back until morning. Just letting you know in case, you know, you and Riley wanted to, um…"

"Where are you going to be?" Willow asked.

"Do you remember my friend Tara I told you about—from Wicca group?"

"Yes."

"I'm going over to her dorm. We're going to, um, practice spells." Willow blushed almost imperceptibly, and Buffy didn't catch it.

"Have a good time. But try not to do anything that leads to my impending nuptials, okay?" Buffy said with a wry smile.

Willow laughed for a second before sobering. "You know, I feel sorta guilty for that still, especially in light of recent developments. If I had never done that stupid spell, then maybe you'd never have had any kind of attraction to Spike, and things with the Mauruk wouldn't have gotten so out of hand."

"Don't worry about that. I've been attracted to Spike since the beginning." Buffy's eyes grew wide. "I can't believe I honestly just said that."

"Neither can I…"

"Can we forget I said it?"

"Buffy…"

Buffy looked away from Willow. "You must think I'm such a freak, getting all hot over monsters."

Willow raised her hand slightly. "Former werewolf lover here. Not really one to judge."

"That was different," Buffy said. "Oz was only a wolf sometimes. Spike is a vampire all the time."

"Oz was the wolf all the time," Willow said softly. "Just more so some times than other times. It's what really drove him away in the end."

"Spike doesn't have a soul. He's a cold-blooded killer. It's all he can ever be."

"He was always really sweet with Drusilla. And you saw how broken he was when she left him…"

"You mean when he had you and Xander held hostage in the factory?"

"Well, yeah. But…but that was pre-chip. And I'm not saying you should try for a relationship, I'm just saying maybe you shouldn't be so hard on yourself for wanting him. He is kinda sexy—in his own sort of Spike way. Nice accent."

"I don't want him. It was just the Mauruk."

"But you just said…"

"Hey, look, it's our door!" Buffy said as she and Willow approached their dorm room. "Let's go inside!" She unlocked and opened the door. "I think I'm going to get a head start on my homework."

"Buffy, it's Friday afternoon. Even I don't…"

"I have a lot of reading," Buffy said. "I don't want to put it off until Sunday, and then have an apocalypse to stop and not get it done."

"Right. Well, I'm going to get my stuff together to go over to Tara's, and while I do that you can pretend to read so I'll stop asking you about Spike."

Buffy smirked. "Thanks, Willow. You're a true friend."

Willow smiled back as she went to her closet.

*** *** ***

"You look really beautiful tonight," Riley said, reaching across the table and taking Buffy's hand.

"Thank you. You look good yourself."

"Thanks." The music changed from something upbeat to something slow and sultry. "Do you want to dance?" Riley asked.

"Sure," Buffy replied.

Riley took her hand and led her to the dance floor. Buffy rested her head against his shoulder as Riley held her close, moving them in time with the music. Buffy thought back to Willow's suggestion that she and Riley take advantage of the fact that the dorm would be sans-roommate, and wondered if she should go for it. Surely being with Riley would make her stop wanting Spike. Riley would be a gentle and considerate lover, giving her exactly what she should want.

Buffy was pulled away from her thoughts by a beeping noise. Riley let go of her, clipping his pager off his belt and reading its message. "Buffy, I'm really sorry, but I have to go. Can we try this date again some other time?"

"Of course," Buffy said, forcing a smile. "Duty calls. That's something I completely understand."

"Thank you. One of these days, we'll get to finish a date, and I'll make this up to you, I promise." He gave Buffy a brief kiss before leaving her alone on the dance floor.

Buffy started to walk away as well, but was stopped when someone grabbed her, pulling her against a firm, masculine body. "Going somewhere, pet?"

Buffy's entire body felt suddenly overheated, despite the coolness now pressing against her. "Spike?"

"The one and only, luv." Spike smiled as Buffy didn't push him away, but began to dance with him, her movements reminding him of the first time he'd seen her.

She turned around in his arms. "What are you doing here?"

"Was having myself a drink when I saw your boy run off, and I thought to myself that it just wasn't right for a woman as beautiful as you not to have anyone to dance with." Spike omitted the fact that he'd been watching them since they'd gotten there, and the only reason he hadn't ripped out Riley's throat and dragged Buffy back to his crypt was that the chip wouldn't let him.

Buffy looked into Spike's eyes and felt their magnetic pull. His hands ran down her arms, and she trembled. "Willow…Willow's sleeping somewhere else tonight…" Buffy said nervously.

"Are you inviting me back to your dorm?" Spike asked, raising an eyebrow.

Buffy's expression turned coy. "I have a bed…"

"Do you now? Let's go test how sturdy it is."

Buffy giggled, the desire she felt for Spike pushing away all rational thought. "Okay."

Buffy walked with Spike out of the Bronze, feeling decidedly wicked.

*** *** ***

Buffy giggled as she worked the key in the lock on her door.

"What's so funny, kitten," Spike murmured, pressed up against her back.

"I feel like one of those bad girls that sneaks older guys into her room."

Spike smirked. "You are."

Buffy opened the door, pulling Spike in with her. "I feel like being a really bad girl tonight."

"Oh yeah? Maybe I'll have to punish you…"

Buffy felt a thrill run through her. During one of their times together, Buffy and Spike had discovered a loophole with the chip—as long as his actions were meant to bring her more pleasure than pain, then Spike could "hurt" her. Buffy knew that shouldn't excite her as much as it did—or at all for that matter—but at the moment, she didn't care. She met Spike's eyes and reached behind her, pulling the zipper of her dress down and letting the silk pool around her feet. She saw Spike suck in an unneeded breath at the sight of her. Buffy had told herself when she had been getting dressed that night that she was putting on something sexy in case things progressed with Riley, but now as she watched Spike's reaction to her red lace panties and matching bra, she knew she'd been, without realizing it, dressing for him.

"In over a century of existence, I've never seen anything as lovely as you," Spike said, his voice full of awe.

Buffy smiled wantonly, then got on the bed, leaning back on the pillows before beckoning to Spike with a crooked finger. Spike pulled his shirt over his head, and then stalked over to the bed, crawling his way up to Buffy.

Buffy expected it to be like it had been the other time—rough and hard, an erotic imitation of their previous battles. But somehow it had been different this time. Spike had been gentle, tender. She lay on his chest, still needing to be close to him. "Best…yet…" she said, her voice shaky.

"I second that." Spike reached up, stroking her hair. "You were bloody amazing, Slayer."

"So were you," Buffy admitted quietly. She sat up. "I'm going to go down the hall to the bathroom. I'll be right back." She threw on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt she had nearby and left the room.

Buffy was washing her hands in the communal bathroom when her next door neighbor came in. "Sounds like you had some fun," the girl said with a knowing smirk.

"Huh?" Buffy asked, looking up, her eyes wide.

"Yeah, like all that screaming and bed creaking could be anything else," the girl said. "Sounded hot. You go girl."

Buffy blushed. "Um, thanks." She hurried out of the bathroom, not able to look at her neighbor. When she got back to her room, Spike was lounging on her bed, still undressed.

"My neighbor heard us," Buffy said, whispering. "I just ran into her in the bathroom."

Spike smirked. "With your screaming, I'd think so."

"I do not scream" Spike raised an eyebrow, and Buffy sighed. "Okay, maybe I do."

"C'mere, kitten."

Buffy hurried over to him, hopping onto the bed, and snuggling in his arms. She knew this man should be her mortal enemy, but right now she felt too good care. He'd treated her better after sex than any other man had, and that bought him some respect in Buffy's eyes.

Spike was silent for a while, enjoying the feel of Buffy in his arms. He'd never thought that he could feel anything like this for the Slayer, but he knew now she was working her way into his heart. His fantasies of wooing back Drusilla had come to an abrupt standstill, replaced by nothing but fantasies of Buffy. She was unlike any woman he'd ever met, and as much as that scared him, he was unable to pull away. "What is this to you?" he asked after a few minutes.

"What's what?"

"Us."

Buffy's answer was so quiet that Spike was sure he wouldn't have been able to hear it were it not for vampire hearing. "I don't know."

"I like being with you, Buffy," Spike admitted. "You make me feel, well, really good. And I don't just mean physically. When you smile at me it…it makes me want to write poetry."

Buffy lifted her head slightly. "You write poetry?"

"Used to. When I was human."

"Was it any good?"

"Wonderful." Spike laughed at Buffy's incredulous expression. "Okay, that's a lie. It was awful."

Buffy laughed, too. "Couldn't have been that bad…"

Spike rolled his eyes, reciting in a monotone, "My heart expands, 'tis grown a bulge in it, inspired by your beauty, effulgent."

"It was all right until effulgent…" Buffy said with a smirk. "Okay, maybe the 'bulge in it' was a little lame, too."

"You wound me, Slayer," Spike said, although his smile said otherwise.

"Still," Buffy said, running her fingers up and down his chest, "Better than anything I could write."

"You don't need to write anything," Spike said. "The way you move when you fight—it's bloody poetry in motion. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"

Buffy looked at him. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Dunno. Maybe you shagged the meanness right out of me." He wagged his eyebrows.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "There he is."

"There who is?"

"Pig Spike. I was about to go out and check for pods."

Spike chuckled. "No need for that. This is the real me."

Buffy regarded him for a moment. "Is it?"

Her intense gaze made Spike shift uncomfortably. "Yeah."

Buffy closed her eyes, settling down on his chest. "I'm tired."

"Get some sleep then, kitten," Spike said softly, holding her close.

"Good night, Spike."

"Good night, Buffy."

Spike watched her as she slept, a warmth seeming to spread through his whole body. Suddenly, something Drusilla had said before, when she'd left him for the chaos demon, came back to him.

"You're all covered with her. I look at you…all I see is the Slayer."

Spike knew then, knew what Drusilla had meant. In all her craziness, she was at times amazingly perceptive. "I'm in love with the Slayer," Spike said, the words sounding strange even to his own ears, but undoubtedly true at the same time. "Well isn't this a bloody joke."

He looked at the sleeping woman in his arms, and he felt his throat tighten. He wanted to hold her forever. But it would be sunrise soon, and he was sure Buffy wouldn't want him stuck in her dorm all day. She'd been warm to him tonight, but Spike knew his Slayer well enough to know that could change in an instant. He slipped out of bed, his long-dead heart breaking a little when she whimpered in her sleep and reached for the spot he'd vacated. Spike dressed quickly, not trusting himself to be able to go if he didn't do it now. He allowed himself one last glance at her before leaving the room.

*** *** ***

Buffy woke alone. It was the same way she always woke up, but this morning it felt wrong. Then she remembered why. Spike. The previous night had been incredible, with Buffy feeling like she'd seen him through new eyes. She'd thought that maybe she'd finally found a man who would stay with her through the night, but Spike had proven himself to be just like all the others. He hadn't even left a note.

Buffy sat up in the bed, pulling her knees to her chest as she cried. She hated herself, for thinking even for a second that she could feel anything for Spike, for forgetting he didn't have a soul. She wasn't sure what he'd gotten out of being so nice to her that night, but she was sure it gave him some sick sense of satisfaction. "He's probably off somewhere laughing at the stupid, gullible Slayer," Buffy said aloud the tears coming down harder.

