Diary Archive 4:

Entries #16-20

You Can Call me ... Mrs. Govern!: Diary Entry #16 Thursday June 20, 2002 4:06 am

Yes, it's true. I'm MARRIED!!! I know I haven't been attentive for awhile ... but I've just been sooo busy for the past week ... so just chill, and let me spill!!

Ok. So, we all know about my passionate affair with Leo, my sister's half-brother. And we also all know that I am currently pregnant with my one-night-stand, Bryan's, child. And we ALSO all know that Bryan got married on Sunday to his pregnant girlfriend. SO. AND, we ALSO all know that I hadn't told Leo about the baby ... even though I had fallen totally, COMPLETELY in love with him!!

So anywho, on Sunday I cried my eyes out, because I had decided not to crash the wedding, and not to ever tell Bryan about his baby. It would have just been too painful, for everyone involved. After all, I don't want to hurt his girlfriend (i mean, wife) who is, after all, the most innocent person in this, just a victim of the man's smooth-talk and charm.

But anywho. So I was crying, and Leo and I were alone in the house, and he was like "baby what's wrong?" and all trying to comfort me and everything, and well... I just told him EVERYTHING--and I mean EVERYTHING!! Basically, my life story. At the end, I expected him to be completely disgusted with me--after all, I'm pretty sure he didn't know how big of a slut I am, since our relationship has been kind of exclusive since I met him, and I haven't slept with anyone else. And, after all, I am pregnant by a man who was, that day, marrying his pregnant girlfriend.

So Leo tells me not to worry about it--he'll take care of everything. "Of what?" I ask. "Of you," he says. Which of course sparks my feminist side, and I start telling him how I certainly don't need a man taking care of me! And he's just sitting there, smiling, and looking so cute. So one things leads to another and then we're naked on the floor and he's being all tender and stuff ... almost as though it were HIS child. And at that moment, I honestly wished that it were.

But anyway, afterwards, he told me to wait ... something good was coming up. And it was. So, yesterday morning (wednesday), he wakes me up and says "Come on, Cynthia" and I'm like "huh?" and then I'm still in my pajamas (you know, the cotton ones with the cute little teddy bears on them) and we're getting on a plane, but I'm still half asleep, and I ask him to tell me just what exactly is going on.

So he does. It turns out that his maternal grandmother (or someone, I don't know exactly who, I'm just guessin' here!) was like FILTHY rich and left all her money to him ... and so he's like a multi-millionaire or something, but the whole thing was just he works for the CIA (like my/his sister), doing some secret stuff for them or whatever, although he's not like a field-agent or anything out doing the dangerous spying and stuff, he's more of a internal person or something, I think it has something to do with checking to see if people are double-agents or something ... I don't know. I was half-asleep at the time, how much do you expect me to retain?! I'll ask him more about it later.

But anywho. So, he came to Carol's house because he needed to check up on her or something (which she is NOT going to like, although he says she passed with flying colors, so there's no worry about her being arrested or anything, which is good), and then he met me ... and he told me that it was like love at first sight, and he'd never felt that way about anyone else, ever before ... which I think is just soooo sweet!! He is the sweetest, my Leo. But anywho, so I'm like "well, then, where are we going?" and it turns out we were heading to Vegas to be married on a special private chartered plane or something (or maybe a government plane? what do I care, as long as we get there!) and he's all like "I want to be your baby's daddy, if that's what you want too" and he pulls this big-ass diamond engagement ring out of his pocket and I'm just like "ok!" because I love him too, and maybe I'm ready to setttle down ... yeah, I think I am!

So we get to Vegas, get married in a lil quickie (yet perfectly legal, or so I am being led to believe) ceremony. And most interestingly, I don't recall signing a prenup or anything ... so if there's a divorce I get half! Or whatever the fraction is that poor-ass wives get these days, you all know how bad I am with math!!

But anyway ... so we came back, and we didn't tell anyone about the change in our relationship ... he says we're going to go house-hunting tomorrow or sometime soon (not apartment hunting because there's a baby on the way and we both agreed that we want more babies on the way!) and then we're gonna move out of Carol's house, and he's gonna get a desk job (hehe, kinda like Carol's!) and we're gonna live all happily ever after ... and maybe it's just a dreamer's fantasy, but you know what? It sounds DAMN good to me!!!

