Fix it Yourself

 AN: #1) I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DISCLAIMERS

        

         #2) WARNING: There is a reference to an episode of ‘All in the Family’. If you’ve never seen the show, I’m letting you know now, the main character, Archie Bunker, is an older married man who has a very big mouth. He is very prejudice, especially against African Americans and Jewish people, but it is never meant in an incredibly racist fashion. They played it on TV during the sixties for goodness sake, how bad can it be? Just a warning. It’s all in good humor, nothing more.

           

 

* So it had not been her best day. So she looked like she had just taken a tour ride through hell. So what if she was hot and sweaty and tired. So what?

            “Hilde! I’m hungry! What’s for dinner?” That’s what.

            “Duo, you know you’re my best friend, right?” She asked him oh so sweetly.

            “Um, yeah. I guess I knew that.” He answered, not even looking up from where he was seated in front of the T.V.

            “And you know how we have a business, right?”

            “Yeah.” He said, this time turning around to face her.

            “And you know how you left the shop three hours ago, saying you were going to be back in ten minutes, right?”

            “Yeah, hey, look, Hilde babe, I’m sorry I forgot to come back, I got distra…”

            “And you know how I worked to cover your butt, right?”

            “Hilde, I’m trying to tell you, I’m really sorry about…”

            “And you know how you’re hungry?”

            “Yeah.” Duo stood up. Hilde had a strange tint in her navy blue eyes that, dare he say it, worried him.

            “And you know how I did your wash last week and this week, right?”

            “Unhuh.” Yup, she was definitely up to something here.

            “And you know how I’ve done the breakfast, lunch, and dinner dishes every day the last month or so, right?” She was on a roll.

            “Yeah, Hilde…”

            “And you know how I cleaned your room for you, right? And how I make your bed every morning, and your coffee, and help wax your car, and braid your hair, and manage your business, right?”

            “Where are you going with all of this, babe?”

            “Still hungry?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Fix your own dinner. And while you’re at it, you’ll do your own dishes, wash, car, business, braid, bed, cleaning, and anything else you need done. Duo Maxwell, as of this moment, six o’ one, I hear by announce I am on strike. You need something? Fix it yourself.” She smirked slightly, then smiled widely and crossed the apartment to her room. Then she slammed the door in his face.

            Duo stared at the door in front of his face. Ok, so maybe he had pushed it just a little by leaving work three hours early and not telling Hilde. And maybe he had gone just a little overboard by telling her he was hungry, but if she didn’t want to fix dinner, why didn’t she just order out? He didn’t get it.

Women. As much as he loved them, he hated them. He loved the way they acted so cute and helpless. He liked their long hair and nice curves. He liked the way they ladled on perfume, and the way the dressed in really short skirts. He just plain loved them. But they were so darn confusing when it came to actual thinking matters that he didn’t even want to get them involved. But Hilde had never given him any trouble. She acted smart and strong, but never too much. He liked her way of logic and the way she didn’t get bogged down with the whole fashion scene. Why now, of all times, would she act like this? That time of the month? ‘That must be it.’ He decided. ‘It’s that time of the month again. Women, they are so frustrating. Well, I guess it’s only, damn, how long? Five days? I’ll live.’ He thought. But he really didn’t think at all.

Hilde lay in her bed imagining what Duo was thinking about. ‘Ok, so first he’ll think about how much he loves the entire female population. Then he’ll think about why he likes me. Then he’ll think its just PMS. He is such a stereotypical guy. He’s incredibly cute, sexy, sweet, and fun, but inside, he’s just the average jerk who takes advantage of little girls like me.’ She wished she hadn’t moved in with him. Ever since she had, he had been getting more and more dependent on her doing his things for him. And the worst part was now that she had a crush on him, she wanted him to notice that she was doing it. But did he ever? No. ‘Besides.’ She thought. ‘Why would he like me? He goes for the long blonde haired girls; the ones with lots of curves and that act all stupid and try to be fashion smart. I’m nothing like them; not that I’d want to be… but still…it would be nice to be noticed once in a while.’ She sat up and sighed. She was hungry too. ‘Pizza time!’ She thought.

