Chapter Eight: Lost and Found

*She had run directly out of the hospital. It didn’t matter if she was healthy or not. She just couldn’t deal with any more today. No, no more. She looked up. Drops of rain sprinkled into her eyes and were blinked out along with salty tears. Where could she go? School had always been her safe haven away from home, but it was closed by now, and home didn’t seem like it would be much better. She thought over what had pushed her over the edge to pull such a stunt as attempted suicide.

Over the last week her parents seemed a lot worse. Her father had been so passed out drunk every night that he couldn’t recognize her. Her mother was hallucinating even off her drugs. Last night she had woken up to find her father on top of her, her clothes torn to shreds and his strewn about the floor. When she had gotten up, he had woken at the same time and pulled her back in with him. She had been trapped; there had been no place to go, and even if there had, she couldn’t have gotten away to go there.

So now where could she go? She kept running, letting her feet carry her where they might. She tried to ignore the ripping and drumming thunder and lightening. The next time she raised her head to look at her surroundings, she found the old library with its stone steps and massive stone carvings looming up before her in the pouring rain and blacked sky. Quickly running in, she stopped in the entrance only to ring out her hair before she moved on.

Walking briskly to the back of the library, she found the old spiral staircase that lead to the second floor. Almost out of breath, she began to climb it. When she reached the top she slowed her pace. Walking to the very end of the rows of books she sat down in the corner on the cold floor and closed her weary eyes. She was so tired of life, so tired of trying to live as something she was not. Just so tired of feeling empty inside, tried of no one caring for her, tired of trying only to fail, tried of being used and then forgotten. She was just tired, so tired.

>>>)(<<<

Where could she have gone? Well, wherever she was, she had to be scared and sad. The rain had not let up for sometime, and he knew she was afraid of thunder and lightening. She wouldn’t have left the hospital grounds… would she? He didn’t think she would normally – but then is was definitely not normal. Hiiro stopped to think logically. If she couldn’t be at school, and she wasn’t at home, he was almost positive, then where would she go? The only other place she ever spent a good deal of time was the library, but that was all the way across town. She would have had to walk there in the pouring rain amidst the thunder and lightening.

He stopped thinking and acted. Grabbing his umbrella, he rushed out to his car and ignited the engine. Quickly checking his mirrors, he sped out of the parking lot and ripped out along the road towards the Fourth Street Library. Pulling up right in front of the library, he stepped into the rain and climbed the giant stone steps. Now it was only a matter of where in the library.

Going row by row, he assessed that she was nowhere. But she had to be here, he had a gut feeling she was. He was just missing something. Taking more time, he looked around the room. His eyes finally fell upon a small, almost hidden by the dark railing lining the room. There had to be a second floor. But where was the entrance?

“Can I help you Mr. Yui?” Hiiro turned to see his French teacher, Madame Cook behind him. “Before you even ask, I work here part time. Were you looking for something? A book perhaps?”

“The second floor entrance.” Hiiro grunted.

“Ah, yes. The stairs are all the way in the far back of the shelves. Go straight back, you can’t miss it.” She told him smiling. Then it faded and confusion took over her expression. “But what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in class?”

“Cancelled.” He gave her one last nod and walked off towards the back of the building. Soon he found the stairs and climbed them. This library was larger than he had originally thought. Scanning the rows of bookshelves, he came to the last one and just about gave up hope. She wasn’t there. She had to be! He knew she was somewhere.

Just as he was heading back towards the stairs, he caught a glimpse of something moving. Had he missed her? Walking all the way back, his heart pounded at the sight of a pale, wet, and frail Serena sleeping huddled against the corner of the two walls. Bending down, he picked up her icy and dripping-wet form and began climbing down the steps.

“Did you find what you were looking for Mr. Yui?” He heard a voice ask him just as he was about to leave the building. As he turned around with Serena in his arms, the voice gave a small gasp.

“Yes.” Hiiro answered her.

“What happened to her? Her face… it’s black and blue! And swollen! And she’s dripping water everywhere!” Madame Cook could hardly believe that one of her students like well-adjusted Serena would have such a huge problem.

“What happened? I know. But she herself won’t tell me.” Hiiro told the teacher. There was something about the older French woman that made him trust her confidence. Maybe it was the fact that she was always very nice and understanding of Serena. Well, whatever it was, it didn’t matter at the moment.

“Where are you taking her? Home I hope. Her parents…”

“Are responsible for her appearance.” He snorted his complete disapproval of their behavior.

“Her, her own parents did this to her?” The French teacher was shocked. Never in her wildest dreams had she ever imagined Serena, of all people, would have problems at home. She was always so bright and cheerful and attentive in both class and her homework. How could she have this many problems?

“Yes. She denies it, but…” he let off. Looking down at her, he decided he had better get her home. Madame Cook must have noticed it, because she stopped him by holding out a blanket form the library couch.

