Simon found Robert in the basement.
"What's going on?"
"Mary's on a vacation with her girlfriends this weekend, and I ran out of clean shirts." Robert groused, dumping a heap of white clothes into the washing machine. "I'm just finishing up now. Did you want to go for a drink after?"
"No, I'm busy later." Simon shrugged, perching atop the dryer.
"Hey, get off that. It's still running."
"No it isn't." Simon hopped off delicately, running his hand along the top. "It's not chugging or anything."
Robert groaned. "Not again! This thing is haunted, I swear it! Push the button again."
Simon obediently pushed the little square button on top, and it began to chug away innocently. "Oh. Did it stop in the middle of a cycle?"
"Yes. It has a nasty habit of doing that." the singer rolled his eyes and set the washer, closing the lid and letting it start. "Well, I've got some lager upstairs, care to join me?"
"Is it really haunted?!" Simon was gleefully examining the dryer like a little boy, utterly fascinated. Then he backed away, alarmed. "Robin...it's making funny noises at me..."
"Ignore it, Simon, it's just -"
The dryer let out a feral-sounding growl, and abruptly shut itself off again. "Dammit!"
"Did I do something wrong?" Simon pouted, sliding his hand along the top. It started again with a clunk, and the bassist jumped back with a girly screech. "It's alive!"
"It must like you. Touch it again."
"No!"
The machine whirred to an angry stop.
"Fine..." Simon slid out of Robert's arms and gently stroked the top of the dryer. "This feels so weird..."
With a contented hum, the dryer once more began its cycle. "Does it do this a lot?"
"Every single time. It doesn't like me, but it likes Mary. Sometimes I wonder how she gets it to go through an entire cycle without stopping."
"Maybe she performs favours for it." Simon winked.
"Simon!"
"Well maybe she does. It's a machine, it's not like she's cheating on you with it or anything..." Simon nibbled on his fingertip, placing a little kiss on the dryer's corner. The machine whirred away contentedly.
"This is unreal; I have a haunted, bisexual, lustful dryer." Robert moaned, leaning against the wall. "I need an exorcist."
"Well..." Simon paused, thinking. "Maybe...maybe if we give it all it could want, whatever's haunting it will move on."
"Simon...you really aren't suggesting that..."
"You and me, come on, it'll be kinky! And it might get rid of the haunting!" Simon said gleefully, tugging Robert forward. The singer gulped when he saw the dryer lurching forward, almost pressing itself into Simon's supple backside.
"Hey, you watch it! He's mine!" Robert grumbled, before Simon kissed him firmly, pulling him backward. The bassist perched on the dryer again, spreading his legs and wrapping them around Robert's hips. The older man wasted no time stripping them as best he could, over the jerks and bumpings of the dryer. It wouldn't sit still, and once the both of them were naked, he could swear he heard the thing purr.
"Lean back, Si." Robert murmured against Simon's ear, lifting the younger man's thighs. Simon planted his hands firmly on top of the dryer, wriggling his toes in excitement.
"Come on, Robin, take me!"
With a chuckle that became a moan, Robert pushed in. No matter what situation they were in, Simon was always the same; so hot and tight it felt like he was swooning. Simon clutched at him, arms around his shoulders, letting out a sharp, high-pitched cry. "Oooh!"
Before long, Robert was grunting and thrusting deeply and rather brutally fucking Simon over the dryer, which had begun to rock violently, hissing and spitting. Simon was howling and twisting, trying to get more friction on the slippery-smooth surface. Robert got the hint and reached a hand between them, starting to touch the younger man's arousal.
He began to pound so hard that the dryer began to shake even more, and by this point Simon was screaming and writhing in ecstasy and pain. "Ow! Ah!"
"So f-fucking tight - ah!" Robert was fucking as hard and as fast as he could. Simon shrieked and came, all over the dryer, which shuddered to a halt, and began to settle down as Robert reached his peak as well. He bit into the side of Simon's neck as he exploded inside him.
"S-Simon..."
"Yeh, what Robin?"
"I think the dryer's finished its load..."
"Tee hee, you said 'load'..."
"Shut up, Simon..."