Diary Archive 2:

Entries 6-10

Even More Reasons why my life is like a soap opera: Diary Entry #6 Wednesday May 15, 2002, 1:30 pm

Well, well, well ... yeah, it's been awhile since I updated. I'm working on several things at the moment ... in relation to this. You know. But anywho. So, Kara came home on Saturday. I was so happy! But my only problem was that Maria wanted to hang out!! So what's a gurl to do? Why, take Maria along, of course! That way, I can introduce her to Kara, and then the five of us (Monica, Kara, Lorelai, Maria and myself) could go hang out somewhere, and celebrate Kara's homecoming.

That, however, turned out to be a mistake. The minute Maria and Kara saw each other ... the world went away. It was just the two of them, and they were all over eachother. It was obviously mutual. I could feel my heart breaking--again. It totally sucked. So, we went to hang out ... and Kara and Maria 'excused' themselves to go to the ladies' room. When they came back ... it was obvious what had happened. The way they looked at one another, they way they touched ... it was just so obvious. I had to excuse myself then, to go to the bathroom. Only, I didn't go #2. I went #11. You know what that means. I ... CRIED!!!

Well ... that's the end of that, I guess. As of yesterday afternoon, Kara and Maria were OFFICIALLY an item. So ... it's back to the drawing board for me. Am I ever going to find true love? Or is my life going to be like one long, unending soap opera? That would totally suck! I don't even like soap operas! Well ... except for Passions. ^_~

Getting Drunk: Diary Entry #7 Sunday May 26, 2002, 12:12 am

Wow. This past week has been ... strange. Every day or night since my last diary entry (which is 11 days, almost TWO WHOLE WEEKS!!) I have been getting drunk!! Like I said, it's not always at night, sometimes it's during the day!! This is very odd behavior for me. Usually I am more responsible, and although I party hard, not THIS hard, and usually at night or on the weekends. But the chain of events that have been occuring ... whoa.

Perhaps I should explain. As I said before, after I introduced Maria and Kara, they became officially an "item." As it turns out, although I had ASSUMED they had sex with eachother when they 'excused' themselves, in reality they had only made out. They had agreed, Kara later told me, to "take it slow." Also, Kara saw the website and was instantly contrite for stealing my grrrl away from me ... Kara is a great friend! She even offered to stop dating Maria if I wanted her to, although of COURSE I said no way! However, to drown out my sorrows I went out and got drunk every night over the weekend ... it was not one of my finer moments.

Anywho, on Monday, Kara came with me to work (since we're coworkers now!) and I showed her around the place. But something was off. She didn't look like herself. Ususally, she's cheerful and sexy and phun. But that day she just seemed ... drained. So the two of us went out to lunch together on our lunch hour (which is very liberal, since we work for the government, and in reality no one cares really when we get back or if we get back at all ... hey! it's the GOVERNMENT baby! It's not like they're going to fire us), and we went to a nice little bar and grill place that I knew of. But, instead of heading for a booth, Kara headed straight for the bar. And I followed her. She ordered a skrewdriver and drank it down in one big gulp, and then ordered ANOTHER!! I asked her what was wrong, but she just shook her head, and continued to drink. I was shocked ... for a government employee, on her first day of work, to get drunk on her lunch hour ...well, most of us have the courtesy to wait AT LEAST a month before doing that! But I could tell that something was definitely wrong. So I sat down, ordered a drink, and told her to spill. Everything.