Wish me luck, everyone!!!

Love,

Cynthia Brown Govern

P.S. No, I'm not changing my name to Govern ... we agreed that I'm going to keep my own name. Well ... hehe, I agreed, but he saw the light, eventually. Am I right, gurlz??? ^_~

Goodbye, Mommy Government: Diary Entry #17 Wednesday June 26, 2002 7:48am

Isn't it strange how everything falls apart? Just days ago, I was celebrating my new, exciting marriage. Now, not only is my marriage falling apart, but so is my entire life.

I know you're all wondering where I've been--since only a very few people know the events of the past two days (Kara, Monica, Carol, Leo, and Connie to be exact). But even more so than that--everything is just ... oh, I don't know! All those lies, everything ... I'm just so distraught! I don't know what to do, not at all, it's sooo confusing ...

Ok, let me start from the beginning. On Monday morning, I awoke with horrible cramps, and I said to myself, "Damn periods!" But then I remembered that I was pregnant. So I looked down at the sheets on my bed, and they were covered in blood ... and meanwhile, the cramping was getting worse by the minute, so bad that I could hardly breathe.

Fortunately, I managed to cry out, and that woke up Kara and Monica, who quickly saw what was happening and rushed me to the nearest hospital. I went into the emergency room, and since it was VERY early monday morning (I think a little bit before 5 am, but I'm not exactly sure; the sun wasn't exactly up yet, if you know what I mean), it wasn't crowded. And so it was there that I miscarried my baby.

In retrospect, it's good that I never told Bryan about my baby; it saved everyone involved a lot of grief, now that my baby will never be born. They couldn't even tell what gender it was, it was not far enough along, or so they told me. I was in too much pain--both physical and emotional--to really care what anyone said. I just couldn't stop crying--heck, I STILL can't stop crying, and it's been two days since it happened!! I was completely devastated by the loss of my child. I know, at first, I had rather ambiguous feelings, but after I made the decision to have my baby, everything changed for me, and I really WANTED my child ... I had all these dreams about her (I always thought it would be a her, but I never said anything, just in case I was wrong), and all the things we would do together, just me and my baby. And then Leo came along .. and that made me dream even more.

Ahh, Leo. Funny about that. All the lies, everything. I know now I will never be able to trust him again. And right now, because of him ... well, let's just say, that if it were JUST my baby that I had lost, and nothing else of great importance had happened, then I could just write it off. But this ... with what Leo has done, well, let's just say, my life has never been more like a soap opera than it is right now. Or maybe a b-movie. I don't know, one or the other.

Let me tell you EXACTLY what the bastard did. After being married to me for LESS THAN A WEEK (we were married on june 19), we'd already had some marital strife (involving our differing opinions on sexual positions, among other things). But then ... well, sunday night he told me he was going out drinking with a bunch of friends, and since they were going to be out late (until about 4 in the morning or something), he wouldn't bother coming home, because he didn't want to wake anyone up--especially since Nina has been having problems getting to sleep recently--if you wake her up, she just can't go back to sleep! So he said he'd see me the next day. But the next day, of course, I was having a miscarriage. And needless to say, I didn't go into work. And when I got home ... he still hadn't been there, according to Carol (who is currently doing her work from home, so she can spend some extra time with Nina and saves money on day-care).

Great! I thought, just one more thing to worry about. And then, minutes later, he came waltzing in, and said to me, "Cynthia, we need to talk." And before I could get a word in edgewise about how I'd just been through a very difficult and traumatic miscarriage that morning, he said "I've met someone." And I was just like "WHAT?!" because ... well, honestly! We'd been married for less than a week!