The door opened, and Buffy looked up sharply. Willow walked in, the smile she'd been wearing falling away as she saw her friend's face. She shut the door and ran over to the bed. "Buffy! What happened? Did Riley turn out to be a jerk, cause…"

"Not Riley. Spike." Buffy let out a choked sob.

"Spike? Didn't we kinda already know he was a jerk?"

Buffy started to cry harder. Willow reached out, awkwardly stroking her hair. "I forgot, Will," Buffy said, sniffling. "Last night, Riley got called away, and…and Spike was at the Bronze. I invited him back to the dorm. I don't know why, I just wanted him. And we…we made love. And it was so beautiful. It wasn't like any of the other times. And afterwards he held me, and he recited poetry—his poetry."

"Spike writes poetry?"

"He used to. At least he said he did. He was probably lying, just trying to mess with me, like he was all night."

"What do you mean? Did he say something?"

"No! He didn't say anything! I…I woke up this morning, and he was just gone."

"Maybe he wanted to avoid the sun," Willow said. "Or…or he was afraid you'd get mad you opened up a little, and stake him."

"No. He didn't even leave a note. He left just like Parker, and just…just like Angel. He doesn't have a soul, Willow!" Buffy's sobs began anew.

"Want me to stake him?"

"No," Buffy said. She pulled away from Willow, wiping at her eyes. "As much as this hurt, it was good that it happened. Opened my eyes, reminded me who I'm dealing with. This isn't some sweet, potential boyfriend type guy. This is Spike. Nasty, evil Spike. I won't forget that again."

"If you need help remembering, I can write it on the back of your eyelids," Willow said with a tentative smile. "Or maybe make you a t-shirt."

Buffy chuckled. "Thanks for the offer, but I think the blindingly-painful memory of this morning should be enough, thank you."

"Okay, but if you change your mind on anything—staking or t-shirt—just let me know." Willow winked. "I got your back."

"Thanks, Will. You're the best friend ever."

"I really am, aren't I?"

Buffy laughed. "How about we go see if we can find some sort of ice cream that involves massive amounts of chocolate? I think I could use it right now."

Willow gave Buffy a quick hug. "Sounds good to me."

*** *** ***

It wasn't until Buffy staked the vampire she was fighting that she realized she was being watched. She put her hands on her hips, calling, "Spike, I know you're here. You might as well just come out."

Spike stepped from behind a mausoleum. His hands were in his duster pockets, and Buffy could swear he looked almost…nervous. "Hi, Buffy."

Buffy raised an eyebrow. Since when did he greet her like that? He had an almost boyish charm to him, and she had the urge to ruffle his hair, free his curls from the gel he'd used. Then she remembered she was mad at him. She glared, crossing her arms in front of her. "You know, I really didn't think I'd see you again."

Spike blinked, looking at her with confusion. "Where would I go?"

"Care to tell me why I woke up completely alone this morning?"

Spike was surprised. "You…you think I ran out on you this morning?"

"What else you would you call it?" Buffy snapped. "We fell asleep together, but when I woke up, you were gone. Looks like you fell right in with the Buffy pattern."

Spike's jaw ticked. "If you think so little of me to believe I'd do what those other wankers did, then that's exactly what I did. Just took what I wanted from you and left. Used you for my own sick and twisted means. Happy now?"

"Don't."

"Don't what? Tell you what you want to hear? Let you feel all vindicated and self-righteous like you love to do?"

"No. Try to make me think for a second that you're anything but a monster."

Spike narrowed his eyes at her. "Fine. I'll do that, and you can stop pretending you're anything but a self-absorbed bitch."

"Oh please, Spike. You're the evil one here—not me."

Spike was in front of her before she could blink. Temporarily forgetting he couldn't hurt her, Buffy felt a flash of fear. He grabbed her arm, shoving something roughly into her palm. "Happy birthday, Slayer," he said with a sneer before turning around and walking off.

Buffy opened her hand, her eyes widening in surprise. It was a locket. She flipped it over, her fingers brushing against where her first and middle names were engraved. Her head was reeling, trying to figure out how he'd even known it was her birthday. "Spike!" she called, but he didn't respond. She closed her eyes, fighting the urge to cry. "Why is he doing this to me?" she asked softly.

She decided to go back to her dorm. There was nothing she wanted more right then than to just curl up in her bed and go to sleep.

*** *** ***

"You say this thing breathes fire?"

"Uh huh. Almost scorched me."

Buffy arched an eyebrow. "We have to make this fast. I am so not in a slaying mood right now."

Buffy opened the door to the darkened rec room. Suddenly, the lights snapped on followed by a loud "Surprise!" Buffy surveyed the room, her eyes stopping on a "Happy 19^th Birthday" banner.

She turned to Willow. "You know I'm going to kill you later, don't you?" she whispered through a smile.

"Xander made me. I tried to make him cancel after last night, but he wouldn't let me unless I explained why."

"Got it. Must kill Xander."

Willow gave her a sheepish look. "Or you could just party. Riley's here…"

Buffy's eyes grew wide as she saw Riley approaching then. Buffy put on her best smile. Maybe this party could be a good thing after all. It could make her stop thinking about Spike.

*** *** ***

Buffy sat alone in a corner, holding the locket Spike had given her. Riley was talking with some of his fellow commandos, and it gave her a good chance to sneak off, hoping no one would seek her out.

"It's your party, you know," Willow said, sitting next to Buffy.

"Yes, it is my party." Buffy gave Willow a half smile. "And I'll cry if I want to."

"Let me guess—certain bleach blond vamp got ya down?"

"Uh huh. Ran into him on patrol. He gave me a birthday gift."

"He did?!" Willow frowned. "It wasn't something naughty, was it?"

"No. Although I sort of wish it had been. That I think I could deal with. Could've just punched him in the nose and called him a pig." She handed the locket over to Willow. "He gave me this."

Willow gaped. "This is beautiful. And it looks really old…like antique old."

Buffy shrugged. "Not hard for a vampire I guess. For all I know, he pulled it off a victim a hundred years ago."

"Someone named Anne."

"Excuse me?"

"The inscription. The 'Anne' is in a different script than the 'Buffy.' And it looks a lot more worn."

"Let me see that," Buffy said, taking the locket back. She inspected it for herself, seeing that Willow was right. "So I guess it did belong to someone else…"

"Buffy, I know this is Spike and all, but I don't think this is some sort of trophy from a kill he kept for a long time. This is probably worth a lot of money, and you know how Spike is about money. Besides, he would've had to have kept it through all the wandering he's done over the years. That kinda leads me to think it was something important to him."

As much as Buffy didn't want it to, what Willow was saying made sense. "So then who was Anne? And if this locket was important to him, why did he give it to me?"

"Maybe he loves you."

"Loves me? Willow, this is Spike. You know, the evil, soulless vampire. He can't love anyone—especially me."

"He loved Drusilla."

"He was obsessed with Drusilla. It couldn't have been real love." Buffy let out a shaky breath. "Willow, when Angel became Angelus…"

"Buffy, Spike isn't Angel. Or Angelus."

Buffy looked startled. "Why are you defending him?"

"I'm not! And I'm not saying that if he is in love with you, you should love him back, because that would probably turn out really badly. But what I am saying is that maybe you should be a little nicer to him about all this. You have been sort of jerking the guy around, whether you've meant to or not."

"Be nicer to him? How can you say that? He's tried to kill me—tried to kill you, too."

"I understand that. What I don't understand is why you say that, but then keep, you know, doing things with him. No matter what you say, you know that Mauruk bite wore off a long time ago."

Buffy felt hot tears sting her eyes. "I don't know. I just…feel drawn to him. When he touches me, I can't control how much I want him. Oh god, Will, that first night was amazing. I wanted him so bad…"

"But that was because of the bite…"

"The first time," Buffy said, almost mumbling.

"First time?"

"We sorta, um, did it twice."

"Twice?"

Buffy blushed. "Uh huh. And now I want him constantly. That can't be natural…"

"Sure it is. It's like that at the beginning of a relationship, when it's all new. Oz and I…wow."

"But this isn't a relationship."

"Does Spike know that?"

"Huh?"

"Buffy, guys don't give lockets like that to their mortal enemies. They give them to their girlfriends."

"Oh god—you're right. Willow, what am I going to do?"

"You're going to have to be strong, Buffy. I know it's Spike, and he's all evil, but he still doesn't deserve to be jerked around."

"I know. I'll talk to him."

"Good." Willow patted Buffy's leg. "Now go enjoy your party."

"I'll try. But I'm not in much of a partying mood."

"Look on the bright side—it's your birthday, so I'm sure something catastrophic will happen any moment now and take your mind off everything."

"Gee, that makes me feel sooo much better. Thanks."

"Come on," Willow said, wrapping her arm around Buffy as they stood. "Let's go get some cake."

"Cake is good," Buffy agreed as she walked off with Willow.

*** *** ***

"Bloody Slayer," Spike muttered, walking through the cemetery back from his crypt. "You try to be nice to a girl, and all she can do is throw it back in your face that you've been evil for over a century." He stopped, noticing a demon a few feet away. Spike smiled a little. A good spot of violence was exactly what he needed right then.

"Well, what do I spy with my little eye?" Spike said, approaching the creature. "A demon. That would be…oh, right…the things I can kill."

The demon groaned. "Spike. Wonderful. A perfect end to a perfect day."

Spike froze. He knew that voice. Granted, it wasn't exactly speaking the language it usually did, but it was still unmistakable. And there was something familiar about the scent as well… "Giles?"

"Go on then. Let's get on with the fighting." Giles the demon paused. "You understand me?"

"Of course I understand you." Did all the "Scoobies" think he was a complete idiot? Spike decided not to ponder the answer to that question.

"I'm speaking English?"

"No, you're speaking Fyarl. I happen to speak Fyarl. And, by the way, why the hell are you suddenly a Fyarl demon. You just come over all demony this morning?" Spike walked over to a mausoleum, leaning against it and fishing a pack of cigarettes out of his duster.

"As a matter of fact, I did, thanks to Ethan Rayne. You have to help me find him. He must undo this, and then he needs a…good being killed."

Spike scoffed at that and took a drag off his cigarette. Why should he help Giles of all people? Out of the evilness of his heart? He started to tell Fyarl-Giles to bugger off when he thought of Buffy. She wouldn't like her Watcher being stuck forever as a demon. And what if those Initiative wankers grabbed Giles, not realizing who he was? Buffy would be devastated then. Spike felt his un-beating heart clench at the thought of Buffy being in that much pain. "So what's first? I run and tell the Slayer what you've gotten yourself into?"

"No. When I find Ethan I can clear all this up without Buffy ever having to find out that anything happened to me at all." Giles blinked. "Wait, you're helping me?"

"That's what you asked me to do, innit?"

"Well, yes, but I didn't expect you to agree so easily. I figured I'd have to threaten you—or at the very least offer you money."

Spike flicked his cigarette down into the cemetery grass. "Maybe I've reformed," he said with a cocky grin.

"Right. And I'm going to buy a tutu and join the Royal Ballet," Giles quipped.

"A Fyarl demon in a tutu is not a mental image I needed, thank you very much," Spike replied. "Come on, let's find this Ethan Whatsit and turn you back before my benevolent mood ends."