Duo was starved. He was so hungry he was sure Hilde could hear his stomach rumbling through her bedroom door. Then, a delicious smell came from down the hall. Their apartment door was knocked on, and Hilde stepped out of her room to open it.

“Alright Hilde! You ordered us pizza!” He cried for joy. See, she was over that whole strike thing in only half and hour.

“I ordered me pizza.” She signed the bill. “Sorry. Remember, I’m on strike. You do things for yourself by yourself.” She picked up a plate and can of root beer, and then proceeded back into her room, shutting the door and locking it behind her. Duo stood by the open door watching her retreating form. Ok, so maybe she wasn’t exactly over it yet, but she would be by morning. He sighed, then picked up his car keys for a trip to Quatre’s. He was only a block away, and not only would he have food, but he would have advice as well.

            Hilde was just beginning her first piece of pizza when she heard the jingle of keys. ‘Duo’s going to Quatre’s. I should have known that leech of a pilot would think he could get out of this easily. Time to make a phone call.’ She put down her half eaten slice and dialed Quatre.

           
            “Hello? Winner residence, Trowa speaking.” Was how the phone was answered.

            “Hey Trowa, this is Hilde Shibeiker, Duo’s friend from…”

            “The War, the one who got us the information on Libra. How can I help you Hilde?” She was surprised Trowa remembered her, but then again, he was a Gundam Pilot.

            “Wow, you’ve got a great memory. I was wondering, wait, how many of the other pilots are there?”

“ I am, and Wufei is. Hiiro is at the Peacecraft Mansion on business tonight.”

“Business huh?” She snickered slightly. She had a feeling the ‘business was more along the lines of pleasure than of actual work. “Anyway, is Quatre there?”

            “Yes. I’ll get him if you’ll hold on a minute.”

            “Thanks.” She waited patiently, hoping Duo didn’t get there before she filled Quatre in on her plans. The phone was picked up and a new voice came over the extension.

            “Hello, Quatre here.”

            “Hi Quatre, it’s me, Hilde.”

            “Oh, hello Miss. Hilde. How are you and Duo?” ‘That’s Quatre for you.’ She thought to herself. ‘Always so polite.’

            “We’re both fine, thanks, but listen, Quatre, he’s on his way over there right now, and I need you to do something for me.”

            “Ah, sure. You don’t want me to hurt him, do you?” Hilde giggled at the comment.

