"Genuine love is friendship afire, not the hormonally charged psychotic sickness that most people mistake for love."

--Sunfell

ooh, "Cops" is in Boston tonight. i'll have to watch it, and see if i recognize anybody. (laugh all you want, but i'm totally serious.)

last night i dreamt my ex-boyfriend was bothering me at the job. i turned him into oranges and smashed him to pieces.

Madonna-- who at 45 is more than twice the age of Britney and Christina-- pounced on the pair while her six-year-old daughter, Lourdes, was on stage and husband Guy Ritchie, who has already complained his wife shows off her body in public too much for his liking, sat in the audience.

i really hope she leaves his ass for Britney. GOD, that would be better than winning the lottery for me.

more pics here.

"mother the car is here... somebody leave the light on." --Tori Amos

bought a car today, a Subaru Forester. stop yelling at me-- it's not really an SUV. it may not be as sexy as a Honda Accord, but at least the unwashed masses over at Epinions give it overwhelmingly favorable reviews.

the salesguy asked where i was from originally. i said Massachusetts. he said, "you're not as rude as all the other Massachusetts people i've met!" honestly, i didn't know how to respond to that.

is "Sex & the City" trying to woo back the childfree audience? it appears so. a bit too little too late, if you ask me, considering it's the last season already.

i finally saw Friday After Next. God, i love those stupid-ass Friday movies. even with a beard, Ice Cube is too fine.

i just don't get the current obsession with Brittany Murphy. for one thing, she always looks spun out. she was passably cute in Clueless, but somewhere between then and now she had to have made friends with a Glass Dick.

not to mention that she's just plain busted (although i admit that's probably not the most flattering photograph of her there).

in other hollywood actress news you can't possibly use, Angelina Jolie has severed all ties with her father:

The actress had rekindled her relationship with her estranged father and even acted with him in the Tomb Raider movie.

[...]

"We seemed to understand each other and it was fun, but afterwards he returned quickly to old habits of being judgmental," she said.

In a TV interview last year Voight said she should seek help for "serious mental problems".

He later accompanied her to the airport as she flew off on a mission for the United Nations.

Jolie, 28, said: "He gave me a letter in the car and said 'this is my truth, this is unchanging'. I was unaware of what he'd written and said, 'That's wonderful, I love you, see you later'.

"Then I opened the letter. He'd written I was a bad person. I was upset and thought of 100 replies, and then decided I don't value this person's opinion so it's OK."

wow-- what a Grade A, white-livered ass. she handled it far better than i would have, i must say. i would have dialed up that fucker in thirty seconds flat, greeted him with a string of my best obscenities and asked, "so why am i such a bad person, then? because i don't go around abandoning my baby daughters at a year old? because i don't live my life by your standards; because i didn't buy The Script™?"

sometimes you just have to cut toxic people out of your life, for good. blood is not thicker than water. whoever came up with that shit was a masochist doormat, and (sadly) probably a woman. in all relationships, i think you have to ask yourself, "can i trust this person with my life?" no? then fuck 'em. you didn't ask to be born.

streaming video of a real Great White shark attack (2MB) stumbled across while looking for general information about Megalodon.

a short, concise review of the book "Megatooth", by Chris M., aged 6. cute.

eh, fuck it. here's Shark Attacks Dot Com.

for some reason, i just think this is incredibly funny. those parents sound wicked dumb.

a comprehensive guide to the various accents of the English-speaking world. it reminds me of when i was small, and i kept hearing about this place called Lawn Gyland, where my Grandmother went to visit her sister every summer. i would beg my parents to let me visit my Gran, but they would say, "you can't, she's in Lawn Gyland right now." in my tiny mind, i pictured.. well, a very large, expansive green grassy lawn, with a large white Colonial-style house sitting on a hill in the distance. it wasn't until i was a bit older that it struck me. they were talking about Wrong Island.

early this morning i was lying in bed, dozing in and out to the Discovery Channel, when i saw a commercial for some brand of diapers. apparently they are "guaranteed" to do something (or not do something, maybe-- honestly, i wasn't trying to pay too much attention). a beaming mother, looking every bit the Pinnacle of Womanhood in her ugly helmet-haircut and shapeless denim potato sack shirt-thing, looked into the camera and said, "isn't that great? i can't even guarantee i'll get a shower every day!"

oh, she shouldn't have said that. the very shock of such a disgusting revelation caused me to suddenly exclaim "AY!!" so sharply and loudly that my poor slumbering BF nearly ended up on the ceiling.

seriously, that is vile. and completely unacceptable. you're so busy being a mother that you can't even maintain basic bodily cleanliness?? excuse me, but my mother didn't have the benefits of Lunchables and Easy Mac or even her own vehicle, and she still found five minutes out of the day to wash her cootchie. bloody hell, if we were that pressed for time, we got in and took a shower together. of all things, we never went around unwashed, for Jesus's sake.

maybe my mother was a bit unusual, but with all her pressing responsibilities, she always turned out neatly dressed, and in fact i rarely even saw her without makeup on. of course this was back in the days when stay-at-home mothers did far more than just sit on their ass whining about how haaaaaaard it is. like most other mothers in our neighborhood, she spent her days housecleaning, grocery shopping, coupon clipping, checkbook balancing, shlepping clothes to the laundromat and back again, picking up the dry cleaning, cooking meals and planning social functions. all of this without an SUV; all of this with one baby in hand and possibly another on the hip. she still managed to comb my hair in the morning and kindly put it up in the Princess Leia buns i liked to wear so much, and somewhere within this whirlwind of activity, she even found time to teach me to read-- at three years of age.

