Glendora:the end of the dark yard

Glendora sat at her desk and looked outta the window. Mr. Light was playing with Sandy in front of the house. He caught her look and waved. Glendora smiled. She waved back and looked after him walking down the road turning around the corner, on the way to the theater. Then she turned back to her diary. By turning one page back, she read her lines of october 7.

"Thereafter I was scared,

waiting at home.

He never came back,

I’m still alone..."

Finally she found a new page and started writing.

"An area void spreads out within my so sad life. . I’m getting outta my depth, right on the brink of disaster, the world’s just an only open tomb to me...

In school they tell us man was an own microcosmos reflecting in a macrocosmos as a reflection of all beauty. They say every single one was a reflection of God. This way every human being reflects God as a small part. Being a tiny part Mankind is part of something huge.

But I don’t feel anything of this solidarity, don’t see the beauty. I’m alone, lost in the macrocosmos. In death lies the beauty for me. There’s nothing making this life worth livin‘ any longer, I wanna die...

And suddenly He was there... the death. He was standing right in front of me. Pale, white skin, cool green eyes and he took me with him. I didn’t defend myself. He had heard my begging, my longing for death. The wretched waiting had come to an end and with it this detesting life, whatever it had finally been. For hours, days and weeks I had been craving for death, staying awake whole nights to take in the darkness, only in totally darkness I felt comfortable., I slept through the days. Everywhere was death; the food had no taste, my life no sense. The small mosquitoes circling around the lamp and crashing down, dead and burned after getting too near to the treacherous light. The flies in the kitchen killed by a cruel human’s hand... Everything strengthened my desire to die. With every part of my weak body I was craving for death.

Until he appeared to me, in the shabby graveyard, in total darkness. We left the earthly spheres, by now I know, and he led me through his world. And I got to know a completely new definition of death. I had never imagined death could be like that. Too deep was my hurt of the loss of Sandy. He told me about the "life after" and suddenly I got the point. I understood paradise, heaven and hell, everything united in the great cosmos of life, understood Him.

It’s been so confusing and then it happened. The deeper we got into his world, the more I liked him – and he me. He was so concerned about me, so mysterious, not of this world. But the most important thing: He brought Sandy back to me.

Back in the earthly spheres I realized. I had fallen in love with death – and death with me.

Thereafter he joins my world. But he can’t do so forever. He didn’t tell me so, nevertheless, I know. I can tell by his eyes. His look becomes more distant and his accent stronger again. He’ll leave me soon – and Sandy as well. I’m not sure when I’ll see him again. I’m caught between two worlds. During the day I live in the earthly world, as for the night I spend it in the dark world of death. Where to do I really belong?

There are collisions, overlappings. But these things may happen when two worlds collide. I don’t know if I’m able to join his world again before my time’s up.

My parents can’t help me; they are already damned, damned to eternity. Never they’d tolerate suicide, not as Christians. Their religion considers suicide as a sin, because the one committing suicide does not obey God’s order to take part in earthly life. He/she does not bear the pains of life and ends his (her) God- given life. My parents would consider suicide as kinda escape, for they don’t know my feelings. They don’t know the dark spheres have already started consuming my soul...

Life doesn’t stop for nothing and no one. I’m feeling myself pulled, it tears me apart, I think I’ll drown, everything’s circling...

And then there’s this very thought again: Dying, dying, everything’s circling; I’m pulled into the depth, a vicious circle without escape... Yeah, it’s true, I’m longing for death..."

Glendora sighed deeply and finished a letter she had discovered between the pages of her diary. Yes, she had already made her decision. When He left her world, she’d accompany him – and take Sandy with her. She would have to die if she really wanted to do so, Glendora was aware of that and wanted it.

She searched for an envelope and put the letter into it. "To my parents, rest in peace..."

Then she grabbed another sheet of paper and started writing again. This one she put into an envelope as well and placed it next to the first one onto her desk. "To my beloved sister Kate, please, forgive me..."

She lit a tall black candle and placed the envelopes below. Glendora raised and went to the door. For one last time she turned back and saw the television, her bed and the letters before leaving the room and shutting the door and with it that chapter of her life.

A new life began, and it should last forever. She was alone and entered the corridor. Glendora felt something hairy next to her legs. Sandy was ready, too, he would be her guide. He bit into one sleeve of her black pullover and pulled her towards the bathroom. They were surrounded by darkness. Glendora hesitated before opening the door and switching on the light. By now she did not hesitate any longer since she knew what she had to do. She entered the bath followed by Sandy. She stepped in front of the mirror and took a dark red lipstick, black mascara and eyelid shadow. Finally she took the eyeliner as well for the last time in her human life. Satisfied she looked in the mirror. That one in the mirror faced her resolutely. ""Let’s do it, get it over." She seemed to say. Glendora opened the mirror closet and took a brown box outta it. Sandy sat down and watched her close. She opened the box and found her father’s razor as well as some silvern razor blades. Glendora went to the little radio. She programmed a CD track and pressed the REPEAT button. The radio started to play.

