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-Other Holidays- Secular Holidays are practiced as much by Wiccans as anyone, and rituals for Thanksgiving, New Year's, etc. are practiced by many Wiccans as a way of "bringing home" the meanings of these days. Community, not just of Wiccan folk, but of all human kind is built on the fact that, while we are much different, we are also much the same, blessed diversity once more.  -Born Wiccan- Blessed indeed are those children born "into" Wicca, who don't need to lose the Christian indoctrination of their parents. I myself, while not being "born" Wiccan, was "raised right" in the Wiccan sense, that is, given the right and ability to explore, create, and "discover" religion as I grew. When I first became involved in Wicca, the coven I was in consisted of feminist Lesbians and "Wild Men," a bizarre combination of two covens, lead by a priestess and priest who were like siblings and who were attempting to counter the Anti-man, and Anti-woman aspects of their respective covens by integrating them. From day one I learned that Wicca, like any religion, has its rocky moments, which probably saved me from the disgust and disillusionment that some Wiccans face as they discover themselves and their differences from the "norm", causing them to leave covens and organizations. As head of Religion: Other, An Alliance of Alternative Religion, I managed to corner several Wiccans who'd left covens, or left Wicca altogether. Although the reasons given were unique, we fit many of them into ten categories, and labeled them, from 10 (4 of 30) to 1 (14 of 30) (Most of the people interviewed gave answers that included two or more categories.) It looked like this: Why I left my Coven/Group/Wicca as a whole: 10: My Profession wasn't respected by other Wiccans (4)1 09: Nothing was being accomplished. (5) 08: Focusing too much on one or two people (5) 07: Personality clash, not coven leader (6) 06: Personality clash with Coven leader(9) 05: Did not respect my gender (10) 2 04: Did not respect my sexual orientation/history (10)3 03: Was causing too much stress in my life. (11) 02: Didn't respect my spouse/partner and/or kids. (12) 01: Expected too much of my time (14) The Wiccan Family, with its children, deserves more respect than it gets by its community. A part of that is the make-up of Wicca, because we attract diverse populations, especially those populations "exiled" by the Christian world, we don't have as many kids. We have a large gay population in Wicca, because "love is never evil," and a large population of childless-by-choice heterosexual couples. Wiccans, as a majority, are pro-choice, pro-world type people, so when children are born to a Wiccan couple, it's usually planned, and, far too often, it's decided against. The Wiccan family with children faces serious dilemmas. Wiccan gatherings rarely have daycare, and often bringing children is frowned upon, or just an excuse to get treated rudely by inconsiderate people who have no clue about child rearing. I've been told I'm adding to the population crisis because of my son and the fact that I plan to have at least one more child before my life is up has caused rifts between my family and some of my coveners, but the answer is simple. We, as Wiccans, are going to raise peaceful, respectful children to counter all the kids being brought up wrong throughout the world. Our morality, passed generation to generation DESERVES to be continued, and the children out there shouldn't be denied it because we have so few parenting role models who are Wiccan. Far better to try than die out. A child, raised Wiccan, taught the knowledge that can be taught and shown the way to the rest is given more clearly those tools we felt deprived of by other upbringing. Parents attempting to raise a child in this violent, Christian-weighted world deserve our respect and assistance, not further hindrances. A few weeks before this was written, I got together with two other Wiccan mothers, one a fellow priestess, the other a second circle teacher, between the three of us, we created the "Wiccan Mother's Demands" for the Summer Solstice Issue of The Green: The Wiccan Mother's Demands: We, the mothers of our future, in order to produce a more perfect generation, demand the following of our community, or else: 1: Being a mother means responsibility, sometimes we can't drop what we're doing to come to a circle, please give us advance notice. 2: Childcare at Wiccan Gatherings should be available, peaceful and productive. 3: Our children, not our covens, come first. 4: Our children, when they are at gatherings, are going to be noisy, playful, demanding and occasionally disruptive. They are children, that's part of their job. 5: We have the right to bring our children with us, and no one has the right to stop us. For us, at least, and the few other Wiccan Parents we know, bringing our children up Wiccan means bringing our children up free, and that if that freedom causes our children to choose another religion, then so be it. My child is not Wiccan, he is a child, and religious decisions aren't his duty, being a child is. If I can balance teaching him my beliefs, and the beliefs of other people, he'll probably choose my way, but it will be a choice. The Wiccan parent, at least, knows that the smaller being that lives with them is a human being, and he has choices, too, even if they are more restrictive.
