The Danny Horror Picture Show

Starring:

Lestat De Lioncourt

As:

Lestat Majors,

A Hero

Louis De Pointe Du Lac

As:

Louis Weiss,

another Hero.

Armand

As:

Dr. Armand,

as mad scientist

Marius de Romanus

As:

Marius,

a handy-man

Pandora

As:

Pandora,

a domestic

Jessica

As:

Jesse,

a groupie

Nicholas Lafyette

As:

Nicki,

an ex-delivery boy.

And

Daniel Molloy

As

Danny Horror,

a creation

With

David Talbot

As:

Dr. David Scott,

a rival scientist

Written, created, directed and produced by:

Lover in the Savage Garden,

A fan fiction writer with way too much time on her hands.

Denton, a small town in New Orleans. Two people are getting married, but they don't really matter. What does matter is that at this wedding are two, ordinary, European vampires, Lestat Majors and Louis Wiess. Louis had just caught the bouquet, and was quite pleased with himself. It almost made up for the fact that he had to wear a pink dress and white pumps.

"Lets go for a walk." Louis said to Lestat.

"Do we have to?" Lestat asked.

"Yes. Now come on." Louis dragged Lestat off to the graveyard, for lack of a better place to walk.

"Oh Lestat, didn't Betty look marvelous?" Louis exclaimed.

"Not really." Lestat said. "I think she's put on some weight. But that's just my opinion."

"Er...anyway...she's a wonderful cook?"

"I wouldn't know."

"And what about Ralph's promotion?" Louis tried.

"What about it? He hasn't got it yet." Lestat kicked a gravestone.

"Well, I thought Betty looked wonderful." Louis said pointedly.

"Oh. Yeah." Lestat said, nodding his head. "Uh, Louis?"

"Yes?" Louis turned to Lestat, the bouquet clutched in his hands.

"I have something I'd like to say to you..."

"Yes?" Louis asked, expectantly.

"Note that I said say, not sing." Lestat pointed out. "Ahem. You caught the bouquet, and we've been through a lot, and damn it, Louis, I love you."

"Oh Lestat, I'm mad for you too!" Louis burst out, flinging his arms around Lestat.

"Yes well...let's get married then."

"Oh I'd love to!" Louis bowed his head.

"Yes, well, there's just one thing left to do! That's go see the man who began it, Louis. Uh...the man who began it..." Lestat peered over Louis shoulders, squinting.

"Dr. Scott." Louis whispered.

"Ah, yes. Dr. Scott. We should go see Dr. Scott, since I'm sure he wants to know we're getting married." Lestat shrugged. "Let's go!"

***

I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey. It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Lestat Majors and his fiancé, Louis Wiess, left Denton to visit their friend Dr. David Scott. It's true that there were dark storm clouds, heavy, black, and pendulous. Yes, these were some nasty clouds. But Lestat didn't really care, what with them both being vampires and not afraid of a little rain. It's true also that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of repair. But again, Lestat really didn't care. On a night out. It was a night out they were going to remember for a very long time.

"It's a horrid storm out." Louis said. He was sitting in the passengers seat, eating candy.

"Point?" Lestat asked. He wasn't watching the road very well, and they nearly hit a motorcycle.

"Idiot!" Lestat mumbled.

"They sure do take their life into their hands in this weather." Louis observed.

"Why are you talking?" Lestat asked. "I'm trying to drive!"

"I'm supposed to be talking!" Louis snapped. "So are you!"

"Oh no." Lestat said. "A dead end."

"Wonder where those motorcycles came from. You must have taken a wrong turn somewhere back..."

"I never take wrong turns. We'll just back up..." There was a bang, and the car rocked.

"What was that?" Louis asked.

"The tire. And I never did get the spare fixed." Lestat frowned. "Well, there was a creepy castle a ways back. I'll go see if they have a phone we could use." The blond vampire started to get out of the car.

"I'll go with you." Louis said.

