Chapter Seven: Emotionally Weak

 

* Sitting in her chem. class, Serena found herself at a complete loss. Her teacher was explaining wavelengths and spectrums and she was trying to figure out what to title her notes for the day. It seemed that no matter how hard she worked in chem., she couldn’t keep up. All of her other classes were easy fly by’s, even when the teacher was actually teaching something. It was just this one class that killed her.

The worst part was the teacher, without a doubt. If there had been three hundred of the smartest chem. students in the world in her class, he would still pick her to answer the hardest questions. Not only that, but when she asked for help she was told that she should be paying attention in class and that that should be enough help as it was. Yes, she definitely disliked Mr. Hughes.

And, of course, it didn’t help her that Hiiro Yui sat right next to her. Not only was he incredibly advanced in the class, he distracted her beyond belief. It wasn’t that he pulled her hair or called her names, that, she could have dealt with. It was the fact that over the last one week he had somehow managed to break and rearrange everything she had thought to be true or held important. Suddenly eating more than an apple a day was important. Suddenly sleeping was vital to having a good day. Suddenly she found herself in a trap. She was beginning to trust him, to depend upon him. Did she really want that? She knew the answer, but hid it within the deep reaches of her heart. It was not something she had time to either contemplate or act upon.

Hiiro was sitting and sleeping. At least, that was how it looked to the average eye. But he was not sleeping at all. In fact, he was far from it. With his eyes open to tiny slits, he was indiscreetly watching Serena daydreaming. Hiiro had long since given up reasoning why he liked being around her. He had dropped his denials that he wanted nothing to do with her. That had been such bullshit in the first place. If anything, he wanted to be around her all the time. Class, lunch, practice, homework,  he wanted to be near her for it all. And she let him, too. The only thing she denied him was staying the night with him.

No! He wasn’t some physco lunatic or perverted weirdo. He just hated the fact that every night he left her on her stoop at home he had to worry about whether or not she would live through to see the next day. Over the last week he had seen her problems go from major to massive to absolutely and extremely absurd. The bruises were getting darker and more frequent. She was quieter than when they had first met, and seemed more reserved. But her eyes still shone with a happy spark that hid the pain he knew had to reside within her heart.

 What he really wanted to do was go to her apartment and beat the shit out of those good for naught parents of hers. What they did to their own daughter, their own flesh and blood was absolutely sick. And he knew both of them knew it. Only little Serena seemed innocent of the wrongfulness of her parents. Time and time again he confronted her about the bruises, sprained ankles, deep cuts, and every time she told him the same thing: “What are you talking about Hiiro? I fell down the stairs.” By now both of them knew she was lying and knew the other knew she was lying, but this saved her pride. He just wished she would come to him to tell him what had been happening.

“Mr. Yui. What is the equation to calculating the wavelength of a line spectrum?” Mr. Hughes calmly asked. Hiiro could see the smirk on the man’s face. So Mr. Hughes thought he would get the best pf the Perfect Soldier did he?

 “C=Vx3.00x10^-7.” Mr. Hughes looked positively shocked. He hated having Hiiro Yui as a student. Every time it looked like Hiiro was asleep and not paying attention he would call on him, and then the little rat of a boy would show him up by answering correctly. Well, at least he could still pick on Serena…

“And Ms. Tsukino, what is the definition of a line spectrum?” Serena beamed. She knew this one!

“A line spectrum is a continuous spectrum that only includes one color.” She beamed a smile. Then she saw Mr. Hughes frown even more.

“Very good Ms Tsukino. I expect you to get better than a C- on your next test. It would be a nice change.” Mr. Hughes’ frown became a smile. Even though she had gotten the question right, she was still fin to pick on. Weak little bitch…

Serena sat in shock. Both blushing madly and near tears, she lowered her head. How could that teacher say such a thing! And in front of her whole class too. Not being able to answer his questions most of the time was embarrassment enough, but now the whole class was in an uproar of laughter, literally. She shook her head, trying to shake it off. She shook harder. Then harder still. She couldn’t handle it! It was too much! She grabbed her backpack and ran from the classroom, tears streaming down her face.