And then it came out--all the lies. Apparently, I was/am his fourth wife. And he's only 22!! He first got married right after he turned 18, to a girl that wouldn't give it up without marriage (i.e., he married her for lust, the same reason he married me). Then, after about a month, he fell in lust with her best friend, divorced the first girl, and married the best friend (who, like his 1st wife, was unwilling to do the nasty with him before marriage--the only difference was that this one wasn't sincere, she was a money-grubbing ho, who wasn't even a virgin on their wedding night, after making him wait until his divorce came through! But anywho). Then, after he realized that he and his 2nd wife didn't get along, they called it quits. Then, when he was 20, he met the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, and she had just been left at the altar by a stupid young man who had broken her heart. So, Leo, being the person that he is, decided that, if this gorgeous young woman wanted to be a bride, then, dammit, he'd make her a bride! This marriage lasted longer than the others--a full 6 months before they ended up cheating on each other with the same person. So then that one was over. And then he decided that it would be in his best interest to remain single--until he met me, that is, and heard my sob story. Leo, aside from being a total and completely faithless bastard, is also a sucker for sob stories, damsels in distress, etc. So ... since he was in lust with me--and sleeping with me at the time--and I needed a baby for my daddy ... he decided that he would do it!

And now ... well, in less than a week, this marriage has failed. On Sunday afternoon, apparently, Kara had brought home our co-worker, Professor Connie, because they needed to finish up some work that had to be done by monday morning, and decided to do it here, so that they could consult Carol on something or other.

Well, the minute Leo met Professor Connie, he flipped his lid. So, they made a secret rendez-vous for that night, and he went over to her place, and, well ... I guess we all know what happened throughout the night, then, don't we?!

So, while I was out having a horrendously horrible miscarriage this morning, my husband was sleeping with my co-worker and ex-friend, Professor Connie. Plus, she's CAROL's age--a hell of a lot older than him!! Sure, she's beautiful but ... not more beautiful than me, certainly! Oh, I don't know ... I'm just so angry and confused. And I haven't encountered Connie since, so I don't know whether or not she knew that he and I were married at the time when they slept together ... or even if it matters whether she knew or not. Because she slept with my husband. And we're getting divorced because he wants to marry her--he thinks she's "the one" (which is exactly what he told me he thought about me last week! it's what he told me he thought about ALL his ex-wives! It's what he ALWAYS thinks about every woman he ever meets, according to Carol, who knew all about his past history and never once actually TOLD me anything, even when she knew I was sleeping with him!!).

But I know something that he doesn't. Professor Connie won't marry him. She's been married three times--divorced twice, currently widowed. After her last marriage, which was a few years ago I believe, she's been primarily involved with women--because her marriages all ended rather painfully, so she's decided not to do it again. And to marry a man with his kind of marital history--and a woman with her kind of marital history--their marriage would be even shorter than mine!!

Not to mention Carol's brief, brief marriage--but I'm not really in the mood to talk about her right now. Actually, not to many people know the details of that--basically me, Carol, and maybe some of her friends. I haven't even told Monica and Kara, my closest friends (although I don't see why I shouldn't--It's not like it's a secret or anything, it's just never really come up). I mean, everyone knows that Carol was married once, for a short period of time, and that her husband fathered neither of her children ... which is actually part of the reason for the divorce. Hmm, maybe I should tell everyone about that. But not now, I'll do it later, when I'm not so distraught over my own loss, and can concentrate on my story-telling skills, so that I can embellish the hell out of her little ordeal!!

Anywho ... well, I'm feeling much better now, after getting this all down (hehe it's taken me about 30 minutes to write this damn thing! But anywho). It's not so bad. I'll take it in stride, just like I do everything else in my soap-opera like life. Hehe, I am the one woman soap opera. Monday's events TOTALLY prove that. America--I AM YOUR GOVERNMENT DAYTIME ENTERTAINMENT!!!

Hehe. But anywho, on a sadder note, the doctor told me on monday that I can never have children again--there's something wrong with something or other down there, so I can't carry a baby to full term, which is why I miscarried. And he suspects it has something to do with my abortion, which I got when I was 18--and actually, I didn't want to get it done then, but there were circumstances that made me realize that I couldn't handle being a mother yet. And so, because of that, now I can never have a baby of my own ... which sucks. Although Carol, Kara, and Monica all volunteered to be surrogate mommies for me, if there's ever a guy I want to have a baby with (or if I ever have enough money to haul ass down to the sperm bank and check out all those fine specimens of manliness).

