The Things We Do For Love,
Part Three
Robyn
The phone rang, interrupting my workout. “Hello?” I answered, out of breath.
“Hey sexy!”
“Oh hold on, sir, you must want Carey.”
“Guess what, babe?”
“You ran over Shania Twain with your bus?” I guessed hopefully.
“If only. No, actually it’s even better.”
“Better? That’s possible?”
“Believe it or not, yes,” he assured me.
“The only thing better would be you here right now.”
“Would you settle for next Thursday?” I could feel him smiling.
I squealed. “Oh my God, are you serious? How did you manage that?”
“Hey, I’m a star, I just snap my fingers, baby.” I rolled my eyes.
“You are so cocky sometimes!”
“I know, but you love me.”
We talked a few minutes longer before saying our goodbyes, then I went back to my morning workout. I was excited - not just to see AJ, but for him to see me. I’d made a lot of changes. I’d dropped three sizes in two months and the weight just kept coming off. Not that it had much of a choice - I was only eating one meal a day and exercising up to two hours. I was tired - really tired - but happy.
Time flew by as I finished my morning workout with ease, then pranced out onto the balcony where Carey was reading a book. “Hey,” she greeted, looking up and smiling.
“Hiii,” I sang, falling into our other lawn chair.
“And why are you so happy?”
“Because AJ’s coming to visit next week,” I proclaimed. Carey’s smile widened.
“Ooo, lucky girl!”
“I know,” I dreamily sighed.
“Made any plans yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Knowing that boy, he’ll sweep into town with the romantic night in mind - roses, fancy dinner, stroll in the moonlight...do you want me gone when you come home?” she teased.
I tried to get lost in the image but two tiny words held me back - fancy dinner. AJ would want to go someplace nice, he was always so sick of catered meals. The only meal I had been eating was breakfast. If I didn’t eat AJ would get really suspicious, and probably angry once he found out my new regime. I had to come up with a plan.
“Hello? Robyn?” Cary called out, breaking me out of my thoughts. I shook my head quickly and she laughed. “Lost in a fantasy much? I’m definitely going to make myself scarce.”
I laughed, standing. “Nah, if you can stand the animal cries of passion you can stay,” I told her.
Carey laughed too. “I’ll warn the Mackenzies downstairs.”
* * * * * *
Late that night, long after Carey had gone to bed, I stealthily made my way into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I was embarrassed in a way, but desperate too. Sitting down on the edge of the tub I slowly ate the sandwich I had brought in with me. It was so hard not to scarf it down because the second I swallowed I remembered how hungry I was, but only halfway through I was already full. I looked at my watch - I had about fifteen minutes to wait. Patiently I stared off into space and my mind wandered where it would, which was of course to AJ. Thinking about him always killed lots of time and sooner than I expected 25 minutes had passed. Standing again, I raised the seat on the toilet. “Here goes nothing,” I whispered.
The last time I had tried this was in high school. Nothing had happened aside from a lot of coughing so I had never attempted again. I closed my eyes and placed two fingers as far on the back of my tongue as I could and held them there. Immediately the gagging reflex kicked in, closing my throat. My eyes and my mouth began watering uncontrollably and I wanted nothing more than to take my fingers from my mouth, but I couldn’t. Slowly my stomach began to heave - little spasms and first, then huge turns. Suddenly I knew, and I took my fingers away. With tears streaming I threw up the meager contents of my stomach.
After I finished I rinsed my mouth out and checked my watch. Two minutes - no different than an ordinary trip to the bathroom. I felt euphoric, like someone had given me the greatest gift ever and my only stipulation on keeping it was that I couldn’t tell anyone about it. I returned to my room, grabbing my pajamas from my closet. I caught sight of my reflection in the small mirror that had become the center of my revamped collage. A red, puffy face with cheeks still damp with tears peered back at me curiously. I chanced a smile at her, which she returned hesitantly, and studied the new items that made up my collage.