"You most certainly will not!" Lestat snapped. "I mean...well, no sense in both of us getting wet."

"I don't want to stay here alone. Besides, the owner of that castle might be a beautiful mortal, and you'll never come back."

"That I should be so lucky." Lestat grumbled under his breath. "Fine. Let's go." They got out of the car, and Louis put a newspaper over his head.

"What is that for?" Lestat asked.

"To keep the rain off." Louis replied pitifully. "Look, I forgot my hat." Lestat didn't blame him. The hat was white with a purple sash, that matched Louis' dress.

"Whatever." Lestat kicked the car, and they walked back to the castle.

"Oh Lestat, this is scary!" Louis whined. The castle was large and dark, with various spires, gargoyles, and a great glass dome. There only a few lights on in the windows.

"Not really." Lestat said. "We've lived in worse places..."

"Please just go along with it?" Louis implored. They walked up to the door, and Lestat pulled the long chain that he assumed was a doorbell.

"Interesting gargoyles. They look a bit like Scooby Doo. If he were prone to taking acid." Lestat cocked his head.

"I don't like this." Louis whined. "Let's go back to the car!"

"And do what? We have a flat tire and it's a rain storm. Besides, it's rude to ring someone's doorbell and then leave."

"It's also rude to invite people into your house, entertain them, and then eat them, but you do that!"

"Relax...ah!"

The door opened, revealing a vampire with longish blond hair, blue eyes, and a hump. He was dressed in a black frock coat and poet shirt that were very dirty and stained with blood.

"Hello." He said.

"Hi!" Lestat held out his hands. "I'm Lestat Majors, and this is my fiancé, Louis Wiess. Do you have a phone we could use?"

"You're wet." The vampire said.

"Yes." Louis replied. "It's raining."

"Why do you have a newspaper on your head?"

"Er...to keep the rain off."

Lestat and the humped vampire exchanged a look. Lestat shrugged, and the other vampire nodded.

"I think you'd both better come inside."

He led them into a room that looked strait out of a bad horror film. There was a curving staircase, an old clock and cobwebs everywhere. The sounds of dancing and singing could be heard from another room.

"It sounds like you're having a party." Louis said.

"Yes." The humped vampire said. "You've arrived on a very special night, It's one of the masters affairs."

"Oh." Louis said, shrinking close to Lestat. "Lucky him."

"You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky!!" A female vampire in a maids uniform with frizzy brown hair slid down the banister and looked at the humped vampire expectantly.

"If you expect me to burst into song, you're sadly mistaken." He said. "Follow me." The two vampires led Lestat and Louis into a large dance hall, where a whole bunch of vampires in black clothes and black wigs were doing some very bizarre dancing.

"Oh, look!" Lestat exclaimed. "A party!"

The humped vampire and the maid joined in the dancing, hopping and flinging their arms all over the place.

"Oh, I'm scared!" Louis said.

"Why? It's just a party, Louis. Don't be such a wet-blanket. Come on, let's join in!"

"Let's get out of this place!"

"Get a grip, Louis."

"It seems so unhealthy here..."

"It's a house full of vampires, what do you expect?" Lestat was aware Louis was dragging him slowly backwards.

"I want to go!"

"We can't go anywhere until we get a phone." Lestat reminded him.

"Then ask the butler or something! Look, I'm cold I'm wet and I'm just plain scared!" Louis exclaimed. They couldn't back up any more. They had hit what seemed to be an elevator cage. And it was rattling. Louis and Lestat looked over their shoulders, and Louis screamed and feinted.

A young vampire with curly auburn hair and heavy eye shadow was coming down. We wore a long black cloak that covered him and silver high heeled shoes. He winked at Lestat, and burst out of the elevator.

"How do you do?" He asked, giving Lestat a sensuous look. "I see you've met my handyman. He's just a little let down, because when you knocked, he thought you were the candy man. Oh, don't get strung out by the way I look. Don't judge a book by it's cover. I'm not much, by the light of day, but by night I'm one hell of a lover!" The vampire threw off his cloak, revealing that he was dressed in a sparkly silver buster, black garter belt and black fishnet stalkings.