Wow ... it's times like these when you realize who your friends REALLY are. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! (yes, even you, Carol!)

Everything's Going Down: Diary Entry #18 Sunday June 30, 2002 1:40 pm

OMG, Jeanine. Everything--and trust me I mean EVERYTHING-has been going down since the last time I posted!

Ok, let me fill you guys in on this stuff.

Ok, on wednesday, Leo moved out of our house--and into Professor Connie's place. I was a bit devastated at first, but then I realized, with him out of the picture, not even being around, my recovery from heart break would be so much faster, and easier. The only problem was that Nina LOVES her uncle, and she cried after he left, her face all tear-soaked ... and that broke my heart even more, because I felt as though someday she'd have to make her choice between her favorite aunt and her favorite uncle, and that would NOT be fair to her--or to me, because even though I know she loves me ... I have this deep-rooted fear that if she absolutely HAD to choose between me and Leo ... I wouldn't be the victor.

But anywho, now down to the real dirt. I didn't really feel like doing anything on Wednesday, so I just kinda stayed home. Then on Thursday I went back to work (I'm still a bit sore from the miscarriage, but the doctor says that it takes awhile to heal, you know). So Thursday when I get home, Leo's there. He looks up at me and he's all crying and he runs at me and is like "Cynthia, I love you! Forgive me, I made such a mistake, I'll never do it again! I don't want a divorce, I want to be with you forever!" Now, my pride really loved this--him coming back to me on his knees. But my self-respect loved it even more when I told him where he could shove his goddamn apology--up his ass. In nearly every relationship I've ever had (such as, for example, with Daphne), I have remained totally faithful (I've never cheated on anyone in my life!), but most of the time ... my partner does not (again, for example, DAPHNE). I don't know what it is about me that makes people cheat on me, but ... well, you know.

So, I decided after I broke it off with Daphne, I would never take that kind of shit again. And even though this is marriage ... well, there are no children involved (other than my niece, but she doesn't count because we're still both related to her by blood), and we're still young enough to pick ourselves up and brush ourselves off. And I do NOT like the disrespect of being cheated on. I mean, WTF!! And he thought I'd take him back, knowing that the only reason he did that was because he took a chance, a risk, and lost--that I am the SECOND CHOICE to the illustrious Professor Connie?! Hell no!

So I told him to get the hell out, and he ran away crying. I was SOOO planning to file for divorce if he didn't. But then the next day I found out that the marriage had never even been legal in the first place. And then YESTERDAY i was told that it WAS legal. So now I'm just confused. And I'll go and get a divorce anyway I guess, and if it wasn't even legal in the first place, then even better! But anywho, back to the good stuff.

So Thursday evening I was just wondering what the hell was going on--after all, he moved out of Carol's house to be with Connie, then suddenly he comes running back to me? I wondered what was up with that, but I didn't know, so I just went to sleep without even bothering with it.

So anywho on Friday morning, guess who calls me--Jamie! Now, Jamie and I (as you can guess if you've been keeping up with my journal entries) have not been as close recently as we used to be. She and Lynn used to tag along with us all the time, but lately it's been mostly me, Kara, and Monica, and whoever else we can scrounge up. Which reminds me, even Lorelai hasn't been in touch as much. I guess it's kinda scary--I'm losing touch with all my friends!

Although, I must say, Lorelai's brother is an asshole. But anywho. So Jamie calls me at like some random hour in the morning and she's CRYING and I'm like "Jamie what's wrong?" and meanwhile I'm wondering why she's calling me instead of one of her new friends, because lately she's been mostly hanging out with Lynn's group of friends instead of her own.

So then I get the shocking news--Jamie and Lynn have broken up!! And so I'm just like "WTF" because they'd been together for sooo long, and were sooo in love, and never had any of the kinds of problems that Daphne and I had--I mean seriously, those two were like soulmates, they never fought, they were so in love ... it seemed like the totally perfect relationship. But I guess even paradise can have its dark side, as I found out on Friday.

So I asked why they broke up (which explained why she was calling me, since the new circle of friends were Lynn's friends first, so I guess that means that they would side with Lynn over Jamie, and she couldn't really go to any of them for help). And out came the whole sordid tale, which reminded me of my own last six months with Daphne (when she was cheating on me).

