Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends
-Woody Allen
"The very concept of sin comes from the bible. Christianity offers to solve a problem of its own making! Would you be thankful to a person who cut you with a knife in order to sell you a bandage?"
-Dan Barker
If Jesus had been killed 20 years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little Electric Chairs around their necks instead of crosses
-Lenny Bruce
Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side
-Archie Bunker
Why has a religious turn of mind always a tendency to narrow and harden the heart?
-Robert Burns
The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself
-Sir Richard F. Burton
I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgement, it takes place every day
-Albert Camus
The order of creation in the Bible is woefully incorrect and violates even the most simple and obvious rules of natural science
-Prof. Charles Cazeau
The Bible is one of the most genocidal books in history
-Noam Chomsky
Gods are fragile things, they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense
-Chapman Cohen
I knelt to the alpha and omega, until I realized that I had spent too long upon my knees
-Leonard Cohen
I don't believe in God, because I don't believe in Mother Goose
-Clarence Darrow
I can hardly see how anyone ought to wish Christianity to be true; for if so the plain language of the text seems to show that the men who do not believe, and this would include my Father, Brother, and almost all my best friends, will be everlastingly punished. And this is a damnable doctrine.
-Charles Darwin
No. God is a verb, not a noun.
-Micky Dolenz
People have suffered and become insane for centuries by the thought of eternal punishment after death. Wouldn't it be better to depend on blind matter (...) than by a god who puts out traps for people, invites them to sin, and allows them to sin and commit crimes he could prevent. Only to finally get the barbarian pleasure to punish them in an excessive way, of no use for himself, without them changing their ways and without their example preventing others from committing crimes
-Baron d'Holbach
Question with boldness even the existence of God; because if there be one, He must approve the homage of Reason rather than that of blindfolded Fear
-Thomas Edison
A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death
-Albert Einstien
I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own -- a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotisms
-Albert Einstien
The contemplation of this world beckoned as a liberation (...)The road to this paradise was not as comfortable and alluring as the road to the religious paradise; but it has shown itself reliable, and I have never regretted having chosen it
-Albert Einstien
The mystical trend of our time, which shows itself particularly in the rampant growth of the so-called Theosophy and Spiritualism, is for me no more than a symptom of weakness and confusion. Since our inner experiences consist of reproductions, and combinations of sensory impressions, the concept of a soul without a body seem to me to be empty and devoid of meaning
-Albert Einstien
A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes
-James Feibleman
I absolutely believe what Ellie believes - that there is no direct evidence, so how could you ask me to believe in God when there's absolutely no evidence that I can see? I do believe in the beauty and the awe-inspiring mystery of the science that's out there that we haven't discovered yet, that there are scientific explanations for phenomena that we call mystical because we don't know any better.
-Jodie Foster
It would be very nice if there were a God who created the world and was a benevolent providence, and if there were a moral order in the universe and an after-life; but it is a very striking fact that all this is exactly as we are bound to wish it to be
-Sigmund Frued
Ministers say that they teach charity. That is natural. They live on hand-outs. All beggars teach that others should give
-Robert Ingersoll
With soap, baptism is a good thing
-Robert Ingersoll
The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance...logic can be happily tossed out the window.
-Stephen King
The fact is that far more crime and child abuse has been committed by zealots in the name of God, Jesus and Mohammed than has ever been committed in the name of Satan. Many people do not like that statement, but few can argue it
-Kenneth V. Lanning
Others say it's a choice between doing what we want to do and being happy, and doing what God wants us to do and being miserable
-Paul Little
The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.
-Abraham Lincoln
Man is a dog's ideal of what God should be.
-Andre Mairaux
The first requisite for the happiness of the people is the abolition of religion
-Karl Marx
I guess to be fair you have to look at it from the fundamentalist perspective - what they're saying is that they don't want pornography out in the open, because what it does is it forces a certain type of literature on somebody in a public place. It would be like..., uh..., oh I don't know, say like...put the Bible in everybody's hotel room, or something crazy like that
-Dennis Miller
No kingdom has shed more blood than the kingdom of Christ
-Montiesque
Jesus' last words on the cross, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" hardly seem like the words of a man who planned it that way. It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure there is something wrong here
-Donald Morgan
I don't need God because I want neither paradise nor hell
-Aziz Nesin
I fear we are not getting rid of God because we still believe in grammar.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
One does well to put on gloves when reading the New Testament. The proximity of so much uncleanliness almost forces one to do this
-Fredrich Nietzsche
Of all the systems of religion that ever were invented, there is no more derogatory to the Almighty, more unedifiying to man, more repugnant to reason, and more contradictory to itself than this thing called Christianity
-Thomas Paine
Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness with which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistent that we called it the word of a demon than the word of God. It . . . has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind
-Thomas Paine
I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't
-Jules Renard
When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours
-Stephen Roberts
We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty Humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes
-Gene Roddenberry
The Christian religion has been and still is the principal enemy of moral progress in the world
-Bertrand Russell
God is the name we give our conscience
-Nader Shureih
"Here's what happens when you die--you sit in a box and get eaten by worms. I guarantee you that when you die, nothing cool happens."
-Howard Stern
"I'm sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don't think there's any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock."
-Howard Stern
Why is it when we talk to God, we're said to be praying--but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?
-Lily Tomlin
The gods offer no rewards for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it
-Mark Twain
"The blue sky is an illusion created by the sun to hide an infinite black void. When you die the worms eat your brains. There's no God to save you and Jesus Christ couldn't even save himself."
David De Void
A cult is a religion with no political power
-Tom Wol
Christianity will doubtless still survive in the earth ten centuries hence- stuffed and in a museum
-Mark Twain
There has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified him - early
-Mark Twain
We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true-- humor
-Mark Twain