Giles nodded, walking with Spike out of the cemetery.

*** *** ***

"Are you sure I can't get you anything, Giles? I can brew you some tea…"

Giles gave his Slayer a pained smile. "Really, Buffy, I'm all right."

"Are you sure, cause…"

"Yes, I'm sure. And you don't have to feel guilty about stabbing me when I was a demon."

Buffy blushed a little. "I am sorry about that."

"It's quite all right. After all, you did think that I had, well…killed me. And you recognized me before it was too late."

"I'm glad I did," Buffy said, shivering a little. "I can't even begin to think of what I'd do if I ever lost you, Giles."

"You don't have to. I'm very much alive, although my pride is rather wounded. I'm not sure what embarrasses me more—the fact that I let Ethan get close enough to do that, or that I had to have Spike of all people help me."

Buffy blinked. "Wait, did you just say Spike helped you?"

"Yes. He helped me track down Ethan."

"What did he make you give him?" Buffy asked with a frown.

"Surprisingly nothing. He even agreed to let the Initiative chase him to distract them from me—knowing full well what would happen if they caught him."

"And…and he really didn't ask for anything in return?"

"No. Not a thing."

Buffy stood. "Giles, I have to go."

"Buffy, what…"

"I just have to go. I'll…I'll see you later." Buffy ran out of Giles's apartment, leaving him behind to frown in confusion.

*** *** ***

Spike tensed as he heard his crypt door fly open. "I'm not in the mood, Slayer."

"I'm not here for sex. I'm here for answers."

Spike looked at her, and Buffy was surprised at how tired he looked. "I'm not in the mood for any of it, Buffy. You've made it pretty clear how you feel about me, so why don't you just get out of my crypt?"

Buffy crossed her arms in front of her, making it clear she wasn't going anywhere. "Two things Spike—why'd you give me that locket, and why did you help Giles?"

"There's just no winning with you, is there, Slayer? I do something wrong and it's all 'oh, Spike's so evil, I hate him.' I do something nice, and it's 'Spike must be up to no good with that. I bet he's got some devious plan'"

"There is no 'doing nice' where you're concerned, Spike. You're incapable of it. Giles said you didn't make him do anything in return, but I doubt that. What did you get out of him?"

A flash of pain when over Spike's face before it hardened again. "I told you, nothing," he said through gritted teeth.

"Look, Spike, just tell me what you're playing at here. Helping Giles, being nice to me the other night, giving me that locket—what are you trying to do?"

"Look, Slayer, if you're here to beat some sort of evil scheme out of me, you're wasting your bleedin' time. I helped your Watcher because he needed it, I gave you the locket because it was your birthday, and as for the other night—you were there, too. You know why what happened happened."

Buffy blushed a little, hoping Spike wouldn't notice it. "Spike, you never act like this. I can't just…"

"What? Believe me? I really don't care if you do or not. I've had enough of you and you're mood swings. So if you don't have anything else worthwhile to say, why don't you get the hell out of my crypt?"

"Who was Anne?" Buffy asked suddenly.

"Excuse me?"

"Anne. On the locket, the inscriptions didn't match. Who was she?"

Spike said nothing, just staring at her, his expression unreadable. Buffy had never seen him look quite that way before, and she felt a small twinge of nervousness. She decided that maybe leaving would be the best thing to do. She turned around, walking towards the door.

"She was my mother."

Buffy froze at the words so soft she almost wasn't sure she'd heard them. She reached up, grasping the locket she wore under her clothes. His mother? She hadn't been expecting that. "Spike…"

"Just go, Buffy."

Buffy walked away, the sound of the door closing reverberating through the tomb.

*** *** ***

"You have your 'Spike made me angsty' face."

Buffy looked up sharply as Willow walked into their dorm room. "I have a face for that?"

"Oh yeah. If you wanna see it, go check out a mirror."

Buffy frowned. "I think I'll pass."

Willow sat down on the edge of Buffy's bed. "So what did Spike do this time?"

"He helped Giles."

"You're upset that Spike helped Giles."

"Yes. Well, not with the helping part—I'm grateful for that. It’s the why."

Willow shrugged. "He probably made Giles pay him money."

"That's the thing—he didn't. I wondered if maybe he did it to get on my good side, but if that were the case, wouldn't he have made a big deal out of it to me, made sure I was well aware of the part he played?"

"He didn't?"

"No. The only reason I found out was Giles mentioned it. Spike was pretty tight-lipped about what ever happened."

"So he helped Giles for no sort of personal gain whatsoever?"

"Looks like it." Buffy sighed. "Oh, and Anne—his mother."

Willow's eyes bugged. "That was his mother's locket? Buffy…"

"I know, Will. Spike's in love with me. As bizarre as that is, it's becoming blindingly obvious."

"So do you, um, love him back?"

"I can't! I mean, done the whole vampire love thing before, about you saw how that turned out."

"At least Spike doesn't have soul to lose," Willow said with a half shrug.

"No, he has a chip. How do I know if he ever got it out he wouldn't get over all of this and try to kill me—or worse, try to kill one of you guys?"

"It's possible," Willow said. "But the chip didn't make him help Giles. You know, actually, he probably could've killed Giles, seeing as he was all demony."

Buffy frowned. She hadn't thought of that before. Spike had said more than once that he'd kill any one of them if he had the chance. Well, he'd had the chance—why hadn't he done it? "I'm so confused. I'm trying to hate him like I should, really I am, but every time I think I'm there, he does something to turn everything upside down again."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I know I should stay away from him, but it's so difficult. Every time I see him, I melt."

"Buffy, one question."

"Yeah?"

"Where does Riley fit into all of this?"

Buffy looked down. "That I really don't know. I guess I should talk to him, huh?"

"Might be a good idea."

"I'll do that—as soon as I'm done with this mope."

"Want me to leave you alone for a bit?"

"Nah. Stay. I could use some best friend time right now."

Willow smiled. "Best friend time it is then."

*** *** ***

Spike heard a woman scream. He could smell another vampire nearby, and he knew what was happening. He kept walking. Why should be care that someone else was feeding? Not like he felt like killing the other vampire because he was doing something Spike couldn't anymore.

Then, a memory from back when he'd still been tied to Giles's chair flooded Spike's mind. Buffy had read an obituary in the newspaper about a girl who had died from "severe neck trauma." The Slayer had berated herself, feeling as if she'd somehow cause the girl's death by not being there to save her. Giles had reminded her of all the people who were alive because of her, and that she couldn't be everywhere at once; however, the guilt and pain in Buffy's eyes had still been evident. How would she feel if she read about this girl's death?

Spike turned, going back towards where he had heard the scream. He wouldn't let her die. He wouldn't allow something to happen that would put that look of anguish back on Buffy's face. He approached the vampire and his prey. The girl was bitten, but Spike could hear that her heartbeat was still strong, and he was grateful for that. He lit a cigarette.

The other vampire stopped as soon as he sensed Spike's presence. "Get your own dinner," he said, annoyed.

"She's not going to be anyone's dinner—not mine, and especially not yours."

The vampire whipped around to face Spike, and the woman slumped to the ground, crying. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

Spike shrugged, throwing his cigarette on the other vampire. "I'm Spike," he said as the vampire's outdated polyester leisure suit caught on fire, burning the wearer along with it. Spike went over to the woman, kneeling in front of her. "You're safe now," he told her soothingly.

She looked at him, wide-eyes. "Was that a…"

"Vampire? Yeah."

"Oh my God. I never thought…"

"New to Sunnydale?" At the woman's nod, Spike said, "This isn't the sort of town you want to be wandering around the cemeteries of at night."

"O…okay," the woman said, trying to process what had just happened. "You just saved my life, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did."

She surprised Spike by throwing her arms around him. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Spike felt a strange reaction to her gratitude. He'd saved a stranger's life by dusting one of his own kind. He'd done the right thing—and he felt good about it. "No need to thank me," Spike said as she pulled away. "Just saw someone needed saving, is all." He helped her to her feet.

"Still, thank you." She added softly. "I wasn't ready to die."

Spike started to tell her to run on home, but then he realized with her open wound, she'd be like a beacon to any other vampires that happened to pass by, and that would make what he had just done pretty much pointless. "Come on, I'll walk you home—make sure you get there safely."

"Thank you."

On the walk back to her house, Spike learned a little about the woman he'd saved. She was a single mother who, following her husband's death, had moved to Sunnydale so her sister could help her take care of her son. She had people who loved her—and people she loved in returned. People who would ache if anything ever happened to her—the way he would ache if anything ever happened to Buffy. He didn't feel guilt over what he'd done in the past—he didn't have a soul after all—but he started to think of people in a way he hadn't since before he'd been turned. Maybe they were more than "happy meals with legs" after all.

"Well, this is my house," the woman said, coming to stop. She looked at Spike shyly. "You can come in if you want."

Spike knew what she was offering, but, tempting as it was, he couldn't. She wasn't Buffy. "Sorry, but I shouldn't. And, um, you might want to watch who you invite into your home from now on."

She looked at him, confused for a second, then said, "Oh, the whole 'vampires can't come in unless they're invited' thing. That's true?"

"Yeah. And you should consider carrying a cross around with you if you go out at night again. Possibly some holy water, too."

"I will," the woman said, trying to blush off her slight embarrassment at Spike's rejection of her offer. "I know you said not to say it again, but thank you. There aren't a lot of people in this world good enough to do what you did tonight."

Spike laughed a little, though he knew the joke would be lost on her. "Just promise me you'll be more careful now that you know what's out there."

"I will. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Spike watched her until the front door closed, then disappeared into the shadows.

*** *** ***

"Thanks for coming over, Riley."

Riley walked into Buffy's dorm room, his nervousness apparent in his ever action. "You said on the phone you wanted to talk. It sounded serious."

Buffy pointed to her desk chair. "Why don't you have a seat?"

Riley sat, fidgeting. "Just tell me now, is it bad? I mean, I thought things were going fairly well between us, but on the phone, the way you said the whole 'we need to talk' thing, it sounded bad. Is it bad?"

Buffy felt guilty. When she'd started this with Riley, she'd had such high hopes for them. She'd never foreseen it going like this—how could she have? "It's bad," she said, watching as Riley's shoulders slumped.

"What did I do wrong?" Riley asked. "Was it because I had to run off the other night? Buffy, I'm really sorry about that…"

"No, it's not that. And I know this is totally going to sound like a brush-off line, but it's the truth—it has nothing to do with you at all. It's something I'm going through."

"'It's not you, it's me?' You're right. That does sound like a brush-off line."

"Riley, I'm sorry. I wish I didn't have to do this."

"Then don't."

"It's not that simple."

"Why?" Riley paused. "Is there someone else?"

"Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"It's not anyone I'm really seeing right now, and I'm not leaving you for someone else. It's…it's complicated."

"Do I know him?"

"No," Buffy lied. She didn't think letting Riley know the other man in her life was the "HST" his team had been tracking was the best of ideas.

"What's his name?"

Buffy winced slightly. "Spike."

"Spike? Wait… Fake engagement Spike?"

"Um, yeah."

"So what was that 'engagement' really, Buffy?"

Buffy sighed. "Willow did a spell that sorta backfired and made Spike and I think we were engaged. But nothing really happened then."

