Yesterday a child came out to wander
Caught a dragonfly inside a jar
Fearful when the sky was full of thunder
And tearful at the falling of a star...
[Summer, 1975]
Simon sat at the kitchen table, pouting and munching listlessly on the carrots he’d been ordered to eat. “Stupid carrots…”
“Hallo, Simon.” It was his neighbor from two doors down. Steve, the older boy with white-blond hair and a nasty, evil grin.
“Go ‘way, Steve! You’re mean!”
Steve only grinned wider and stole Simon’s carrot. “How’s our little princess Simon today, mmm?”
Simon pouted, but was glad he had one less carrot to deal with. “I’m not a princess, Steve, I’m a boy!”
The blond moved around to the back of the chair and tugged up the back of Simon’s skirt. “You don’t look it.”
Simon swatted at Steve’s hand. “Don’t! I’m playing dress-up!”
The older boy shrugged, and then grinned darkly. “Want a sweetie?”
Simon eyed Steve suspiciously. “…Yes.” The older boy offered a lollipop. “Here.” Simon paused for a moment, then snatched it, unwrapped it, and popped it in his mouth. He sucked away, still watching Steve out of the corner of his eye.
Steve’s grin widened. “You always want something in your mouth, eh Simon?”
Simon made a little muffled confused-angry noise. “Muff!”
“What’s that?”
“I said – “
Robert burst through the back door, nearly tripping in his eagerness. “I brought it! I brought it, Steve!”
Simon hopped off the chair and hurried over. “Watcher got there?”
Robert set it down on the kitchen table. “Steve said he’d show me magic tricks if I brought him mummy's make-up bag.”
Simon giggled with glee. “Ooooh, magic?! I wanna see! I wanna see magic!”
Steven laughed. “You’ll see. Sit in the chair, Simon.”
Simon sat obediently, wriggling with excitement.
“Sit still, Simon.”
Robert knelt on another chair at the side of the kitchen table, watching closely. Steve dug through the purse and emerged with a compact. “Here we are. Simon, tilt your head back and close your eyes.”
“Okay.” Simon obeyed.
Steve gently painted Simon’s face with the make-up, eye shadow and blusher. “Keep your eyes closed.”
Robert giggled through his hands. Simon sniffed impatiently.
Steve found a mascara tube, thought about it for a moment, then nodded to himself. “Simon, hold still.” He delicately began to apply it.
Simon giggled. “That feels weird…”
“Hush. I’m working magic.”
Simon grinned excitedly as Steve dug around for a tube of lipstick. “Are you finished yet?”
“Almost.” He found it. “Push your lips out.”
“Like this?”
“Perfect.” Steve tenderly applied the lipstick to Simon’s pout. “Done!”
Simon giggled and bounced off the chair to go look at himself in the hallway mirror. Robert and Steve trailed him. “Eeeeeek! I look so pretty!”
Robert nodded, bouncing as well. “You look like my mum!”
“Such a pretty little girl…”
“I told you! I’m a boy!”
“Not anymore you aren’t.” Steve pointed to Simon’s reflection. “I turned you into a girl with magic. See?”
Simon went deathly quiet. He went up to the mirror and touched his reflection with trembling fingers. “Y-y-you turned me into a g-g-girl?”
“Yeah.” That wicked grin.
“Oh wow! That IS magic!” Robert exclaimed.
Tears welled up in Simon’s eyes. “I ...I don't wanna be a girl! Get it off! Get it off!” He began to rub furiously at it. Steve realized it was semi-permanent, and wouldn’t rub away without remover…and also realized how much trouble he’d be in if he stuck around.
“I’m off.”
Robert hugged Simon tightly. “I'll still be your friend even though you're a girl now...”
“I don't wanna be a girl...”
“S’okay…”
Simon sniffed and buried his face in Robert’s shoulder. “What will my mummy and daddy say?”
Robert shook his head. “Don't worry, I'll make Steve change you back before they get home from work...”
Simon looked up, eyes shining. “You will? Yay!”
“But if he can't change you back, you can grow up with me and marry me, now that you're a girl! Watcher say?” Robert asked excitedly.
Simon positively got stars in his eyes. “Ooooh, you'll marry me 'cos I'm a girl now? Yes! Yay!”
Robert hugged Simon again. “Say, Si, now that you're a girl...can I kiss you?”
Simon giggled madly and blushed brightly. “Oh…oh, sure!” Robert kissed him lightly on the cheek and Simon positively squealed with excitement.
“And when we get married I wanna live in a big house, with lots of windows, and frilly things, and we'll be in love for ever and ever!”
“ Aww, heehee. Loveoo Si.” He shyly kissed Simon on the lips.
Simon paused and went quiet. “…Robin?”
