"The last time I saw Paige was not even a month ago. I told you that already". The word bastard came too close to slipping off Ruby's tongue that time. He refrained, as hard as those words tried to cut through plush lips, gawdily painted with an orange tinted crimson, lips that he bit together. The deputies had been passing the same question to him, worded in every different manner, for what seemed eternity. He realize the bastard were still trying to pry the perfect words from him; words that could so easily land Vinny in a cage.
Ruby looked up, clenching little fists at his sides in an attempt to control himself as he spoke slowly in a toneless voice, as not to reveal his anger. "Look. I don't see why you're investigating a suicide as if it were a homocide. Yea, you probably want to turn your heads away from the idea that your society failed in providing youth just one little reason to live, but Paige wanted to die. It has always remained a dream that no one could take away from her. Did you see the scars she wore from previous attempts? I guess Vinny did those too? A killer who couldn't do his job the first time? No way sirs! Vinny is not your man. Nobody is!"
The deputies shot ruby a cutting glare. The taller one snarled his words as he spoke. "Thankyou so much for your time"; the word 'so' was sarcastically emphasized as it was hissed out. Ruby felt his temper burning inside him. Every nerve within his body urged for outburst. Instead Ruby nodded, and quickly turned back towards the bridge to where the other child whores awaited him.
"What the hell was that" snapped Lydia, who hubng her upper torso over the bridges' bent railing. Her back was to ruby, but somehow she'd recognized his footsteps. "Those fucking pigs think Vinny killed her, don't they?" Lydia's back mournfully wore a perfect inked copy of Paige's face drawn on a red piece of material that had been carefully safety-pinned to her vinyl jacket. Paige's name was scrawled over her heart by a razorblade, but that was beyond Ruby's view.
"If they are so goddamn interested in how she died why don't they go slit their goddamn wrists and try to feel the pain that took her to her dream?" Lydia felt a frail hand on her shoulder and let it turn her around. Her sorrowfull black eyes silently told stories of her loss to Ruby as she searched for reason of why Ruby's azure eyes filled with tears. "At least she knew how to make her dreams come true" Ruby managed, his voice croaking to a confused whisper as he selfishly questioned whether he truly meant that-whether or not he'd have tried to keep her alive.
Ruby shook his head, breaking gaze with Lydia. He dropped to the ground sobbing, wishing he could keep his weeping silent. Wishing he had a say on this make-believe homocide that was uselessly being investigated, this homocide whos questions sickened his scarce hope for any value in this society. He tucked his fishnet wrapped knees beneath his thin dress of cheap satin and lace. No one but himself understood his raging emotions, so he hugged his knees to his chest and lowered his pretty face to them, letting ebon tresses fall as a shield about it, even as Lydia knelt beside him in tears.
Paige was only 17 when she left us, but she seemed far older by reason of the pace she quickly had to grow up at. Her mother died when she was 6, and she was left like a candied scrap of meat to the piece of shit they called her father. Cooking, cleaning, and pleasing the man became her degrading tasks. She never forgot the day she turned 11. For the 6 years prior, she had become accustomed to the strawberry goo her father would convince her to rub over her girl parts as he watched, telling her she'd become a beautifull woman. She grew used to the salty milk he forced her to lick from his fingers. This never made her a beautifull woman. Instead she died by her fear that this was the world; a scared and bruised little girl, a young woman that whored herself because it's what she knew best, and what let her fit in somewhere beyond that nightmare home.
That day she turned 11, her father had tied her little wrists and ankles with wire and licorice rope he promised she could eat if only she were a good little girl. He held her down with one firm hand about her jutting waist, and raped his daughter like she were a woman. Ripper her, and slapped her when she cried. She eraned her licorice, which by then was wet and sticky with sweat. She also earned an unsucessfull shash on each boney wrist.
Since Paige was 11, she knew this was a cruel world she needed out of. She knew the only dream no one could rob her of was that of falling under oblivion, and bleeding out every drop of memory that tortured her.
Paige was on the streets when she was 12, trying to be the tough girl she really wasn't. She cut her stringy strawberry-blonde hair to only an inch below her chin, and dyed it a deep, bloody shade of red. She froze at night in her ripped up red tights, tiny plaid skirt, and longsleeved black shirt filled with misplaced stitches and zippers. As cold night winds would sweep over her, she'd clench her torn up little cat in the hat doll that her mother had given her, and through it was not a warm body, it made everything temporarily seem alright. Even though she'd always felt alone, she cried from the lonliness she felt on those blistering nights.
When Ruby finally allowed Lydia to whipe away his tears she pressed her forehead to his and licked away a few. Ruby let out a half annoyed, slightly amused laugh and softly slapped Lydia away. Lydia always liked to test the boundaries of his homosexuality, just as Ruby always pushed her away when she did so.
"Don't you remember what Paige used to say?" Lydia swallowed.Ruby's only answer was the squint of his eyes that felt sticky with smeared mascera and eyeliner. "She said you can taste a persons untold stories on their tears. That you can taste their needs. She said her tears tasted of blood, and when she cried she was only dying slowly". Lydia swallowed again, and this time Ruby believed she was trying to read him by the now salty taste in her mouth. Before he could say he remembered, this scoping of his feelings pissed him off. He managed a nod, then defensively insisited "stop that!" Lydia just got up, and leaned back over the bridges' railing. "What doll...Don't stop?" Her voice was mocking with sarcasm, and he only ignored her with a sigh.