"But something's happened since then?" Buffy's guilty look told Riley all he needed to know. "You've been sleeping with this 'Spike' guy behind my back."

"I'm sorry, Riley. I never planned for any of this to happen. It just sorta did."

"I see," Riley said, his jaw tight. "Are you sleeping with him now?"

"No. I told you I wasn't leaving you for him. But what happened with Spike, it made me really confused. I need time to sort everything out. I do like you, and I'm sorry I hurt you. Things just got really messed up. I'm so sorry, Riley…"

Buffy started to cry, and Riley felt his anger melt away—that which was directed at Buffy anyway. She'd hurt him, but it wasn't like they'd been in a long, deep relationship. He'd hoped they were building one, but as it stood, they hadn't even had a full date. "It's okay," Riley said, giving Buffy a small smile. "Just call me if you ever get things figured out and decide I'm what who you want after all."

"I will. I'm so sorry."

"I know. Me, too." He stood, kissing the top of her head. "I'll see you around."

"Yeah, see you around," Buffy echoed. Riley left, and Buffy fell back on the bed, grateful that had gone easily, but feeling even more guilt from Riley's kindness.

*** *** ***

"She was seeing another guy behind your back? Man, that's harsh." Forrest threw the foam basketball, sinking it in the hoop on the back of Riley's door.

"She said she didn't mean to—that things just kind got out of hand," Riley replied, retrieving the ball.

"Sure. Maybe Buffy isn't the woman you thought she was."

"Buffy's a good girl, Forrest," Riley snapped.

"Not to burst your bubble, but she's been making crazy naked sex with a guy named Spike."

"It's not like that! This Spike, he probably just used her, like Parker Abrams. Buffy, she can be so sweet and trusting. Men like that, they take advantage of her."

"Or it could be that you're the overly-trusting one, and you missed that your girlfriend is the kind of girl who likes to get all freaky with guys who would willingly call themselves 'Spike.'"

"No. It's not Buffy. It's Spike. He hurt her. Wish I could get my hands on that bastard."

"What, you want to punch him like you did Parker?"

"For starters."

"You know, this may be for the best. I think Buffy was more trouble that you realize."

Riley said nothing as he made a shot, missing the basket.

*** *** ***

Spike froze when he caught Buffy's scent. He wished she'd stop patrolling in his cemetery. If he thought it would do any good, he'd tell her that he had it under control now. Any nasties that showed their ugly heads on his turf, he'd take care of them. He stood with his arms crossed in front of him, waiting for her to approach him. "Slayer."

"Spike."

"You might as well head home," Spike said. "There's nothing undead causing any problems here tonight." He left out the fact that that was because he'd already dusted the three vamps that had showed their bumpy faces that night.

"Nothing but you?"

Spike smirked. "Yeah, nothing but me. So you planning on finally staking me good and proper, or are you just going to leave?"

"Look, Spike, about what went on between us…"

"Don't. We both had out fun. It's over now." Spike pushed down the pain he felt at saying those words. He wanted to fall to his knees, profess his love, and beg her to give him even a crumb. He didn't. He couldn't. He'd been love's bitch for long enough, and he wasn't going to let Buffy make a fool out of him.

Buffy was surprised at how much the cool tone to Spike's words hurt her. She'd wanted to finalize things between them, make it clear to him that nothing could ever happen between them again, but she'd expected a little more of a fight from him. At least an attempt at seducing her… But he was cold, like he'd never cared for her at all. "Good," she said, forcing a smile. "Glad that's all settled. I'll, um, see you around, I guess."

"Whatever, Slayer." Spike turned and headed towards his crypt. It hurt too much to see Buffy smiling at the end of whatever it was they had had.

Unable to watch him walk away from her, Buffy turned and ran out of the cemetery.

*** *** ***

Riley stopped, crouching behind a tombstone as he saw Buffy talking to a man with platinum blond hair and a long leather coat. Riley recognized him as the friend of Xander's he'd met in the ruins of the old high school a few weeks back. He had been dressed drastically different then, and Riley wondered what the reason for the incongruity was, especially since the way he was clothed now gave Riley a nagging feeling that he'd seen him somewhere else as well.

Riley frowned when he heard Buffy refer to the blond man as "Spike." This was Spike? He looked worse than Riley had even imagined. He thought back to what Buffy had said when she had told him about her "engagement," describing Spike as "way old." Maybe the "way" was an exaggeration, but this Spike definitely looked too old to be hanging around teenaged girls. Riley wondered if his behavior and outfit from before had been his way of throwing Buffy off, tricking her into thinking he was too goofy to be anything but harmless.

"You might as well head home. There's nothing undead causing any problems here tonight."

"Nothing but you?"

Riley gaped at that. Undead? Spike was a vampire? Then it hit him where he'd seen him before. This wasn't just any vampire—this was Hostile 17. Riley's hatred for the man who had taken Buffy from him rose tenfold. He wasn't even a man. He was just a monster. As Buffy and Spike went their separate ways, Riley made a call.

"I've located Hostile 17."

*** *** ***

Spike walked through the graveyard, feeling numb. He wanted nothing more than to turn around, to take Buffy in his arms and say anything he could think of to make her realize how badly he needed her. But he didn't. Buffy didn't want him, and nothing would change that. Besides, it probably was for the best. It was bad enough being chipped without becoming the Slayer's little pet vampire on top of it all.

Suddenly, Spike felt a jolt of pain, and then everything went black.

*** *** ***

Spike woke slowly. He lay still for a few moments, coming to consciousness as the harsh, bright lights above him shone in his eyes. He tried to move his limbs, panicking when he couldn't. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or not when he realized he couldn't move not because anything was missing, but because he was strapped to a table.

"I would say you've rejoined the world of the living, Hostile 17, but seeing as that wasn't your world to begin with…"

Spike bristled. If the scent he was now having the displeasure of catching wasn't enough to let him know who had spoken, that smug tone would've been. "Well, if it isn't Agent Finn," Spike said coolly, refusing to let Riley know how nervous he actually was to be back in the Initiative base. "Resorting to kidnapping in order to keep your woman. What a man you are."

"Say whatever you want. It won't bother me. You're just a monster."

"Buffy seemed to think I was a little more than that when she was writing beneath me. That is, unless of course she likes taking it from a monster."

Riley came out of the shadows then, coming towards Spike angrily. "You shut up! If you say anything like that about Buffy again, I'll…"

Forrest stepped forward them, placing his hand firmly on Riley's shoulder. "Take it easy, man. He's just trying to bait you. Don't let him."

Riley gave Forrest a terse nod, stepping away from Spike again. "Come on," he said to his friend. "Let's just leave the hostile for now."

Forrest nodded back, know that getting Riley away from Hostile 17 was probably the best idea right then anyway. "Yeah. Professor Walsh wanted our report."

Spike heard the door shut and knew he was alone again. He struggled against his bonds, but they were obviously designed to restrain a creature as strong as a vampire. He slumped, fighting against the feeling of defeat that was creeping up on him.

Spike wondered idly if Buffy would save him. He decided she most likely wouldn't, and that thought hurt him deeply. He figured that even if Buffy did discover something had happened to him, she would simply be grateful that he was finally out of her life. After all, she had been dating the soldier boy. For all he knew, Buffy could be all for shoving chips in vampire brains. Made her job a bit easier.

Spike lay still on the table, fighting the urge to fidget since he knew it would just be a waste of energy. He needed to stay alert, bide his time until an opportunity to escape presented itself.

*** *** ***

It had been almost three days since Buffy had last seen Spike, and, as much as she hated to admit it, his absence was bothering her. She's spent extra time the last couple nights patrolling his cemetery, secretly disappointed when she didn't run into him.

Finally, she decided to go to his crypt after her morning classes. Buffy told herself that she was going not because she wanted to see him, but because if Spike was this quiet, then he must be up to no good, and it was her sacred duty as the Slayer to investigate. Yes, she concluded, that seemed like a good excuse, er, reason.

Buffy burst into Spike's crypt, calling his name. When he didn't answer, she called louder. Still nothing. Buffy frowned. She thought she remembered there being a second level to his crypt, but she wasn't sure. Could he be down there?

Buffy wondered if maybe he'd gone out. Sure, it was the middle of the day, but if there ever was a vampire to flaunt his flammability, it was Spike. She could wait for him, talk to him when he got back. About all the evil he was plotting, of course.

Buffy looked down at her watch, her eyes growing wide and the color draining from her face as she saw what time it was. Quickly, she turned and ran from the crypt.

*** *** ***

"Professor Walsh, I'd like to speak to you about Hostile 17."

Maggie Walsh looked up from the files she had been going over before Riley had entered the office. She folded her hands neatly in front of her. "Speak then."

"Why has he not been terminated?"

Maggie sighed. "While it is not your place to question me, I will tell you this—we have not finished out examination of the HST. We would like to have more time to study this breed of hostile in depth."

"Why?" Riley asked. "He's a parasite, feeding off the blood of other creatures. He's no better than a flea."

"The reasons we have for this are none of your concern, Agent Finn. You are dismissed."

"Professor Walsh…"

"You are dismissed!"

Riley's mouth snapped shut before he could say anything else. He gave a terse nod and walked out of the office.

Maggie turned back to her work.

*** *** ***

"Something terrible has happened to Spike! We have to get the group together and look for him right now!"

Giles walked from the kitchen into the living room as Buffy burst into his apartment, yelling frantically. "Buffy, what on earth are you going on about?"

"Spike! I went to his crypt, and he's gone! Something horrible has to have happened!"

"Now there's no point in jumping to conclusions. If Spike is not in his crypt, then I'm sure he has simply found some other place to attempt to wreak havoc."

"But look at the time, Giles!"

"The time? What does the time have to do with anything?"

"Passions is on! Spike wouldn't leave his crypt during Passions. He doesn't have a VCR!"

"Perhaps he's joined a vampire soap opera fan club, and is watching with them."

"That was sarcasm! I can't believe you're being so flippant about this!"

"And I can't believe you're taking it all so seriously. Honestly, Buffy, I'm not even convinced Spike is in need of any sort of help. For all we know, he could have finally decided to leave us and Sunnydale alone. And even if he is in trouble, I don't see how it's any concern of ours. We've already helped Spike more than we ever should have."

"How can you say that? Spike helped you when you were a Fyarl demon. He needs us now."

"Buffy…"

"No! Look, I know Spike's in trouble. I can feel it, Giles. We have to find him before it's too late."

"You can 'feel' it? Buffy, whatever do you mean by that?"

"Spike and I…" Buffy held her head up, suddenly sick of the denials. "Spike and I slept together."

Giles shifted. "Buffy, I know, the Mauruk demon…"

"No, Giles, since then. Several times, actually."

Giles tore his glasses from his face. "Oh, good lord."

"Please don't get all freaked out on me."

"Freaked out? Dammit, Buffy, I thought you would've learned your lesson on sleeping with vampires."

Buffy tried not to show how much his words hurt. It wasn't the time for that. "Look, either you help me, or I go search for Spike myself. He's in trouble, Giles. I haven't seen him in three days. Spike wouldn't just disappear like that."

Giles wanted to protest more, but he knew his Slayer well enough to know she wasn't going to let this go. "Call the others," he said, his tone not hiding his dislike of the idea.

