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Kelly's Kolloum of Innernet Goodness |
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Last week, I was reading the badly written school news paper, when I came across something that made me spit my latte across the room. Apparently, some stupid undergrad (or grad student, since the two groups seem to be running together right now) said that anti-war protesters are endangering homeland security. I'm sure you're scratching your head too and going "What the f**k?" First of all, I'm not exactly sure how anti-war protestors are any more dangerous than pro-war protestors. Is it because anyone who's against the war must be anti-troops and thus a terrorist? Is it because all the police are spending all their time and energy on protests? Well, if the latter is the case, then really pro-war protests are endangering the American public just as much as those who oppose the war. *Sigh* Some people are just f**king stupid. But I digress (as my methodology professor says all the time), the real reason for this kolloum is to expose the mystery of homeland security. Homeland security was created by George Bush Jr. in order to give his friend Tom Ridge a job, since he promised the guy Vice President, but Dick Cheney said "step off bitch!" when he tried to move into the VP office. The real purpose of Homeland Security (which is controlled by the duct tape and plastic sheeting industry) is to scare the crap out of the American public. Like earthquakes, there's no reliable way to predict terrorism. The color-coded system was only invented so Ridge and his department wouldn't look like bum-holes for having only one five minute meeting. In reality, we (meaning the U.S.) should have been at the orange/high/crap your pants level since the end of the first Gulf War. It's long been known that the Middle East (as well as most of the rest of the world) has been pissy towards America for quite a while now. And some of this hatred is justified- we're bored as a nation, so we stick our noses in places where it doesn't belong sometimes (Iran-Contra, French wine, German chocolate), and forget about those who really need our help (Africa, South America), and completely ignore our own citizens. Ok, I went off on a tangent again. The whole point of this kolloum is: don't wrap your house in duct tape. Unless you have a gas mask and a chemical suit, you'll die if they decided to chemically bomb the little corner of the world you're in. Don't freak everytime they raise the terrorist level. Say what you want, because you're not endangering homeland security any more than it is. As a promise to you, my faithful readers, this will be the last kolloum where I go off on the war. Because, in the end, no one that matters really cares what I think. Really, I'm just upset because the war looks like it's going to mess up my plans to travel abroad this summer. Tune in next week where I bash my school instead of the federal government! Till then, keep your head on the ground and keep your feet in the stars. -Kelly |
