LISTEN - part 2

My breath caught in my throat as he walked in, looking so amazing... Damn why had I never noticed how sharp and accurate the features on his face were? How amazing his deep brown eyes were? How awesome and provocative that little teasing smirk of his was?

"Hey, Reg," he greeted me as he walked in.

"Hey, David." I greeted back, turning back to my reflection almost as if to make sure that my secret wasn't written all over my face. My cheeks were a light pinkish color, but other than that, it didn't show. All I had to hope was that he didn't notice the change in color on my cheeks...

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked me as he made his way to a urinal. I heard the sound of him unzipping his pants and then the light sound of him doing his business. I felt my cheeks flush even more.

"Just makin' sure I don't have food in my teeth or that I shaved right... you know..." I mumbled, praising myself mentally for coming up with a good excuse in such a short amount of time.

He finished and turned to me, grinning for some reason unknown to me. Big mistake on his part. He was zipping his pants back up and I got a good look at the rim of the CK boxers poking out from his jeans and he wasn't wearing a shirt... God damnit! He looked so good...

To occupy my mind, I turned on the faucet and began a feverish attempt to wash my hands... I don't know why, but I felt the need to cleanse myself... maybe cleanse myself of what I was feeling... an attraction towards another guy...

David came up to the sinks beside me and turned on another faucet to wash his hands. I almost cringed, wondering why, out of all the sinks in this bathroom, he had to choose the one right beside me. He was too close... It was driving me crazy how close he was to me...

And he wasn't wearing a shirt... his muscular chest was fully exposed... every toned, defined muscle poked out of him and I felt myself getting hard again as I stared at the muscular chest that was so close to me... too close to me... it was killing me... It was like I was looking at two firm exposed breasts, except... it wasn't. It wasn't a woman's breasts I was staring at, it was another man's bare chest, another man's pecks, another man's defined, well toned, muscular body...

It was another man... God damnit! This is NOT happening! This CAN'T be happening... I can't be attracted to another man, I just can't...

But I couldn't help it. As I continued to stare at his bare chest, I found myself feeling like one of our female fans, so in love with our bleached blond drummer, wondering what he was like in bed and longing to be his one

and only love. I found myself jealous for his wife, envying Shannon for being the one he loved. The one he went home to at night. The one he went to bed with. The one he woke up with. The one he said "I love you" to. The one who won his heart.

The one who had him. I wanted him. But Shannon had him and he loved her and this just made me more frustrated... more angry with myself, with the world, with God.

"Um... Reg? You okay?" his voice interrupted my thoughts. His voice. Man, even his voice was like a five- second journey through heaven to me. It rang in my ears like nothing ever had before.

I shook my head to break out of my small daze. "Uh... yeah, man, just have a small headache... my ears are ringing too... usually happens after a show..." I answered, once again applauding myself for covering up the real reason so quickly. I'm not usually this good at hiding something.

He chuckled slightly. I loved the way he laughed. He always sounded like a giggly, innocent child whenever he laughed.

"Beer'll take care of that. That's what you always said. Just drink it away at the after party... you are going, aren't you?" David asked.

I nodded. "For sure. You know me. If there's beer, I'm there."

He laughed again and dried his hands. "Well, hurry up. Head and Munky are really in a hurry to go and you know how naggy and annoying and impatient those two can get..." he said and then left the bathroom.

I sighed after the door shut behind him and bowed my head. Why the Hell was this happening to me? To ME, of all people, of all males in the world? What'd I do? Did I say something or do something and this was God's way of punishing me...?

And then another question pounded in my head; if I am being punished, in what way do I feel I am being punished? Do I feel I'm being punished for loving another guy? Or for loving this man, all while knowing that he'll never be mine?

A pounding on the door broke through my thoughts and then I heard Head's voice. "Yo, Fieldy! You alive in there?"

"Yeah come on, man!" Came Munky's voice, just as impatient. "We wanna get to this party sometime this century!"

I rolled my eyes as I remembered what David had said about Head and Munky getting impatient too quickly. Sighing at my reflection once again, I looked over myself and was grateful to see that the bulge in my pants was no longer noticeable.