-Puberty: Womanhood, Manhood- While we raise our children, we look forward to the trials of puberty, and start from the moment of birth to teach respect for the sexes, self-control and responsibility. One example, in a Book of Shadows of a modern trad, reads : "At the age of about five, a child should be given something to take care of, something little, like a hamster, or a goldfish. If the child doesn't do what is needed to take care of the animal, demand it, and, if, after a few years, the child shows responsibility, you may wish to give him/her something larger. By puberty, the child understands that taking care of things requires work, and you've done a great set-up for a frank talk." We need to teach our children from day one that having sex means "giving up" childhood to an extreme degree. Responsibility, self-control, and the demands of a sexual life are taught in our parables and myths, and the punishments for things like rape and excess in those myths are swift, severe and memorable. A coming of age ceremony, designed by the parents and child, should take place when the parties decide that the child is ready to be a self-responsible adult. The actual moment of transition aids a child in the "am I too young to?" decisions, and knowledge of a parent's respect and expectations changes the dynamic of the relationship completely. Unlike Christianity, Wicca teaches automatic response, "if you do this, you will be punished now," and "this life matters, don't mess it up." By showing our children that they are responsible for their actions and they are accountable for them from day one, we teach control and responsibility. By teaching compassion, forgiveness and the ability to change, we teach divinity. It is easy for us to believe, "I am God(dess)," but what we have to teach our children is: "So are you."
-The Wiccan Marriage- The Wiccan Marriage, or Handfasting, is a vital part of the religious lives of thousands of Wiccans worldwide who have decided to be joined in the eyes of the Goddess and God rather than in a civil ceremony. Few Wiccan priest/priestesses are truly licensed to do civil marriages, and a secondary wedding takes place at the justice of the peace or similar office for many Wiccan couples. The Handfasting is more than a document, however, and many choose a handfasting which marries them in the eyes of the Gods, but not the civil marriage, freeing them for non-traditional marriages that the state may not approve of: When The Defense of Marriage Act was before the United States Congress, many congressmen and women recieved a version of the following letter from Wiccan Clergy. The letter demonstrates the ideals commonly held by Wiccan/Pagan clergy concerning same-sex marriage: To whom it may concern: Given the nature of the continuing debate for and against the legal marriage of Gays and Lesbians, it seems important to define what marriage is. Some people want to define marriage within strict Judeo-Christian terms. The flaw in this is that people of any religion may be joined together regardless of their religion, Marriages within Jewish and Christian faiths, within Islam and Universalism, Catholicism and Atheism are all recognized by the state, even though marriage within these belief systems all mean different things. To define marriage within one religious group, to define marriage from a particular Biblical translation, or translations, as the "Defense of Marriage Act" and similar documents attempt to do, is to deny the validity of all marriages not performed within the religious sect or sects from which this definition comes. DOMA and the like should be seen as an act not against "merely" Gay and Lesbian couples, but as an act against Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Atheism, and any religion or belief system that defines marriage with any rules above and beyond the mere union of man and woman as defined in DOMA's framers' version of Christianity. Gay and Lesbian couples have been being married religiously by ministers for years, and some religions, such as Wicca, a religion recognized by the United States (most notably in The Armed Forces' guide for Chaplains,) have objected to DOMA not because of a secret "gay agenda" but because DOMA actively promotes denying ministers of certain faiths their right to have many of their marriages recognized by the State, effectively denying tens of thousands of people their freedom of religion. No rational person expects religions that are against homosexuality to begin to hand out marriages between same-sex couples. As always, each religion has the right to determine the qualifications to be married within their church, but the State does not have the right to limit those qualifications beyond expecting that all participants are not having their rights violated by the church. A religious marriage is a contract between those being married and the church that is marrying them, a sacred contract that is limited only by the religion's rules and knowledge that all parties are capable (i.e.: Sound of mind, of legal age and not under duress) of consenting to that contract. It is against both the letter of the Constitution and the spirit of it, in essence, DOMA tells the public that only those religions of which certain people approve may be given the full protection of the First amendment. You don't have to agree with Same-sex marriage to disagree with DOMA, but the carefully practiced division of the public into "good, moral folk" and "godless liberals" must be seen through like the tactic that it is, a mere method of telling people what's good to think and what's bad to think. My morality, my thoughts and my beliefs are not regulated by or registered with the Congress of the United States, and although I disagree with the tactics of secession "Freemen" groups, I am more than willing to fight the Government if they ever expect me to join their church, think their way and do their bidding like a mindless Jesse Helms clone. I am an American, patriotic and proud of my country, and I will not watch the Constitution be destroyed in the name of "defending marriage." There