Your NOT Supposed To Read My JOURNAL!!
My Journal is mostly contained of private writings by me. Unfortunetly you will never get to read my ture journal. Instead I've decided to keep a seperate online journal. And by the way whatever you read here, please don't take offense to it. Everything on here is based on my views and opinions.
9-5-03.... It's been one of those weeks where nothing is going right in my social life. The only good thing that's been happening is, I told the asshole, who left me at radioshack by myself, off. It was quite amusing, to me anyway. He claimed that i was acting immature and stupid, thats why he left me. ERRR does every guy on the planet think he's God??? First of all, he's a bum. He's 21 and doesn't have a steady job unless you wanna count that he makes, what, $25 one night a week working the door for a rundown club. Oh and he makes chainmail, but maybe 3 or 4 pieces a month. Now when someone takes you into their home and gives you food and shelter and electricty and shit, you leave when they drop a huge hint that they want privacy. Duh! So because I was willing to leave when they asked nicely, I was acting immature and stupid. But the funny thing is, typically when you tell someone off, the other person doesn't usually respond back, and the asshole had the nerve to. But even funnier, I told him everything I knew about him and he didn't even defend himself!
MOOD: AMUSED
SONG: TYPE O NEGATIVE- Life Is Killing Me
8-23-03....WOW, it's been a long long time since my last entry. But it doesn't really matter, no one reads it. But if anyone is actually intrested in my life, here's an update. MY LIFE SUX. Tiffany and I have started a club, The Alcoholic Chain Smoking Pierced and Tattooed Lesbian Bored Nuns. That should explain a lot. We created the club because we are tired of men. Boys I should say. I'm absolutly tired of getting screwed over, I mean at least girls are nicer when they screw over another girl. I met this guy whom i'll call Bob...lol. Bob was a real cool guy when I first started talking to him. He and I had a lot in common I thought and then my 4th of July weekend I met him and everything just went downhill and still is. I mean while I was with him, I was yelled at, ditched twice, and lied to. Bad bad combination. First of all, you don't yell at me, esp if i've done nothing wrong. You don't ditch me to go to some club because you've got friends their. If I come up to meet you, you dont ditch me to go see people you see every week when i'm not there. And seriously don't lie to me, I hate being lied to.....esp. when i believe what youre telling me and then hear a diffrent story from someone else. When i talk to people, I have nothing to hide, I'm not ashamed of what i've done or been though.. so why should you be able to make up a pretend story for yourself, it's not fair or honest. So Bob is on my bad list right now.. I keep hoping he's going to call me up one day and just spill his guts.. but he won't cause he thinks he's god. (Far from it). So yeah I can't seem to find any decent guys. And it seems that i'm just a hopeless romantic.. all guys want is sex. not good, cause i dont give a damn about sex. So Tiff and I are lesbian lovers. Chesca and I haven't talked to each other in like 2 months cause her cell phone has mental problems. But I can't post anything about her until I talk to her. Besides that stuff i've been working on my car and watching movies, waiting until my dad gives methe truck to get a job.. then i'm getting the HELL OUT OF HERE.
P.S. Website to this point will never be finished simply because when i get on the internet, it's to do shit i have to do. Designing this site up to this point was hard to do. What can i say, i'm an idiot. But little by little I will try to update and work on some new things.
MOOD: ANNOYED
4-3-03.... Things are going well in my world today. I'm actually happy. This last week i got in touch with an old friend even though I don't know if he wants to talk to me. My friend Tiffany finally called me after like 3 months of not calling me, but it's cool... she had a good excuse. My friend Josh got evicted and then it retracted. The only thing I'm going crazy over is if I should move back to Fresno,Ca or somewhere over the rainbow??
2-28-03....
WELL, what can i say. I'm so bored here it's not even funny. I really don't have much to say about me or anything i've experienced the past couple of day but, but i do have some info about my website. First of all i changed the song of links (thats what i call it now). I chose December by Static X mainly cause the song is a perfect description of me and it has some meaning behind it. I'm going to try finishing my links page today. Also i will be putting up a new poll. And probably just end up fixing my website a little bit.
MOOD:lalalalalala i remember drugs used to be fun, wish i had some.
2-15-03....
GOD, It's been almost a whole year since I entered anything in here. I bet everyone thought I was dead?? Well, I'm not even though most of the time I wish I was. Alot has happened. I've gotten a job so hopefully I'll be out of here soon. I still choose to not "date". Still trying to figure out what went wrong with the last guy in Fresno. I've written plenty of songs though about it. I've just basically been living minute by minute, makes the days longer and more tiring.