Buffy went straight to the phone, calling both Xander and Willow.

*** *** ***

Riley knew the last place he needed to be was Professor Walsh's office—especially since Walsh wasn't there. But something about their conversation earlier had left him unsettled. What good could possibly come from keeping a hostile around like that, especially one that had already escaped once? Riley had never been one to question the higher ups, but in this case, he felt the compelling need to make an exception. Professor Walks had seemed to be hiding something, and that scared him more than the thought of a court martial.

The files Walsh had been reading were still on her desk in a manila folder. They were marked "classified," and Riley bristled at the professor's lack of protocol. Why would she leave important papers like this out in the open? Riley was surprised at the answer his own mind provided for him: arrogance.

Riley stood still for a moment, listening carefully to make sure no one was coming. When he was sure it was safe to do so, he opened the folder. He skimmed the top of the papers inside, words jumping out at him. Hostiles. Behavior modification. Microchip.

Then, he read something that made him grow pale. Riley knew then that something had to be done about Spike—and fast.

*** *** ***

"So you're telling me the reason you called us over here is to save Spike because he missed Passions?"

"See, Xander, this is why I didn't tell you the details over the phone," Buffy said. "We don't have time to discuss this."

Xander paced Giles's living room. "No, Buffy, we have to discuss this because I'm not quite clear on everything. This Spike is bleach blond, leather clad, blood-sucking fiend Spike, correct?"

"Yes. And you might want to add 'Buffy's boyfriend' to that list," Buffy replied.

Xander stopped pacing, and the way his eyes bugged out would have struck Buffy as comical at any other time. After a moment of sputtering, Xander managed to respond with a very articulate, "Huh?"

Buffy waved her hand dismissively. "Look, we have more important matters right now, but yeah, Spike and I slept together."

"I was here for the Mauruk demon, Buffy. You don't have to remind me of that."

Buffy rolled her eyes. As much as Giles complained about Xander, they could be dense in the exact same way sometimes. "No, after that. But…" Buffy tried to steer the conversation away from her recent sexual escapades and back to the fact that her partner in said escapades was missing, but Xander had apparently moved past his initial shock and on to anger.

"You've been doing that with the evil undead, and you didn't feel the need to tell any of us about it?"

Willow raised her hand meekly from where she was seated on the couch. "Um, I knew."

Xander looked at Willow, hurt in his eyes. "You've been keeping this a secret? God, Will, what if he'd hurt Buffy? I mean, given her track record, I guess it's not that surprising that she'd do this, but I thought you were smarter than that."

At Xander's last statement, Giles went for his scotch. The day's events were quickly becoming more than he cared to handle sober.

"Excuse me?" Buffy yelled. "My track record?" She stalked towards Xander, the look in her eyes pinning him to the spot. "Let's talk about yours, shall we? Bug lady. Inca mummy girl. Cordelia. Your choice in dates hasn't exactly been stellar either."

"Yeah, well, those can all be chalked up to my stupidity!" Xander said in lame self defense. He frowned for a second as he realized what he'd just said, then continued. "But you! You knew Angel and Spike were vampires, and you still had sex with them. I've heard of loving your work, Buff, but this…"

Buffy opened her mouth to retort, but Willow jumped between them. "Enough! We're not here to discuss Buffy's love life; we're here to help Spike. And yes, before either of the men in this room says anything, I think that is something we should be doing. Yeah, Spike's a vampire, but he's also someone we know. And it's ridiculous for you, Xander, to compare Spike to Angelus, because from what I've seen, they're two very different people. Spike wouldn't hurt Buffy. Not now."

"Willow, that's just because of the chip."

"No, Xander," Willow snapped. "I've been watching Spike ever since he got the chip—hell, even before, and I've seen there's more to him than just a monster. The way he cried over Drusilla for one thing. Yes, he had a broken bottle in my face, but he also didn't torture me with it—the way Angelus probably would have. I'm not saying that Spike's exactly good, but he loves Buffy, and if she'd quit being so stubborn about the whole thing, she'd realize she's in love with him, too. So, now we're all going to settle down, find Spike, and save him. Is everyone clear on that?"

Giles and Xander nodded numbly, taken aback by the sudden wrath of Willow.

Buffy looked at Willow in confusion. "I'm in love with Spike?"

Willow cocked an eyebrow at her friend. "Well, duh."

Buffy thought about that for a moment, trying to reconcile the words "love" and "Spike" in her mind. She still wasn't certain about it, but it didn't seem as incongruous as she would've thought. But it wasn't the time for her to sort that out. Once she had Spike back, they could work things out together. She slipped back into her "Slayer mode."

"Okay, now that all that's settled, we're gonna look for Spike. I figure we should start by checking out the places where he likes to hang out, asking around to see if anyone's seen him recently. Anyone have any arguments with that?" When her friends were silent at her last question, Buffy added, "All right then, let's do this."

*** *** ***

Spike sat in the corner of a tiny, dark cell—what he figured was probably the Initiative's version of solitary confinement. He'd been shaking for a while now, but he'd reached a point where he didn't notice it. All he could think about was the hunger.

They hadn't let him feed since they'd brought him in. Not even the drugged blood from before. He hoped they knew enough about vampires not to think starvation would kill him. He'd rather be staked than have to suffer like this indefinitely. Although he'd heard that eventually, there would be hallucinations. Maybe that would allow him some sort of comfort.

Perhaps they didn't know what happened to vampires when they were kept away from blood, and that's why they were doing this to him. Could he be an experiment? Scientists could've been monitoring him, scribbling down any outward signs of his agony.

Spike didn't care. All he could think of was blood. Any blood. Human, pig, rat, he didn't care.

Occasionally, thoughts of Buffy drifted into his mind, and he fought to push them away. He couldn't seem to focus on good things—the sound of her laugh, the feel of her lips when she let him kiss her. Instead, all he could see was the anger in her eyes when she turned him away. He needed her to save him, to drag him out of this hell, and he ached with the belief that that would never happen.

Spike stared forward, his body trembling.

*** *** ***

Buffy sat with Willow at the table outside Giles's apartment. They'd been searching for Spike for hours, and they'd had no luck. Surprisingly, Xander had agreed to wait at Spike's crypt and let them know if he showed up, although Buffy had no hope that Spike would. Only one place had not been searched, and Buffy had a sinking feeling that that was exactly where Spike was.

The Initiative base.

The thought of Spike being locked in some military instillation having who knows what happen to him made Buffy feel cold inside. She wanted to cry, but she knew that would only be a waste of energy now. She'd left a message on Riley's pager, but she doubted he'd call back. Even if Spike was with the Initiative, why would Riley help them? Buffy knew that in all honesty, Riley had most likely had something to do with it.

Buffy looked over at Willow. The young witch was watching Buffy, a look of concern on her face. She had tried to help Buffy find Spike without question, even defending their relationship to Giles and Xander earlier. Buffy couldn't express how grateful she was for Willow's support, but she still wondered what made her so willing to stand up for whatever is was Buffy had with Spike.

"Willow, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Buffy. What is it?"

"Why?"

Willow blinked. "Why what?"

"Why are you so okay with this?"

"Buffy, you're going to have to stop with the cryptic, 'cause I'm sort of a confused Willow right now."

"Why did you stand up for me and Spike earlier?"

Willow looked down at her hands for a moment before answering. "Because I know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone that other people may not approve of."

"You mean Oz?"

A pause. "No."

"Okay, now I'm the confused one."

Willow sat up straight again. "You haven't met her, but I've talked about her a few times—Tara, from my Wicca group."

"Yeah, I remember you mentioning her, why…" Buffy stopped as realization set in. "Oh. Wow."

"Yeah. You're…you're not freaked, are you?"

"No. Surprised, yeah, but not freaked. When did this happen?"

"I don't know. It just did. It's all sorta new—that's why I didn't say anything before. But I…I think I'm falling in love with her, Buffy."

Buffy gave Willow a genuine smile. "I'm happy for you then. I was worried about you when Oz left, but I'm glad to see you've found someone who makes you happy." Buffy gave her a mock-stern look. "But I do want to meet this young woman, make sure she's good enough for my Willow."

Willow chuckled. "I'll introduce you. I was just…well, afraid of how you all would look at me if I told you."

"Believe me, I can relate. But I'm your friend no matter what, Willow." She reached across the table, giving Willow's hand a small squeeze.

"And I'm yours no matter what, too, Buffy. If you want to get involved with another vampire, well, I trust you. I may hide any goldfish I happen to buy, but…"

Buffy laughed. "I promise your goldfish are safe. And thank you, for being so understanding."

"You, too. Now if I can just work up the courage to tell Xander…"

"He'll still love you, too, Will. He may ask if he can watch, but he'll still love you."

Willow laughed, then sobered. "I'm sorry we still haven't found Spike, but we will. I can possibly try another locator spell. I know the last one didn't turn out so well, but…"

"No, that's okay. I think I know where he is anyway. The only problem is going to be finding some way to get to him."

"Buffy?"

Willow and Buffy both jerked around, staring at the man who now stood in front of them. Buffy's eyes narrowed to slits.

"Riley."

*** *** ***

Spike snarled as he smelled a human walk into the room, his features shifting into game face. He had been chained to the wall at some point, and now all he could do was rattle the chains idly. He could hear the blood pumping in the human's veins, and the need to feed was stronger than he ever remembered it being before.

"Hungry, Hostile 17?"

Spike heard the voice, the words barely registering in his hunger-weakened brain. He snarled, her blood calling to him.

"Don't worry. You'll be fed soon enough."

Spike struggled against his bonds again, growling.

Maggie Walsh watched as the vampire fought to break free and rip her apart, and smiled. A few of her colleagues had questioned the practicality of her plan, but she knew now that it would be a success. Years of hard work and research would finally pay off.

She walked out of the cell, leaving the vampire alone again.

*** *** ***

Buffy stood, glaring daggers at Riley. "Where's Spike, Finn?" she snapped.

"Buffy, let me explain…"

"Did you take him?"

"I…"

"I want a yes or no answer, and I want it now."

Riley's eyes widen. He'd never heard Buffy so angry before. "Well, yes, but…"

Buffy didn't let Riley finish. She grabbed him by the front of his shirt, shoving him against the outside wall of Giles's apartment. "You goddamn bastard! You went after him on purpose, didn't you? You found out he was who I'd been with, and you sent your damn commandos after him."

"Buffy, please!" Riley said, the wild look in Buffy's eyes making him fear for his safety. "I just thought…I'm here to help!"

"How can you possibly help after what you've done?"

"I can help you get him out!" Riley said.

"Why should I believe you?"

"Because Professor Walsh is going to do something terrible! Please, just let me go, and I'll explain everything!"

Buffy dropped Riley to the ground, where he fell to his knees. "Make it snappy, 'cause I'm not big with the patience at the moment."

Riley nodded, rising shakily to his feet. "I found files she had on Hostile 17."

"Spike. His name is Spike."

"I found files she had on Spike. She's…she's starving him so…so she can use him as a weapon."

"Sorry, must be having one of those dumb blonde moments," Buffy snapped. "Fill in the blanks for me."