            “Not much. Here’s what I had in mind…”

~~~^^^~~~

            Duo drove carefully  to Quatre’s. He would have gone faster, but the traffic was unbelievable. ‘I’m going to starve before I get to Quatre’s!’ He thought to himself as he impatiently pulled up to a red stoplight. As he was just about to pull into Quatre’s driveway, he began to rip down the road. Sirens came from behind him. ‘Oh no, the cops. Damn speed limits.’ He pulled over and waited for the cop.

            “Good evening, sir, may I please see your driver’s license?”

            “Good evening officer. Of course sir, here you go.” Duo put on his oh so innocent look and spoke very proper to the cop, hoping it would get him off easier.

            “Son, I noticed you were going rather fast on this street. In fact, you were going almost thirty miles over the speed limit back there.”

            “Oh, really, I’m so sorry, officer. I honestly had no idea I was going that much over the speed limit.” Duo lied through his teeth.

            “Well, son, seeing as how it was your first offense, I’ll let you go this time with just a warning.”

            “Oh, thank you officer. You don’t know how much I appreciate this, really sir. Thank you.”

            “Well, go on now son.”

            “Good night officer.”

            “Take care.” Duo sighed in relief as the officer walked back to his car. Duo revved the engine to his motorcycle and continued his drive to Quatre’s. When he finally parked and rang the doorbell, he was more then ready for some of Quatre’s good home cooked food.

            Quatre, Wufei, and Trowa all heard the doorbell ring and smile evilly, even Quatre. They knew what was coming, but their poor comrade Duo had no idea what so ever. Quatre went to answer the door, and the other two guys stood by readily. Duo looked like a hungry dog, with his eyes wide and his mouth open and practically drooling.

            “Hello Duo, what are you doing here?”

            “Well, Hilde and I got into, I wouldn’t call it a fight, but a disagreement. Anyway, she said she was going on strike, and that I needed to do… well, it’s not important. Anyway, have any food? I’m really hungry.” By this time, Duo had made his way to the kitchen, Quatre, Wufei, and Trowa all in tow.

            “Actually, sorry Duo, but I’m all out of food.”

            “What? What?” Squeaked Duo, stopping his tirade and stared at Quatre.

            “Yeah. Sorry, but Trowa, Wufei and I all finished it all earlier tonight.”

            “What? No, you can’t see serious! No! Not all of it, no!” He started opening cupboards and the fridge trying to find some small morsel of food, any little piece of food. There was absolutely none.

            “How hungry are you Maxwell?” Asked Wufei.

            “I’m ready to die I’m so hungry!” Duo was near panic by now.

            “You’re that hungry?” Said Trowa.

            “Yeah!”

            “Too bad you weren’t here earlier. Quatre made us all pasta, you know, the kind with the meat sauce you love so much?” Taunted Wufei.

            “Spaghetti? You made spaghetti without me? And there are no leftovers? None at all?”

            “Nope. Sorry Duo. If you want something, you’ll have to fix it yourself.” Said Quatre, barely able to keep a straight face.

            “Myself? But, Q-man! That’s why I came over here! Hilde told me I had to fix it myself…” Not seeing the parallel, Duo began to tear his eyes. “Fine. Quatre, could you lend me a few bucks? I used what was left of my salary to buy that new video game yesterday.”

            “Sorry Duo. Why didn’t you buy your food first?” Quatre asked.

            “Because Hilde always buys the food with her salary, but now she’s mad at me, says I take advantage of her… please? Just three bucks? Trowa? Wufei? Come on guys!”

            “Nope.” Said Quatre.

            “Sorry Maxwell. I used the last of my paycheck to buy Sally lunch this afternoon. I wanted to thank her for covering my shift at work when I had to leave three hours early the other day.”

            “Yeah. I used the tips I got from the circus the other night on a brunch for Cathy and I. It was great food, all you can eat pancakes, eggs, sausage, and orange juice for only eight night-nine for us both.” Cut in Trowa.

            “All you can eat! Oh man!”

            “You could always go door to door begging Maxwell. That might get you some food.” Smirked Wufei. “Personally, I’m so full I could burst. Those hot meatballs and warm noodles hit the spot. They just slithered down so easily, and the taste; they were Quatre’s best ever.”

            “You’re so mean Wu-man!”

            “They were warm and soft and…” Continued Wufei. It was so much more fun seeing Duo suffering this way than tiring himself out by chasing him with his katana.

            “Wu-man! Wu-man!” Duo was nearly in shock. Instead of Wufei having a heart attack about the hated nickname, he was still going on about Quatre’s food. Duo reminisced. Hilde had made them spaghetti one night two weeks ago using Quatre’s recipe. Hilde. Quatre. Spaghetti. Wait a minute.

            “Not fair! You’re in with Hilde!” He watched the three boys smirk as he finally realized the truth.

            “Still hungry Duo?” Asked Trowa.

            “Sorry, Duo, but Hilde’s right. You take advantage of her, and we’ve decided that if she goes on strike, then so will we. From now on, no more free meals here until you can make up with your girlfriend.”

            “She’s not my girlfriend! I mean, she’s a girl, and a friend, but the remain two separate words! How could you! When did you?”

            “Maxwell, baka. She called us while you were on your way over. It’s injustice how you treat that weak onna, that’s what. Too bad. That sauce was good, Winner, what is the secret?”

            “Well, I add in the tomato sauce, and then the ground sirloin. After giving it a good stir, add in about a tablespoon of sugar. Then let it simmer and stir it every minute and a half or so.”

            “No!” Screamed Duo. His friends were torturing him by talking about food in front of him. It just wasn’t fair! He stood tall, but hung his head in defeat. “Alright, alright. You win! I’m going. Some friends you are…” he grumbled as he walked out of the house and revved his engine.

