He didn’t know how long he sat there with the knife. It weighed a little heavily in his hand, but he ignored the feeling and just examined the blade. It was sharp, serrated – no. Not quite. It had a special edge. An edge meant to cut clean, hard, and fast.
He’d bought it as a birthday present for himself, with some of the money he’d gotten. It had been a rather expensive knife; he supposed it was due to the high quality of the metal or something. Shrugging, he put it to his wrist.
The man said it had been the same kind of steel that they used in surgery. It could cut through bone if you pressed a little harder than normal. It could certainly saw through flesh, stringy muscle and flushed blood vessels.
“Just a quick one.” he smiled to himself. “Just to see.” he tilted the blade up until it gleamed under the dull overhead light. He could see himself reflected in the knife; he was a mess. Make-up streaming down his face, mixed with sweat and tears, lipstick all down his cheeks and chin. Like he’d cut himself already.
Turning back to the task at hand, he grinned a little and opened his mouth. “Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me…”
“Yeah, yeah, seventeen, I’m old now.” Robert rolled his eyes and flopped backwards into the grass, crossing his arms behind his head. “Old and gray hair already.”
“Silly.” Simon laughed, waving a small box in his face. “Got you something.”
“Oy, stop that. You’re going to break my nose.” Robert scowled playfully and sat up again, dodging the younger boy’s playful swat. “What is it?”
“Open it and see.” Robert had the distinct notion that Simon had wanted to add a very rude word to the end of that sentence, but ignored it. He took the box and slid away the ribbon.
“You got me a cake?” he paused and blinked, staring at the large chocolate circle sitting innocently in the box. Then his lips turned upward and he laughed. “Simon, I…Christ, I haven’t even known you what, seven months? If that?”
“So what?” Simon grinned, producing a couple of large forks from his bag. “It only took six months’ pocket-money. I don’t get very much of it, so…”
“Oh Simon.” Robert suddenly felt guilty. “I…er…”
“Don’t do that, man. It’s okay.” Simon punched his shoulder lightly, setting the cake-box down on the grassy hill they’d run off to, flattening the box like a tray and handing Robert a fork. “Dig in! It’s supposed to be really good!”
The older boy sighed wistfully, and then obeyed. It was good. “Mmm s’great…”
Simon laughed again and dug in as well. Between the two of them they easily finished it; it hadn’t been very big to begin with.
After it was gone, Robert lay back in the grass again. “You know, I don’t know why I let you talk me into this, but I suppose it’s better than sitting through another Latin class.”
Simon grinned, mouth covered in chocolate. “I’ll make sure you get back in time for Drama at the end of the day. Didn’t you tell me you fancied one of the girls?”
“Mary.” Robert closed his eyes and tilted his head back. “She’s…”
Simon laughed hysterically, shoving Robert sideways. The older boy let out a yell of protest, but it was too far; he tumbled down the hill and landed in a heap below. “Owch!”
“Oops.” Simon grinned at him from the top. “Sorry, Rob! It was an accident!”
“Accident my ass!” he snarled, sitting up and charging up the hill. “I’ll get you for that!”
The younger boy let out a shriek as Robert grabbed him and rolled them both down, play-fighting as they fell over the bumps and landed messily at the bottom. “I win!”
“No you don’t!” Simon declared, wrestling Robert to get on top. He wouldn’t let his friend win so easily. He wriggled and tickled and kicked his way up, finally topping Robert.
“No fair! You’re stronger than you look.” Robert scowled, glaring up at the other boy. Simon’s eyes glittered with mirth. “I know. Do you yield?”
“No!”
Simon began to tickle him. “Ack! No! Stop! Ahhh!”
“Do you yield?!”
“Never!”
Simon’s grin bordered on a rather evil leer. “Then I won’t stop!”
The older boy could barely breathe by now. “Okay! Okay! Stop! I yield!”
Simon sat up, bracing his legs on either side of Robert’s hips. “I win.” he grinned.
“Fine.” Robert rolled his eyes, still wheezing a bit. “Cheeky bastard. Now let me up.”
“No.”
“Ohhh, what now?” Robert flopped back, going limp and just glaring up at Simon. The sun was behind his friend’s head and it was difficult to see the younger boy’s expression.
“Haven’t finished giving you your presents yet.”
“You got me more?” suddenly the guilt was weighing even heavier. “Oh Simon. You really, really shouldn’t have…when’s your birthday…?”
“June.” his expression had turned unreadable, but Robert didn’t really notice.
