Random Character observations
popShawn Brady - This guy used to be a loveable old idiot, but I will never
forgive him for having Bo beaten and starved. I bet if he told Bo "If you go
to Ireland, I will have you beaten and starved", Bo would have stayed home.
What was the point of all that nonsense anyway?
Caroline Brady - Had an affair with Vic and concieved Bo. Has huge ta tas. Log on to nbcmv.com and
see for yourself
Kimberly Brady - Ex Hooker and unemployed moocher who slept with Victor Kuriakis
just like Mom was nevertheless popShawns "Best and Brightest". That man is wacked!
She had a lot of mental problems.
Kayla Brady - Despite her dazzling looks, job as a nurse, and winning personality,
Kayla never got any respect from popShawn so she started running around with this
goofy hoodlum named Patch. Her love changed him and he became less of an idiot.
Bo Brady - This guy takes after popShawn in the brains dept even though ole Vic
is really his dad. Should have stayed in the merchant marine. His bowling-ball-breasted
wife is constantly jerking him around because she knows he would rather be married
to the stunning Billie Reed.
Roman Brady - One of the great soap opera heroes, this character has been reduced to a pathetic freak
by Ken and Co. Now he is a stupid mean bully who would arrest you for looking funny.
Eric Brady - This guy became gay and left town because Grunta wouldn't give him any and
Nicole turned out to be this skanky porn star.
Carrie Brady - Left the show to go to acting school, THANK GOD!!! Not too bad as a little girl, but
way too serious to play her slutty bimbo character.
Sami Brady - Yeah we know you have big honkin real breasts already. Put your toys away! I can't
decide if this character is more stupid than evil or vice versa. Learned parenting from Marlena.
Lately she has become a mean spirited greedy freak.
Frankie Brady - Nice sincere kid who had an actually watchable teen romance with Jenn Horton.
justShawn Brady - Will he figure out what those two big knobs on Belles shirt are for before 2006. I
doubt it.
Alice Horton - Gotta love her, but have you noticed they don't let her do dialogue anymore,
just these stupid speaches about family, and one liners about donuts. I think the
actress had a stroke in real life.
Tom Horton - Nice old guy who took being Chief of Staff of a hospital wayyyy too seriously
Julie Williams - Somebody said say cheese, and her face got stuck that way. You are nobody in
salem until she gives you her GRIMMACE of APPROVAL.
Doug Williams - I used to love it when he sang, but I have never forgiven him for fathering
Hope, the salem dullard.
Marie Horton - A devoted nun until she saw Alex Marshalls bulging crotch.
Hope Williams Brady - Worked for maybe 8 months of her pathetic life she is never satisfied with the
status quo and is always looking for some new person to sponge off of.
Bill Horton - Pretty boring old dude. Father to Jenn and somebody else, I forget who.
Laura Horton - Lived for years in a mental institution, but Jenn managed to wake her from her dementia.
I think she went insane when she realized who else Bill was the father of. I never liked her.
Mike Horton - Rare example of forward, then reverse SORAS. Great character until he fell in love
with slut Carrie Brady who was like 8 when he graduated from medical school.
Jennifer Horton - Nice girl who has bad luck with men. I still remember this scene where
she and Frankie went to the beach and she was in this skimpy bikini. Kick Ass!!
John Black - I used to like him, but I have tired of his ever changing 'past' and his constant
face making. Was Forrest Alamain for a while, then a moronic Mercenary, then a priest... sigh...
Marlena Evans Black - Foxy older blonde chick. Horny as all hell. She is a psychiatrist... HAHAHAHAHA
Brady Black - Well acted mean guy.
Belle Black - She is pretty cool after getting off to a very bad start.
Issac Brady Black Carver - Is this kid going to grow up messed up or what?
Abe Carver - Nice old guy who can't keep his sexy young wife under control.
Lexie Carver - There is no way Old Chubby could have fathered this total babe. Nevertheless she
is not very nice to Abe.
Noah Carver - Same taste in women as Abe, lets just say.