~~~^^^~~~

            Hilde was sitting and watching the ‘All in the Family’ rerun when she heard the door slam shut. ‘Damn. He always comes in right at the good part!’ Archie Bunker had just found out that he was in a hospital bed next to a black guy. She sighed to herself, and then smiled. ‘I wonder how his night went.’ She stood up from her position on the couch and watched him drag himself into the kitchen. It didn’t look like he had won any sympathy. She waltzed into the kitchen and sat atop the counter in the center of the room, right next to the two slices of bread that her roommate had laid out.

            “How are the boys Duo?”

            “Why bother asking? First you go on strike, then they follow?”

            “They what? I didn’t think they’d go that far!” She shouted out, surprised. She really hadn’t expected them to, she just thought they would toy with Duo’s mind and then send him packing.

            “As if you didn’t know. The whole time I was there, they talked of nothing but food. And Quatre had nothing. Not even a leftover piece of chicken, or a slice of bread. Then when I figured it out, they went on strike too. Huh. Some friends. I got a lecture from Trowa and Quatre, and Wufei called me on committing an injustice to you, a weak onna who I should be supporting, not the other way around.”

            “So do you see the error of your ways then?”

“What error of what ways?” he smiled in spite of himself.

“Duo Maxwell! You are such a jerk!” Hilde tried to get down off of the counter to go to her room, but it was too late. Duo had spun around and had his arms holding her legs to the tabletop. He grinned and then gave a short laugh.

Duo enjoyed having Hilde mad at him. He could see what a spitfire she really was. The fire in her eyes, her haughty replies and snide remarks, devious plots against him. He also liked having her in his arms, trapping her so there was no escape for her. He could see her fear through the cover of anger she portrayed.

“What’s wrong Hilde babe? Can’t get to your room to slam your door in my face? Am I taking advantage of you?”

Hilde’s breathing cut short. She was scared, but there was no way she was telling Duo that. She also liked being in his arms, but she wouldn’t tell him that either. It would ruin their friendship, and she most certainly didn’t want that to happen.

“Taking advantage of me? When aren’t you taking advantage of me?” She responded.

“ That’s not what I meant. Am I too close huh? Huh?” Duo was about to break into laughter, but he caught Hilde’s eyes. There was something in them he had never seen in them before. There was still that fire of anger, but it was a different color this time. He liked it. Maybe. He couldn’t tell anymore. ‘Why do I like it? She’s never looked at me this way before.’ Suddenly they were too close for his comfort. His legs against her bare legs, now pinning then to the counter top. His hands were now around her soft bare arms. He tore his eyes away from hers, only for them to wander up and down her body. He had never seen her in her nightclothes before. Usually, she stayed dressed until she went into her room for the night, and she didn’t come out until the next morning when she was dressed.  She was wearing a short dark purple silk slip. It conformed to every curve she had, and accented her violet eyes and blue hair perfectly. He looked up into her eyes again, and was sorry he did. He couldn’t help what happened next. He was just too close to stop mother nature from taking her course. He tipped his head down and brought his lips to hers.