“…June then, I’ll have to get you a cake, and something else too, God, you really, really – ”
He was cut off by something warm, wet, and chocolate-y against his lips. He froze, his mind ticking frantically through a list of possible subjects. Cake was gone. Simon hadn’t had anything in his hands.
Oh God. Oh God.
Simon was kissing him.
Kissing him!
Right there in the middle of the park!
He had no idea what to do, so he just lay there, and blinked upwards. The sun was still in his eyes, so he couldn’t see into the dark of Simon’s expression. All he knew was that he could taste warm, melted chocolate at his lips, on his tongue…
Oh God.
Simon’s tongue was in his mouth.
He couldn’t breathe; he shoved the younger boy upwards and tried to crawl back and away, but Simon held him still, under his legs.
“Jesus bloody fucking Christ, Simon, what the fuck was that?”
Simon laughed airily. Robert still couldn’t see his face properly, due to the sun. “It’s called a kiss, Rob; I would’ve thought you’d known what a kiss was by now.”
“Never been kissed by a friend before, not by a bloke!” he pointed out, rubbing at his lips and licking them. He could still taste the chocolate…and Simon’s mouth. “I’m not a fag! I like girls!”
“So do I, Rob.” Simon shrugged, pointing at himself lazily. “But I like you, too.”
“Simon, we…I barely even know you!” Robert pointed out, still trying to wriggle away. “Fun’s over now, I’m done, let’s go…”
Simon went quiet, then tilted his head and crawled off of Robert. The older boy sat up, and finally caught a glimpse of Simon’s expression.
His friend was in tears.
“Simon?”
“You really didn’t like it?”
“Simon I don’t go around kissing blokes! You’re not supposed to! What would the others think? Christ what would Mary think?” he was worried for a moment.
“Mary doesn’t have to know.” Simon crawled a bit closer, sitting beside Robert, who shied away a bit, uneasily. “Nobody has to know…just us…just our secret…”
“Did someone put you up to this? ‘Cos I swear, if it was that Jack, I’ll beat him up for you or something…”
“No, no – Rob, I did this ‘cos I wanted to…I like you…” Simon leaned in and kissed his lips again.
Robert went very still; Simon had draped his arms very lightly across and around the older boy’s shoulders as he kissed deeper, trailing that hot, soft, moist tongue deeper around inside his mouth…
He couldn’t say he hated the feeling. But this was Simon! A bloke! A bloke he barely even knew, really…only since the beginning of the last school year…
Robert broke out of his reverie to find himself kissing Simon back.
“God…what am I doing?” he forced himself to pull away and back, alarmed to find his arms had wound themselves around the younger boy’s waist without his knowledge.
Simon swallowed, looking at Robert with pleading eyes. “Doing what comes…what comes naturally.”
The older boy winced. “Simon, I’m sorry…I don’t think I can – ” he couldn’t resist; he kissed those trembling, kiss-swollen lips and tasted Simon’s delicious mouth. The chocolate was gone by now, but he didn’t care, the younger boy’s mouth was just as sweet without it. He both heard and felt Simon's moan, and it drove a shockingly fast, burning path straight to his cock.
Alarmed and unsure, he broke away to breathe, glancing down at his hips; Simon tilted his head back up. "Mmm?"
"Simon, I..." how could he explain that? But Simon's hand was going down his front, effortlessly sliding the zip of his pants down, making him gasp and kiss the younger boy again as he drew out his arousal. Robert let out a throaty moan himself, arching into his friend's warm, gentle hands. He would've expected them to be rougher, tougher, a boy's hands. Instead they were smooth, soft.
Simon began to jerk him off, and it was better than anything he'd ever done. He broke away to breathe once more and tilted his head down to watch. Robert bit his lip and stole a glance at the younger boy's groin; the buldge there told him Simon was suffering too.
Oh God. Can I do this? Can I do this?
He reached a hand down and fumbled with Simon's zipper; it finally slid down and he put his hand inside. The boy whimpered into his mouth, and it gave him an extra little spark of courage; he drew out Simon's arousal. To calm his crackling head he pretended it was his own, nothing more than a hand-job, it was something that came...naturally.
Simon came first. Robert could feel spattering wetness against his hand; he shuddered and kissed the boy hard as he felt his own release. For a few moments they lay together in silence, still locked at the lips and hips by their hands. Then, Robert sat up and helped his friend to sit, wiping away the mess with some of the long grass, throwing it into a ditch.
"I've decided what you can give me for my birthday." Simon said. "It's June first."