And so the whole sordid tale came out. Maria had been playing both of us for fools. She already had a gurlfriend back home, with whom she was unwilling to break up. She said she was straight because she wanted to get some action without her gf ever finding out. Although she was very attracted to Kara, Kara hadn't wanted to sleep with her just yet, and would only make out with her. So, Maria dumped her in order to find someone else to sleep with. She would have gone back to me, I think, if she didn't know that Kara and I were really good friends, and that Kara would tell me everything and I would NOT want to be second choice. Either I am the only woman, or the #1 woman in someone's life, or else I'm not in their life at all. That's just how it is with me. And from our short time together, Maria knew that. Which is why she didn't attempt a reconciliation with me. Also, I hate cheaters (see my relationship with Daphne for more info on that!), and would never knowingly cheat on either someone I am with (unless the relationship is non-exclusive and we both agree that we can sleep with other people, because then it's not really cheating if you both agree) or someone my partner is with (again, unless they and whoever they are in a relationship with have both agreed that their relationship is non-exclusive and that they can sleep with other people if they want). So ... Maria did not turn to me. I think she maybe went with some other friends of Lynn's or something. I don't know. And, frankly, I don't care. All I care about is that Kara thought it was love at first sight, but then ... her hopes and dreams were shot down. Poor Kara! So last monday we got drunk ... together. Over the same woman. Ouch.

Anyway, that's when I got drunk on Monday. On Tuesday, my cell phone rang at about 2 o'clock in the morning, waking me up from sleep. I wondered who it was! So I turn on the cell phone to hear weeping. Monica weeping. This is such a sad, sordid tale. It turns out, Monica was hanging out with some of her hi skewl friends (who I don't personally know although I do know most of her friends), when people started pairing off and making out. So Monica, being the shy virgin that she is, decided to go with the guy who ended up being paired with her and take a walk in the park. At night. In the dark. Smart move, Monica! So anyway, Mr. Fast Hands was getting a little frisky, and she told him to stop it (because she didn't even know him, and was not attracted to him enough to even want to make out with him or anything as innocent as that) and then the bastard threw her on the ground and tried to RAPE HER!!! My little Monica, little VIRGINAL Monica!! Since he was drunk (as were most of the rest of her friends except for the designated drivers, of which she was one), she managed to escape him (using the maneuvers she learned in her defence class--EVERY woman should take one of those, they could save your life, or, as in Monica's case, your hymen!!). So, to make a long story short (or even longer, depending on your point of view), Monica called me up, sobbing, and in need of some advice and a little friendship. So, very quietly (so as not to wake Jared and Nina) I got dressed and drove over to Monica's house. Then, we went to a bar, and got insanely drunk, because Monica was in so much emotional pain ... she just felt the need to make it all go away, and I understood that she feels uncomfortable getting drunk alone (partly because she's underage, I think). So we got insanely drunk, and then stumbled out of the place and I (to my eternal shame, of course) drove us home, and woke up the next morning with a monster hangover. Ugh.

Then comes Tuesday morning. I started the morning with an awful hangover from my night out with Monica. Then, I had to get up and go to work. Kara was feeling somewhat better that day--at least, good enough not to have to drink! So that was good. Anyway, when I got home from work there was a message on my machine. I turn it on and guess who it's from? Jared's dad! Only, the message isn't for Carol or Jared ... it's for me. Apparently, he wanted to meat me for drinks at 6 o'clock. Since I didn't get home on Tuesday until around 5:30, I figured I'd better hurry to be there on time! The message was kinda cryptic so I didn't know exactly what was going on, but I figured I'd find out. So anyway, I went to the place where he wanted to meat (very ritzy and hi klass. Of course, the dude is a rich dude). He was there, and I sat down and got a really weird vibe. Anyway, it turnz out that he and his latest gurlfriend (another in a loooong string of beautiful blonde bimbo trophy gf's) just broke up, and he wanted solice, and since he likes blonds ... and so I was soo surprised! After all, he and I never spoke, and he totally hates my sister's guts, even though she's the mother of his child (a fact that was proven through paternity tests).

