Er Ist Meine Engel...
A little bit about Randy(Meine Engel)
hes 15
he lives in COLORADO
he is 5"9'(without platforms)
the stuff under this line is OLD, and still true. Randy I love you! to view the page of randy that is newwer, click Here
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he is HOT
and HE is the guy I love, and whom I want to marry :)
as if its crazy enough, ive known him for 2 years...
see, i met him when i was a newbie in a chatroom called game-revolution, i was doing searches for Resident Evil, and found some sort of chat room.
I never spoke to him that much and i figured it didnt matter.
well i spoke to him on and off, and if i think of back then, i can tell how much me and him have changed. i used to be so stupid, i was 11, and i didnt know anything at all.
i was a dork, and was finishing up 6th grade.
me and Randy havnt really been so close, i would talk to him, not for that long though. i remember a small fragment of when i was sad. i told him about me killing myself for his love, i didnt even know what i was saying, i barely even knew him at that time,
but it didnt matter..things are different now.
i started getting close to him around may, i had a friend over, she was talking to him, i was sittin next to her(back then Randy told me to call him Terry, and he used the nick Terminus_Est or Dark_knight_terminus` something like that, i have a bad memory)
well i got his picture..and oh my god, i fell head over heals...
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i was in love right away.. but i knew i needed to get to know him,..
im 13 now, I still love Randy, things have happend on and off... his life is so rough...and i want to stop it... to take away the pain..
i remember lots of things he said to me, about how he loved me..
I know its hard for him, and sometimes i admit i couldnt be there for him, i would be snobby and would want him to just shut up, to be happy.
hes lonely.
he needs someone, i know that now, he doesnt need more pain, he just needs someone close... i want to be what he needs. I hope he understands how badly i wish i could be there. I hope he understands how i feel. and i want to keep seeing him, i want to keep talking to him. I want to always be there for him...
i want to be the one for him, that feeling hasnt changed.Randy would ask me if i wanted to live with him in germany..
i want that.
I still cry cuz of all of this.Tears of happiness, Tears of pain... all types..
Randy is more important than me, he doesnt deserve to be treated badly.
I never will Hurt Randy, and I never will hate him, I love him more than he can imagine, I honestly believe me and him are meant to be.. Forget the past and move on with the future. Just because someone has a bad past, DOES NOT mean they have to have a bad future, I had a bad past, but ever sense I let Randy into my life, everything else seemed to disapear, im a stronger person now because of Randy, he's givin me so much, besides hurt and tears. It used to be hard to trust him, things slowly changed, and I know now I can trust him, me and him arn't together, it seems as if we are though. I just close my eyes now, and imagine.
I wonder how many times Randy and I have had the same day dream .. Porbably a few times, I wish i could see his dream, that'd be so great. My dreams are odd, O_o, well, now you all know the little things, (which are big important things to me) on Randy, I still tihnk im the ugly duckling in the whole story, hopefully, the story will end with a happily, ever after.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Randy always told me to use my imagination, i kept telling him i didnt have one, i am afraid to think, yet close my eyes and imagine----------
this is what i saw when i listened to linkin park- with you.
i was in a dark room.....linkin park was blaring in the background, i look around but only see darkness, i look behind me and see a candle flame.....i walk toward it.
as the bass kicks in on linkin park, everything around me shatters, im now in another room.
it gets colder, i see my breath float around.
i look down at the floor, theres a puddle...of blood..
i step away, and look around, blood is dripping from the ceiling..
another heavy hit from the bass, the room shatters, the blood turns to water.
i run, but dont get far.
i stop dead in my tracks to see a sight. a harsh sight, i scream. my voice echoes away.
i look down a long hallway, to see Randy, leaning against the wall..
memories float around the room, i look at Randy, who isnt looking at me, but is looking away, at the ground.
i slowly walk towards him, the sound in the background gets louder.
everything behind me fades.
Randy lifts his head up to see me. His eyes are, what it seemed, to be a metalic silver. His lips were pale, his face looked so ghostly, the color exspression looked as if he were dead.
I lean my hand in to touch his cheek, all of the sudden, he shatters.
the whole room shatters once again.
Rob zombie begins to play.
I run and run, trying to find a way out.
Im stopped..
I stand still.. it gets colder, even more cold as something touches my arms..
cold hands, running down my arms, i try to move away, but whatever was touching me had some sort of a grip.
I close my eyes... something breathes against my neck, something warm this time.
forcing me to tilt my heead to the side, the touch against my arms seemed to have moved to my waist, but the touch was getting warm.
I want to know who it is, but I cant move.
I open my eyes as the sound of Randys voice echoes in my ear.
it echoed everywhere..whispers..echoes..