“I…I’ve seen mummy and daddy do that…you like it?”
Simon blushed brighter. “It feels nice…”
Robert brightened. “I like it too!” he kissed Simon’s lips again, and then held him tightly. “Loveoo!”
[Later that evening, after dinner, after their parents came home and Simon got cleaned up and a lecture and shown that he was still a boy...]
Simon was very, very quiet as he met Robert in the backyard. “Um…Robin?”
“Si? Are you a boy again?” he pouted.
Simon blushed and wobbled. “I…I was never a girl…Steve’s magic didn’t work, I was always a boy…”
Robert wrinkled up his nose. “I kissed a boy! Ewwww!” he wiped his mouth on the back of his arm frantically.
Simon began to cry. “But…but Robin…I thought…I thought you said…”
Robert was cross. “That was when I thought you were a girl! Now that you’re a boy – it’s gross!”
Simon cried harder. “But…but it was so nice! I liked it! It wasn’t gross! I thought you loved me!”
Robert shifted from foot to foot, getting misty-eyed as well. “I…I’m sorry…”
Simon couldn’t stop sobbing. Robert bit his lip and opened his arms, and Simon practically fell into them, pressing himself close. “I wanna be with you…”
Robert took Simon’s hand and led him to their tree house, pulling him up and in. They sat together in one corner, holding each other tightly. “Yeah, but we can’t get married now.”
“Oh yeah.”
Robert hugged Simon. “I think I still love you, though.”
Simon smiled, and nuzzled under Robert’s chin. “I love you…love you forever!” he threw his arms around Robert’s neck and kissed him.
Robert grinned and giggled and cuddled. “Love you…”
[They slowly fall asleep, and are brought to bed by their parents. We see Robert put to bed, then pan up to his window]
Then the child grew ten times 'round the seasons
Skated over ten clear-frozen streams
Words like "when you're older" must appease him
And promises of "some day" make his dreams...
[A rock suddenly hits the window, and we pan down to see Robert jerk awake, clearly aged to about thirteen or fourteen]
“Psst! Robin! Robin wake up!”
Robert blinked and wriggled out of bed, going over to the window. “Si? Watcher want, it's nearly one in the morning...”
Simon was terrified, biting his fingernails. “I…I wet the bed!”
Robert stared blankly for a moment. “…What? Si, you just turned thirteen. Why did you wet the bed?”
Simon shook his head. “I don’t know! I just woke up and…and it was all wet!”
Robert sighed. “Fine. I'll come over and change your sheets, like when we were little...”
Simon grinned and went round his back door to let Robert in. They went upstairs together, tiptoeing, and Robert helped him strip down the sheets.
“Remember when you first asked me to do this? So your mum wouldn't find out you still weren't using the toilet at night?”
Simon grinned and chuckled weakly. “Yeah…”
Robert inspected the sheets as he brought them into the bathroom to wash. “Um…Si…”
“Yeah? What is it?”
“This…um, this isn’t…” Robert didn’t know how to put it. “You didn’t…um, this isn’t like before, when you wet the bed…”
Simon was confused at first, and then realization dawned on him. “Oh. Ohhhh…” he blushed.
Robert found himself blushing uncomfortably as well. “I…” he helped Simon take the sheets back and put them on the bed, clean. “I don't think we should do this any more...you're...I'm...dad says this means we're men now, we can't be like kids any more...”
Simon wobbled slightly, lower lip trembling as he looked at Robert. “I...does this mean you won't...?”
Robert shook his head, looking out the window. “We're grown-up, now, Si, we can't be in love any more.”
Simon burst into a veritable flood of tears, sinking down onto his bed. “I don’t wanna grow up! This isn’t fair!” he beat his pillow. “I love you!”
Robert sighed, crawling into the bed beside Simon. “Shhh. Si, don’t cry…” He stroked Simon’s hair. “I…I still love you…”
Simon looked up. “B-but you said…”
Robert smiled weakly. “Just don’t tell anyone, okay? Our little secret…”
Simon wiped his nose and smiled. “Okay, I won’t tell…” he leaned over, paused, and then kissed Robert on the lips.
Robert jerked away sharply. “No, Si. We can’t do that. It means something different now.”
Simon shifted. “I…I know what it means, I'm taking that class in school too, you know...”
Robert licked his lip where Simon had kissed him, nervously.” Then...then why did you still do it?”
Simon fought the urge to start crying again. “Because...because...I don't know why...I just...I like you, I like you like I'm supposed to like girls. But I don't like girls, I like you!”
Robert swallowed hard. “I…oh.”
Simon touched Robert’s cheek softly. “I...you know how we're supposed to be curious about girls and stuff, and…and get...and…” he blushed fiercely. “I...when I wet the bed...I...I...” he blurted it out. “I was dreaming about you!”