Perhaps I should explain the story of Carol and Joseph (Jared's dad). Since Joseph is nearly 11 now, and Carol is 27 ... well, you do the math. He was born when she was 16. What happened was, Joseph, being the rich little trust-fund boy that he was, went to a private skewl. Carol, on the other hand, being the little slutty ghetto gurl that she wuz, went to a private skewl. But what happened wuz, because Carol had garnered quite a reputation since she was 11 (not a good rep; she was known as "Little Miss Slut" because although she looked, dressed, and acted all proper and stuff, she was an INCREDIBLY easy lay). She would litterally sleep with anything that had a penis. But anyway, this reputation got her into the realm of rich white boys that were willing to pay for their sex. Now Carol, being the money-grubbing little hoe that she is, decided that she should get her money's worth out of these boys, and managed to get them to buy her things in exchange for sexual favors. Eventually, she was with one boy who was a friend of Joseph's. What happened was that he told Joseph about the hot little cunt he was dating, and asked Joseph if he'd like to try her out (yes, this is REALLY how sordid all those bored, rich guys are). So Joseph said sure, and then he got his hands on Carol. Now, Carol, being the smart little whore that she was, decided that since he was the richest man she had ever met,and probably ever WOULD meat, that if she had his baby she would have a free ride through most of the rest of her life. So, she told him she was on the Pill, even though she wasn't, and they had lots and lots of unprotected sex. To make sure the baby would definitely be his, Carol had to make a HUGE sacrifice (which is the way she saw it) to not sleep with anyone else until she could be sure she had conceived a child. Actually, it only took a few weaks until she took one of those home tests and it came out positive! So she confronted Joseph, and he tried to give her abortion money, but she refused, saying that she was going to keep the baby and that, since he was the father, he was going to have to pay for it! Well, now, Joseph didn't like that at ALL!! So he insulted her and said nasty things to her, told her she would never get a penny out of him! He even said that the baby probably wasn't even his--and after all her weeks of self-sacrifice to ensure that the baby WAS his! So anyway, nine months later Jared was born, and he was instantly the joy of our little family. After his birth, they did a DNA test which was conclusive in the fact that Joseph IS Jared's father. So, he agreed to pay child support (since he, like the rest of us, took one look at that cute little boy and fell in love instantly), and when Carol turned 18 and wanted to move out of our house, he let her live in the house that he owned (it was left to him by his grandmother I think?) but never used (he had another house that he actually lived in). So, Carol moved there, and that's where she's been, ever since.

Phew! Anywho, back to the story. I told him that I couldn't sleep with my nephew's father, because that would just make things awkward. Then, to make things even MORE awkward in between us, the man started CRYING! Talking about how he had thought this latest gurlfriend was "The One" and how he was going to propose to her, until she had found someone else, someone richer, to be her sugar daddy instead, and had dumped him and walked away without a single look back over her shoulder. I attempted to console him, and ended up consoling myself, too, with a couple (or more) drinx. By the end of the night, I had nearly passed out (After all, Carol's the one that can drink anyone under the table, not me!). So anywho, he ended up calling a cab to take me home, and he was very gentlemanly over the whole thing (I guess because he figured I could blackmail him over his crying escapade, who knows?) So that's how I got drunk TWICE on Tuesday!

Wednesday was pretty tame, except that a friend of a friend of mine was having a birthday party (happy birthday Moira!) and Nikki and Elaine decided to drag Monica, Kara and myself along as special guests. Basically, the entire party was about everyone getting drunk and having sex. A giant, drunken orgy. I participated in the drunkenness, of that I am sure, but I'm not sure about the extent of my participation of the orgy. You know you have to stop drinking when you can't remember what you were doing or with whom when you wake up the next morning ...

Thursday I woke up with yet another hangover, but this one was not so bad (multiple days of near constant drinking tends to reduce the badness of the hangovers, or so I've noticed). I went to work, came home, kicked back ... and then Lorelai called. She and her latest gf (she goes through gurlfriends the way most people go through sox!) had broken up, so she needed her gurrrlz there for sum comfort. So, Monica, Kara, Jamie, Carol and I went over to her place (ahh! the memories of my old home!!) to hang out with her and drink copious amounts of cheapt $3 wine (amounting to about 6 bottles, which is to say an entire bottle of wine each. Needless to say, we all ended up drunk and sleeping on Lorelai's couches. Her new roommate, Vedicia, who's actually kinda cool (and, surprisingly, straight) was conspicuous in her absence.

