When does one discover the true feelings about BDSM (Bondage, Disciplin, Sadism and Masochism) ?
Is it when you are still a kid and like to play 'cowboys and indians' and like to tie down or be tied down ?
Is it in the early teens, when you have fantasies of being a girl 'rescued' from someone evil by her hero ?
From the first time I made love with someone I have had the fantasies of being tied down during the act of making love. It might be because I'm quite lazy and it frees me of the 'duty' of being active too :), it might me something deeper inside of me, I do not know and I do not wish to analyze it, but thinking of bondage has played a great role in my whole sexual life.
The first time I visited Caligula's Gothic Empire for the first time in my life I saw bondage pictures with also an 'artististic' element... I loved them. With Caligula I exchanged some email about the bondage part of BDSM (it never seemed attractive to me being spanked or tortured, just the bondage part of it applied to my imagination). When I finally met him in august 2000 we had one 'bondage play' together with 'Suka'... I was tied down by Caligula and Suka and got almost crazy of lust by their little 'attentions' to me.
When Caligula left Poland Suka and I had a relationship for over 4 months and bondage was a very important part of our love play. I also got 'introduced' by some little painfull aspects of BDSM and I must say I did not dislike it :). During my vacation on the baltic coast with Caligula we also had some BDSM contacts.
For some people it's difficult to understand how a self aware progressive girl like me can 'submit' so anyone... I guess I should help to take away one stereotyped image of BDSM out of these world : In BDSM it's not (always) so that one person is a 'slave' and a second a 'master'. I prefer to talk about 'submissive' and 'dominant', which more describes an attitude then a 'role'. Even in BDSM I'm master (mistress I should say) over my own body and no dominant is allowed to do anything I do not agree upon. There are only 2 people in the world I've had BDSM contacts with, Suka and Caligula, and this is because I trust those people and I do know they respect me and my 'limits'.