Gone were the recipes and inspirational sayings. Now nasty emails and fan reports made up the background, with particularly mean bits highlighted in a variety of colors. Over there words cut from magazines were peppered - “ugly”, “worthless” and “cow” were just a few. I’d also put up my least favorite pictures of myself and my favorite pictures of AJ. That night I felt triumphant over all these things. I knew a secret, a horribly wonderful secret. Now I could eat - at least sometimes - and still be OK, and despite the disgusting thing I had just done I felt proud too.
AJ
I spotted Robyn at the airport before she spotted me. She stood as if she were somehow on display and nervous about it. Her hands were clenched in front of her and one foot and tucked itself behind the other. She was biting her lip and glancing around, wearing her usual baggy t-shirt and jeans. I could’ve sworn she’d lost a little weight, but so far away I still wasn’t sure. All in all she looked so lovingly vulnerable I wanted to hold her and never let go.
Finally her eyes found me and her entire face lit up. My smile widened and I quickened my pace. I held my arms open as I approached and she nearly flew to me. I was surprised - there was less of her to hold. She had lost a good deal of weight. When we parted after we kissed I noticed her face was slimmer too. She was still smiling but there were shadowy areas under her eyes that gave her face a certain sadness. But I had made a command decision to mention her appearance as little as possible. Maybe a compliment here and there, but I didn’t want her to think that I felt she had to do anything about the way she looked to make me happy.
“How are you?” I asked, kissing her again.
“Wonderful now that you’re here,” she said softly, running her hand along my face. “You?”
“Even better than wonderful now that I’m here with you,” I whispered in her ear, kissing her neck. She giggled and blushed a little. I loved how easy it was to turn her red. As we started walking towards the luggage carousel I tucked my arm comfortably around her. She flinched a little.
“You OK?” I asked.
“Yeah, fine,” she replied automatically, giving me a quick smile and, a second later cuddling against me. “I’m just fine.”
* * * * * *
I sat across from Robyn in the dim restaurant watching her. She was chewing slowly, looking around but taking quick glances my way every minute or so. We had been together all day and she had seemed fine overall, but there were these moments that kept happening...I couldn’t pinpoint why they felt awkward, just that they did. Robyn appeared happy, in no way discouraged or depressed, but her weight loss still bothered me. I had (luckily), always been thin, so I wasn’t really sure what a normal pace was for losing weight. It felt like she had lost a lot in not long at all, and what about those dark circles under her eyes?
Suddenly Robyn laughed. “Not to be totally obnoxious, but take a picture, it lasts longer,” she teased.
“What?” I asked, still a little dazed.
“You were staring at me.”
“I know.” I smiled.
“Well just as long as you’re aware.” She laughed again, her brow furrowed. “You’re acting bizarre.”
I feigned hurt. “Me? Bizarre?”
“I know, what a concept.” She stood up. “I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be right back. If the waiter comes back he can take my plate.”
“All right.” She blew me a kiss as she walked away. I studied her plate quickly. Most of her food was gone. That made me happy. An idea struck me as I watched Robyn weave her way to the bathroom. I hunted down our waiter and paid our bill, then hustled over to the door to the ladies’ room.
A few minutes later Robyn came out and I pulled her to me. For a split second I could’ve sworn she looked panicked, but as quickly as the look came it passed. “Hey there stranger,” she said quietly.
“Hey yourself.” I kissed her. “Mm, such minty fresh breath - you plan on kissing someone tonight?”
Robyn smiled. “Maybe.”
“So, what would you like to do now?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow. Robyn’s smile widened.
“Well, if we were following Carey’s gameplan, the fancy dinner would be followed by a moonlight stroll, then back to my place.”
I leaned in til my lips just touched her ear. “What do you say we skip the moonlight stroll?”
Robyn’s face slowly turned pink and I kissed her again, ignoring the stares of the women leaving the bathroom. When we parted she was still grinning. “I think your gameplan sounds even better,” she said.
“Me too,“ I agreed. I took her hand and pulled her towards the door, bothof us laughing the whole way.
* * * * * *
Early the next morning I woke up to the feel of Robyn wriggling out of my arms. I rolled over, trying to fall back asleep, but soon the sound of her panting forced my eyes open. I pulled myself to the edge of her bed and looked down to see her doing sit-ups.