Anywho, that brings us back to good ol' FRIDAY!! Ah, yes, the end of the weak. Friday night there was a concert (at around 6) and it was free ... that was really nice. So I went there with Lewis, Jason, Katie, Philip, Nikki, Mikey, Scott and Jayne (because Monica had some "family obligations" to fulfill that night ... *shudders* and Kara and Lorelai were being total bitches who wanted to, and I quote "stay home" even though the weather was great and the music was superb. *shrugs* Oh well, their loss). We had a great time, listened to some great music, and drank some great beer. Sure, I got home around 11 and was only a little buzzed, but then just a few hours later I got a call from Jayne, she had stayed after the rest of us left and had "hooked up" with one of the guys in one of the bands! And so I was like "damn, gurl!" And she said the band was hangin' out and playin' some music and told me to get my ass over there. So I called up a few peepz and we went over there and hung out with the band (they are such cool guys, and I think Jayne's little hook up may have gotten her something more than just a little action, if u know what I mean!) It was awesome, and we got totally, mindlessly drunk! So since that counts as Friday AND Saturday, since, u know ... it just does!

Anywho, I didn't even have a hangover when I woke up, which was nice, but I REALLY have to stop all this drinking and getting drunk!! At least I didn't get drunk at all for the rest of Saturday (although we did go out and do a little club hopping this evening), and so far Sunday (at least for the first three hours or os of it) I have managed to not get drunk. Yay! Just a few more days to go, and I'll be back on the wagon, sober for sure!

Call me ... Mommy Government: Diary Entry #8 Monday May 27, 2002, 3:54 am

Yeah, you heard right. Mommy Government. That's me. I'm ... pregnant.

I'd had a sneaking suspicion of ... something. I guess that's why I kept drinking so much over the week. Something seemed to be not quite right in my system. Well, today, I discovered what it was. I'm pregnant. Which means, starting RIGHT NOW I'm not having anymore sex, alcohol, drugs, or whatever, until after my baby is born. That is, if I decide to keep it.

I am completely torn on this issue. Carol has never gotten an abortion, because she doesn't believe in it (I, on the other hand, do). She has also been very lucky--despite the copious amounts of unprotected sex that she has had throughout her sexual career, she only got pregnant twice--and one of those times it was planned (Jared).

I, however, am not nearly so lucky. I've gotten pregnant twice before--even being as careful as I am! I NEVER have unprotected sex if I can help it (I'm very good at saying no to a man who is careless about protection), although sometimes I admit I get caught up in the moment and everything. *Sigh* I know who the father is, too. Since I've only been with one guy in the past three or so years ... yep. That's right. Bryan. The man with a GURLFRIEND. A PREGNANT gurlfriend, or so I found out yesterday from a mutual friend. And, according to this same mutual friend, they are planning to marry as soon as possible, so that he will be the baby's father when the child arrives.

But what about me? What about my child? Perhaps I should explain what happened to me in the past ... it might make my current situation/predicament a lot easier to understand--and a surprisingly large number of my friends don't know about my past. The only ones who do are Jamie, Daphne, Monica, and of course Carol, since she is my sister. Some of my old high school friends may know, but I'm not so sure. I know for a fact that Sam doesn't know, because I purposefully never told him.