so you see, i just don't get it. for fuck's sake, even stray cats manage to keep clean! are you saying you can't manage to do what a fucking animal can take care of on its own basic instincts? then maybe you better just hope like hell that a DSS worker isn't watching, lady.

this only serves to feed my theory that (1) people are just plain lazy, and will drum up any excuse to shirk even the most basic hygenic responsibilities, and (2)"motherhood" is the ever increasing refuge of sociopathic losers who can't make it in the workforce or any sort of civilized society, so they drop out and spend their days gleaning sexual thrills from breastfeeding five-year-olds, wheeling their fat-marbled, glucose-poisoned replicants around the local mall, threatening the sperm-donor/wallet by waving his severed balls in his face before returning them safely to the murky depths of their K-Mart purses, and wallowing in a cloud of their own filth, spewing non-sensical baby-coo-gibberish and teaching their Golden Scion the proper way to torture a defenseless animal.

Jeebus Crickets, no wonder i get so many babydaddies trying to pick me up these days. i don't smell like day-old tuna fish.

i like how Bob Barker on The Price Is Right says, "we'll be right back after this announcement", instead of saying, "after these commercials". that is so classy. when Bob Barker dies, the world will seem just a little bit cruder, IMO.

is this the new Goatse/Tubgirl? WARNING: NSFW. BY CLICKING ON THIS LINK YOU AUTOMATICALLY AGREE TO FORFEIT ANY CLAIMS TO LOSS OF APPETITE, LOSS OF SLEEP, LOSS OF EYESIGHT, LOSS OF SEXUAL DESIRE, AND POSSIBLE NEED FOR THERAPY.

"I have nothing against Russians... I just don't think they should take their clothes off. It's disgusting." --Carol Dustin, local busybody and fusspot prude.

amen to that! buxom brunette Russian beauties make me wanna hurl every time.

i think i'm developing rheumatoid arthritis. for the past few months or so i've been experiencing pain in both knees, off and on, and always at night when i lay down to bed. not shooting pains, more like a dull constant pain that makes it difficult to get to sleep. in both knees at the same time. at first i thought it was because we were moving, and i had been lifting a lot of heavy objects. i've noticed it usually comes when it's raining or damp out, and comes on suddenly. so far, just in my knees. i guess all those years of running track and walking a mile to work every day really didn't do me any good. or maybe i'm just too fond of the doggystyle.

anyway, i don't know. i really don't want to make a big deal about it, but i was up until 3am last night, and Tylenol and Naproxen do little to help. if anyone else has experienced this or something similar, i'd appreciate your input.

i was bored and couldn't sleep, so i decided to watch a "documentary" on the Sundance channel called Kurt & Courtney. in a nutshell: Bashir-esque filmmaker chases an assorted bunch of junkies and losers all over Seattle, trying to get them to subscribe to his theory that Courtney Love is the Devil Incarnate and had Kurt Cobain murdered-- in exchange for 15 minutes of trailer-trash fame. that's it. you might as well watch two hours of Cops instead. or take a camera all over a high school asking people, "don't you hate Marcia from fifth period math because she has big boobs? she really sucks, doesn't she? if you say she sucks i'll buy you some pot."

the guy is an idiot. i gathered that within the first five minutes. and he talks reeeeeeeaaaaaallllly slooooow. i cannot stand people who talk reeeeaaaaaaalllly sloooooow. especially with British/South African/Whereverthefuckhesfrom accents.

did you hear about the shark at the Monterey aquarium? BF yelled at me that there was a Great White shark on television last night, and i should hurry and come see it, so i only caught the last bit of the report. apparently she was tangled in a fishing net and brought to the aquarium (for now she resides in a separate pen); she's only a year old and getting on beautifully-- only she seems to be not eating, the poor darling.

UPDATE: she will be released next week. it's for the best. i hate seeing animals in cages anyway.

is anyone else as thoroughly creeped out by the fact that Pam Anderson has no natural eyebrows? up close, it's pretty unsettling.

i guess i will have to see American Wedding-- just because. but please, let it end here. i'm pretty confident that nobody wants to see American Baby, American Adultery, or American Divorce.

there was a report on the local news tonight about a teenage nudist summer camp, or more accurately, a summer camp exclusively for teenagers raised in nudist communities. the kids live in small individual tents, clustered within one large tent, are supervised by counselors (also nude), and take part in outdoor sports and all other things that one does at summer camp (i wouldn't know, i never went to summer camp, they don't have 'em in the ghetto).

some older girls who were interviewed (in t-shirts, sadly) explained that they felt more comfortable cohabiting with the males, as the sexual element had been removed and demystified, and they were free to make friends and have a good time together without having to worry about whether the guys were just trying to mack them.

i personally think it's a good idea. naturism is not my cup of tea, but i believe it has some benefits. maybe if more children were raised with a realistic view of the human body, people wouldn't harbor so much insecurity and self-loathing, and tolerance and acceptance would be easier to come by.