For now anyways...

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The party was insane. Just a mystic blur of colors and faces and sounds. The amount of beer was a never-ending supply, as was the hard stuff and my good old friend Corona. Joints were passed around and I watched while struggling to have a conversation with Kare Bear, as Head, Munky and David shared a joint across the room. That surprised me, that David was smoking a joint. I know Head and Munky got high every now and then at after show parties, but David? David was usually the most health-conscious of all of us. I couldn't really remember a time when he got high.

I shrugged my shoulders and continued to strain to hear Kare Bear talk, but it wasn't going as easily as I would've liked it. I was constantly interrupting him by saying "what?" and there were times when what he said traveled far off into the distance, never to be heard again, because Kare Bear was drunk and wouldn't much less remember this story, let alone repeat it.

And then there was the fact that there was a distraction sitting across the room, getting high. I couldn't keep my eyes or my thoughts off David, no matter how hard I tried. He occupied my mind, no matter how much I stubbornly tried to push the image of him out.

The party, however, continued on, the music got louder, the people in attendance got louder and drunker and higher and my head got lighter. I hiccuped, wondering what number of beer this was. I was unable to come to a conclusion and merely shrugged absent-mindedly, not really caring either way.

Across the room, Head and Munky were nearly crying from their uncontrollable fits of laughter. They were both stoned out of their minds, I could tell just by the glazed over, forgone looks in their eyes. Seated beside Munky on the couch was David, curled into a ball, with his head buried into his bent knees. I immediately stood up and made my way towards the other end of the room.

I placed my hand on David's shoulder and leaned closer to him. "Hey Davie boy, you okay?" I asked, glad that the music was too loud and the younger man was obviously too stoned to notice the extreme amount of concern in my voice.

He didn't reply, but Munky burst out laughing even more. "Oh shit! Dude, I forgot David was here with us!" he slurred and for some unknown reason, this struck him and Head as hilarious.

I rolled my eyes, and again asked David if he was okay. He once again didn't respond.

"He's fiiiiiiiiiiine, Reg," Head insisted between his lazy laughter.

"Yeah, Reggie, he's just peeee-chay!" Munky added and the two continued laughing.

I glared at them, growing angry that they were so unconcerned about our friend beside them, obviously not enjoying his high like they were. I was angry that they'd given him the joint in the first place. David rarely got high, rarely did drugs. He wasn't used to it like they were.

I shook his shoulder again and leaned closer, so close that I smelt the scent of his cologne over the stench of pot and cigarette smoke that had attached to him. Damn he smelt good...

"David? David, are you okay?" I asked again, louder in his ear.

At this, David slowly lifted his head and stared up at me. Or at least tried to. His eyes were so glazed over, so blood shot, so dilated, he looked horrible. I felt a pang of worry growing in me. He obviously wasn't having a good high like Head and Munky were. Probably because he wasn't used to it. His mouth dangled open a bit and his eyelids fluttered.

"Reggie?" He mumbled and I barely heard him.

"Yeah it's me, Davie. Are you okay? You don't look so good, man." I asked him, growing more worried at how slightly incoherent he seemed.

"I feel sick... tired... head hurts..." David rambled, his head nodding, his eyes taking on a distant stare.

"Aw, come on, Davie boy!" Head suddenly spoke, leaning over Munky to talk to David. Munky cried out in protest, but Head ignored him and Munky was too stoned to push him off anyways. "You just need to kick back and laugh and enjoy the high!"

"Yeah..." Munky agreed, his voice slurred. "Now, fuck, Head ! Get off of me!"

The two began to laugh again and I couldn't help getting a bit disgusted by their behavior. If Rebekka or Stephanie could see them now...

I looked back at David. His face had gone pale and he looked a little nauseous. Fearing he'd get sick or something, I leaned close to him again and asked him "Do you want me to bring you back to your hotel room, David?"

David stared straight ahead with slitted eyes and at first I wasn't sure he even heard me. But then, he slowly nodded and I heard him mumble something that sounded pretty much like "yeah...". And so, I placed one hand underneath his armpits and hulled him to his feet. He moaned sickly and wobbled on his feet, his head slightly nodding, his eyelids fluttering like wings on a butterfly. He was beyond stoned.