Anywho, here goes. As we all know, Sam is the man who broke my hymen when I was 13. Shortly afterwards, I started getting morning sickness and my period was late, so I took one of those at home pregnancy tests, and it determined that I was pregnant. I was soo scared. However, knowing that the at home tests are not always completely accurate, I went to a doctor--and received the same diagnosis. I was so scared. Sam and I were on shaky ground for the entire time after we had sex (mostly I think since it had been my first time, and we all know how attached you become to your first partner!). I wasn't sure if I wanted the baby, or if he wanted it, or if my parents would freak out at having another grandchild around the house (Jared was only a baby at that time). Then, however, everything was resolved because the next week I miscarried the child, and I had to go to the hospital emergency room and it was very nasty. Actually, that was the experience that made me so adamant about safe sex, because Sam and I played it fast and loose in the beginning--my sexual knowledge was still quite tiny at that time.

So, I never told Sam about that (until now), but it was one of the most important events in my life, shaping my future, especially my future sexual relations. Anywho, let's move onward towards my second pregnancy, when I was 18. After Jamie and I broke up, I had a fling during the summer before college. It was a very short fling, just a week or so, with some random guy, who's name I don't even remember. But he was nice, and great in bed, so that made up for the lack of memorability about him. Anywho, a few weeks later I was once again late for my period, and I did a home test, and guess what--positive, all the way. Although we had used condoms every time, I figured something must have gone wrong--either it had been exposed to heat, or accidentally ripped in our haste, who knows. But somehow his sperm had penetrated my vagina, and, since I wasn't on the Pill (I never have been, I don't know why, I just haven't), well ... I got pregnant. That time, I decided to have an abortion. Let's just say ... it's not an experience I would like to relive, which causes my current hesitation for that avenue of action. And the only people who know about my abortion (at least that I actually know of) are Jamie, Monica, and of course Carol. I never even told Daphne about that. It was just too painful, and too personal. I cried on Jamie's shoulder for weeks afterward. And I always wondered, in the back of my mind, what would have happened if I had kept the baby. S/he would have been about Nina's age--this fling happened just after Carol and I came back from Vegas. Carol disapproved of my having the abortion, and wanted us to have our babies together. But I was going to college in the fall, and I had my whole life ahead of me. I didn't want to give it all up for the sake of one little baby. That's probably why I'm so attached to Nina--she's what my own daughter would have been like, had she been born. But anywho, I'm getting way too sentimental here. Let's change the subject.

My finding out that I was pregnant yesterday was only one small part of the day. After finding out I was incredibly depressed, and I wanted to get drunk. Monica's friend Kaleb, a junior at her high school, was having his birthday party, since yesterday was his birthday (Happy Birthday, Kaleb!) His ... 17th birthday, to be exact. And most of his friends there were 16 or 17. Since I had met him a few times, and had been invited as Monica's guest to his party, I felt it was ok for me to attend--even though Monica couldn't, because her family is away for memorial day weekend (I think they're up in mayne or something, who knows?) So, I showed up at the party--with several cases of hard liquor! Of course, all the young 16 and 17 year olds were delighted that I brough not only alcohol but cigarettes and joints as well (yes, I know, I shouldn't go out planning to corrupt them but ... what else could I do?)

In short order, everyone at the party was drunk (while Kaleb's parents twiddled their thumbs upstairs), high, and coughing from the smokiness in the room. I was the only person there who wasn't a minor. So, when Kaleb's parents finally came down ... I was the one that got blamed for everything--and rightfully so!

Things at the party had not gone well ... the poor kids couldn't hold their liquor, and there was a lot of vomiting going on ... and, well, we all know that you are NOT supposed to mix alcohol and marijuana ... the results are not conducive to a good time. Needless to say ... those kids had the best damn time of their lives! But I wondered to myself what I was doing there ... how far had I degenerated, in my morals and my lifestyle ... and so I made a vow to myself, that I would have no more sex, booze, drugs, or whatnot, until this entire situation had ended--either with an abortion, or in 9 months with the birth of my child. Either way, I didn't want to harm the poor little tyke any more than necessary.