"Why don't I show you around?" He asked, sauntering amongst his guests. "You look like your both pretty groovy."

"Uh...we need your phone..." Lestat said.

"Caught with flat? How about that. Don't you panic. It will all seem all right, by the light of the night. I'll get you a satanic mechanic!"

"Uh, that's all very nice, but..."

"Silence! Let me show you my favorite obsession. I've been making a man with blond hair and a tan, and he's good for relieving my tension. SO come up to the lab, and see what's on the slab. I see you shiver with antici-" He paused, making his way back to the elevator. "-pation." He finished. "I'll see you there!"

"What the hell was that?" Louis demanded. He was nearly in hysterics. "What was that? I want to leave now!"

Meanwhile, the humped vampire had begun removing Louis' clothes, and the maid Lestats. "Um..." Louis protested.

"Oh relax." Lestat said. "We'll pull out the aces when the time is right."

"What aces?" Louis wailed, trying desperately to cover up his white bra.

"You're very lucky." It was a red haired vampire in a sparkly top and shorts. "It isn't everyone who gets invited up to Armand's lab. Some people would give their right arm for the pleasure."

"People like you?" Lestat taunted.

"Ha!" She tossed their clothes into a pile. "I've seen it!"

"Let's run for it now." Louis said, struggling out of his bra. "We can be home by dawn."

"No Louis." Lestat said. "Now come on." They got into the elevator with the other three vampires.

"So...are you Armand's wife?" Louis asked, looking at the redhead.

"No!"

"We're his servants." The humped vampire said. "The master is not yet married. Here we are." The elevator lurched to a stop, and opened. They were in some sort of white room. There was a large thing covered with a cloth in the middle, and Dr. Armand stood in the center dressed in nurses scrubs. All the vampires from below were gathered as well.

"Welcome, my unconventional conventionists. Tonight you are to witness a new breakthrough in biotechnical research! Paradise is to be mine! Jesse. Pandora. Come here now." The two female vampires helped Armand with his gloves. "Marius, man the sonic oscillator. Throw open the reactor power input three more points! Paradise is to be mine!"

There came a buzzing from the middle of the room. Dr. Armand through off the cover to reveal a tank filled with an odd liquid. A chandelier fell from the ceiling, and Dr. Armand squirted stuff out of it and into the tank. Marius kept cranking the red lever he had, and the lights went dim.

"What's happening?" Louis whispered.

"Shh!" Lestat said. "Just watch."

Suddenly, Dr. Armand let out a cry. A mummified body rose out of the tank, and Armand pulled of the head wraps.

"Oh!" He exclaimed, looking at the face of a very attractive man with shaggy blond hair and violet eyes. "He's perfect!"

Jesse, Pandora and Armand finished unwrapping the man. He was wearing a gold lame G-string and gold boots. He screamed, and tried to run away. Armand tackled him, and dragged him back to the tank.

"Now really, Danny. That's no way to behave on your first day out. But since you're such an exceptional beauty, I'll forgive you. I love success." Armand patted Danny's leg.

"He's a credit to your genius, Master." Marius said.

"A triumph of your will." Pandora agreed.

"Eh. He's okay." Jesse said.

"Okay? Okay!" Armand lowered his eyelids and humphed. He grabbed Danny's hand and pulled him over to Louis and Lestat. "I think we can do better then that. Well, Louis, Lestat. What do you think?"

"Er..." Louis shrugged.

"Doesn't look to bright." Lestat said,

"He was just created!" Armand said.

"True. Can he talk?"

"I didn't make him for conversation!" Armand was getting upset. "Well, I say he carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval!"

"Who's Charles Atlas?" Louis whispered.

"I'm not sure." Lestat whispered back. "I think it's their god."