"Come on, David. I'll help you to your room, but you gotta walk too, yah know?" I told him, urging him to take the steps necessary to make it to his room. He slowly gave in, stumbling with me towards the door as we left Head and Munky higher than the clouds and laughing like two psychotic lunatics. We made it out of the hotel room that was hosting the party and began down the hall for the elevator to take David to his room four floors above this one.

The elevator ride itself only made David look more nauseous. I watched in concern and sympathy as he took deep breaths to calm his upset stomach and his eyes focused and unfocused. When we reached the floor where all our hotel rooms were, I helped him to his room and he flopped onto the bed in almost relief.

I sat next to him and rubbed his back gently. "How you feel now?"

He didn't respond first, but life was slowly coming into his eyes again, which were now staring up at me. "I dun..." he began, but then he moaned again and went silent. He slowly rolled over onto his back to look up at me and I couldn't help but stare at him. Never before had I felt this concerned for one of my band mates in a situation like this. Munky had gotten like this plenty of times from smoking too many joints and once the damn shit turned out to be laced... and if one of them got sick and like this from too much drinking, I rarely showed this much sympathy, this much concern for them. The way I saw it was that it was their own fault. They shouldn't have tried the stupid drug since they obviously couldn't handle it, they shouldn't have drank so much... it was their own damn fault and they weren't getting any pity from me...

But now, here I was, helping David, who was so shit faced stoned out of his mind, and I wasn't feeling my usual stubbornness that kept me from helping one of my friends. All I was feeling was this need to see that David made it okay, that he didn't get sick. I was feeling this need to protect him, to make sure he was okay. Well, I always felt this need to protect my band mates, it just came with the role of being the oldest of the five of us, but never this strongly...

He stared at me, I stared at him. There was a burning desire in me. An inexplicable yearning for him, for David, that it nearly made me sick myself. I wanted him. I wanted him so badly.

I wanted to kiss him.

As I stared at him, he stared back, although he didn't exactly look like he was 100% there. He looked like he was in that plain where you're not awake, but you're not asleep. I wanted to kiss him so badly, so badly it hurt, but I knew I couldn't. I'd be taking advantage of him while he was under the influence.... I was drunk, he was drunk and stoned, he didn't fully know what he was doing at the moment.

But I couldn't take it anymore. Blame the alcohol if you want... cuz that's what I'm leaning towards. I was too drunk to stop myself. All I know is that his slitted eyes came closer to me, I felt his presence closer to me than before, than ever... I've never been this close to anyone except Shela...

Shela...

David...

Our lips touched, and the kiss was gentle. A small kiss that tasted like beer, Jack Daniels, Tequilla and weed. His breath was intoxicating and somewhat gruesome. And yet I didn't mind... I loved the taste, even though I hated the smell of weed. Even though he could've really used a toothbrush and an ocean of mouthwash, I found myself thinking that this was the best taste in the world, because it was a taste of him. From him.

Then, as quickly as the kiss had started, it ended. David's lips stopped kissing me back and he moaned lightly, his eyelids drooping. He was succumbing to the oblivion that usually over took a person after awhile after smoking a joint. He was falling asleep and I was glad, yet disappointed all together. He'd been too stoned, had too much to drink... He needed to sleep, needed to give into the alcohol and drug induced haze and rest, even if that meant suffering for him in the morning, what with the major hangover he was definitely going to have. But I wanted him to stay awake, just so I could gaze into his eyes, just so he could know that I was there.

Yet he passed out before me and I laid down next to him, prepared to stay up all night to make sure he was okay... Okay I'll admit it, and to watch him sleep too. He looked so cute as he slept... he looked almost younger, like a little boy...My heart panged in loving adoration and I gave him a peck on his lips that he would be oblivious to tomorrow before my drunken haze unawaringly pulled me in...

TO BE CONTINUED...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Were you right? Were you *shocked*?? Who the Hell knew huh???

:-) Stay tuned for more...