"The files…they were plans for an attack. That chip, it can be controlled. They're going to starve him—drive him to the point where he's desperate to feed—drop him down on an enemy target, and turn off the chip."

Buffy fought the urge to get sick at what Riley had told her. "So these are the people you work for."

"I had no idea, Buffy. I swear, I had no idea."

Part of Buffy wanted to take her anger out on Riley, wanted to beat him to a bloody pulp for what he'd done, but she knew she couldn't. That would make her no better than those bastards at the Initiative who would do something this horrific. "You're going to make this better, Riley," she told him, the anger still evident in her voice. "You're going to help me save Spike and put an end to this sick plan."

Riley nodded. He knew she was right.

Buffy turned to Willow, who had been watching the whole scene with fascination. "Go to the crypt and get Xander. I'm going to take Riley inside so we can figure out how to go about this."

"Right," Willow replied. "I'll be quick, Buffy." She took off at a run.

Buffy grabbed Riley by the front of the shirt again and dragged him back into the apartment.

*** *** ***

Xander looked Buffy over as she buttoned up her white lab coat. "Well, don't you look spiffy, Dr. Summers."

Buffy shot Xander a look. "I'm not in the mood for jokes."

"I know, I just…I wanted to talk to you before you ran off on something that could possibly be a suicide mission."

"I'm going to make it out of there in one piece," Buffy said. "And when I do, I'm bringing Spike back with me."

Xander looked down. "Buff, about what I said earlier. I…I was out of line."

"Yes, you were."

"I'm just worried about you. I didn't mean to get all judgmental, it's just, well, I saw what you went through with Angel, and I don't want to see you hurt that much again."

"I know. And that's the only reason I'm still speaking to you. But Spike, he isn't like Angel. There's something between us, I can't explain it. He told me once that love wasn't brains but blood, and I think I'm starting to understand what he meant by that. This thing with him, it isn't something I planned or thought about. It just happened. It took hold of me, and there was nothing I could do but give in."

"I'm not saying I approve, but I understand that. Or at least I'm trying to."

"Thank you."

Xander reached out, taking her hand and giving it a quick squeeze before dropping it again. "Go beat the bad guys, Buff."

"I will. It's what I always do."

*** *** ***

Buffy stood nervously behind Riley as he stood in front of the mirror that opened to the elevator that would take them down into the Initiative base. He led Buffy into the elevator, saying his name for the voice recognition to pick up. "Stick with me," he said softly to Buffy. "Just act natural. You're a member of the Initiative science division."

Buffy said nothing at his statement of the obvious, although she did wonder what she'd ever seen in this man.

The elevator door slid open, and Buffy took a deep breath. She kept herself calm and steady. She had to pull this off. Spike needed her. "Let's get this over with, Finn. I don't want to be down here any longer than I have to be."

"Me either," Riley agreed, knowing they were in danger as long as they remained underground. He didn't want to think about what would happen to him after they got out, knowing he was throwing away his career and quite possibly his freedom. "Let's go."

Riley led Buffy through the base. He had warned her about acting natural, but if either of them seemed nervous, it was Riley. "Where are we going?" Buffy asked in a hushed tone.

"Science division first. We're going to have to destroy the computer they're using to control the chips. Otherwise, they can just start all over again with one of the other vampires."

"Will that hurt Spike?"

"From what I read in the file, no. But it will render the chip ineffective, after which we'll have to dust him."

"Touch Spike, and I'll make an exception to my little 'no killing humans' rule."

"Buffy, without the chip, he's just a killer."

"You hurt him, and I will be, too."

Riley swallowed, the look on Buffy's face telling him just how serious she was. "You're risking a lot of people's lives."

"This coming from a man who works for an organization that plans to use vampires as weapons."

Riley didn't have anything to say to that. He led Buffy to a room, punching a code into a keypad beside the door. A light flashed green, and the door opened with a hiss. A man in a white coat sat at a computer. "Are you authorized to be in here?" he asked.

"Professor Walsh would like to see you in, um, the conference room," Buffy told the man.

He frowned. "I'll just call Walsh then and check on that," he said, standing.

Buffy sighed. Apparently, she was going to have to do this the hard way. She swung, her fist connecting with the man's head, knocking him unconscious. "Buffy!" Riley exclaimed.

"He's just taking a little nap," Buffy said, stepping over the scientist. She didn't have time to worry about ethics at a time like this. "He'll wake up. Now come on, let's destroy whatever it is we have to destroy."

"Right. It should all be over here. There's a few more chips that haven't been implemented, and the control device."

"You seem to know an awful lot about this," Buffy pointed out.

"I was part of the team that bagged and had Hos…Spike chipped. But I swear, Buffy, I had no idea what they were going to do with him. I thought they were just going to observe him some, then stake him."

"You thought they'd waste however many gazillions of dollars it cost to make that chip by dusting him shortly after they put it in?"

Riley looked down. "I guess it seems a little stupid in retrospect."

"Incredibly stupid."

"Yeah, that, too."

"Come on, let's get this over with so I can get Spike out of here."

"As soon as we destroy this, he'll be a killer again, Buffy."

"Shut up."

To Riley's credit, he did. He and Buffy destroyed any piece of hardware they could find connected to Walsh's project without speaking.

*** *** ***

Spike snarled, catching a scent in the air. Human. Food.

No. Another part of his brain clicked. Not food. Mate.

He growled, bucking at his chains. Buffy approached him tentatively, running her hand across the ridges on his forehead. Spike growled again, but softly this time. "Come on, baby. I'm going to get you out of here." She unlocked his chains with a key Riley had given her, then helped Spike to his feet.

He slumped against her, weak with hunger. Riley stepped back as he saw Spike free. Spike snarled at him, trying to lunge forward, but Buffy held him back. "No," she told the vampire firmly. Spike gave her a confused look, but didn't attack. Buffy rubbed his back with one hand soothingly. Then, she looked up at Riley with an accusatory glare. "This is more than just normal hunger. I know it's been several days, but he's, well, really out of it."

Riley looked away from her. "He's been given drugs to make him…more feral. They should wear off soon, especially if he gets blood in his system."

Buffy made a sound of disgust. "We've gotten what we came for. Get us out of here."

"There's a back way out. Less people use it. We'll have a better chance of not getting caught."

"Lead the way then."

Riley took Buffy through a series of dark corridors. Spike was practically dead weight beside her, his legs barely able to keep up with the rest of his body. She strengthened her grip on him, keeping him close. He growled slightly, and Buffy spoke to him soothingly. "We'll be okay soon, I promise. Just hold on."

"And just where do you think you're going with Hostile 17?"

Buffy and Riley froze as Professor Walsh stepped out in front of them. Buffy stood as straight as she could with Spike leaning against her. "I'm taking my boyfriend home. Got a problem with that, bitch?"

"As a matter of fact, young lady, I do. That creature on your arm happens to be worth a lot to this organization—as did the large amount of hardware you destroyed tonight."

"Worth more than human lives?"

Walsh looked coldly at Buffy. "Yes."

Buffy let go of Spike, murmuring a quick apology as he slid to the ground. She moved with unnatural speed towards Maggie, pushing her against a wall. "If you think for one second that I'm going to let you get away with your sick plan, then you are sorely mistaken. And I swear, if you hurt one bleached hair on Spike's head, you're gonna find out exactly what a Slayer really is."

Walsh looked at Buffy proudly, though her trembling gave away her fear. "You can't threaten me."

"Um, actually, she can," Riley said. "And so can I." He held up a disc. "See this? It contains enough information to prove that this 'organization' has been developing weapons of biological warfare. Sure would be a shame if it somehow got leaked to the press…"

"You wouldn't!"

"I would."

"So here's the deal," Buffy said. "You're gonna let us walk out of here, or, well, see that vampire over there. He's really hungry. Probably hungry enough to think even your bony ass is a tasty morsel, if you get my drift."

Maggie nodded, the fear rolling off her in waves now. Buffy dropped her, but not before hitting her in much the same way she has the scientist, knocking Walsh out as well. "Insurance policy," she told Riley with a shrug.

Riley tucked the disc back in his vest pocket. "Right. Grab Spike, and let's get out of here."

Buffy hoisted Spike back up and followed Riley out of the base.

*** *** ***

Buffy and Riley took Spike back to her house. Her mother was out of town doing business for her gallery, and Buffy decided it would be a good, quiet place where she could help Spike recuperate. She took him upstairs to her bed, kissing him softly on the forehead before promising she'd be right back. Spike made a small sound of protest, but didn't move. Buffy wasn't sure he even could.

"Do you need me to stay with you?" Riley asked as Buffy came back down the stairs.

"No. But could you go by Giles's and let the others know everything went all right? I know they're worried, but I have to concentrate on taking care of Spike right now."

"Yeah, I'll do that. Are you sure you're okay alone in the house with a vampire? That chip isn't working anymore, Buffy…"

"You've reminded me of that like a million times now, Riley. I know. But it's also Spike. And well, if something does go wrong, I think I know a thing or two about handling killer vampires." Buffy added the last part solely for Riley's benefit. She couldn't explain it, but she knew she was safe with Spike. The way he'd reacted to her in the base made it clear to her that he was anything but a threat.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am for all of this," Riley said.

"No, you can't," Buffy said. "Nothing can make up for what you did."

"I know."

"But what you did tonight was a good start," Buffy said, giving Riley a small smile. "I know you threw away your career, but it was the right thing to do."

"Yeah."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. Hopefully with the information I took out of there tonight I can finagle myself an honorable discharge. Past that, I don't know. Maybe I'll just go back to Iowa."

Buffy hoped he did. Iowa was almost far enough away.

"I am sorry, Buffy. When I sent the team to recapture Spike, I wasn't thinking about anything but hurting the guy who I thought was responsible for taking you away from me."

"I was never yours to begin with, Riley."

"I know that now." Riley gave Buffy the boyish smile that she'd once found attractive. She didn't anymore.

"Look, I have a half-feral, starving vampire in my room to deal with, so…"

"Yeah. I'll go let you deal with that," Riley said, taking the not-so-subtle hint. "Take care of yourself, Buffy."

"You, too."

As Riley finally turned to leave, Buffy jogged upstairs. Spike perked up slightly from his position on the bed as soon as he smelled Buffy come in the room again. He made the same growling noise he had when she'd first touched him back in the cell, and Buffy blushed at just how sexy it was.

Spike was even paler than usual, and he was trembling again. Buffy knew he had to eat soon. Whatever drugs had been given to him had made the effects of not feeding even more pronounced. The butcher shop had closed hours ago, and she wasn't exactly prepared to go rob a blood bank. There was only one available option.

Buffy went to Spike, lowering her neck to his face. "Drink," she said.

Spike snarled, turning his head away. Buffy started in shock. Since when did vampires turn down free Slayer blood? She hit him, hoping to push him over the edge like she had done with Angel when he'd had to drink from her, but it didn't make Spike bite her. All he did was whimper.

"Spike, please, you have to drink," Buffy said, trying to force him on to her neck. "It's okay. I trust you."

Spike snarled, licking her neck. He still didn't bite. Buffy regretted sending Riley away. Maybe Spike would've been willing to nibble on him a bit.