"Oh." Suddenly, there was a loud crash. A motorcycle burst out of the wall and into the middle of the room. The rider pulled off his helmet and shook out his long dark hair, revealing he was none other than...

"NICKI!" Lestat wailed, flinging himself at his old lover.

"Hey!" Louis protested. "That's not fair.'

"You!" Armand exclaimed. "You failure!" Armand shove Lestat aside, and pulled Nicki off of his motorcycle. Everyone became very aware of the ice pick in Armand's hands, and got out of the way. Armand advanced on Nicki, chasing him back into the freezer. The sounds of screaming could be heard, and Armand returned rather bloodstained.

"One from the vaults." He explained, laughing. Danny was standing in the corner, looking very upset. Lestat looked like he was about to cry.

"Oh, don't be upset!" Armand said. "It was a mercy killing! Now, come along. It's time to speed things up, don't you think?" He took a hold of Danny's arm, and led him into a room with a very large bed. The doors closed behind them, and Louis and Lestat were then led to separate rooms.

There are some who say that life is illusion. These are usually the first to kill themselves. But if they're right, then Louis and Lestat had nothing to worry about. But the sudden departure of their host, had left them feeling apprehensive, and uneasy. A feeling which only grew as they were led to their own, separate, chambers.

Louis was frightened. He scampered into his bed as soon as the door closed behind him, and hid under his covers. It was an awful place, and he missed Lestat, and he wanted to be home. No one was friendly, and their host had already killed someone.

"Louis?"

"Lestat!" Louis sat up in bed, greeting Lestat enthusiastically. "Oh, Lestat I want to go home!"

"I know." Lestat held Louis close. "It'll be all right."

"But I'm so frightened...oh, Lestat...oh.... Louis stroked Lestat's hair, which fell off. "You!"

"Yes me." Armand said. "Who did you expect?"

"What have you done with Lestat?"

"Nothing, yet. Why, do you think I should?"

"You! I wouldn't! I've never...well, I have, but for the sake of the plot...I've never, never!"

"I know. But it isn't all bad..."

"Lestat..."

"Is probably already asleep. We wouldn't want to wake him. I promise I won't tell..."

"Well..." Louis thought s moment. "If you won't tell..."

Lestat was not happy. He wished he had had some warning about Nicholas. If he had, he never would have agreed to this stupid thing.

"Oh, Lestat!" Louis burst through the door and flung himself on Lestat.

"Give it up Armand, I know it's you." Lestat said.

"That's not fair!" Armand protested. "You're just upset because I killed Nicki again. Now come on! You're supposed to think I'm Louis, then get upset, then I seduce you. You're not going by the script."

"No I'm not. I don't have to."

"Yes you do!" Armand said.

"No. I don't. It's called favoritism Armand, get used to it."

"I'm not going on until you play along." Armand said.

"Fine. Ahem 'oh no. You're not Louis. Oh dear. What do I do. Bad Dr. Armand. I am afraid.' There. Now, did you say something about seducing me...?"

Meanwhile

Marius and Pandora were cleaning up Armand and Danny's room. Danny was chained to the bed on his stomach. He was sleeping.

"Why's he chained up?" Pandora asked. "I mean, besides the obvious?"

"So he won't run away." Marius explained. "God, this is boring. Why don't we have better parts?"

"It's called favoritism." Pandora said.

"Well, I don't like it. Let's liven this thing up, shall we?" Marius grabbed a long candleholder and proceeded to beat Danny with it. Danny screamed, and pulled his chains out of the wall, and ran away.

"There. Now we tell Armand. Ahem." Marius used one of the little monitors that were all over. "Master? You're new creation has escaped. I'll have Pandora release the dogs."

"Ah! Coming!" Armand yelled.

After Armand left, Louis got bored. He wasn't tired, and there wasn't much to do in the room. He got up and left, and decided to explore the castle. He wandered for a while.

