The Apathy clan had become very tired of Mickey-head shaped food. DJ Rancor suggested that they sneak around at night and maybe they could find an unguarded refrigerator or stock room where they might keep REAL food. Ankh and DJ made a nocturnal search of of the nearby park grounds-camoflaged as sugar plum fairies-and returned with cans of green beans, spaghettios, corn, and pears.
Velvet looked up from tweezing her eyebrows and penciling them back in at an obscene angle to comment "Does anyone have a can opener?" DJ Rancor started to cry pitfully and hugged his Front 242-Headhunter remix box set. Ankh tried to tell him a story about how in 1470, on the planet Neptune, she was a leperous skunk who was raising human triplets as her own and had nothing to feed them, and how they all died of wool poisoning after a failed cupcake sacrifice to Anubis - when DJ Rancor suddenly stopped crying and yanked her 12" ankh off the string around her neck.
"What in the HOLY NAME of the GREAT and ETERNAL ISIS are you doing??!" screamed Ankh. "OPENING THIS CAN!!!!" said DJ Rancor with blazing eyes. Ankh watched in horror as DJ Rancor grabbed her ankh necklace by the loop and jammed it into a can of beans. He twisted it around until the top popped off, amidst Ankh's pained wails for forgiveness to the entire pantheon of Egypt.
Dj held the opened can aloft and said "Wow! This thing really is the key to life! Gotta get myself one of these! LET'S EAT!" While Ankh bawled her eyes out and mumbled about defilement and profanity in a colorful variety of dead languages, Dj Rancor removed the tin top from the can...and his eyes glazed over. Velvet mumbled inbetween coats of lipstick "What is it?" to DJ, who looked sick in a way that only Taco Bell could make you. He stabbed a bean with the bottom of the ankh and held it up. The green bean was round....with two round earlike projections. "MICKEYHEAD BEANS....." he opened more cans and all the food was the same. Even the spaghettios....every single food item had mouse ears.
Velvet commented " Wow, I knew our tax money was going to make genetically altered food, but really." DJ Rancor mumbled incoherently to himself for the next few hours, rocking back and forth with his Headhunter box set clutched like a doll against his face. Velvet shrugged and decided to open the other cans and eat. She later burst the seams of her corset after consuming two cans of corn and three cans of spaghettios.