Cynthia AD: After Daphne

I was still in my "natural" stage even after I met Daphne. I was all like, "no makeup!" so that summer, Daphne came home with me and stayed at my house (in my room, of course!) and we had sooo much fun. That was before all the shittiness began. But anyway, I knew by July 4th that I was definitely head over heels in love with her, even though neither of us ever said the words or anything. It kinda majorly sucked, tho! Cuz I was so unsure of how she felt for me. So that was the beginning of the pain. The insecurity, the doubts ... did she really love me, or was I just a fling to her, a "Ms. Right Now" instead of Ms. Right? And that was just the beginning!

The next year we got back to AU, but since we'd only been together a few months, we got different roommates from one another. After all, it would totally suck if we broke up but still were roomates! Neither of us wanted to deal with that. But that's pretty much the only thing in which we were in agreement! We fought over everything ... it was sooo sad. I mean, seriously! I was so sad sometimes. We finally said the words on our six month anniversary that November. I was still in my little "natural" phase, but it was beginning to wear me down. But Daphne got really angry when I told her that I wanted to go back into doing more "showy" makeup as she called it. Now, Daphne, as everyone who knows her knows, is certainly no "butch" lesbian! But I think what it was was that she was feeling insecure. Because if I started wearing all that makeup again, instead of just the natural stuff, then guys would start to notice me. And Daphne, as we all know, absolutely HATES men! I mean, I think she'd be okay with me breaking up with her for another gurl, but for another guy ... NEVER! She'd kill herself, first, I think. But anywho. I finally managed to convince her that I loved her, but that I needed a change. After all, I change my look several times a year, usually at least once every one or two months. It had been awhile (since before I met her!) since I'd worn any really heavy kind of makeup. So, I was kinda relieved to get back into that life. Although, in retrospect, I think that was when the rift really started between us. Things were really good for the two weeks or so after we finally broke down and said the words. But after this fight ... things just went downhill from there! But by this point, we were both so in love, so emotionally involved, that neither of us could bring ourselves to leave this completely destructive relationship. Which is why it went on for so long, I guess.

Haha! It felt good to finally be wearing makeup again! I mean, phew! You know? And, deep down, I think Daphne really did like this look on me. It just kind of made her uncomfortable when guys looked at me and flirted with me and hit on me. Because everyone knows I'm a natural flirt--I just can't help myself! But Daphne couldn't accept that. She's a very controlling woman. I think she wanted to control me. Although I'm sure she didn't want that consciously, but she likes to be in control. And when I wouldn't let her do that, i think it kinda freaked her out. But at the same time, that was probably also part of the reason that she loved me--the fact that, unlike the other gurls that she'd known, I didn't let her walk all over me. I stood up to her. Strength attracts strength. If you're strong, you're not attracted to little weaklings. And I'm strong--and so is Daphne. But the problem with that is that you fight a lot. And, boy, did we fight a lot! But wait ... it gets better, I assure you. This isn't the end of this story--although it is the end of junior year, and the beginning of our (gasp!) living together.