are two main types of Handfasting, mostly based on practices of the ancient Celts. The first, which appears to be unique to Wicca in the modern age, is the "Year and a Day" handfasting, which is renewed (or not) every year and one day. The commitment here is not temporary, but, at the end of the period if the couple can not honestly say that they still love each other, they begin proceedings to fix or end the marriage. A Priest(ess) will advise participants in this ceremony to not have children unless a contract stipulating custodial rights is created in advance. The Second handfasting is much like the Judeo-Christian marriage, and is for "As long as love shall last," as opposed to "till death do us part." The reasoning behind this is two-fold, firstly, Wiccans believe a marriage without love is a sham, and should be dissolved as soon as possible. Secondly, Wiccans don't believe that death "parts" lovers, and many Wiccan widow(er)s talk about "feeling" their spouse, who often convinces them to "move on." Sometimes, a year and a day handfasting is required before a priestess will handfast a couple indefinitely. In order to be married in Universal Eclectic Wicca, and many other Wiccan traditions, a couple is asked to interview with the Priest(ess,) first as a couple, and then individually. The purpose of this is not so that the Priest(ess) can veto the handfasting, but so that (s)he can find hidden issues the couple may have, and help them decide if they are really ready to "take the leap." An old tradition currently being adopted by the masses, the pre-nuptial agreement has existed in Wicca as "The Contract" for time eternal. This is fairly self-explanatory, a couple sits down and hashes out the contingencies for divorce and the rules for marriage. Part of the Contract is the Mediation Commitment, a statement in which the couple makes the commitment to take any decision that alters the contract to mediation with a neutral third party, preferably the priest(ess) or coven scribe who helped write the contract. Once that is taken care of, the marriage takes place, often incorporating any number of varied traditions into each ceremony. Commonest is the "broom jumping" of poverty/slavery weddings, with the broom then decorated and hung on the couple's door to announce their handfasting to the community. Handfasting actually takes its name from the act of binding the couple's hands with their cords or a special handfasting cord, often woven from two-colored fabric. Many priest(esse)s actually schedule "check-ups" to insure a healthy marriage, and take a much more active role than most clergy. Choosing a "civil" marriage to back up your spiritual one is a delicate choice. On one hand, you gain a document and recognition that you are married by the government, this can help taxwise and insurancewise and is especially helpful if you wish to adopt your spouse's name, however, the primary purpose of the marriage certificate is to make money, and by choosing to be married by a religious ceremony and not a civil one you are not only saving money, but lodging a form of protest. Until such time as alternative marriages are recognized by the governement, a "civil" marriage is spiritually worthless.
-The Wiccan Divorce- Inevitably, any discussion of marriage needs a discussion of divorce, and Wiccan marriages are no different. A good point about having a religious-only marriage is that the divorce fees, which generally have a minimum of one-hundred dollars, are avoided. This does not mean that the marriage just picks up and dissolves. Many psychologists who don't shun all things even remotely religious recommend a "ceremony" for divorce to aid in the grief process that divorce causes, and more and more Judeo-Christian churches (those recognizing divorce) are adopting them. We've always had one, and it's called a Handparting. Handparting, like Handfasting, isn't taken lightly, although many Handfastings that fall apart "peacefully" don't truly need to be parted, and the couple goes their merry ways, simply affirming "it's over" to all parties involved. With a Year and a Day Handfastings, it is customary to call the friends, clergy and family and tell them you've opted not to renew your Handfasting at the end of the term, a Handparting is only done in matters of extreme difficulty in these cases, and is made more difficult when the parties don't follow their wedding contracts. In long-term Handfastings gone sour, the participants are encouraged to Handpart ritually for psychological purposes, but again, if an easier form of "breaking it off" works for you, than do it. I feel it necessary to say here that marriages, Wiccan, Catholic, whatever, are held together by words and love, and that no Magickal act makes a couple inseparable. People change, and the person you handfast with may not be the same person ten years from now. As we grow, and change, handpartings happen, and filling your handfasting with talk of "eternity" and "through all our lives and incarnations," is damning any possible Handparting to increased difficulty. Earlier, I mentioned "plan B's," this is another example of one, and jeopardizing it in advance doesn't make marriage anymore secure. If you love each other so much that you wish to be together until the world ends, then stay in love, and be handfasted, "as long as love shall last." Who needs a greater time period than that? When a handfasting goes sour, many Wiccan Priest(esse)s expect a trial separation of those they've Handfasted, a sort of "trying it on for size," similar in makeup and reasoning to the trial Handfasting, this prevents unnecessary Handpartings. Handpartings that are finalized require an interview, contract and mediation, just like the Handfasting, and is taken very seriously by the Wiccan population, but unlike a state divorce, a Handparting can easily be tailored individually, allowing the participants more leeway in their decisions. Often, a Handparted couple with children will stay together as friends under the same roof to raise their children together, with a good contract, respect and prayer, anything is possible.