MOOD: everything is so slow i feel dead.
4-4-02....
Why is it that I can't seem to make anyone happy? Am I doomed to fail at relationships for the rest of my life? In all actuality I would rather see the ones I care about happy, than myself. Am I destined to remain in a hole with no comfort when I need it? I think for the most part I am a true hopeless romantic. Hopeless being the key word. Apart from being emotionally unstable and suicidal right now, I need and miss him.On a seperate note, I will not be online for a few weeks partly because I'm am graduating and will not have access to my website. And the other part being that I just need time to think and get my life situated and stable again.
MOOD: How many words for depressed can there be?
4-3-02....
Yet again I couldn't sleep last night. I just had so many things on my mind and I kept getting cold sweats. Maybe there was another presence but I was so out of it I couldn't concentrate. Also on a side note I have motified my website. It's not so trashy now.
MOOD: tired/lonely/depressed
4-2-02....
I guess today is one of those slow and depressing days. I don't know why I feel the way I do. I guess it's because my b/f and I aren't talking much and I think i pissed off one of my friends on the last day I was down in Fresno. I dont know. Or maybe it's the music i'm listening to.... DAMN ADEMA.
4-1-02....
SPRING BREAK. So I got to go down to Fresno for my Birthday/Spring Break and for the most part I had fun. I got to see most of my friends and partied a little bit more than I should have. The first party I ended up at was with my friend Tiffany and Chesca. I met some of Tiffanys' friends but ended up hanging out with a guy named Ben and Tiffany for most of the night. Eventually I had to take Tiff home and then i just hung out with Ben for awhile. Well to make a long story short I was molested, almost raped. How great, huh? I tried not to let that ruin the time remaining. Uhm lemme see i dyed my hair finally. The box said it was a ruby fushia color but it turned out a bit brighter than I expected but I still like it. I got my tongue pierced thanx to my friend who paid for it. Basically thats about it. I partied and had some fun.
3-12-02....
O.k. pictures and art will not be updated until next week at the earliest. Poems are 100% complete until i decide to add something new. I'm also working on putting up some band pages.
3-7-02....
How complicated can a birthday be? I mean come on. First my parents woke me up when i should have slept in and then after i kept telling them over and over about what i wanted to do, they still didnt understand. Then when i decided i wanted to go to the Silver Legacy in Reno my mom kept saying "well it would be easier for Micheal (my uncle) to meet in Carson rather than travel to Reno. So i ended up saying "who gives a fuck". Basically my plans yeilded to my uncles ability to be somewhere at a certain time. I ended up getting a few pairs of pants and 3 cds (sevendust: animosity, system of a down: toxicity, and nickelback: silver side up) and silly string. And i have another b-day present comming up, i get to go to Fresno for about 2 and a half weeks....yey. F.Y.I.... I'M 18 FINALLY.
3-3-02....
So my poems page is complete. i've added about 10 new poems so i hope everyone enjoys that. Uhm lemme see... i'll be gone from the 8th until the 22. i'll be in fresno, yey! Wish me a happy birthday on the 7th, i'll finally be old enough to buy my own cigs. I'll be working on my links page and probably pictures until i get back.
2-27-02....
Everything seems a blur to me. I can still remember everything about the accident, but my uncle is dying and my parents don't understand me. On top of it all my birthday is in a week and it's sure to suck. I need to get the fuck out of here and go see my boyfriend anD friends in Fresno. Just one question on my mind right now, WHY ME??
2-26-02....
So I've added some new stuff on here. I've added more poems as well as this journal, likes and dislikes and I'm working on links right now. BTW if your nice enough you'll sign the guestbook!
2-20-02....
Ain't it a bitch that I got in a car accident?? 1. It wasn't my fault. 2. I got sited for it cause the cop said he had to site someone at the accident. You should have seen the weckage. I was in my dads' truck and I was crossing Ramsey Cut-off and i was on Spruce. Some guy comming down ramsey was speeding in a 45 zone and when I was crossing the guy slammed on his brakes and I punched the gas. The guy hit me when he could have swerved and he took out my brake light and bent my bumber. My bumper caught the guys fender and tore it completely off. So now I have to go to court cause im still a minor and I failed to yeild. But the cop wrote on the sitation that I didn't stop. So right now the parential units aren't letting me drive and I feel completely stupid.
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