Oh yeah, Jamie and Lynn lived together, too (just like daphne and i did during those last six fateful months). Anywho. So recently, they'd been hanging out together a lot, but sometimes Lynn would say there was an emergency or something and she had to go somewhere, and wouldn't come back for hours ... or when Jamie tried to call her cell phone from work, it would be turned off ... or sometimes Lynn wouldn't get home until like 4 in the morning from partying with friends ... various things like that. Intervals of time when she wasn't around ... and none of the friends she claimed to be hanging out with knew where she was! So in the end, Jamie resorted to following her one night when she claimed one of her friends was having a dire crisis. And guess where Lynn ended up last night. C'mon, guess. The answer will shock you, trust me--it totally shocked me!

Professor Connie's house. Yes, that's right. Lynn and Professor Connie having been sleeping together for the PAST TWO MONTHS!! I was shocked speechless. At this point, I told Lynn everything that had happened in the past two weeks--she's so out of our circle of friends, she didn't even know about our marriage, or my miscarriage, or any of that!! She was totally shocked--especially that my husband left me for Professor Connie! No wonder he came crawling back the next day--he must've found out that she has no intentions of remaining faithful to any one person (heh, kinda like him, dontcha think?).

So I think Jamie maybe felt a little better about that. But what happened with her and Lynn was, she waited a few minutes and then knocked on the door, and Lynn answered, wearing Professor Connie's bathrobe ... which totally gave everything away. Jamie dumped her right then and there, but she couldn't go home--they shared the home, and that would be the first place Lynn would look for her, and she wasn't yet ready to face Lynn, I guess. So anywho, she went to some little hole-in-the-wall place, and called me from her cell phone, at like sometime really early in the morning.

So I went over there and picked her up, and brought her back to my house. I tried to settle her in the guest room, since there are already 3 people (including me) sleeping in my bedroom, and it wasn't exactly time to get up yet. But she was crying, and holding on to me ... and I was still hurting from Leo's behavior and the loss of my child ... and well ... I guess you know what happened next!

It would have been great, except that it was painful (because like I said, I'm still sore from the miscarriage!). But the emotional bond ... it was as though everything had cum full circle. Jamie was my first lesbian lover ... and now ... after my failed attempt at marriage ... she was here, with me. It was a form of bliss.

So anywho, Kara came in after we had finished, and she was like "Oh my god!!" because ... well, obvious reasons. Jamie and I hadn't slept together since before our senior prom! And here we were ... in bed together ... it's only natural that Kara was shocked. Trust me, I completely understand! Jamie, a girl I've known since preschool ... and here we are.

Well, that event hasn't been repeated since--I'm still kinda sore. But ... I don't know. It was a rebound thing, for both of us. But at the same time ... at the same time, there was a bond formed between us. I can't explain it but ... perhaps this is it. Perhaps Jamie has been the one for me all along--I just never really saw the truth of it all until now.

They say that if you love something, you let it go. If it comes back to you--then you know it was meant to be.

Perhaps this was meant to be.

Some Thongs You Will Always Regret: Diary Entry #19 Saturday July 6, 2002 4:28 pm

Wow, it's been a whole week since I last posted anything in my livejournal ... and in that past week, SOOOO MUCH has changed!! It's crazy.

Ok, when we last left off, Jamie and I were possibly back together (as in, we'd slept together, but whether we would be able to be in a relationship together was kind of ... up in the air, I guess you could say). I was still kinda sore from the miscarriage. Well, let me tell you--I'm not sore anymore!

But anywho. Back to my lovelife. So, Jamie and I slept together. But then last monday, Jamie and I had a "Talk". You know what I mean. She told me that what we'd done had been MAJOR rebounding. And that of course since we'd been together before (through a majorly rocky relationship when we were both seniors in high school), there would naturally be an emotional connection when we got back together sexually. She said she needed some time before jumping into another relationship--especially with an ex-girlfriend. She said she thought I needed time, too--I'd been rebounding off my miscarriage and failed marriage. Huh, I just noticed, isn't it weird how the word "miscarriage" contains within itself the word "marriage"? just take out the "isc", three little letters, and you're there.