Anywho, back to the story. So there I was, drunk (but not high, because I had declined that particular privilege this evening), when Kaleb's mother came downstairs to check on the party. She immediately sensed that something was wrong, and that I was the person in charge of this wrongness. She began yelling and screaming and chased me out of the house, while calling 911 on her cell phone. Eventually, the police came to help her in her chase ... and I ended up hiding in a treehouse in the yard of one of their neighbors a few blocks down. I stayed there for awhile(until around midnight or so, I guess), and then came down when it appeared that they had called off the search. Since I myself live not too far from Kaleb's house (although Thank God neither he or his mother know my full name!), I walked home and sat down. Phew! That was quite a harrowing night. But all is better now ... it's been a few hours, and I think I am fully recovered from this night. But I am going to make an appointment with my doctor on Tuesday to make sure I am really pregnant ... although I have signs of morning sickness, and my period is over a week late, and the home test was positive, so ... well, let's just say I think you can begin calling me Mommy Government now.

Too Bad Her Last Name isn't Aguilera: Diary Entry #9 Tuesday May 28, 2002, 8:17 am

Daphne is such a total bitch!!! She really pisses me off sometimes. Like today, for instance. I wake up at like, 6:30 and the phone is ringing off the hook. So I pick up and I'm like, "What the Hell?" and it's Daphne, and she starts getting on one of her high-horse anti-men rants, about how this is exactly why I shouldn't go around sleeping with men or whatever, and that I got what I deserved, yada yada yada. Damn, I swear I am going to kill Lorelai for giving that bitch my url!

Anywho, so I hang up on her the first time, she keeps calling back, so I have no choice but to listen to her, so that the constant ringing won't wake up Carol or the kids (She was calling on my cell, but she knows the # for the house, and I know she wouldn't hesitate to use it if it suited her purposes). So I was forced to listen to her for like an hour as she was talking about how all men are evil and how he was a bastard, and how she was still willing to let me come crawling back to her--as if I would!--and all that shit. And I was just like, "Daphne, shut yo mouth!"

And then it reminded me of something, cuz I was watching the Andy Dick show last night ... and they had Daphne Aguilera on, and I was like, wow, she has the same name as Daphne! and it was kind of a weird moment, and I thought of what it would be like if my Daphne were playing Daphne Aguilera, and that made me laugh like so hard, you have no idea (well, maybe Monica does, she knows what I'm talkin' bout yo). First of all, Daphne is a lot uglier than Daphne Aguilera--I have no idea what I saw in that gurl! Monica was always like "you hang out with me and Kara, and you date someone who looks like that? Have you no self-esteem or self-respect, gurl?" and I never understood what she meant until after our break up. I guess the thing about Daphne is, she's physically unattractive, but there's just something about her, an aura or something, that just attracts people (or rather, women) to her side like moths to the flame.

Anyway ... so that's about all that's happened. w0rd. We had yesterday off becuz it was memorial day, being a government employee totally rocks. Kara and I just hung out, but then we were hangin out and suddenly I just started to cry (damn pregnant hormones!) and she was like "it's ok, gurl, it's ok, don't cry, i'm here" and she wuz so awesome, i luv her Kara totally rox. Haha, and then we were all like "Damn Monica!" cuz she's off in Maine or somewhere gallavanting around with her crazy family, who are all clinically insane, I swear, I have met them, they are all schizophrenic or something, or at least high all the time. Dude, her dad is the biggest pothead I have ever met, the man is SUCH a hippie!! And everyone else in her family abuses something, sex, drugs, alcohol, what have u, except Monica, who is a total strait-edge virgin gurl. She thinx (and I agree) that there was some bassinet swapping going on at the hospital when she was born, becuz she doesn't look, act or nething like anyone else in her family. Dude, it's crazy. But anyway, they're off in Maine somewhere, doing something, who knows, she has no access to a computer or anything, I won't see her until she gets back, but she has PROMISED me that she will finally get around to doing her "Chez Monica" thing about Maine when she gets back, cuz she was all like "I'm going to do a journal thing like Cynthia!" and then she never did, and I was like "Dude, Monica, pay up!" because I bet her $20 that she wouldn't do it, and she was like, "I'll do it when I get back from the long weekend!" So she'd better have it for me by later today, OR ELSE gurl!!! Heh, easiest $20 I ever made (u know she's not gonna do it!)