Refusing to give up, Buffy pulled out the weapons bag she had left at home in case she ever needed it. She took out a small dagger and cut the inside of her arm. She pressed the wound against Spike's face, rubbing the blood against his lips. Eventually, he began to drink, taking slow, shallow pulls. Buffy felt herself warm at the thought that even in this near-feral state he was careful not to hurt her.

She watched him feed on her blood, amazed at just how beautiful he was. Even as he fed from her, his vampiric features in view, she could sense the love he felt for her, and knew she'd never be anything but safe with him. She stroked his hair as he drank.

After a few moments, Spike pulled away from him. "Buffy…" he murmured softly before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.

Buffy went to the bathroom and bandaged the cut on her arm before climbing in bed beside him.

*** *** ***

Spike woke sharply in a state of near panic. The last thing he remembered was his cell in the Initiative base, and now was in unfamiliar surroundings. He started to sit up when he realized something was pressed against his chest. No, not something. Someone.

Buffy…

Flashes of the previous night came back to him. Buffy had come for him, saved him, and…let him drink from her? It seemed like that part must've been a dream, but the hum in his blood told him that he'd recently fed from a Slayer.

Spike turned his head, looking at the Slayer in question. If she'd let him drink from her, then she had to trust him, didn't she? Spike frowned. Was that just him wishing for too much?

Besides, he thought, the chip would've stopped him from hurting her. Buffy had probably only done it because she knew she was relatively safe. But still, she'd rescued him, fed him with her own blood, and let him sleep beside her in her bed. That had to mean something, didn't it?

Spike watched Buffy for a while until her eyes finally opened. For a moment, she simply stared up at him, and Spike felt a wave of nervousness. What would happen now that she was awake?

Buffy smiled at him, reaching up to stroke his face. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

Spike was relieved that at least she wasn't screaming or throwing him from the bed. "Better."

"I was worried about you," Buffy admitted softly. "I knew something had happened to you, and I couldn't find you, and I…" She trailed off, tightening her grip on Spike, and burying her head against his shoulder.

Spike's shock over her response quickly shifted to elation at the thought that she actually did care. He stroked her back gently, murmuring comfortingly against her hair. "Shh…don't worry now, luv. I'm here. Everything's okay."

Buffy looked back up at him, tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry it took me so long to figure out something was wrong. I…I should've come for you sooner."

Spike wiped a tear away as it rolled down her cheek. "You came. That's what matters."

"They were going to use you as a weapon," Buffy said softly. "They were starving you so they could unleash you on an enemy and turn off your chip."

Spike was surprised to note how much that horrified him. He was a vampire, and he'd fed on countless people, but the thought of being used like that… "You came to stop that, then."

"I came to save you. Stopping an evil government plot was just an added bonus."

Spike looked at her for a moment, trying to figure out exactly where he stood. When he'd last seen her, she'd wanted nothing to do with him, but now she seemed to be feeling something quite different. He decided to take the leap and ask her.

"Buffy, what do you feel for me?"

Buffy tore her gaze away from his then. "I don't know."

"Do you hate me?"

Her voice was barely audible. "No."

"Do you want me?"

Another whisper. "Yes."

Spike rolled them over, covering Buffy's body with his own. He smelled her immediate rush of arousal and smiled inwardly. Even when she denied the connection between them, her body told him the truth. He leaned down, his lips against her ear, and whispered smoothly, "Tell me what you want, kitten."

"I want you."

Spike pulled up, quickly removing Buffy's clothes. He paused, taking in the sight he'd feared he'd never see again. Buffy looked up at him, her eyes dark with passion. She reached out, grabbing hold of his shirt. "Less staring, more ravishing," she ordered.

Spike chuckled, letting her pull off his shirt. He stood just long enough to remove his boots and jeans, then rejoined her on the bed. Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him down so their hips were flush against each other. Spike looked down at her with amusement. "Want something, Slayer?"

"Spike, I swear, if you tease me right now, I can't be held responsible for what I may do with pointy wooden objects."

Spike laughed, then gave her what she wanted. He made love to her slowly, trying to show her without words what he felt for her.

When it was over, Spike turned to her, caressing her face. "Tell me how you feel now."

"Good," Buffy replied, unable to think of anything else.

"No."

Buffy opened her eyes in surprise. That hadn't been good? She locked eyes with him and realized what he'd meant. "Spike…"

"Tell me how I make you feel, Buffy."

"Loved."

*** *** ***

Spike and Buffy lay beside each other in silence. Spike reached down, taking her hand in his. Buffy turned then, resting against his chest. She almost told him that the chip no longer worked, but stopped. What if that changed everything? Would he look at her the way he was now if he knew he could hurt her again?

Unaware of the resent change in his existence, Spike wrapped both arms around Buffy, kissing her hair. After a moment, he pulled away. "I need to know something," he said.

"What?"

"Where do I fit in your life?"

"I'm not sure of that myself," Buffy answered truthfully.

"You going to keep kicking me around in front of your Scoobies, then shagging me when their backs are turned?"

"They know. I came clean about us to all of them when we were trying to find you."

"I'm not your dirty little secret?" Spike paused, then asked again, "So what is this then?"

"I told you, I don't know."

"I need more than that! I need to know where I stand with you. I can't take this back and forth anymore. Either we are or we aren't."

"It's not that simple."

"I know you have feelings for me."

"I do," Buffy admitted. "But I'm not sure what we can have." Buffy felt her chest tighten as she realized what still stood between them. She'd saved him, let him back into her bed, but for what? "I'm the Slayer, Spike. I can't be involved with a killer vampire."

Spike decided not to mention Angel. That just tended to put her on the defensive, and that wasn't what he wanted. "I can't hurt anyone, Buffy. You know that."

Buffy flinched. "So it's just the chip, then? That's all that's keeping you from feeding again?"

"No, not the chip. Not the chip. You."

"What do you mean me?"

"You have to ask that? Something's been happening to me since the first time we were together. I've been fighting demons, and it hasn't been because they're all I can hurt these days. It's because of you. You're there in my mind, with me in everything I do, convincing me to do what's right for once. Everywhere I go, I see your face, hear your voice. You're all I bloody think about. Dream about. You're in my gut, in my throat. I'm drowning in you, Summers."

"Spike…"

"Listen to me, Buffy. I know what you think—that I don't have a soul, that I'm just a monster. I guess that's true—I am a monster. But if you'll let me, I can be your monster."

Spike gave her a nervous smile, and for a moment, Buffy thought he looked almost boyish. She wanted to comfort him, smooth back the curls she'd tousled earlier. Buffy knew that if she was honest with herself, she'd admit that she was scared. Not by what Spike was, or what he could do now that the chip wasn't holding him back, but by what she felt when she was with him. She'd let herself fall for a vampire before, and the results had been disastrous.

But then again, Buffy knew that if she'd been in Angelus's arms right then, she wouldn't feel this safe. As much as it pained her to admit it, Buffy knew that even if he'd had a chip, Angelus never would've treated her the way Spike did, never would've loved her. The chip wouldn't have stopped Angelus from finding other ways to hurt her. Most of what he had done to her had been without ever touching her.

And last night… Spike, even when he was half out of his mind with hunger, had refused to feed from her neck. Angel—not even Angelus that time—had until he'd almost drained her.

"I think you can be a man, too."

Spike looked at her, his eyes full of wonder. He'd wanted her to know there was more to him than his demon, but he'd never expected her to. "Thank you," he said softly.

"Hold me for a while, Spike. I just want to be in your arms."

"I won't go anywhere."

Buffy knew that even with all her doubts, that was one thing she could believe.

*** *** ***

Buffy shifted nervously, plucking at the upholstery of Giles's couch. She felt almost as if she was betraying Spike by doing this, but she'd always come to Giles with these sort of things. Didn't see need to now, even though he was no longer technically her Watcher?

"Spike's chip isn't working anymore."

Predictably, Giles began to clean his glasses. "How do you know? Has he been feeding again?"

"No! Riley and I had to turn it off. We had to destroy everything the Initiative had on the chips, actually. You heard what they were going to use them for…"

"Yes, and I agree that that needed to be stopped. But Spike is a threat again. Where is he now?"

"At his crypt."

"Alone?"

"Yeah."

The glasses cleaning resumed. "You've left a vampire—especially one as dangerous as Spike—to roam around completely unchecked?"

"Giles, calm down. He's…"

"Calm down! I think I'm decidedly calm for what you've just told me. I may no longer be a Watcher, but you are still the Slayer. Whatever sort of unnatural attachment you may have formed to Spike, the fact still remains that it is your duty to ensure that he isn't allowed to harm anyone."

"And I will."

"So you'll be soon staking him then?"

"No."

"Buffy, no matter what he may have told you when the chip was preventing him from showing his true nature, Spike is a demon and a killer. He is no different from any other vampire you have fought in the past, and he deserves no better a fate than they had."

"You're wrong, Giles. Spike is different. He's always been different. I think…" Buffy sat up straighter. "I think he can help us, if we just give him the chance."

"Give him the chance? Buffy, listen to yourself! This is William the Bloody, the Slayer of Slayers. To expect anything but evil from him is ludicrous."

"He loves me."

Giles sneered. "He doesn't have a soul."

"Look, I'm not going to debate that point with you. Like you said earlier, I'm the Slayer. This is my call, and I'm giving Spike the benefit of the doubt."

"And therefore risking the lives of countless innocent people. Spike could be feeding right now!"

"Giles, he doesn't even know the chip stopped working."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know."

"He will figure it out."

"I know. And I'll deal with that when it happens. But for now, I know he's trying to be something other than evil."

"Buffy, can you honestly tell me that you trust Spike?"

"I want to."

"Yes, but do you?"

"I'm trying, Giles. And I don't distrust him. He's been saving people. He told me earlier, before he went back to his crypt. You worry about him hurting people, but he's been doing the exact opposite."

"If you can believe anything he says. And even if he has been fighting demons, odds are he's only been taking his aggression out the only way the chip would let him, and putting his spin on it to get what he wants from you."

"He was getting that before he was saving anyone." Buffy felt a small surge of self-satisfaction at the deep blush that sprung to Giles's face.

"And that is another issue entirely. I cannot believe your irresponsibility in this matter. Had I known prior to your encounter with the Mauruk that letting him touch you would lead to this, I would have…"

"Would've what? Would've let me die? Would that have been better for you than me having another vampire as a lover?"

"No! Buffy, you know I wouldn't have let you die."

"Who else could have done it? Xander? You? And then what, there'd be this awkward rift, and, oh, right—I'd be pregnant. Spike saved me that day in more ways than one."

"You think he did that for your benefit? That he made some great sacrifice for you? If anything, he did it out of some perverse desire to bed a Slayer."

"Perverse desire? If that's what it is, then what does it say about a Slayer who's slept with two vampires?"

Giles's patience had reached a breaking point. "I don't know, Buffy. Why don't you tell me?"

Buffy stared at him for a moment, gaping. "I can't believe you just said that."

Giles sighed, wiping his brow. "Buffy, I didn't mean… No, wait, maybe I did. Your behavior is, at best, questionable. You have a sacred duty, and you're cheapening that with your relationship with this thing. Spike is a vampire. You are the Slayer. What you need to do should be simple."

