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It’s Always Full Moon in Salem
Copyright 2001 cajundoggie
All Rights Reserved
Fade in to Hope frantically running down the stairs at her home. Bo is drinking a beer and watching a game on television, its morning in Salem
Hope : Bo! Have you seen the new super cross-your-heart bras I bought at Costco last week.
Bo : Nope… What’s so important about a bunch of bras anyway.
Hope : They lift AND separate!
Bo : Cool!!! Finally something to tame the ‘Mounds of Mischief’ . By the way, I thought I might run down to the Brady Pub and catch the second half, wanna go?
Hope : No… Last time I set foot in that place some drunk Japanese businessman tried to tune in Tokyo on my chest. You go, and I will go hang out with Lexie…. She’s my BEST FRIEND!
Fade to the Blacks Penthouse, John, Belle and Marlena are in the living room.
Belle : Gee mom, why do you think Brady calls you a slut and a whore.
Marlena : I think he is referring to all the affairs I have had, and more specifically to your conception…. I wish he would be a little nicer about it. What’s a girl to do. I have NEEDS!
John : And that’s a FACT! I wonder why it doesn’t bother him that I am even worse.
Belle : He is a sexist, odd considering the fact that he is gay.
John : WHAT!!!
Belle : C’mon dad. He’s 19, he’s losing his hair, he’s never had a girlfriend and he is an expert in opera, not to mention the fact that he spent all those years in ‘baseball camp’. You knew didn’t you mom?
Marlena : Well, there was the time he asked to borrow my copy of Playgirl… He said he was writing a college paper on the effects of pornography on women… Ever since then he has hated me.
The telephone rings…. Split screen with Shawn Douglas and Belle
Belle : Black’s house of passion, once you go Black you never go back.
Shawn : Very funny. Wanna hang down at the Brady Pub. Maybe catch a ball game?
Belle : Ball games… Yuck, but I do have a hankerin’ for some o’ that chowda!
Shawn : See you there!
Belle : Bye…. Mom… Dad… I’m going to the Brady Pub!!
Marlena : Great, that will give us a chance for a little ‘Afternoon Delight’!
Belle : Giggle…. See ya!
The Brady pub is lively with sports fans and the phone is ringing.
PopShawn : Crikey!!! Another bloomin’ call.. Begorrah.. Another delivery order for me chowder…. Arrrr!!!! Comin’ right up laddie!!!!
Caroline : Those kids have tripled our business with the ‘Chowder Router’.
Bo wanders in…. His eyes pop out at the pace of business.
Bo : Man, you guys are running around faster than Hope in a donut shop.
Caroline : … and its all thanks to the Salem High science fair. Shawn and his team partner Ace created a remarkable device to improve our business.
Bo : This I gotta see….
PopShawn : The bloomin thing is out back on the docks… Arrrh!!! Sure ‘n it’s a bugger it is…. Blimey!!!…. Arrrrh!!!
At the Carvers Lexie is cooing over Issac when the doorbell rings.
Lexie : Hi Hope!!! Well hello John Thomas….. What brings you by on this sunny day.
Hope : I just want to beat around the bush about how Marlo was a drunk, Stefano got your baby for you, how stupid is that, and MY baby has FAS and your baby looks like John Black.
Lexie : Have you reached any conclusions?
Hope : Yes, I must prevent Bo from investigating Marlos Death….
Lexie : WHAT!!!…. I mean WHAT A GREAT IDEA!!!!
Hope : Bo is so gullible. Recently he has decided to love JT as his own even though he thinks JT is a result of your father raping me. Now he has the foolish notion that Marlo was murdered to cover up some plot of your fathers regarding the adoption.
Lexie : Well, all I can say is its remarkable that you are my BEST FRIEND in light of the fact that Bo believes my father attacked you.
Hope : Well, actually John Black is JT’s father, but please don’t tell Bo. I want him to think it was Stefano….
Fade in Bo wanders onto the docks and comes upon a strange apparatus mounted to two of the dock piers
Ace : The asimuth is calibrated, the tensioners read green, load the chowder and let her rip.
Shawn loads two thermoses of chowder into the contraptions giant white receptacles.
Shawn-D : Fire!!!!
Ace lifts a lever and the thermoses catapult through the air across town.
Ace : You see Detective Brady, the chowder can be sent reliably to one of four regional distribution centers in Salem at very high speed. The meals are caught by a similar receptacle device at the center. A bike messenger then picks up the chowder and rides a few blocks to the customer. The chowder is delivered piping hot and fresh in a matter of minutes.
Bo : Something about that contraption looks familiar…..
Belle wanders on to the dock…. Her eyes bug out!!!
Belle : That’s either a dual drag chute or the biggest bra I’ve ever seen…
Bo : Shawn Douglas Brady!!! Your mother was tearing her hair out looking for them.
Shawn : I’m sorry. I didn’t realize they were bras… I thought they were old spinnaker sails from the FF2.
Belle : I wouldn’t have recognized it either, but I’ve seen Mimi stuffing something just like that in her Gym locker.
Ace : Well whatever these things are, they sure get the job done!!! Ready for another load to regional disty #3 This one has two orders of coleslaw……
Bo : Well, I guess this is not the first time a couple of boobs found a constructive use for a bra…. Looks like I’m off to Costco…
Belle : Boobs… Bra… I get it. Giggle…
Mac : LIKE SANDS THROUGH THE HOURGLASS SO ARE THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES.