Robert gasped, then winced and sighed, looking at Simon sadly.
“I’m sorry…”
“No, no, there’s…” Robert swallowed. “There’s nothing wrong with that. I…um…wow. I just never thought it would be me…”
Simon paused. “You…you knew?”
Robert nodded. “I took a guess. You never looked at girls like I did. You know, I do like girls, not boys…but…but…but I do like you. Just you.”
Simon smiled through his tears. “Oh, Robin…”
Robert looked at Simon’s lips, then his eyes, and then leaned in close, slowly bringing his lips to Simon’s.
Simon made a little moaning noise in the back of his throat and kissed back, hugging him tightly.
Robert kissed Simon a little deeper, pressing just a little closer, until he felt Simon’s hard-on. He jerked away as if he’d been burned. “Si! Um – we – we – “
Simon blushed crimson with shame. “I’m sorry…”
Robert grit his teeth and closed his eyes tightly, willing away his own hardness. “Oh, Simon…”
Simon realized. “Robin…Don’t fight me…” he kissed Robert again, deeply, reaching a hand down.
Robert tried to move away again, but broke when he saw Simon’s tears. “I love you.” He kissed him again, and then slid his hands up under Simon’s pajama top.
Simon began to tremble and shake. “Ohhh…”
Robert swallowed hard, taking off Simon’s pajama top, and then his own, kicking his bottoms off and resting his hands on the waistband of Simon’s pants. “Si…Si…do you…?”
Simon was trembling so hard. “Please…”
Robert choked and fairly ripped off Simon’s pants, grinding their hard-ons together, stifling his groan in Simon’s neck. Simon held tightly to Robert’s hips, bucking upward and sobbing quietly, shaking with need.
Robert fisted his hands in Simon’s hair, kissing the boy deeply, hungrily.
Simon bucked and ground and pleaded. “Robin…”
“Wh-what?”
“T-touch me…”
Robert bit his lip, reached his hand down…
Simon sobbed, head thrown back in ecstasy. “Oh Robin! Yes! Yes! YES!” he came noisily between them. Robert shuddered and came too, unable to hold back any longer. He lay on top of Simon for what seemed like hours, shaking so hard and clinging to his friend for dear life.
“I love you…”
“Love you too…”
Sixteen springs and sixteen summers gone now
Cartwheels turn to car-wheels through the town
And they tell him; "Take your time - it won't be long now
'Till you drag your feet to slow the circles down..."
[And we cut to: hotel room, interior view. Door bursts open and the two men stumble through, tangled in each other's arms, frantically trying to get their clothes off]
Robert was panting hard. “Si, Si, I can’t hold it much longer…”
Simon was too busy ripping off Robert’s trousers, pulling him back on to the bed. “God, then don’t – don’t wait – fuck me!”
Robert sobbed in his throat and shoved Simon’s pants down, both of them still wearing their shirts. “Ah!”
Simon looped his legs around Robert’s hips, grinding upwards against him. “Fuck me now!”
Robert bit Simon’s throat and shoved in, grunting and shivering.
“OH GOD!” Simon screamed and arched hard, clutching at Robert’s back, scratching him through his dress shirt. Robert kissed him to muffle the screams, fucking him fast and deep and hard.
Simon bucked his hips up, totally abandoning himself, scrabbling for grip. “Fuck! FUCK! HARDER!”
Robert gasped and groaned, pounding as hard and as fast as he possibly could, knowing he couldn’t last much longer.
Simon sobbed and bucked again under Robert, coming with a deep, bone aching shudder, sprawling back against the pillows.
Robert let out a bestial snarl and came hard, kissing Simon desperately, holding him tightly.
Simon slowly came down, opening his eyes blearily and chuckled weakly, wriggling out from the rest of his clothes and helped Robert out of his own. “Hahaha, wow…from the stage to the hotel room to the bed in what, ten minutes flat. That has to be some sort of record.”
Robert laughed and wrapped his arms and legs around Simon, both of them totally naked under the sheets, clothes forgotten on the floor. “And what, you’re going to start shouting about it from the hilltops?”
Simon grinned and tweaked Robert’s nose. “Heehee, why shouldn’t I start boasting about what a wonderful lover you are? After all – you are mine!”
“All yours.”
“Oh, and Mary’s too, I suppose.” Simon pondered, then smiled and nuzzled into Robert’s neck.
“Yeah, I love her.” Robert sighed. “You don’t mind, do you?”
“I don’t mind sharing.” He laughed. “I’m a good boy.”
“I love you, you know that?”
“Mmm-hmm. And it just keeps getting more and more wonderful every time you tell me.”
