THANK YOU JESUS! MY SHIP HAS COME IN!

As a bachelor, I get a chance to fantasize about my first lady. And you know maybe Fox will want to sponsor it as a national contest or something. But in any event I would want definitely want someone who would not just be there by my side, but be a working partner because I think we're in a day in age when partnerships are imperative to making anything happening in the world. And I certainly want a dynamic, out-spoken woman who was fearless in her desire for peace in the world and for universal single-payer health care and a full employment economy. If you are out there call me.

i don't give a shoemaker's damn about any single-payer healthcare or world peace, but i am certainly dynamic, outspoken and fearless and i will make you an eight-year-man, little one. i get 45%; i know when to keep my mouth shut, and we'll start by moving out of New Hampshire.

i came into the living room this morning and BF said, "you should probably put on a sweater or a blanket or something if you're going to walk around like that with the window open." i had on a negligee and said, "why? what could anyone possibly see?" "uh, well you're just wearing a negligee.." he replied. um, ok, so somebody might see a 27-year-old woman who just woke up walking around her own damn apartment and scooping out the catbox in a negligee. ooh, fap fap.

seriously folks, if that's what gets you off then jack away. i don't care.

shouldn't Justin Timberlake cover Oran Juice Jones's "I Saw You Walking in the Rain"? for some reason i think his voice would be just perfect for it. maybe he could even rework the spoken-word part to totally dis Britney. don't.. touch.. that.. coat! haha.

Ray Wolfe's Online Guide to Eraserhead. for your edification-- and even more so that you might have the tiniest idea what you're about to get yourself into, which is more than i ever had-- allow me to repeat the glossary in its entirety here:

• Henry represents Henry. Nothing confusing here.
  
  
• The Workman represents God or, more specifically, a god. Similar to Greek mythology.
  
  
• The "Rock" symbolizes the dwelling place of the god. This could mean heaven, but most likely it represents a church.
  
  
• The "Worms," (which are different from the Baby), are symbolic of sin or an evil deed.
  
  
• The "Baby" is in reality not necessarily an actual thing. It represents the outcome or consequence of a sin or evil deed. It could be an actual baby,which is the outcome of sex, or a condition, such as a disease.
  
  
• The Radiator represents suicide, not death mind you, but the actual act of suicide.
  
  
• The Chipmunk Girl - she is Death.
  
  
• The Dead Tree in dirt, which is on the nightstand, is a religeous symbol, similar to a cross or a statue of a Saint.
  
  
• Electric Lights: in all of David Lynch movies, electricity is good, darkness is evil.

i'll keep it simple. do not view this film, period. a lot of lame artsy-fartsy people are gonna try to make you feel bad because you haven't, but trust me-- it's only because misery loves company and they want you to be just as irreversibly clinically depressed and psychologically fucked as they will be for the rest of their lives. let this kind man explain it to you gently instead, and then at least you'll come away knowing enough to make polite conversation and at least seem intellectual.

have you ever had one of those dreams where you see people who have passed and things that were familiar in your childhood, and you wake up feeling incredibly alone in the world and and sick to your stomach?

i'm going to be 27 in a couple days and i have no idea what will happen to me. and i never found John Cusack very attractive but i thought he had more class than that. i guess he's just a man, after all, and they're still very much in charge. (how else do you explain Paris Hilton? it's like she was custom made in some ubermensch nazi jerk-off fantasy lab somewhere.)

"they tricked me into taking my clothes off! waaah." i wish this chick would hurry up and figure out what exactly her bag is. if i wanted all this sad-ass, self-mutilating, post-high school identity crisis/ooh look i kissed a girl and i smoke cigarettes and have no pants on i'm so badass/i'll let you touch my tit while you masturbate but that's as far as it goes 'cause i got VALUES you know/dumb-is-sexy shit in my face every damn day, i would have given birth to a daughter about 21 years ago.

i used to defend her, but now i look into her eyes and i swear to God i see a Horseman of the Apocalypse. the one called pestilence.

godambrat: someone just knocked on my door...
godambrat: but i'm not answering it because i don't know who it could be.
WolfMan81UK: The boogieman!
WolfMan81UK: Or worse!
godambrat: the cops
WolfMan81UK: A Jehovah's Witness..
godambrat: it was a weird knock too.. like they weren't sure if they should be knocking..
WolfMan81UK: wierd
godambrat: a cop or a Witness would bang on the door with purpose.
godambrat: i guess they went away. they didn't knock again.
WolfMan81UK: all's well then ;-)
godambrat: well, i'm gonna go peek out the little hole, and grab some refreshment. brb.
WolfMan81UK: ok
godambrat: dude! there's like guys in suits and talking on cell phones roaming around my parking lot. i'm totally freaked out now.
WolfMan81UK: =-O
godambrat: they look like FBI or something!
WolfMan81UK: Didn't the third Matrix movie get released today? Maybe they're fanboys who are lost? ;-)
godambrat: or maybe they're not.. but i'm too scared to peek out the window because they might spot me
godambrat: dude, i get totally paranoid about shit like this.
godambrat: why would they knock on my door?
WolfMan81UK: I don't know..
godambrat: i want to peek out the window again but i'm scared.
WolfMan81UK: Just don't answer the door, and don't look out the window. They'll more than likely go away eventually.
godambrat: yeah but what if they see me in the window?
WolfMan81UK: Are they likely to?
godambrat: oh, you said don't look out the window.
WolfMan81UK: yeah ;-)
godambrat: i have the blinds drawn in my room, but wide open in the living room. if i go in there i'm afraid i'll be seen.
godambrat: i'm totally freaked!
godambrat: dude, i totally believe in the X-Files and the Matrix and all that shit.
godambrat: what if it's the government?
godambrat: hang on, i can't take it.. i have to peek out the window again.
WolfMan81UK: ok
WolfMan81UK: Are they gone?
godambrat: back
godambrat: um.. i think so..
WolfMan81UK: How strange.
godambrat: i crawled on my belly past the open window in the living room...
godambrat: until i got to Andy's room and peeked thru the blinds..
godambrat: there's still a lot of people around.. but not suits. and they look like they're loading a bunch of computer equipment into an SUV..
godambrat: then i checked my door.. no one there, no notes or anything..
WolfMan81UK: hmmm
godambrat: christ, i said i wouldn't smoke while i was sick..
godambrat: but after that i need one.
WolfMan81UK: I'll bet!
godambrat: lol, do you think i'm crazy?
WolfMan81UK: No, that is pretty wierd.