"Oh. If only we hadn't made this journey. If only we were among friends, or sane persons! If only I was playing a stronger character type! Hmm, what's this?" Louis found a monitor and turned it on. He got to look in on Armand doing to Lestat what he had recently been doing to Louis. Louis watched for a little while, then got very upset and broke the monitor.

"How could he?" Louis screamed. "Oh! That is it!" He turned, and wandered some more. Then he found himself back in the lab. He heard a noise from the tank, and looked in. There was Danny, looking the worse for wear. His hair was mussed, and he had cuts on his arms.

"Oh, you poor thing!" Louis said. "They did this to you, didn't they?"

"Mm-hmm." Danny nodded.

"Can you talk?" Louis asked, curious.

"Yes, but I'm not supposed to, so you'll have to make do with grunts."

"Well, that's fine." Louis said. "Here, I'll tend your wounds." Louis ripped off what was left of his slip, and used them on Danny. An idea came to him. He'd get back at Lestat for cheating on him, and at Armand. He conveniently forgot he had cheated first. He turned to Danny, a seductive smile on his lips...

"Master!" Marius exclaimed. "There's an intruder in the building!"

"What?" Armand ran over to the monitor. He looked at it, and there was Dr. Scott, in his wheelchair, at the front door.

"Dr. Scott!" Lestat exclaimed.

"You know this earth...vampire." Marius said.

"You!" Armand turned on Lestat. "You were sent here by him! Spies! Spies! I should kill you right here!"

"No!" Lestat protested. "We are not here because he sent us. Our car broke down. Or something. You're just paranoid."

"We'll see about that!" Armand said. "He'll be in the Zen room. Bring him here!"

Marius nodded, and pulled a lever. Dr. Scotts wheelchair rolled through the castle, up the stairs, and through the wall into the lab.

"Ach!" He said. Armand glared down at him.

"We've captured your spies!"

"Lestat." David said. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Lestat said. "And why are you in a wheelchair?"

"It's a long story."

Suddenly, there was noises from the empty tank. Louis and Danny stood up, a red sheet clutched to their waists.

"Louis!" Lestat wailed.

"Lestat!"

"Louis!" David exclaimed.

"Dr. Scott!"

"Danny!" Armand screamed.

"Louis!"

"Lestat"

"Louis!'

"Dr. Scott!"

"Danny!"

"Louis!"

"Lestat"

"Louis!"

"Dr. Scott!"

"Danny!"

"Enough!" Lestat yelled. "Louis, what are you doing?"

"Danny, I can't believe you!" Armand lamented. Suddenly, Pandora appeared at the top of the stairs, a gong in hand.

"Dinner is prepared!" She yelled. She seemed to have lost some clothes along the way.

"We will retire to the dining hall." Armand said. He glared at Danny and Louis. "Formal dress is optional!"

They all sat around the dinner table, with their silverware and cutlery before them. Armand was a the head of the table. Marius and Pandora served out blood for everyone.

"So Dr. Scott, what brings you here?" Dr. Armand asked. "Or should I say, Dr. Von Scott?"

"Just what are you trying to imply?" Lestat asked.

"Never mind that." David said. "Uh...um...why am I here...?" He pulled out a scrap of paper from his pants. "Ah yes. Here it is "I am a rival scientist, I work for the German's investigating UFO's. I have been after Dr. Armand for a very long time."

Everyone stared at David a moment, their faces blank. He looked around confused, and then consulted his bit of paper again.

"Oh dear, I wasn't supposed to say that. That was my character description. I'm new at this you know. Ah, here we are. I'm looking for my nephew...Nicki? Nicki's my nephew? Well, that just doesn't work...Anyway, yes. Uh, he left me this note. Look." He showed it to everyone. It was written in blood:

"I'm out of my head. Oh hurry, or I might be dead. They mustn't carry out their evil deeds."

"What a guy." Louis said, sadly.

"Bleeding to death and he still manages to rhyme." Lestat said with a sniff. "That's my Nicholas!"