Robert cuddled closer. “Promise me you’ll never leave me…?
Simon nodded. “Never again. I always want to be with you…I’ll always love you, Robin.”
Robert laughed. “Seems that song was written for the both of you, not just Mary.”
Simon kissed him. “You are so wonderful…”
Robert blushed. “And you're silly. Remember when we were kids and you thought that just by putting make-up on, Steve turned you into a girl?”
Simon blushed madly. “Oh! Oh yeah...Christ...that man is evil…”
Robert smoothed Simon’s hair back. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it…”
Simon purred in contentment. “And the first time we made love, for real? I think we were sixteen? And you held my hand and said I was your boyfriend?”
Robert laughed, kissing him. “Yeah, I remember. So what’s with this trip down memory lane?”
Simon pouted. “Because I can’t remember where we first made love!”
Robert took Simon’s hands in his, rubbing his thumbs tenderly over the backs of Simon’s palms. “Wasn’t that the summer we went to camp? I think we snuck out of our cabins and met in the woods…
Simon blushed. “Oh yeah! Poison ivy in the worst places…”
Robert kissed him, chuckling. “But it was worth it, I’d say.”
“Oh yes, it was definitely worth it!”
“I was so scared…”
“You were afraid we’d get caught?” Simon blinked.
Robert laughed again. “That, and I had no idea what to do! I'd only been with Mary a few times before that, and I had no idea what to do with a boy. How did we figure it out?”
“I read that book in the library…”
“Hahaha, I was terrified when you told me where I had to put it…”
Simon giggled. “And there we were, two boys in the woods, rolling around on the poison ivy, trying to figure out the facts of life…”
Robert stroked Simon’s cheek tenderly. “But God…once I was inside you, I just...I knew. It was like I suddenly was aware of everything. And yet there was just you and me, and then I moved in you, and God...” he sighed happily. “I didn’t care about anything else in the entire world.”
Simon shivered and grinned, nuzzling closer. “Yeah, you were amazing. Still are!”
“I’ll love you forever, Si.”
“Forever.”
Years spin by and now the child is twenty
His dreams have lost some grandeur coming true
There'll be new dreams, maybe better dreams and plenty
Before the last revolving year is through...
[And we cut to...current-day Cure, just after the last recording session for the new album]
Robert yawned and stretched, scratching the back of his head a little as he and Simon walked up the twilight street. “Want to get a bite to eat, Si?”
“I’m starving!” Simon nodded eagerly. “Watcher hungry for?”
“Guess.”
“Hmm.”
“Pastrami!”
Simon sighed and laughed, as he was dragged along to the meat counter at the deli. “Oh, Robin…”
They got their sandwiches and sat at a table outside. Robert ate and thought. “Si…” he leaned on an elbow. “How long has it been?”
Simon paused and put his sandwich down. “Been since what?”
“Since we…you know…” he mouthed the words ‘made love’ and touched his fingertips together.
Simon raised an eyebrow. “Since you put on that last fifty pounds.”
Robert winced, hurt. “This is about my weight? What about that whole ‘I’ll-love-you-forever’ business?”
Simon sighed and shook his head. “No, it’s not…it’s not about that, really. I just…we just…I think, after I collapsed on the Wish tour…”
Robert blinked. “Almost fifteen years…”
Simon bit his lip. “We’ve kissed and held hands and – “
Robert broke in. “But we haven’t…been together, since then. Have we?”
“No.” Simon looked down.
Robert sighed heavily. “Why can’t we be young again? We used to not care about anything. What happened to us, Si?”
“Life.” He paused. “Life happened. We finally grew up.” He took Robert’s hand in his, and then smiled softly. “I’m still your boyfriend, though.”
Robert laughed, the tension falling away. “Yeah. Yeah, you are.”
Simon paused, then looked up. “You know…Sarah’s off visiting her mum this weekend, I’ve got the house all to myself…”
Robert met Simon’s eyes.
“We could…”
Robert paused, rolling his lip. “I…I don’t know…”
Simon smiled, tugging Robert’s hand up and kissed his palm. “Once more for the road?”
Robert sighed and smiled, shaking his head. “Oh, Si. There’s never just ‘once’ when it comes to you and I…”
Simon stood up, tugging Robert to his feet, excited. “Come with me…”
Robert grinned, laughing. “All right. Let’s go!”
[They break into a run. And as they run, they are slowly de-aged, until they are nothing more than a pair of young boys, six and seven, running towards their tree house. The elder helps the younger climb in, smiling, as the sun sets behind them, casting long shadows and eventually, blacks out.]
And the seasons, they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captives on the carousel of time...
We can't return; we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game.
The Circle Game lyrics © Joni Mitchell.
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