Hiiro had heard the crack about Serena’s tests. Oh he had heard it alright. And he was going to do something about it. But he was sure Serena wouldn’t want him to make a big deal about it. He sat and watched her with a heavy heart as she blushed and tried to choke back tears. He saw her hand move to pick up her backpack and lost control himself. Serena got enough of this at home every night with her parents, he was sure. She didn’t need it at school too. And as long as he was here, he was going to prevent it from happening. Standing up, Hiiro reached to grab his backpack and then began to walk down the aisle in-between the desks.

“Mr. Yui. Where do you think you are going? Class is not over. Serena is a weak little girl who cannot handle herself emotionally. I would expect better from you.” Mr. Hughes said, walking on cloud nine from yelling at Serena. It had felt so good to make her cry. Then he noticed Hiiro Yui’s glare and lost all feeling within his body. His spine tingled and suddenly the room was too small.

“Hnn.” Hiiro grunted in acknowledgment of Mr. Hughes’ blow to Serena’s strength. But just because he acknowledged it didn’t mean he agreed with it.

            “What’s wrong Mr. Yui, cat got your tongue?” Mr. Hughes tried to laugh. No sound came out.

“Hnn.” With one smooth move, Hiiro gave a good, solid punch directly to Mr. Hughes’ stomach. He watched in  glee as the man’s face twisted and contorted in splendid pain. The older man twitched and then fell to the floor with a loud thump.

“Watch what you say.” Were Hiiro’s last words before he walked out of the room to find Serena.

>>>)(<<<

            Serena had run to the women’s bathrooms. She was sick, very sick. After throwing up the contents of her stomach, which wasn’t a lot to begin with, she rinsed her mouth and tried to wash her tear stained face.

What the hell was wrong with her?  How could she possibly keep living like this? This… lie… so everyone thought she was perfect. She had over a 4.0 GPA, blonde hair, blue eyes, was in great shape, captain of the gymnastics team at school, smart, and happy. Oh yes, she was always happy. And forgiving, can’t forget the fact that she was the most forgiving person in the damn school, no! That would be sacrilege! And yet, here she was, crying over something mean a teacher had said to her! Her own parents couldn’t make her cry, yet this creepy teacher who found pleasure in mocking his students had brought her to his level and made her cry.

She was so weak! She couldn’t stand it. It wasn’t right. She was supposed to be above all of the teasing. Above the abuse. Above it. She was supposed to let it roll off her back like water off of a duck’s, but no! She had let it get the better of her. She was utterly disgusted with herself. Looking in the mirror, she couldn’t stand to look very long. It made her want to throw up again. She heard the bell ring and was glad. It meant school was over. That, and her squad practice had been cancelled. She had a good idea of what she could do to cure this problem, this revolting crisis of a life she led. Holding her head high, she walked out of the bathroom and into the hall.

“Feel better?” She glanced to the side to see Hiiro leaning against the wall next to the bathroom door. How had he known?

“Yes.” She told him  blatantly. And it was true. She would feel better soon, much better. In fact, in a while, she wouldn’t feel anything at all.

Hiiro took a minute to look her over. She seemed a little green around the edges, but other than that, unaffected. Her eyes were still filled with tears, but they were being successfully blinked back by her lashes.

“Are we still on for the library?” He finally asked her.

“I’m sorry. I have to get home. I have some business to attend to.” She told him with almost a happy tone. He looked harder. She seemed happier… there was something wrong with this picture though, he had a gut instinct.

“I’ll walk you home then. Woul…”

“No. I’m sorry Hiiro, but not today, alright? I’m not an invalid, I can get home by myself sometimes.” She gave him the brush off. Then, as quickly as she could, she turned and speed out the school doors, hoping he wouldn’t follow.

Hiiro was slightly stunned she would brush him off in such a manner; she had never done it before. But then again, he had never seen her run out of a class before. Or cry before either, for that matter. Maybe he should just let her go, just this once…

>>>)(<<<

As soon as Serena got home, she checked for her parents. No one. Good. Maybe those drunk and drugged parents of hers would stay away long enough. Maybe. She prayed.

Quickly slipping off her shoes and placing her backpack down near her desk, she let her hair fall completely free and stripped to her bra and underwear. Stepping into the kitchen, she grabbed an apple and a knife.

Finally ready, she walked to her bathroom, sat down in the bathtub, and whipped out the knife. Her heart was beating a thousand miles an hour, but she knew it had to be done. She had to correct the mistake the angels had made when they had cursed her mother with pregnancy. Setting the apple down, she held the gleaming knife up to her eyes. The bright light shone off the rust, dull silver blade.