“Baby, what’re you doing?” I asked, yawning.
“Exercising.”
“Why?”
“’Cause,” she managed.
“If you come back to bed I’ll help you exercise,” I said wryly. She stopped just long enough to roll her eyes at me.
“No dice, sex fiend.”
“I am not a sex fiend,” I protested. Robyn didn’t reply, only flipped over and started doing push-ups. “Come on, retard, come back to bed. You don’t need to do that.”
“I’ll be done soon,” was all she’d say. I fell onto my back, staring at the ceiling. I felt a tiny knot building in my stomach but didn’t know why. She was exercising - big deal. I’d seen her eat. But still, something about it all felt off-kilter. Finally Robyn crawled back into bed and I took her in my arms.
“You know I love you, right?” I asked softly, brushing her hair back from her face. She smiled and nodded.
“I love you too,” she responded. I started tracing her facial features and she closed her eyes, stll smiling softly. I thought it was to savor the moment, but just before I kissed her I realized she had fallen back asleep. Sighing, a little frustrated, I ran my hand gently up and down her arm and willed myself back to sleep too.
* * * * * *
At the airport Robyn and I kissed and held hands and basically acted nauseatingly lovey-dovey. I loved it. I was whispering in her ear for the thousandth time how much I’d miss her when I saw a girl of about 15 approaching us. “Great,” I muttered.
Robyn patted my back. “Be nice.”
“Um, are you AJ? From the Backstreet Boys?” the girl asked hesitantly.
“Yep, that’s me,” I said, pulling away from Robyn a little and trying not to sigh in annoyance. At least she hadn’t screamed, yet.
“Could I have your autograph?” she asked, looking at Robyn, who smiled at her.
“Sure.” I quickly took the pen and paper she held out and scrawled my name. I smiled as I handed it back to her, hoping she’d leave.
“Thanks,” shes aid, glancing at Robyn again.
“Yes, this is my girlfriend,” I told her, answering the question her eyes kept asking.
“Oh. Hi,” the girl said, looking surprised. Robyn gave her a small wave, still grinning.
“Hey.”
“Well, we’ve gotta get going, see ya later,” I said hurriedly, taking Robyn’s hand as we started walking towards my departure gate. A second later I saw a flash go off from behind us and I spun around.
“Someone just took a picture of us,” I said as I searched for the photographer.
“And that surprises you?” Robyn wondered. “Even I’m starting to get used to it.”
I peered at her. “People take pictures of you?” I questioned, surprised although I knew it happened.
“You think you’re the only celebrity here? You’ve never heard of the ‘We Hate Robyn Hayes’ website?”
I grinned. “Are you serious?”
Robyn shrugged. “Right now it’s just a sub-page of the ‘We Hate Backstreet Girlfriends’ site, but it’s gaining in popularity,” she explained.
I laughed, for lack of something better to do and to cover my shock. Robyn had never mentioned anything flat-out like that before. It made me wonder why she knew about it. When we reached my gate I set my bag down and wrapped my arms around her waist.
“I’ll miss you,” she said into my shoulder.
“Me too, babe,” I seconded, kissing the top of her head. “Got another awards show in a month, by the way. I know you’re gonna come.” Robyn moaned and I tugged lightly at her hair.
“Fine,” she conceded, looking up into my eyes, “but I will not enjoy it.”
“Deal.” I heard my boarding call. “I gotta go. Call you later?”
“You better,” she returned, trying to act flippant. I kissed her again and turned to go, then stopped suddenly.
“Robyn?”
“Yeah?”
I took a step closer. “You know if you ever need me...need anything, day or night, I’m there, right?” I asked. She nodded.
“I know, AJ.”
“OK.” I touched her cheek then started away again. Before I entered the jetway I looked back at her again. ‘I love you,’ I mouthed.
‘I love you too,’ she silently replied.
As I sat on the plane I pondered the past two days. I had seen Robyn - she looked different, but she was OK. She was facing an unfair shre of harassment, but she was dealing with it. Although something in my gut warned me to not completely let it go, I chalked it up to being overprotective and let out a much needed sigh of relief.
Part Four