"Anyway...have you seen him?" David asked.

"Nicki....?" Lestat stared to say something, but Armand threatened him with his meat carver. Marius was beginning to doubt the wisdom of giving the electric carving knife to Armand.

"Nicki you say?" Armand said, taking a sip of his blood. "That's a rather delicate subject. Another glass, anyone?"

Lestat took a look at the glass in his hand, and a horrid look passed over his face. He set the glass down slowly and deliberately.

"Excuse me." He said softly, leaving the room. The doors closed behind him, and he screamed very loudly.

"What was that all about?" Louis asked, but by then most everyone else had figured it out.

"That's it!" Armand exclaimed, standing up and pulling the table cloth off. There, encased in glass ,was the blood-dry corpse of Nicki. Louis leapt up and screamed, and Danny immediately wrapped his arms around him.

"Danny!" Armand exclaimed, pulling Louis away. "I've had enough of you! You're mine, Louis! Soon, you'll be as evil as me! You felt it, didn't you! Come here, now!"

But Louis ran. He ran as fast as he could wearing nothing but briefs. He ran, even though Armand was right behind him, grabbing for him. Lestat and Dr. Scott did their best, and took a more round about way, what with David being in a wheelchair.

"Give up Louis!" Armand yelled, as he chased Louis into, you guessed it, the lab! David and Lestat were there as well.

"Ha!" Armand called. "You've played right into my hands." He pulled a lever.

"My feet!" Louis exclaimed I can't move my feet!"

"My wheels! I can't move my wheels!"

"My socks!" Lestat said. "I can't move my socks...oh..wait...whoops."

"Anyway!" Armand said. "You're glued to the spot! Quake with fear and all of that!"

"We're trapped!" Louis said. "Armand, you let us go right now! It's because I burnt down your theater, isn't it?"

"Oh do be quiet." Armand said. "Not everything is about you!"

"Uhmm, oh yes." David has his piece of paper again. "You won't find earth vampires to be as easy a mark as you thought they'd be. That is, I take it, a sonic transducer, and it is some sort of..." David sounded out each syllable carefully... "audio-vibr-a-tory phys-io-mol-ecul-ar device?"

"Wait a minute!" Lestat said. "Armand, you're from outer space? I thought you were Italian!"

"Actually, he's Russian." Marius offered.

"Anyway, yes. I perfected this device, and it has the means of transporting matter over time and even space itself."

"So..." Lestat continued, still on his earlier thought path, "You're also a super genius? Armand, how much have you been keeping from me?"

"I can't stand it anymore!" Armand yelled. "That's it. Now shut up while I turn you all into naked plaster statues." He nodded his head to Marius, who pulled a switch. Louis, Lestat and David were all turned into plaster statues.

"What did you do that for?" Jesse asked.

"Don't question me!" Armand snapped. Jesse was a statue within seconds. Danny, knowing full well his roll in this fiasco, struck a pose and was turned into a stature.

"It's so hard to have a good time anymore." Armand said. "Even smiling makes my face ache."

"Is this stupid thing almost done?" Pandora demanded.

"It will be done," Armand said carefully. "When it is done. And you will be greatly rewarded for your services."

"I ask for nothing." Pandora said.

"Then you shall receive it." Armand hissed. "In abundance! Now, prepare for the floor show!"

And so fate it seemed, had decided that Lestat and Louis should keep their appointment with Dr. David Scott. But it was to be in a situation none of them could have foreseen. Especially considering they all thought Armand was a stupid Russian. What further indignities were they to be subjected to? What of the floor show Dr. Armand had promised? In an empty house, in the middle of the night, what diabolical scheme had seized Armand's crazed imagination? From what had gone before, it was sure to be no picnic!

Armand arranged Louis, Lestat, Danny and Jesse on a stage. He had dressed them all in black leather bustiers, black fishnets, garters, and feather boas. He himself had changed into a red bustier and had fishnets on his arms as well. He dimmed the lights, turned on the spotlight, and Jesse sprang to life. She walked jerkily to the center of the stage, as if controlled by something else. Suddenly, she began to sing:

"It was great when it had all begun,

Now I just wish that it was done.