“Now I lay me down to sleep…” She began to pray as she slowly slit her left wrist.

“I pray the Lord my soul to keep…” She slit her second wrist.

“And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” With her finally words, Serena placed the knife down next to the apple and let her body relax. She was finally going to find peace, she was finally going to be able to rest.

>>>)(<<<

Whether it was cold or not, she could not tell. What she did know was that it was loud, so very loud. And the voices, there were so many. There was a bright light, like she had always heard tell of, yet she could see the light fixture it came from. Beeping, loud beeps, soft beeps, and softer still beeps reached her ears. She heard the soft blaring noise of sirens as well. Her wrists hurt. Her vision was blurry. Her head swam.

Vaguely, as if in a slow motion dream, she took in the hustle of women in white uniforms and men in white. She saw one man taking her blood pressure. It hurt. She didn’t want the pain. No, not the physical pain, she didn’t mid that so much as the dull and throbbing ache that filled her empty heart. She had tried to stop the pain by stopping her life. But what, who, had stopped the end?

Now her vision was coming back into focus, and she could see the needles that had been stuck under her skin. She saw the IV, and the white cloth wraps around her wrists. The doctors seemed over zealous to have their ‘patient’ awake, and they poked and prodded her with questions. Amidst it all, she noticed a dark form hiding in the shadows. The form shifted and she caught a glimpse of the face. But she hadn’t need it to know who it was. Hiiro. And he was beginning to make a move towards her as well. He could be intimidating when he wanted to be, and now was most definitely one of those times…

“Leave her alone.” He told the doctors and nurses.

“Mr. Yui, she attempted suicide. I believe we have a right to…”

“Leave. Her. Alone. Now.” He was losing patience with these people.

“Mr. Yui…”

“Leave.” Hiiro pulled a gun out and held it directly aiming for them. They backed up and without so much as another word left. Then he turned to her. Serena gulped. Since when did he have a gun? Or know how to use one?

“Serena…” His voice became hoarse. Ten minutes after she had left he had realized something was wrong and that he shouldn’t have let her leave. He was going to go after her, but Duo had kept him busy with ridiculous questions about elephants until Hiiro had brought out his patented death glare and gun. But by the time he had gotten to Serena’s apartment and found her, the floor was pooled with the crimson life liquid. He had called 911, but what had they done? Accused him. It wasn’t until he had brought out his old Preventers ID that they had acquitted him of being guilty and begun listening to him. Now here he was, wanting to ask so many questions, but afraid of the answers. Or just afraid.

“Hiiro. Why?” She asked him with tears of fire ready to spill over.

“Why what?” He asked confused.

“Why bother saving me? I was finally going to feel peace; finally going to be able to rest. Why did you have to take that away from me?” She let a single tear fall. It burned he skin, but she let it roll. He gently brushed it aside.

“I couldn’t let you go. You were selfish in not thinking about what other people who depend upon you would think. What about Mina? Ami, Lita? Rei? Or Duo, Wufei, Trowa, Quatre, what about me Serena? You were selfish. And so was I. I know you want an escape, but I can’t let you go. I can’t, I want you here with me, so, you see, I can’t let you kill yourself. Not yet.” One of his own tears fell. Then another, and another. Soon he was crying. He had never thought he would cry. Ever. Perfect Soldiers didn’t cry.

Serena listened to Hiiro’s speech and felt incredibly guilty. She hadn’t thought of her friends. But she always thought of her friends. Why, for once, couldn’t she be selfish? And how could Hiiro possibly need her? He was perfect, more so than  herself because he needed no one, and yet everyone depended upon him and he was strong enough to deal with it. But when he started crying, she lost it. Her own tears began to spill and both of them sat for quite a while, just crying. She couldn’t do it, she just couldn’t. Ripping the IV’s and tubes off of her body, and ran.*

 

-      Note: Yes, I know the equation for wavelength was wrong… I was too lazy to look it up in my book… and I only had the test yesterday! Uhhh…

 

-       Note: Usually I don’t write these, but I felt I should mention THANK YOU to all of you reviewers. It really makes my day to know you care! And a special THANKS to MC (you know who you are girl) and Becca W. , and Firefly-Chan for your comments and encouragement. *