Stefano Dimera - Fat alcoholic bunghole who has some unrealistic grudge about the Bradys. Maybe
he just realizes how stupid they all are. The only intelligent scheme he ever had was to make
the horny Marlena his queen of the night. As it turned out Eric became the queen of the night, but thats
a whole 'nother story. I used to love Stefano. What the heck happened.
Celeste Perrault - Like Sami, she wants us to know that she has firm but supple breasts. Mother of
Lexie who rarely shows cleavage.
Tony Dimera - Cool kind of evil dude. Well acted.
Anna Dimera - Leann Hunley could really play the slut. Why the smart Roman married her we will
never know. Mother of slut Carrie.
Kristen Dimera - What a fox! I doubt Fatty had much to do with her conception either, In fact I think
she and Peter were adopted. She was almost as horny as Marlena.
Peter Blake - Zzzzzz....
Victor Kurakis - Constipated old dude, but he is one of my favorites for some reason. Somebody
'cut the cheese' and his face got stuck that way.
Kate Roberts - This idiot was recently dumpster diving for food. Rose to the top using tight fitting
outfits and push up bras to impress her various sugar daddys.
You used to have to pay to see her breasts when she was a hooker. Pretty good actress, but she always
gets bested by the stupid idiot Sami.
Justin Kuriakis - I liked him until Vic got him going in the Family Business. Could have done
a lot better than Adrienne though.
Phil Kuriakis - This kid is mostly a loser, but was elected Captain of the football team because
the other team members didn't want their houses bombed.
Billie Reed - Was the best looking woman on daytime until she got a better offer. Not much of a
character. Even though she started her own business, was rich, and was drop dead gorgeous, she was intimidated
by stupid lazy boring Hope for some reason.
Asstin Reed - How did this guy get a job on TV? Waste of airtime. His stupidity caused him to marry slut Carrie Brady.
Lucas Roberts - Kate burned him alive when she stupidly set fire to the mansion. He is always bested by idiots Sami and Nicole
Jo Johnson - The 80s version of Faye Walker.
Adrienne Johnson - Gad, she was worse than Hope.
Steve (Patch) Johnson - He was pretty good, but that patch was really stupid. I wonder where
he got his nickname.
Billy Jack Deveraux Johnson - We went through a lot of actors with this guy. Raped Kayla, but Jenns
love changed him supposedly, and he became a real comedian.
Harper Deveraux - This old fart was played by bigscreen actor Joseph Campinella, boring old gasbag.
Angelica Deveraux - Funny looking old battleaxe.
Craig Wesley - I just love this guy, he can do no wrong. (knock on wood - Chloes' head).
Nancy Wesley - She's whiney and pesty, but is a lot of fun sometimes.
Chloe Lane - Possibly the worst written teen character in the history of daytime. Went to the
Luciano Pavarotti orphanage for the terminally unhappy.
Mimi Lockheart - This pretty girl with 38DD breasts is somehow unpopular. Maybe its because she
is so stupid, but at least she attends school unlike Hope.
Jan - The show has only one consistent character right now. I hope she destroys Chloe, but Jan really sucks.
Jason - This idiot wastes precious O2 that the rest of us could breathe.
Faye Walker - Slept with the whole damn town, so it seems. Just like her daughter.
Nicole Walker - I'm starting to like her when she is not so pathetic. Total slut, worse than Carrie Brady.
Brandon Walker - Looks a lot like the old Billie Reed. I don't like him, but I don't think we are supposed to
Taylor Walker - One good apple don't save the whole bunch. I liked her, she was cute.
Princess Grunta Von HamHock - Thinks her bra contains the crown jewels. A terrible tease and a really
stupidly developed character, from the swamp to the palace.. Nevertheless Grunta is cute and nice and
has the best backside in daytime if you don't let the women of Passions compete.
Bart - One of these days, I will buy his album.
Rolf - He's kind of OK, but not as funny as Ken thinks he is.
Hattie Adams - She is pretty great, but can get carried away sometimes.
Larry Morris - This guy is a spaz, and he tells dumb jokes but I like him anyway.