Glendora took the razor and cut little wounds into her fingertips. Dark red blood was dripping into the white washbasin. Sandy licked her fingers and looked cheerfully at her. His owner took a deep breath. "Go" that one in the mirror said." Get it over now, it’s too late, you’ve already started it." With her hands trembling, Glendora pushed up her pullover’s sleeves and took one of the razor blades. The blood was pulsating inside her veins. She looked to Sandy, then back to her hands. Resolutely she finally searched the aorta and put on the razor. A stabbing pain flashed through her body and she screamed in fear. The razor fell outta her hand and disappeared with a rattling sound in the outlet.

Blood welled outta the vein and dripped onto the floor. Glendora got pale, immediately she put her arms in the washbasin. A dark red flood consisting of blood poured down in the white washbasin and dripped into the outlet. Glendora felt herself getting and more and more weak, she felt her own liquids of life escaping from her body and watched the blood in fear flowing down her hands and sulling her clothes. She wanted to get it over as fast as possible, Bravely she took the razor and slit her right wrist. In pain she screamed again. A fountain of her own blood shot up and gushed at the mirror glass. Weakly Glendora reached out for another razor blade and slit her first arm once more. One more time the blood gushed outta the girl’s wrist. She felt a strange void spreading out within her body. Drop by drop the blood was dripping onto the floor. Beyond the blood drops on the mirror she saw the fading face of that one in the mirror. She lost consciousness and fell onto the floor. The back Auf her head hit the tiles and she lied motionless. Around the back of her head a pool of blood formed. Still the blood kept trickling, still it gushed outta her veins, running down her hands. Below her wrists the tiles took on a dreadful red color.

It was quiet beside the radio. All life had escaped from the girl’s body, erased. Sandy gapped her wounds stopping the bleeding. Sandy adjoined her and followed her soul into another world.

At the same time as Glendora lost her earthly life, the lights in the urban theater faded during the first night of the opera. Glendora’s life was extinguished, her life’s light had burnt out. An angry murmuring followed by loud protests was in the hall. But the light technician did not get that at all. He raised from his mixer and raced down the street. He was too late. Why did he not ever speak with the girl about his return? Long before facing the very house he knew what had happened. He could not read her thoughts any more. The book of her thoughts was closed and he not be able to open it again. He did not know the exact position of the girl, either. Probably she was between two worlds in this moment. By now all his hope rested on the collie. This dog knew what to do. He would never allow anything to harm the girl.

He had to hurry. In spite of knowing where to they both were on the way, he wanted to have a last look at the place of the misadventure before leaving the earthly spheres forever.

By reaching the house he found the flat brightly lit up.

The door was open, Glendora’s family had returned and already noticed the accident. He entered the flat and heard the parents‘ crying from the bath. He joined them, but they did not even notice him. Shocked they faced their dead daughter. Glendora was lying on the floor, her hand was still enclosing the razor blade, her face distorted of pain. Dried blood covered her pullover, the long blond hair hanging wildly around her face, the black eye shadow smeared.

Still the same song escaped from the tiny speakers of the radio. Track 6 said the image of the display. Even the parents noticed that, and a mauve cover caught their look. "SINERGY – Razorblade salvation."

He grinned by seeing this. Only Kate stood just there trying hard to conceal a happy smile while facing her sister’s corpse.

He stepped behind her. "She’s not dead. She‘s just crossed the line to another world, to be with me. She knew I wouldn’t have been able to live here forever. I would never asked her to do it, but she did so. I gotta go, I gotta find her and the collie as well." "Yeah, I know", Kate  replied. "Give my regards to her. I wish you all the best and the eternal paradise, unlimited happiness until the end of your eternity..." He could see tears coming into her eyes as she said so, but her eyes were radiant and he discovered within them Glendora’s reason. "That’s what I wish you, too. Thank you. She’s feeling fine. Once there will be a time, and we’ll all meet again." Kate nodded. "Okay. Give the regards from that in the mirror to her and she’ll know..." "I’ll do so." he answered. "And read her diary. It will help you to understand everything." Kate wanted to say something else, but he was gone.

Already he was on his way to beyond, while Kate entered her sister’s room in her world and discovered the envelopes below the meanwhile quite small but still black candle. She blew it out and took the diary like naturally outta the first drawer. The two letters she put into her pocket. Before returning to her room she handed the one letter out to her parents. Kate could imagine its content and went to her room, while her parents were reading the letter and started crying again.