But anywho! So Jamie and I decided that she'd stay in our guestroom, since she needed a place to stay, but we wouldn't be "together" like sleeping together or dating or anything. I was kind of disappointed, because I'd been thinking all this stuff about how we'd both been through so much since the last time we were together, but now everything was coming full circle, and we would be together again. But I guess I was wrong.

So anywho, after that, I decided I needed to do what I used to do when I was kinda sad and depressed, before I got pregnant--I needed to GO OUT AND GET DRUNK!! So I went out with Monica and Kara (and a few of our platonic guy friends who we ran into outside a bar) and we got MAJORLY drunk!! And we were all drunk and partying and stuff ... and guess who we ran into?! Lynn!! That's who!!

And do you know who Lynn was with ... she was with LEO!! I don't remember very much because I was so drunk ... but I remember that they were drunk, too, and we ran into them and I was like "Oh my god" wondering what the hell those two were doing hanging out together in the first place!! I mean, Lynn is a major lesbo, and Leo is as straight as his half-sister (and mine), Carol!

So we kinda talked and I'm a bit hazy about what was said, but ... it involved how they were both cheating on the person they were with with the SAME PERSON (i.e. Professor Connie) and then they found out that she was playing BOTH of them, because they both went over to her place that night before the bar and ran into each other, and discovered EXACTLY what was going on with that (although Leo had known Connie was playing him before, and I thought it was with Lynn, but it wasn't, it was with someone else! So that was when he decided that he'd just use her for sex, but when he found out Connie was playing him--BOTH of them-- with SEVERAL people ... well, they kinda blew their lids!!). So, since they had actually known each other before through work (they both work for the CIA), they decided to chill together and get drunk to drown their sorrows together. And then they ran into ME!! Of all people. And Lynn, since she actually reads my livejournal, KNEW that I had slept with Jamie and exactly what had happened with that!! So she was pissed, but she said she totally deserved it.

And I was like "Yeah, you DO!" and then Leo was all trying to get back together with me, but I woulnd't. After all, how could I be in a relationship with a man who had cheated on my after a WEEK of marriage?! And that's when I found out for sure that the marriage had never even taken place--Leo told me that it had all been fake, that he'd been through divorces too many times before to want another one, so our marriage had been fake (also, he's kinda got some money, so without prenups he knows I'd be able to get most of that out of him!) So it turns out I was never even really married. I thought I was, but I'm still a single gal--and I won't be a divorcee, at least not for awhile. Not like Carol. But that's a whole nother story right there!

Anywho, so then we hung out with them for awhile, and I don't remember what happened for most of the night. Some fun, some pain, some ... other stuff, I guess. The next thing I remember is when I woke up in the morning--in a strange bed. And I looked next to me, and THERE WAS SOMEONE THERE!! And I was like "OMG" because I was TOTALLY naked, and the room SMELLED like sex!! You know what I mean, that smell that always cums after great sex ... it was there. And I couldn't remember a single thing from the night before. And so then I slowly pulled back the covers, and noticed it was a woman next to me. And I pulled back the covers even more, until I recognized her face.

I was in TOTAL SHOCK. I mean, I COULD NOT BELIEVE the identity of this woman!! It was ... DELILAH DOYLE, PROFESSOR CONNIE'S GIRLFRIEND!!! I'd never actually met her before ... but Connie had showed me her picture a time or two. You know what I'm talking about--Delilah is simply NOT attractive at ALL!! I was shocked and appalled--how could I have sex with her?!? But then the memories began crashing down on me.

She'd come up to us, because she knew that her gf had been cheating on her with both of them. She had been so frustrated and angry, because she actually LOVES Connie, and hates her eternal infidelity. Although Delilah and Connie have been in an on again/off again kind of relationship--Deliilah is actually a bit psycho, and once tried to burn down the house where Connie was having a midnight rendez vous with a male lover--they were "on" for the past while or so. Theirs is totally a love/hate relationship--Delilah loves Connie, Connie hates Delilah. The only reason Professor Connie got with her in the first place was because Delilah's job made a relationship beneficial for Connie to get ahead with her own ambitions. And the only reason she stayed together was because whenever she broke up with Delilah, Delilah went totally PSYCHO! So in the end Professor Connie decided to just stay together with Delilah and then just sleep with anyone else she wanted to--that way, they'd still be together and there would be no psycho-ness, but Connie wouldn't be contained within a "faithful" relationship--she could sleep with whoever she wanted.