Nurse Brenda - This lady should play Kate. She is cool.
Marie - Victors receptionist and the best looking woman on the show, she is rarely on. She could
have the best backside in daytime, but she is usually sitting on it.
Alex Marshall - My all time favorite character, the women of Salem all did his bidding.
Mary Anderson - Killed by the strangler, reincarnated on the invisible man with David McAllum. She
had very large breasts, at least the second actress to play her did.
Liz Chandler - This woman invented the hairstyle that many lesbians use today. She was
Ok and a pretty good singer, but not as good as Trish Banning.
Neil Coitus - This guy cracked me up. He had sex with half the town and was an alcoholic.
Mickey Horton - Yeah, he has always been a stupid idiot.
Maggie Horton - The actress was once a Rockette!!! She looked great in the old days and still
looks pretty good. Should have stayed with Don Craig.
Melissa Horton - Foxy, but kind of stupid
Don Craig - This guy taught Marlena the meaning of the word Horny. Slept with half the town.
Trish Banning - Great voice and a foxy babe to boot. An all time favorite.
David Banning - Kind of a dumbass.
Todd Chandler - People thought he might be the strangler.
Chris Kosichek - Huckleberry Hound the gym owner.
Jake Kosichek - Whooo Whooo Whooo GAYDAR!!! Was the salem strangler.
Gwen Davies - Large breasted lawyer. She made me hot.
Eugene Bradford - Another all time favorite. He was so popular that they brought him a
sidekick named Calliope and things went downhill. Had a crush on Marlena.
Calliope Jones - Wierd bird who dressed like a potted plant. The actress was kicked
off of Americas funniest home videos and replaced with Tawny Kitaen.
Diana Colville - I don't care what you say. Genie Francis cannot act.
Isabella Toscano - She was cute and horny, just the way John likes 'em.
Tanner Scofield - They just cast this guy because he had dark hair and blue eyes. Kind of a dolt
Brian Scofield - Well acted replacement for Eugene. I liked him.
Mountain Molly Brinker - What a fox, too bad her story sucked. I loved the way she said Taaannnerrrrrrr.
April Ramirez - Kind of a funny looking girl, but in a cute way. One of Mike Hortons many conquests,
he used to call her 'Ape'.
Julio Ramirez - This guy looked like the lead singer for loverboy. Kind of an idiot.
Shane Donovan - Since the Salem PD has never caught a criminal, the show hired a secret agent. This
guy was like a not very funny Maxwell Smart, but I liked him anyway. He always said 'I promise you'.
Eve Donovan - Like Hugh Grant, Shane surrounded himself with Hookers. I liked Eve though. She was a
better acted, better written version of Sami.
Nick Corelli - One of the best actors on the show, Nick was a pimp with a good heart (yeah right).
Lawrence Alamain - This guy was supposed to be evil, but I think Phil Kuriakis could have kicked his ass. He
once almost deflowered slut Carrie Brady, but 'Roman' barged in before she got the condom on his woodrow.
Vivian Alamain - Mostly cool, she liked to torment Carly Manning. Great actress.
Carly Manning - Obnoxious, and the worst character in the history of daytime. Worse than Hope, but at least
she had a college degree and a job.
Nicolas Alamain - Little dickhead, sorased into a big nice looking dickhead. Always talked about his
prodigious tool, but he was no Alex Marshall. Even Kate wouldn't sleep with him.
Glenn Gallegher - Pressured Jenn for sex, but Jenn picked Jason Brooks instead. Had better luck on
silk stalkings.
Glen Riber - Looks like Alley Oop. Margos boyfriend was very smart until the Salem water
got to him.
Barb - Glens big toothed tight shirt wearing wife. Lexie calls her 'those kind of people'.
Kevin Lambert - His tongue is insured by Lloyds of London. Geek.
Gigantor - Ken and Toms posterchild for teen taunting. Shrunk by 1/2 the day before Ass Blast II.
Mr Woods - AKA the Jamacican Jerk. Thats who I want teaching my kids A RASTAFARIAN!!!
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