Dear Mum, dear Dad,

I know you’ll never understand my action, so just put up with it, okay? There was no place for me in this world. I didn’t belong there, neither in this city, nor in this country, not in this world at all. When you are readin‘ this, I’ll have already left the earthly spheres behind me. I‘ll join another world, another cosmos beyond your imagination. It’s no paradise, not how you’re expectin‘ it to me. For this paradise doesn’t exist, no matter, how long you’ll search for the eternal paradise, you’ll never find it. You’ll be damned in eternity, we’ll never meet again. I know you won’t understand this, but you did never understand me. My philosophy of life, my world view, has always been different from yours and ever will be. We just represent a different side, that’s all.

Don’t worry, I’m happy. Sandy joins me here, he’ll take care of me. Farewell as long as it’s possible to you. I don’t give you any blame, instead I wish you a full life until they’ll finally carry you to grave.

And therefore I say: Rest in peace for your conscience never will.

Your beloved daughter, Glendora.

Glendora had reached the world beyond the earthly imagination. Sandy showed it again to her, he could do so himself since they both were dead by now, according to the earthly consideration.

Glendora was happy, now the people were able to see her and everyone was so friendly and nice. She walked with Sandy through the dark forests, followed by some other dogs, crossing meadows, wading through lakes and climbing hillocks. Glendora was free, all her sorrow, all tortures were left behind in the old world.

At the same time Kate returned to her room to read her sister’s farewell letter in the earthly world.

My darling, Kate,

Maybe it’s surprising and nevertheless I know, you’ll understand. There was no place for me in the world. I felt happy, kinda self- knowledge as I met Him. But in the old world I could not be with him. How should death exist in a world fulfilled with life? You know it’s not possible!

He opened my eyes and didn’t let me run in my fate the parents had already created as a result of their education. I wanna warn you, please be on your guard!

Just read my diary and you’ll understand me. I’m still there for I’m not dead, and you know that. Almost according to the earthly consideration.

Whenever you’re longing for me, just leave a message behind on Sandy’s tombstone, he cares for me, I’ll do the same.

My earthly life was not worth livin‘ any longer, the meaning of life had disappeared a long time ago. There was no sense, no reasons for why to go on.

Meanwhile I’ve found my fulfilment. But those things may happen when two worlds collide.

Adieu.

Your you beloving sister Glendora

Glendora felt fine in her new world. This was where she belonged! She was sitting on a bench as she noticed a movement on the wooden bridge leading over the enormous birch grove. Sandy barked pleased, she looked up and saw Him. Step by step he came over the bridge right towards her. By now just a clearing seperated Glendora from her earthly light technician. Once more he caught her look and waved. Once more Glendora smiled and waved back. Then she raised and went to meet him. She started to run, faster and faster, her feet hardly touched the ground, she was flying using her own soul. And so did he, though he was not able to fly. He ran, hurried to climb the hillocks approaching her the more and more. The curly hair was still waving around his face as he slowed down. Slowly they went towards one another. Their hands touched, their fingers intertwined long before he finally embraced his girl gently. "Tervetuloa." He whispered. "Welcome." "What’s that? Is it the language of this world? It sounds so northern..." she wanted to know while kissing him tenderly. "No niin", he began caressing her with immortal kisses. "It’s even an earthly language, but not many know it down there. No matter what is and what is not. The most important is to be. And it will always be my language." Glendora smiled. "I’d somehow like to learn it, I wanna be as good as you are." He grinned. "Oh, you’ll be!" He took her hand. "From now on we won’t waste any time with what’s earthly and what’s not, down there, one has already buried you. Come on, meet the family!" Arm in arm they crossed the clearing heading towards the dark yard. "About my burial?" she asked curious. "Ask your sister, partly quite loud. They ordered a life band, and they had to play Razorblade kiss from Razorblade Romance as well as Razorblade Salvation!" "My God!" Glendora grinned, then turned towards him. "Oh. What will happen if I quoted from the bible now? According to the earthly consideration I’m dead?" "Well, just let it be. Your parents would start believing in ghosts right away!"

They both laughed and stopped walking. Sandy sighed deeply as they kissed one another again. What kinda "dog’s life after" he was living!

But Glendora and her boy- friend paid no attention to him. They were on the way to their family and felt paradise. Again and again they stopped and kissed one another to continue walking afterwards – towards their new destination area. As they reached Sandy’s tomb in the world of death, they already saw a message from Kate. "Oh post!" said Glendora happily. Not far away she could make out the house of her boy- friends family. They took the grave stone with them to read it inside.

"Oh" her dark company with the brown curly hair and green eyes suddenly said. "I nearly forgot: The best regards from that one in the mirror..."

Glendora turned towards him. Tears were coming into her eyes. "Kiitos." She replied while taking his hand again.

After all she was happy and felt paradise. By his side Glendora had finally found her peace in the world of death.

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THE END