So anywho, Delilah was mad at Leo and Lynn--for sleeping with her gf! When they considered themselves victims. So there was this whole big fight, and I ended up taking Delilah away and being like "Gurl, cut them some slack!" because although they were at fault, so was PRofessor Connie! How could she hurt her gf so callously like that!? I told Delilah this, and she burst into tears. So I took her home (Monica and Kara were still with Leo and Lynn, but I knew they'd be able to find their own way home). And then, when I got her home, I had to walk her inside she was so drunk. And then up the stairs to her bedroom. And then she ... she cried out that she didn't want to be left alone, that she didn't want me to go. And so I stayed there, holding her ... and then she started kissing me, and we started kissing, and then we were doing more than kissing. And then I woke up the next morning, smelling like sex, in a strange bed, with a woman I had just met the night before.

Wow, deja vu. This is what my life used to be like ... Before Daphne.

And, speaking of Daphne, I have some news about that. I have to go right now, I'll be back later to tell you ALL ABOUT IT!!

Dammit, Daphne!: Entry #20 Saturday July 6, 2002 7:42 pm

Ok, Hi everyone I'm back! Yes, I know it's Saturday night, what am I doing writing in my livejournal?!?! Well honestly, the Saturday Night parties around here dont' start until later, around 9 or so, and then last until the wee hours of the morning. So I've got some time before I get ready to go out. Time to tell more of what happened this past week.

So Tuesday, I woke up in bed with Professor Connie's girlfriend, Delilah. I got out of there as fast as I could, before she woke up, hoping that she would not remember a thing about last night, and even if she did, never breathe a word of it to anyone. Because I have never knowingly helped someone cheat on their partner--until last night. And I didn't even WANT to sleep with her! I was just drunk, and lonely ... and honestly, I wanted a little revenge against Professor Connie, for taking away the new glow of marriage from me, when I needed it the most.

So I rushed out of there, and rushed home. It was still kinda early in the morning, around 7ish or so, I guess. First thing, I knew I had to tell Jamie. I couldn't let her go on thinking that I wanted to be with her, and wasn't sleeping with anyone else, when I had--even if it was a one night stand. That's the thing about me and Jamie--we've always been able to be completely honest with each other regarding anything, even when it's hurtful, which it often is.

So I go up, and don't bother knocking because, hey, it's me! So then I walk in and ... well, the scene there will remain in my memory for a long time, which, trust me, is NOT a good thing.

Three people lay in the guest bed where Jamie was supposed to be sleeping--ALONE. Jamie, Lynn, and Leo. And it was obvious what had been going on during the night. A menage a trois. A threesome, if you will. In my guest bedroom. With my ex-husband, my ex-girlfriend, and my ex-girlfriend's ex-girlfriend.

I couldn't help myself. I screamed--in shock, in horror, I don't know. But I screamed like I had never screamed before.

They all woke up, of course. And they saw me, standing there, staring down at their naked, intertwined bodies. They quickly dove under the covers, all three of them, in a futile attempt to cover their naked, luscious, fertile bodies.

I just shook my head. "Why?" I asked.

"Because we felt like it," came the reply, from Lynn.

As it turned out, this situation was partly, if not entirely, my fault. I had been the one to drive Monica and Kara to the bar. But when I left, I took my car with me. So, they needed a ride home. And who else to give it to them, but Leo and Lynn? And of course, since Leo and Lynn were incredibly drunk, they didn't want them out driving anymore, so they settled them in the guest bedroom, with Lynn. After that ... well, we all know what happened after that!!