Lydia and Ruby had gone through elementary school together; cack when there were still accepted at home, back when Ruby still responded to the name Robert. They used to be the strange childhood pair; Ruby giving Lydias' barbies some sense of alternative style: chopping their hair before perfecting it with loud magic marker colors, poking holes through them with heated safety-pins, and putting Ken doll in dresses. Lydia would always steal Rubys' unwanted Dickies so she could cut them off past the knees and wear them with her little tights.
These were the days before Ruby's parents found his diary, horrifies with lengthy tales of acid trips and sweaty nights of homosexual pleasure. These were days long before he was thrown out of his parents house at the age of 14. These are the days that built Lyduas' trust in Ruby so that when her sister found her stash and revealed it to their parents, she found herself running to Ruby for his care on the streets, being that he lived amongst them for already a year.
When Lydia came under Ruby's blackened wing she was speechless of her reasons. She did not have to say anything to make Ruby understand the welts and bruises she tried to hide beneath an oversized coat. They found out who their daughter really was, and they resented it. "You don't have to be who they want. Just never should've trusted them so much".
Lydia was shivering from the breeze, and from the wet tears that fell down her face. "Fuck them" she screamed, trying to sound like she didn't care about them, but Ruby saw right beneath the harsh words and into the girl her knew she really was. He parted his trenchcoat, and wrapped her tiny form in it, leaning down to kiss her little forehead that had turned red in anger. This sign of affection was hard for Ruby to let out of him, but her knre more than anything that Lydia needed the comfort.
"Ruby". Lydia nudged him in the ribs with the steel toe of her worn out Dr. Martens. He groaned beneath his breath and pushed a hand back thrugh his sleek ebon locks before upturning his head to glance back at Lydia who peered down, standing behind him. "What were you thinking down there?" He laughed unenthusiastically at the fact that she stood only about one foot above his head as he sat. "Thinking 'bout what a cute little girl you used to be" Ruby said, reaching up to poke a long finger into Lydias' flat somach. She grimaced at the reminder of those comforming days of childhood. "No, really" she giggled, gripping Rubys' wrist and digging her nails into it as she pulled his hand away.
Ruby didn't want to share his thoughts. He knew that they would only deepen the mourn Lydia sufferend, adding guilt to all the negativities she felt without his share put into words. He tried to gaze off from Lydia, fade into a world of apathy, and force a smile upin his painted lips that only mocked his emotion instead of detouring Lydias' suspicion.
He felt Lydias' dark gaze cutting through his will-power. This girl never gave up, so he began to speak in a low and regretfull tone so near to a whisper. "It's sad that the man who killed her faith in this world does not even acknowledge his daighters death. In his mind his daughter died at birth, leaving him fresh candy. It's sad that Paige left her last words written on a wall of the church, and still we know her soul has not been prayed for. It is..." He bites his nip hard to fight back tears again "...it's sad that no one was there to hear her wince as the blade took a final cut...." His lips were shaking fiercly in his fight to stay together. His eyes were already bloodshot, and his makeup smeared.
"Were you dreaming in that far off world of yours that she was still alive?" Lydia whispered. The mourn was beginning to turn her weak. Her smiles were as fake as those painted on Mardi Gras masks and they hurt her like 10 times the next mornings hangover. She wanted to vomit each time she caught her lips curling into such a fake way that disgusted her to think that some part of her could even dare to cheat her pain for a little bit of happiness while Paige, the only girl she ever favored on these streets, did not get to hear here try and tell her love.
Lydia never showed much emotion to anyone past Ruby. Her trust in anyone was as hard to gain as a perfect, sinless life. After misjudging her sisters' loyalty and her parents faith in her she turned a cold key somewhere inside the confides of her hope which cut off all belief that anyone except Ruby could be true to her. Until she met Paige...
When she saw Paige something inside of her cried as some other part of her filled with a fear which angered her, a fear that someone, just anyone, could make her feel anything. Some lost little girl inside of her recoiled and fell to the ground by the thought that she may no longer be alone. Somehow she sensed that the tiny girl with her blood red hair had stories inside of her that weren't as cute as she looked.
"Oh god" Lydia remembers whispering, completely stunned by all the things this girl had pulled out of her without saying a word. She stared uncontrolably at Paige for one last long minute that she tried to tell herself would be the last one...ever. This withdrawl of emotion discomforted Lydia, and she thoughtlessly pushed Ruby aside, telling him only to leave her alone. Lydia's shaded brows held fresh droplets of sweat as she fled, trying to escape the inner urge to embrace Paige and never let her go.
Lydia did not make it past the third street away from Paige before she had to stop running and catch her breath as she slouched back against a sheet of drywall siding a new building undergoing construction. Damn ciggarettes she though, gasping the word fuck over and over to herself and closed her eyes for what seemed to be only a quick moment. Her thorughts traveled too strongly for her to acknowledge any street sounds. She opened her eyes to Ruby who'd drug that little girl with him by her arm linked in his.
Lydia remembers the feeling of defeat that flushed her face with red. She had stared once again upon Paige who extended a fragile hand to her. In attempt to seem emotionless Lydia sighed and shook the girls hand. When Paige would not release her hand and instead took it to a place over her heart Lydia questioned why she allowed this instead of slapping the girl. "I know and i'm not sorry I met you...sister" Paige spoke softly, and Lydia understood when she met Paige's murky green eyes that neither one of them would be completely alone again for what thye hoped would be a while.
Lydia can still hear the way sister lingered hungrily on Paige's lips as she spoke it; how it was hesitated in such a way that told Lydia that Paige needed this union so much more than even herself. She could still feel the cold feeling that her hand felt from over Paige's heart. Now she was alone.