The touch seemed to get more rough, more forceful.
i squarm around, I turn my head to peer behind my shoulder, nothing is there. I look back to the front, and i gasp loudly. Randy stands before me, his eyes blood red, fangs seeping from his lips, he forces my head to the side and bites deeply into my neck, I scream, but no sound is made.
the music played louder, I grow weak. I felt a trickle of blood drip down my neck.
I tried to pull away, but he only bit harder. I fall to my knees, he lets go.
the blood dripped from his mouth, i stare at him with a blurry vision. Something warm brushes against my face, like a nice warm carressing feeling, against my whole body.
Randy fades away, but appears behind me, he picks me up in his arms, i look at him, his eyes are no longer red, but a peaceful blue, with a hint of green.
he leans in to kiss me, his lips no longer cold, but warm, I am too weak.
he folds his arms around me tighter, holding and cradling me as if i was a baby.
I felt like one...
I close my eyes.... and drift to sleep...
I dont ever wake up.
@-->-->-- A little bit of updAtes!@# -
Randy turned 16 two days ago. :D :D :D HIS BIRTHDAY IS FEB 7! WO0O0O0o0o0o0o0o0o0ot! I still am very much in love with him, he means so much to me, Randy...hun i wish you understood.. He has a girlfriend......i wish it was me...but the girl he is with is VERY lucky, :/. I get to see Randy in June, YAY! teeehheee, things have been pretty good between me and him. Id think that now that he has a girlfriend he'd forget about me, surprisingly he hasnt..when was the last time i updated this page, maybe october?? i dunno, but I just want to tell Randy one thing if he Reads this. and i know he's herd it all before..
Randy...you have no idea how much i love you and care for you, you are the reason why i am still breathing, i know we have had our rough times, but we have had our great times too, and i still believe in us. June will be here soon and i will be there with you. I have never put so much effort and patience into a relationship, and i hope you know that, and i hope you believe in us as much as i do, if we try hard enough, we can go down in history, heh. its been 11 months. 11~ ..i know its not that we have been "together" all those months, but some of them, but how we are around each other, arn't those months worth it?? I remember so many things youve said to me, some still are in the back of my mind, but depending my mood, i remember different things..
you told me that you do not give up on those who dont give up on you. and i havnt given up yet, Randy. I never will, and you know that. I admit sometimes i think about it, but i think of that, - of what you told me. and that thought of giving up disapears. I have never felt so much for a person, like i feel for you. Though you've hurt me so many times within these 11 months, I still love you and i trust you with all thats inside of me and out. I hope you feel the same as i do,. I remember the very first poem you sent me, sometimes i remember it all, others only bits and pieces, and sometimes i just aint sure if i have the words right..
but i remember..
I remember the very first time you asked me to be with you. To be your "one and only" sometimes i wonder if that will ever be a true thing. You told me you had feelings for me that you never had for your previous grlfriend... sometimes those words sadden me and i feel very lost. I remember when i just, randomly told without thought "killing myself for your love". i think about that, and think about things now. I know a lot more about you than i did back then, you have made me mature into a different person, into a better person. who understands more about the true facts of life. I dont think ive done much for you, and im sorry for all the lies i made. I know ive said id do things, and the next day id never do them... I feel bad about it, and i think about it all the time. My body and mind never make final decisions, rarely do they ever. the two people in me, both love you, but both react differently to things you say or do. but they both know you and love you so much and care in ways not even immortals can feel for someone. you are me and i am you...... I am your angel, and you are mine. Always.... you remember telling me that, dont you?? I know you do.. you are my whole life, an you enable me to live and be strong. and i mean every word, Randall. I remember you telling me we'd move to Germany(somewhere) and itd be only you and me, and that we'd have a family.. we'd be together until the end of forever.
Do you ever think about that..anymore...?? I do..
Ive had dreams, of you asking me to marry you, lame huh? heh.. but i could hear your voice, your soothing voice, and i could see those beautiful blue-ish , green eyes, and i felt you, right there...with me. I wait and long for the day you tell me everything i need to know, again.. I told you i may need to be reminded about how you love me so much, and you said youd remind me.. you have...
I remember, *laughs slightly* when, i posted a poem "I fell in love with a goth" in the chatroom #cozbie. . . you told me it left an affect, an impression.. what was it?? do you remember at all???? sadly you left before i could ask you.
but..
Randy, please tell me..please tell me...have you ever felt more for someone than you feel for me?? has anyone had such feelings for you as i do???...ive never tried so hard for a guy, i usualy would be like "oh, ok relationship over, bye" but not with you, i will never end my love for you, because its different than some "long distance love". I can feel it as if it was REAL. its different than anything i will ever feel or imagine. I hope you read this, and i hope you approve of my love for you. . . . . I love you, Randall Adam Edmeier.
