Best of Professor Connie

Mail Clerk

Dear Professor Connie,

I was recently involved in an adulterous affair with my boss. Other than for my sex life, I have been happily married for 15 years, and have three children, ages 14, 12, and 6. However, after the birth of our third child, my wife lost all interest in sex. Despite my frustration, which I hate to admit I took out on, among others, the cat, the garbage man, and the kids, I remained faithful to her for four years. However, two years ago, my boss, who is a homosexual man, made a pass at me, and I accepted, and we ended up in bed together. At this point, I must tell you that I am a bisexual man who, before I met my wife, preferred men over women.

My affair with my boss has continued for the past two years, and has been a very passionate and torrid affair, involving what amounts to the best sex of my life. Also over these two years, I fell deeply in love with my boss, although I never told him so. My wife never found out about my affair, and, thankfully, she still doesn't know.

However, something happened recently that changed everything. My boss/lover offered me an ultimatum: Either I leave my wife and move in with him, so that we may officially declare ourselves a couple, or else he never wishes to see me again. I must admit that, frankly, I was shocked, appalled, and disturbed by his callous behavior. He had never even told me that he loved me, when he sprung something like this on me! I was essentially made to choose between him and my family. To make a long story short, I chose my family, because I myself am the child of a divorce, and it was a very messy divorce between my parents that scarred me for life, and I would never wish that upon my own children, because I could not even wish those horrible scars upon the worst of all my enemies.

My decision effectively ended our affair. I went back to my faithful celibacy, and said nothing to my wife or children about the fact that my heart was broken. However, not even a week after the end of our relationship, I discovered that my ex-lover/boss already had a new piece of ass to replace me—one of my "loyal" co-workers! Needless to say, I was enfuriated, and seething with jealousy! Then, to top it all off, I met his new lover at an office party, where he proceeded to mock a certain unmentionable video tape that my ex-lover had made one night of the two of us making love. The new lover, or "Brad" as I shall refer to him, insulted me horribly, among other things, insulting my technique, the size of my "wee-wee" and the fact that I am a grunter, which I might add is something that I cannot help, as it has always been a part of me, and is, I believe, genetic! With rage and bitterness filling my heart, I gave him a scathing set-down, the best that I have ever given! However, at that most unfortunate moment, my boss/ex-lover appeared, and he heard my comment and chastised me, in front of the entire office. I could not believe it! I was mortified! He made veiled references to our previous relationship, and completely disrespected me in every way! I felt horrible and violated afterwards, as though he had raped me with words.

However … a few days later, he managed to be alone with me, and he apologized for what he said, and told me that he was just bitter because I had left him. He said that Brad meant nothing to him, that he had only been grief-stricken and trying to replace me, hoping that he could "get over" me. He then told me that he stilll loved me, that he had loved me all along, even before our relationship started two years ago. I was overwhelmed by this heart-felt confession, and, in return, I confessed my feelings as well. We shared a passionate embrace (and more, that night), and then he asked/begged me to reconsider his ultimatum, because he was tired of sneaking around so that my wife would not get wind of what was happening. He told me that he wanted us to be able to proudly proclaim that we were a couple, and to not be afraid of what other people might think about us. I told him that I must consider this, as it is a HUGE step to take in my life, leaving my wife and children.

And so I have turned to you, Professor Connie, beacon of light in a dark, hopeless world, Pandora's Box for the faithless, most pious of deities to roam this earth. Please guide me through this rough time. Who do I choose: My wife, with whom I share children and longevity, or my boss/lover, with whom I share a boundless passion, burning desire, and endless love? Please, give me the answer I seek—and SOON!

Sincerely,

A Mail Clerk in Los Angeles

P.S. I would recommend marital counseling, sexual counseling, and/or family counseling to help yourself, your wife, and your children make it through this time. And, although I do detest lying, I doubt that it would do your marriage any good if you were to confess the truth. However, "telling the truth now will save you much pain later" is one of my favorite proverbs, along with "honesty is the best policy". I would recommend that you keep it in mind, but remember, the final decision is still up to you. Good luck in handling this sticky situation, my dear.

Follow Up to this Story:

Dear Professor Connie

Hi, it’s me! Remember, Mail Clerk? Well, I’m just writing to thank you for your sage advice. It saved my marriage and my sanity!

After reading your response to my letter, I realized that you were right, and that my ex-lover really didn’t love me. So I told him off, and told him that my family was more important to me than he was. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do! But in the end, I knew it was for the best. In fact, a few weeks later, I found out that he had been cheating on me while we were together, as you said! And I cornered Brad by the water cooler one day and confronted him about the video tapes. You were right again—my ex-lover showed them to him quite willingly, and even did his share of mocking me!

After all that, I was dazed and confused. So when I went home, I told my wife that I didn’t feel like our marriage was working, and that we needed to see a marriage counselor. She hadn’t even realized that anything was wrong! But as soon as we went to the counselor and were able to identify and address the problems in our marriage, we were able to fix them. We have sex 4-5 times a week now, and it’s even better than when we were newlyweds or when I was with my boss! Friends and co-workers tell me that I look ten years younger now, and I feel much better and much more vigorous and virile than I have in years!

So for all your help in setting my life on track and getting me back to where I belong, I just have one thing to say: “Thank you, Professor Connie!”

Love,

Mail Clerk

Dear Mail Clerk,

That’s wonderful! And yes, I must say, I usually am right about such things. My instincts and intuition are, after all, sharper than even the sharpest Wisconsin cheddar!

Good luck with your marriage, darling, and remember that I wish you every happiness in the world!

Love,

Professor Connie