Hilde was in heaven. First Duo’s eyes had met hers, and it had made her feel uncomfortable. He had a way of probing someone’s mind when he looked into their eyes, and not even she could resist it. The, when he finally tore his eyes from hers, she had felt rejected. She could never have hoped for him to possibly feel something other than friendship for her.  When she caught him looking her over she had nearly had a heart attack. ‘Could it be possible? Maybe, just maybe… well, there’s only one way to find out…’ Suddenly she felt warm soft lips upon her own. She squealed in shock, but it soon changed to a moan of happiness when she realized what was happening. All of her fantasies were coming true. She returned the kiss with as much passion as he had put in, trying not to overdo it. When they broke for air, she breathed heavily, then worried he would say it was a mistake.

Duo breathed deeply, but as soon as the shock of his actions and Hilde’s reactions wore off, he began to feel worried. ‘What if she rejects me? What if she says it was a mistake?’ He ran his tongue over his lips in an attempt to find the words he wanted to say.

“Duo.” One word between them both worried them. Hilde began. “Duo. I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused!”

“Hilde, what do you mean? You either accept me or reject me. It can’t be that hard to choose. Take me or leave me. Look, I know I’m a jerk and that I take advantage of you. But I can’t help it. That’s how I am. I promise I’ll try to change though. You know, start helping with stuff and not cutting work early. Please. Just get it over with.”

“What?” now Hilde was really confused. She had just been confused about how to tell Duo how she felt about him, not about how he could like her!

“I said I’m sorry, and that I’ll try to change, and if you can’t accept that, then I’ll leave you alone for good.”

“Why would you try to change for me?”

“I don’t know. I guess I figured that’s what a guy’s supposed to do when he loves a girl  and she doesn’t love him back, but if you really want me to leave, I’ll under…”

“You love me?”

“I never said that!”

“You just did!”

“Well, I, er, a… yeah. I guess I do love you. I love you a lot. You’re the only woman who ever really bothered to get to know me, not just the perfect bod, ya know?”

“Oh Duo!” Hilde couldn’t help but laugh at their predicament. “I love you too you braided oaf. I was just scared to tell you.” She hugged him. He stood there like a statue.

“You, you do?”

            “Yeah. Only woman who ever got to know you and not the perfect bod, huh? Since when did you get so vain?”

            “Well, I don’t know.” He blushed. “Does this mean you’re off strike?”

            “ Depends. What do I get if I come off of strike now?”

            “Another kiss form wonderful vain me?”

            “And what do I get if I come off of strike and get the boys to come off too?”

            “Two kisses?”

            “And what do I get if I come off of strike now and I call the boys off of strike and I give you the left over pizza in my room?”

            “Anything you want babe, anything you want!”

            “Fine. I’m off strike, and the boys will be off in the morning.”

            “And the pizza I get?”

            “I thought you might want something else to eat right now.”

            “Nope! Just the pizza!”

            “Are you sure?”

            “Yeah!”

            “Positive?”

            “Yeah. Why?”

            “I thought you might want me, seeing as how I’m much better tasting, but…”

            “No! I changed my mind! I do want you! I do!”

            “Too late!” She was finally able to wriggle out of his grasp. She made a beeline for her room, picked up the half empty pizza box, and threw it out of her room, then slammed the door behind her. When Duo finally woke from his shocked state, he rushed to Hilde’s closed door.

            “Hilde babe! Come on! I don’t want the pizza, I want you! Please?” He grinned as the door cracked open.

            “You sure you don’t want that pizza?”

            “Yeah! Positive!”

            “Ok then!” She grabbed for the box in his hands and slammed her door in his face for the third time that night.

            “No! That’s not what I meant!”

            “Tough!” Was heard through the door. He had had enough. Too much teasing in one night made Duo not a happy camper.

            “That’s it! Hilda Shebeiker!” He used her full name in his war cry, took one step back, then kicked her door in. He watched as she  looked up from where she was laying on the bed and gasped in shock. “Hilde. You should know better than to tease me too much.” He grinned evilly.

            “Duo, you broke my door! You’re fixing it!”

            “Fix it yourself!” With that, he grabbed her, and the pizza, and dragged her to his room, where he shut the door behind him for a long night.

 

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