I'm not having any fun,

I don't think that anyone

Can rose tint my world,

Keep me safe from my trouble and pain."

Then Danny came to life, and did the same. But he moved much smoother then Jesse, and had a decidedly pissy expression on his face.

"I'm just seven hours old.

I was only made to be controlled.

Somebody should be told,

That I'm about to break my mold.

The only thing I've come to trust,

Is an orgasmic rush of lust.

Rose tint my world,

Can't keep me safe from my trouble and pain."

Then Lestat. He strode to the center of the stage, showing off as only a true actor can.

"It's beyond me,

Help me mommy,

I'll be good, you'll see!

Don't take this dream away.

What's this, lets see.

I am sexy!

And I always will be.

Rose tint my world,

Keep me safe from my trouble and pain!"

Louis came to life, but didn't move. He stood there rigidly, wrapped in his feather boa.

"Louis, sing!" Lestat hissed.

"I'm not going to sing." Louis said.

"You have to! Or this can't end!" That did it. Louis ran to the center of the stage, still looking like a dear caught in headlights.

"I don't feel released.

Bad times not deceased!

My confidence has decreased.

Reality is here.

The game has been disbanded,

My mind has been expanded,

I wish Armand had never landed.

His lust is too sincere!"

Louis stumbled back, feeling very cheap and dirty. Then, a pool magically appeared out of nowhere, and Armand stood at the end of a diving board.

"Give yourself over to absolute pleasure." He sang, throwing out his arms. "Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh! Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure. Sensuous daydreams, to treasure forever! Can't you just feel it? Don't just dream it be it!" He dove into the water, and Louis, Lestat, Danny and Jesse followed him. They all swam around for a while, and then Armand burst out of the water. They all did the cancan until Marius and Pandora came in, looking like rejects from a Martian attack movie.

"Armand, it's all over!" Marius said, holding out a laser gun. Lestat stared at his gold and black plastic dress. "Your mission is a failure, your lifestyles too extreme! And I'm sick and tired of being your servant! I made you!"

"That's not your line!" Armand said. "You're ruining my musical!"

"It's not your musical." Louis snapped. "And I think we've been pretty good sports. For gods sake, look at us!" Louis indicated himself. "We're dressed like specialty prostitutes! I wore a bra for you! What more do you want?" He wailed.

"There, there." Lestat said, holding Louis.

"No!" Armand said. "No, no no!"

"Enough." Danny said, stepping up,

"You can't talk!" Armand said testily. "Go stand over there and look good."

"No." Danny said. "I am sick of this. Okay Marius, you had to be his servant. Oh no. I had to be his mute sex slave. Okay, that's not that bad. But then I had to get beaten by you and chased by dogs and turned into a statue. I'm tired of this." He grabbed the gun. "This ends now. The way it should." He shot Armand, Jesse, Marius and Pandora.

"There." He said.

"Well, technically, you have to shoot yourself now." Lestat pointed out.

"Lestat." Louis warned. "Don't upset the irrational man with the gun."

"Good point."

"I suggest you get out of here." Danny said. "This house is going to go back to wherever, and I doubt you want to be on here when it does."

"Again, good point. Let's go!" Lestat grabbed Louis, and pulled him out of the house. It began to smoke, and then burst up into the sky, flattening the grass beneath it.

"Well." Lestat said, getting up. "That was interesting."

"No." Louis said, getting up as well.

"No what?" Lestat asked.

"No talking. We're not dragging this out farther then it has to. I'm leaving." Louis turned, and walked off.

"Wait!" Lestat called. "You can't just leave! There's a sequel you know..." But Louis was gone, and Lestat was standing in the middle of a smoking field wearing women lingerie. And he didn't seem to mind it, one bit.

The End