-The Later Years- In many traditions, passage rites mark the passage into later maturity, but some feel that the emphasis placed on "cronings" and similar rituals lessen the experiences for people at other stages of life, or even discredit those people. My own teacher, newly young at 64, flat out refused a "croning" by her coven, saying "age is but a pair of dates and the length between them, and if cronings are indicative of experience, why offer it now, not ten or twenty years ago?" If a person desires one, and is willing to seek out the ritual in a tradition that "officially" provides such rites, then the priest(ess) should assist in all ways possible, but should refrain from recommending it. One person, upon recommending it of Bell Coven's oldest member received a sandal upside the head, shot from about 30 feet by someone who most people would describe as a "little old lady" with perfect accuracy, who screeched, "call me a crone again and the other one's going somewhere worse." I have seen women who revel in the title, but since Universal Eclectic Wicca teaches that experience and active learning (not just age,) create wisdom, much of the "point" of such rituals is lost. -"The Final Ritual"- Perhaps at no time in our life does religion count more than the moment when we realize we're dying. I remember a dream I had, early on in my studies, I was in the elevator of the CN tower (I despise elevators) and had gotten in at the top with a Catholic priest and another Wiccan. At the moment the doors closed, the cable snapped and we were all going to die in five minutes (crashing in elevators in dreams is slow, I guess). The other Wiccan and I immediately prayed to either be rescued or die painlessly, then I turned to the priest and confessed everything I'd ever done that was non-Catholic in my life (I don't know how, but I condensed it to a few phrases,) and, upon confession demanded a really quick penance (the priest said that conversion was enough,) and I was "forgiven." Then, I woke up. I immediately went to my priestess, near sobbing, I didn't understand what my subconscious was saying, was I not really Wiccan? Was I a closet Catholic? What happened after I was forgiven, did I die? She told me to meditate on the meaning of that dream before bed, and sure enough I had the same dream, only we were rescued mere seconds after the dream had ended before. As we got out, the other Wiccan (my conscious) looked at me, confused, "you've one of the most devout Wiccans I know, what happened in there?" she demanded. The dream me thought for a moment, then said, "well, if we had died, and he was right, I saved my butt, if he was wrong, I know our Gods would understand." The priest came up to us at that point, and the dream me felt embarrassed for having said that in front of him. I tried to stutter out an apology, but he brushed it off, saying, "That's okay, everyone is Catholic right before they die," then I woke up again. I've told numerous students this dream, finding that while aspects of it were fairly unique, similar issues had been brought up in the dreams and dialogs of numerous Wiccans. Confession, and the idea that a few words and actions will settle all of our post-life problems, is very appealing. Wicca is one of the few religions that doesn't say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what happens after we die. In general, Wiccans believe in reincarnation, that the soul goes on to be "born again" into a new body, to learn new lessons and continue its learning quest, but we don't promise that we have the answer. There is simply very little proof. Out of body experiences of Christians sometimes include women instead of Jesus, and Jesus has appeared in the out of body experiences of Wiccans, always smiling and embracing them, so even the "beyond a shadow of doubt" beliefs of new age Christians don't ring true. I'll put it simply, we don't know. To prevent the detriment of the growing graveyard, many Wiccans choose cremation after donation as their method of choice once they die. This allows the parts of the body that can give life to go on, and the parts that cannot are reduced by the cremation process. The ashes are traditionally mixed with soil in which a tree is planted, many people choose to have a plate placed near or on the tree, or a memorial bench with an inscription beside the tree. The actual planting ceremony is written by friends, family, and occasionally pre-written by the plantee. One is included in Book Three: A Book Of Light. It's best to look into the legality of this in your area before you perform a planting, in many places, an urn is required and in others the ashes may be planted in a graveyard, but not on private land.
Esbat Rituals I am not including everything on this list. It is pointless to publish it as it has to be done by a High Priest and High Priestess anyway. Needs: Everything needed to cast a Circle, Wand, Scourge, High Priestess' Athame High Priest and High Priestess Here is the sequence of modules in a standard Esbat ritual. Cast Circle (Optional: rare) Declaim Ancient Call Drawing Down the Moon Charge (Optional: rare) HP declaims Ancient Call Great God Cernunnos Invocation (generally omitted if Drawing Down the Sun) Witches' Rune (or other circle chant, eg. Ancient Call) Cone of Power Insert optional Circle work here (eg. Sabbat ritual) Wine Blessing Cake Blessing Relax and chat; Coven business discussion, teaching, etc. Close Circle |