Anywho, damn, it's late, it's almost 9 o'clock. Technically, I should be at work by now, but hey, it's the government--they don't give a shit!! I could just as well not show up as well, and it's all cool. But anywho, most of the stuff I have to do today is electronic computer stuff as opposed to filing (which is the NASTIEST job ever, although my boss is great--WE LUV U JOLEEN) so I mite even just stay home today. Heh, poor Kara, she's stuck with all the low-end jobs and stuff, she has to file stacks and stacks of government crappola, and it's a never ending thing, poor gurl, that's where I was a year ago, but I rose in the ranx, especially after 9-11 when there was more work all around for everyone, and they gave me more responsibility cuz I already knew the ropes, as opposed to any new recruits that came along. But anyway, as everyone knows (or should know!) my aspirations have always been to become one of the higher level bureaucrats ... hopefully even one of the cabinet members. But I don't know which position I'd like the best, Kara was asking me just yesterday, and I really couldn't tell her. Maybe State Department, becuz I have like a MAJOR crush on Colin Powell. But then again, maybe that new Homeland Security job wouldn't be so bad--Tom Ridge is kinda cute! But not Ashcroft's job, the dude is a total dork, I mean enough with the frikkin' statues already dude!! Oh yeah and Condoleeza Rice is awesome, she's Daphne's and Carol's favorite government person, and I have to admit she's pretty damn cool. But anywho, I am personally a democrat so it would have to be under a democratic administration if I were to get one of those positions. Wurd.

Series Finale: Diary Entry #10 Wednesday May 29, 2002, 1:12 am

Well ... it looks like it's the end. Of everything. Of my life.

Perhaps I should start from the beginning. Today wasn't really such a bad day. It started out this morning with me getting a call from Daphne (bad!) then going in late to work (good!) I met this totally awesome woman named Professor Connie at the office...although I'm not really sure what exactly her job is! ^_^ All I know is that she is going to be around for awhile. She seems really nice. Heh, and she's Carol's age, too! I think we're going to be really good friends. Or, well, we would've ... if things had been different.

Anywho, everything was going great, after work I decided to just come home and chill on the computer instead of going out--no more wild nights for me, not with the baby and all (although I still don't know what I'm going to do about it). But wait. There I go, again, thinking in terms of the future. Wow, I never realized until tonight how often I think in terms of the future. Oh, well.

Anyway, so I was just chillin' all night, hangin' out on the computer. And then ... well, then Lorelai's brother, David, came on, so I started chatting with him, and we ended up getting into this knock-down drag-queen fight, and well .. I lost. In the end, he let out all his pent up emotions towards me. He said he hated me. He said he wasn't the only one. The only reason he had ever pretended to be my "friend" was because Lorelai pitied me, after the whole Daphne thing and all. Then he started ticking off all the names of people with whom he had discussed how much they hated me; the names of almost all my friends came up, with the exception of Monica and Kara (even Jamie holds some hidden resentment towards me, and Lynn, apparently, is jealous of the fact that Jamie and I used to be together and are still friends--I am the only ex-gf of Jamie's that she is still friends with, and that bothers Lynn to no end. I never knew that). So, now I know who my real friends are. Only 2 friends, and all the others who I thought were my friends actually hate me. All of 'em. You don't know how bad that sucks.

So I guess that means ... no one wants me. Or my baby. So, do u know what I'm gonna do? That's right, foo! I'm going away. Leaving my home, my job, my so-called friends--everything! I'm going on a journey, all by myself--heh, not exactly all by myself, I'm taking Kara and Monica with me. We're gonna have a Journey even more memorable than the one I took with Daphne! And when we get back ... well, who knows? We have our whole lives ahead of us. Nothing can stop us now!