So, it turned out that Jamie and Lynn wanted to get back together. They'd both cheated on each other--Lynn with Professor Connie, Jamie with me, both of them with Leo--and they decided that they loved each other enough to forgive and forget, and to stay together even though they had both done things that they would regret for years to cum. And so, it's a happy ending for Jamie and Lynn. They are together again, and their love, they claim, is stronger than ever. They say they both needed a little interlude of some side lovin', to make them understand how much they really love each other, how much they really appreciate and need each other. Personally, I find it sickening. But then again, that's just me--I'm the girl who never cheats on anyone, but always ends up cheated on. Maybe I should change my philosophy. After all, whoever I'm with will end up cheating on me eventually. So why should I remain faithful to them, when they don't feel the same about me?

But wait--there's MORE that happened this week!! This is the most shocking part, and it made me burst into tears more than once since it happened. Not every night, but several nights this week, after Monday night/Tuesday morning's fiasco, I went out drinking, with Monica, Kara, Jamie, Lynn, Leo, Lorelai, and others. A big drinking group. And on Thursday night ... we ran into Daphne.

That's right, my ex, Daphne. I discovered later that she had forced Lorelai to plan to bump into her, which is why Lorelai was hanging out with us in the first place. Recently, you see, after the breakup, Lorelai did hang out with me some ... but her first loyalty is to Daphne, because they've been friends much longer than I have with Lorelai--it was Daphne that introduced us, after all. And as it turns out, shortly after both Daphne and I moved out of Lorelai's apartment, Daphne moved in again--this time with her new girlfriend, Kristen. But that relationship lasted only about a week after I was out of there. So then Kristen moved herself to the living room couch, and that's the way it's been ever since in Lorelai's apartment, apparently. Well, not exactly--Lorelai and Kristen hooked up a few weeks ago, so now Kristen is sleeping in Lorelai's bedroom! Yikes. Talk about Lesbian Orgies!

But anywho, so we ran into both Daphne and Kristen. Now, Kristen REALLY hates me--because when she was with Daphne, Daphne had to sneak around because of me, and she and Daphne couldn't "Openly proclaim their love" or so she says, which is total bull--I mean, she's sleeping with Lorelai now, for goodness sakes! But anywho, we all know that Daphne has been trying to get back with me for awhile now, saying she's changed, saying she loves me, and all that. It's bullshit. I don't believe it--everything she says is a lie. But, at the same time, I am lonely. So, we hung out with them that fateful night. The entire time, Daphne was hitting on me. In the end, since Lorelai was the designated driver, she offered to drive us home in her car (that is, her, me, Daphne, Kara, Monica, Kristen, and Leo in her SUV, because she's drive Kara, Monica and me home, and then Leo could go home with them and sleep on their couch, and Jamie and Lynn would go back to their place in Lynn's car).

So, we were on our way, but we were kinda rowdy ... and Daphne and I were sitting next to each other, which is NOT a good thing! So we ended up in a catfight, and then there was everyone screaming and everything ... and we got in a car accident. Like, a majorly bad one guys! The entire front of the car was totally smashed up. Thank goodness the other driver was drunk, so they will say that it was his fault!! But anywho, after the car crash, Daphne and I were lying in each other's arms from the impact, terrified ... and we realized that every day could be our last day on earth ... if someone had died in teh car crash (which no one did thankfully!), it would have all been over ... so we made love, right there, in full view of all our friends and exes, in full view of the cops and fire men when they arrived. We did it without caring what anyone saw or thought, because you never know when it's all over. And it WASNT over. Not for us. And ... I honestly do love Daphne. And she loves me. And well ... frankly... we're back together, everyone!! And I've hung out with her every night since, and she's slept over at my house most nights (Monica and Kara are sleeping in the guestroom out of respect for our privacy, although they BOTH disapprove of us getting back togehter--and personally, I'm kinda shocked by it, too! But I know that I want it, and this time, I'm following my heart, no matter where it leads me, no matter how broken it will get. It's worth it, to me.) And I'm hanging out with her again tonight--and when the night's over, we'll go back to my place and make slow, sweet love. Sweating into our thongs with anticipation beforehand, removing our thongs as passion overcomes us. The way things should be. They way they always have been.

Daphne and I ... are together again. Forever, this time.

It's what was meant to be.