I know I may sound like a page out of WASTED, but Marya Hornbaker (author) hit the nail on the head.

When I'm binging, it is like nothing can fill me up. I'm so empty (which was the goal), but I can't live like that, so I try to fill myself up with something, anything. Cake, candies, cookies; more filling foods: potatoes, chicken, beef, rice. Anything that is within grabbing range, and doesn't take forever to cook. A binge is incredibly fast paced. (At least mine are were) I didn't think about what I was shoving into my face. I would eat until it hurt, and I felt like I was going to explode.

Then I would go downstairs (this is just in Baltimore) and stick my fingers down my throat until I saw all of it come up. My stomach would constrict and I would be doubled over in pain, but I would still push. I would do this until I saw blood. Then I'd know that I got all of it up. Eyes bloodshot, nose running, throat incredibly sore and burning, and I'd look at my reflection in the mirror and STILL think I hadn't gotten it all up. That I needed to lose more.

I still think like that.