"But it's not! Look, this isn't about me having some weird vampire fetish. If anything, it has more to do with the fact that my job as the Slayer means I spend more time with dead men than living ones. But I feel something with Spike. It may not quite be love, I don't know. But I do know that it isn't merely lust."

"Whatever you think you feel, Buffy, you need to rise above your teenage sensibilities and see Spike for what he is!"

Buffy stood up. "I do, Giles. I see him better than you do. So get this through your head—Spike is with me now, and that means no one will hurt him. Understood?"

"Buffy, you're not acting rationally. If you could just stay away from him, you'd see that…"

"No! God, why aren't you getting this? There will be no me staying away from Spike. Either you accept him as a part of my life, or you step out of it." Buffy surprised herself at her own vehemence in the matter, but Giles's reaction had touched a nerve more than she would have thought possible.

"Buffy…"

"This conversation is over. God, I wish I hadn't even told you that Spike's chip wasn't working."

"It's good that you did."

"Just trust me with him, Giles. I've seen something in him."

"I think you're making a terrible mistake."

"I know you do, but give it time. You'll see that I'm right."

Giles bit his tongue to keep from telling her that in time, it could be too late. Buffy obviously wasn't going to listen to reason. "Fine. But this is one thing that I do not want to be telling you 'I told you so' about."

Buffy gave him a tight smile. "You won't. Look, I need to patrol. I'll come by tomorrow after class, all right?"

"That's fine. Be careful."

"I will."

After Buffy left, Giles went to the phone, dialing quickly.

"Hello, Xander—it's Giles. I need your help with something."

*** *** ***

"Maybe it's hiding over there."

Buffy sighed, sticking the point of her sword in the ground and leaning against the handle. "Xander, you've been dragging me around the woods for almost half an hour. Are you sure you saw a demon out here?"

"Yes. It was a big, nasty demon. With horns—and green scales."

Buffy cocked an eyebrow. "Earlier you said they were blue."

"Green…blue…it's hard to tell in this light."

"What were you doing out here in the woods anyway?"

"Going for a nature walk."

Buffy scrutinized Xander for a moment. He was nervous, and Buffy didn't think it had anything to do with a fear that a demon could attack them at any moment. "What's going on?"

"Nothing!"

"Why so jumpy then?"

Xander's gaze darted around, landing briefly on everything around but Buffy. "I'm not jumpy."

Buffy pulled her sword out of the ground, letting it swing at her side as she walked towards Xander, forcing him back against a tree. "Tell me what's going on."

"There's nothing going…"

"Now!"

"Giles told me to distract you!"

"Distract me? Why would…" The sword fell to the ground. "Spike."

"Buffy…"

Buffy knew she'd have time to yell at Xander later—after she was sure Spike was safe. She turned, running from the woods, ignoring Xander as he called after her.

*** *** ***

Spike woke with the distinct feeling that something was wrong. As he saw a stake plunging towards his heart, he knew what that something was. He reached up, grabbing the stake and knocking his attacker to the ground.

Spike pumped up, looking at the man who'd just tried to dust him. "Watcher?" he asked in disbelief.

Giles didn't say anything, instead getting to his feet, pulling out a second stake, and charging at Spike. Spike fended off Giles again, this time hitting him hard enough to knock the Watcher unconscious.

Spike clutched his head, anticipating pain. It didn't come. He kicked Giles's leg. Not even a slight twinge in his head, never mind the usual blinding pain.

Before Spike had time to contemplate the meaning of this development, Buffy burst into his crypt. She ran to Spike, wrapping her arms so tightly around him that had he not been a vampire, breathing would've been an issue. "I was so worried I'd be too late, and…" Her voice trailed off with a sob.

"Shh. I'm fine, pet. Don't cry. He didn't hurt me."

Buffy loosened her grip slightly, looking up at Spike. "What did happen?"

"Your Watcher tried to stake me in my sleep." Spike stepped back, revealing the unconscious Giles. "It didn't go so well."

"Is he…"

"He's just sleeping, Buffy. When he ran at me the second time, I knocked him out." Spike met Buffy's eyes. "It was surprisingly unpainful for me."

Buffy looked down, away from Spike's intense gaze. "The chip isn't working anymore."

"This happen when you and Soldier Boy took on the Initiative?"

"Yes."

"You weren't going to tell me, were you." It wasn't a question. It was an accusation.

"I was! Maybe." Buffy sighed. "I don't know."

"But you told Giles. That's why he was here today—because you told him I could kill again."

Spike's anger was evident, and Buffy admitted to herself that he had every right to be furious. Her actions had almost gotten him killed. "I'm sorry. I didn't know Giles would try something like this. I never would've told him if I'd thought…"

"What did you think he was going to do? Throw me a 'Welcome Back to the World of Killing' party?"

"I'm sorry! I just didn't think, all right!"

"No, it's not all right! And not just because you told Giles. Because you didn't tell me. What did you think I was going to do, Buffy? Did you honestly think I'd turn my back on this—on us?"

"I…I didn't know what you'd do."

"Then you don't know how much I love you."

"I do! Spike, I do. I just wanted to be…cautious about it."

"Cautious like the way you went and sold me out to your bloody Watcher?"

"I made a mistake! And it's not like I thought you'd definitely go on a killing spree, but…"

"You thought I could."

"Spike, you're a vampire. You kill. It's your nature."

"Take your Watcher and go."

"Spike…"

Spike grabbed Buffy, pinning her up against a sarcophagus, slipping into game face. "Better run, little girl. The vampire might get hungry."

"Spike, please, don't do this."

Spike dropped her, walking away, and disappearing through a trap door on the other side of the crypt. Buffy slumped against the sarcophagus, tears falling down her cheeks. After a few moments, she heard Giles groan as he sat up, clutching his head.

"Buffy?"

Buffy turned, her eyes cold. "How dare you?"

"What I tried to do is what needs to be done. If you weren't so blinded, you'd see that…"

"No. What you tried to do is murder the man that loves me."

"Buffy, that monster…"

"If you go after him again, I'll let him kill you."

Giles's eyes widened. "Buffy, you can't be serious."

"I am. Stay away from Spike. He's my concern—not yours."

"Buffy…"

"Get out of here, Giles."

"Right."

Buffy stayed behind after Giles left, wiping at her eyes as she hoped Spike would come back. He didn't.

Finally, Buffy left the crypt.

*** *** ***

Spike stared into his beer. He wasn't sure what number this was. The bartender had tried to cut him off earlier, but one flash of Spike's demon face had put an end to that.

"You looking for some company, handsome?"

Spike looked at the woman beside him. He could hear her blood pumping in her veins, could imagine what it would taste like filling his mouth. "She thinks I'm not good enough, so why shouldn't I do it?" Spike wondered aloud.

The woman reached down, rubbing Spike's leg. "Exactly, baby. Why shouldn't you?"

Spike picked up his beer, finishing it quickly. He looked at the woman again, giving her a slow smile. "Do you want to come with me?"

"I'd love to baby."

Spike took the hand she had placed on his thigh, leading her out of the bar and into the alley in the back. He brought her into a dark corner, then dropped her hand.

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind," the woman said, her lips curling down into a slight frown. "Why don't we…" She stopped, her words shifting to a scream as Spike's features changed.

Spike spun her around, pressing her back to his front, one hand going over her mouth to muffle her screams. "I was trying to be good for her, you know. I wanted to be a man for her. I loved her so much, but that couldn't just be enough. She couldn't just trust me, couldn't believe what I meant when I told her I loved her."

The woman trembled in Spike's arms, the scent of her fear filling the alley. Spike leaned down, his fangs brushing against her neck before he pulled back up. "I shouldn't give a bloody damn about her. She's the Slayer. I've killed two Slayers in my day. Killed 'em both before I was even a hundred. No other vampire can claim that. And that little bint, she should've been the third. I should've drunk her blood and crushed her bones. Stupid chit!

"But I loved her. I loved her, and she couldn't trust me not to kill!"

Spike leaned in again, biting the woman's soft flesh. The first rush of blood flowed into his mouth, and…

Buffy. He could see her face, could see the look of horror and disappointment that would be in her eyes if she stood in front of him now. He pushed the woman away. Looking at her as she stared up at him, her hand clasping her neck wound.

"I'm…I'm sorry…" Spike said, not sure who he was even apologizing to.

He stumbled out of the alley.

*** *** ***

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

Buffy woke, glancing around her dorm room, disoriented. She was alone, Willow having gone to spend the night with Tara. So where was that noise coming from?

Tap.

The window, Buffy realized. She got out of the bed, going to her window and peeking out just in time to see Spike throw another small rock, hitting the glass. She opened the window. "Spike, what are you doing?"

"I need you, Buffy!"

Buffy blushed at his loud, obviously drunk voice. Anyone awake to hear this was going to have a field day with gossip tomorrow. "Come up here and talk to me," Buffy called back down with a sigh.

Spike smiled at her, then stumbled towards the entrance to the dorm. Buffy sighed, hoping he actually managed to make it up as she shut the window. She went to the mirror, smoothing out her hair. After a few minutes, there was a knock at the door. She opened it, and Spike fell in.

"I'm so sorry, Buffy," he slurred as Buffy struggled to support a drunk, fumbling vampire. "I'm just a bad, bad man."

Buffy sighed, carrying him to her bed. She went back to the door, shutting and locking it before sitting beside Spike, running her fingers through his bleached curls. "No, you're not."

"I am. I am. I tried to feed tonight, Buffy."

Buffy's heart clung to one word. "Tried?"

Spike nodded. "Couldn't do it. You'd hate…you'd hate me forever. Couldn't…couldn't go on like that."

"I know. And I believe that you can change—that you can change for me. I…I love you, William."

Spike stared at her. "Buffy…no, you don't mean that. I was going to kill a girl tonight. I was going to kill her."

"Did you?"

"No."

"You faced the monster inside of you, and you fought back. The others may not believe you can be a better man, but I do. I do. I believe in you, Spike."

"Buffy…"

"No, just listen to me, okay? You said you loved me, and I know what that means. I did from the beginning, I was just scared. But I'm not afraid anymore. And you don't have to be either. You're not alone anymore. I'm here with you now, and no matter what we have to face in the future, we will—together."

Buffy looked down at Spike's face, realizing that he was crying. She leaned down, kissing a tear as it rolled down his cheek. She stood up, taking off his boots and then his shirt. When she reached for his belt buckle, Spike gave her a questioning look.

"Pet?"

"I want you to sleep here with me tonight. I need you holding me."

Spike nodded and let her finished undressing him. She then took off her own clothes before slipping beside him in the bed.

"I love you, Buffy," Spike said as she nestled into his arms.

Buffy placed a soft kiss on his neck. "I love you, too."

*** *** ***

Buffy woke still in Spike's arms. He was sleeping peacefully, a small smile on his lips.

"This is perfect," Buffy thought. "This is happiness."

She kissed him gently before lying against his chest again. She knew they had a rough road ahead of them, but she still believed what she'd told him the night before. They'd make it through together.

Buffy knew Spike didn't have a soul, but she found that that bothered her less than she thought it would, now that she'd let herself accept Spike in her life. He didn't need a soul. He loved her. She loved him.

And that was enough.

*** *** ***

And that folks, is the end. Hope you liked it! Leave a review or send me an email to let me know what you thought!

Thanks for reading!