The Barometer of Goth


Answer explanations!!! Correct answer

1. What material is the most GOTH?
Black, of course. Just how GAWTH can you look in lime green velvet, hmmmmm?

2. What's the first thing you do in the morning?
Don't you mean, MOURNING? Granted, some other answers are viable,
but this one show you have your priorities set.

3. If my life were a song title, it would be:
Oh My Goth (Razed In Black) Why? Well, the title alone proclaims unabashed GOTHNESS, the band name has the word BLACK in it, and RIB can fit into the Goth/Industrial genre. Garbage is not really Goth or Industrial, and worst of all HAPPY is in the song title. Honestly. That word should be banned. Moby is Techno. Although Joy Division is both Goth and the song title fits the mood, the "JOY" part of their name is unacceptable. And, though Sisters may be one of the forefathers of Goth, they seem to be under the misconception that Goths have NO TIME TO CRY. Since when?

4. Choose from the following colors:
Black, of course. What, can't you tell which black is blacker? Tsk. Honestly.

5. Choose the best line of bad poetry:
Sorrow, sorrow, sorrow. I guess if you have to rate any of this
drivel as decent, this on would have to do.

6. Which of the following bands is the most goth:
N'Sync. Because they are skinny white boys, they are pathetic and whiny, they're all rather scary looking, and their music make everyone want to cry. HAHA. Trick question. Fooled you!

7. Most gothic food?
Twinkies. Twinkies have a quality that most goths long to possess...eternal youth. Twinkies have a shelf life that is far to long for any sane human to calculate. Tell me that eating enough twinkies wouldn't preserve your young velvet clad body for the next few millennia. Why drink blood to live forever? Twinkies don't put up a fight and you won't be staked in the heart for sucking the creamy filling out of one.

8. If you could choose your untimely demise, you would prefer:
All of the above. Death...no one can have just one.

9. The Gothic adjective that best describes me is:
But I'm not goth. Thank you Andrew Eldritch.

10. I would prefer to hang out:
Locked in the darkness of my own room. Let's face it, most goths are antisocial creatures at heart and would prefer to mope in front of their favorite audiences...themsleves.

11. Is this a trick question?
Black. Just making sure you are in the right state of mind.

12. Do you believe in witches?
What DO you think I was burnt for in 1455?!! Besides being a "vampire"

13. This is the thirteenth question. Do you find it spooky?
Black. Those of us who are in touch with our inner blackness get this one right.

14. Which of the following is the most GOTHIC thing to be:
dead. See, the world is full of Goths. Most of them just don't breathe much anymore.

15. If you were on a bus, and Britney Spears
asked to borrow some eyeliner, you would:
Apply the eyeliner pencil to her EYEBALL would be the most realistic answer, but those of you who chose to make her over get bonus points....kind of a good goth deed like beautifying the neighborhood.

16. What do you want to be when you grow up?
More Goth than you. The only real answer.

17. Most gothic PET:
skull. Not only are they tremendously goth, but they are low maintenance as well.

18. Please select the correct string of words:
Formaldahyde, Thanatos, eviscerate. There is a relationship between all 3 of these words. Look them up in a dictionary if you are unsure how.....

19. Are we there yet?
Bad little children have to wear yellow. Now be quiet. Yellow. Need I Say more?

20. Which statement is true:
You can never have too many skulls lying around. Words I live by.
It's dark in here. If you are dark on the inside, this statement is without question.

21. Most people describe me as:
Dead. Could you possibly aspire to be any less?

22. My hair color is: (choose the closest color)
Black. At least at SOME point before it changed to various rainbow flavors of dye.

23. My idea of a romantic evening is:
Staring at myself in the mirror. For most Goths, no one else but themself will do.

24. Are you in pain?
What was that again? I was screaming so much I didn't hear you.
Exactly. Preoccupied with torment.

25. Select the most GOTH of the following objects:
ME. Would any self respecting GOTH bow down to Fat Bob or even a skull? Absolutely not!


So there you have it. The dirty reality of your gothness. Happy now? If you are you'd better not let anyone see you. Glad you enjoyed the enduring cruelty long enough to make it down to this page. If you'd like to repeatedly bludgeon yourself by scrutinizing your creepiness, here's some other tests you might want to fail.... mean...TRY.

A Goth Test http://www.upl.cs.wisc.edu/~kilroy/test.html

I failed this one! YAY! http://goth.vibechild.com/gothtest/

Net Goth Test (50% on this) http://www.waningmoon.com/gothica/articles/6660026.shtml

Goth Friendly Test! http://www.eden.rutgers.edu/~rdoneill/test.html

PerkyGoff Test http://www.obscure.org/~vlad/gothic/pgtest.html

Goth Purity (54%...hmmm. I'm only half goth)http://www.easyon.com/users/hunter/test.html

Send in your spooky pictures http://www.amigothornot.com

GO CRYING HOME TO MOMMY