“Before you go, put this around her. It should at least keep her a little warmer on your trip home.” Hiiro accepted the blanket and wrapped Serena in it. Nodding a goodbye, he turned and walked out the door and down the angel carved steps towards his car.

>>>)(<<<

The feeling was new. For the first time in her life, when she woke from sleep, she found herself feeling warm and comfortable. But her parents would never make her feel this way, so how was it possible? And where was she? The last thing she remembered was laying on the floor in the library. As her eyes fluttered open and scanned her surroundings, she found herself lying on a bed covered with a giant black comforter. She was toasty warm. Her wet clothes had been replaced with a giant white men’s dress shirt, and her hair was completely down.

The room it’s self was simple. A desk across from the bed, a dresser on the far wall, and a table on the left side of the bed. No posters, and no knickknacks, nothing save a laptop on the desk, a clock on the table next to her, and a picture… a picture! Picking it up, she saw five boys, each in front of a giant machine. She recognized Hiiro and his friends as the boys in the picture… so he had found her… and the machines looked familiar somehow, she just couldn’t place them.

“That was taken a year and a half ago during the war.” Her head flipped up and saw the silhouette of a well-built youth in the door.

“I recognize you and your friends, and the machines look familiar too. Where was it taken?” She asked him.

“On L1. That was right after we had defeated the White Fang. The machines are the Gundam Mobil Suits.” He paused, waiting for her reaction.

“The Gundams? You knew the pilots to the Gundams?” She asked incredulously.

“You know them too. Wufei, Quatre, Trowa, Duo, and I.” He moved in closer towards her.

“You mean, you, you’re a Gundam pilot? But I was told the pilots were mean, old men! You’re my age.” She said in a near whisper.

“Disregard what you heard. Rumors are nasty things that ask for trouble. You know us, are we mean, old men?” He smirked.

“No, but…” She stopped and sat in silence, just thinking about the new information she had just learned. It was quite a mouthful. Suddenly it all made sense. The reason the boys were always together. They knew each other thoroughly. They lived together, and they had the same look in their eyes- the look of someone who had seen, done, and dealt with much in their short years of life.

“Serena. Do I scare you?” Hiiro asked her. He himself was frightened that she would now shy away from him more than ever. And he still had yet to have all of his questions answered.

“No.” He barely heard her. Looking up, he drank in the sight of her. Her now dry wind-blown hair poured down her back in streams of gold and silver. Bruises that were finally beginning to fade were almost invisible under her heavy makeup. Flushed cheeks, ruddy lips slightly parted gave her a wild and tousled appearance. Her blue eyes, once so full of life, now barely glistened with any emotion at all. She was no longer the little girl he had taken her for when they had met, instead a troubled woman who had been broken in spirit. Why had he let this go so far? He had to know more.

“Why did you run?” He asked her in a subdued tone.

“It…” She had to stop and think about this. Why had she? Because she couldn’t handle it. The pressure had risen to the extreme. There was no way she could have dealt with it, and then the tears… they had hurt; burned, stung. She needed him to be strong, and he had cried too. What was she supposed to tell him? That she needed him? That she wanted to be with him? That she cared for him? Did she? No more. No, no more. She was going to stop running here and now.

“I ran. Because… I couldn’t handle it. I don’t know.” She shook her head. Even now that she had decided she wanted to tell him the truth, she couldn’t do it. Why was so hard?

“Is that the same reason you tried to kill yourself? Serena. You needed help. Why didn’t you tell someone? A teacher? Your friends? Me? Why didn’t you tell me? We’ve been working on this project for over three weeks now. I see you everyday all day. Did you not think I would understand?” He didn’t yell, but used a monotone intonation that made him sound dark. He watched as she shuddered and tears began to shimmer with in her eyes. Trying to comfort her, he wrapped his arms around her shaking form.

He was holding her? Why? But he was so warm, and she felt so safe in his arms. Could she really trust him the way he said she could? She wasn’t sure, but she did know that she was scared. Not of him, but of the male species. She had had so many bad run in's with jerks, creeps that wanted to take advantage of her. The only reason she didn’t pull back was because he had always treated her well, so she at least knew that on some level he would never intentionally harm her.

“Hiiro. I’m scared. Not of you. But I’m scared. I tried so hard to ignore it. I really did. I tried to move on, but it’s so hard… I’m scared. I… I can’t do it anymore. I just wanted to rest. I’m so tried of being scared that I just thought… I just thought I would end it all. I mean, it’s sound in reason… Just, I was selfish. I didn’t think you or anyone would care…”

“Not care?”

“What’s one more insignificant life to the rest of the world? The war has already ended so many…”

“And do you think that those people wanted to die? There’s a difference. Serena, those soldiers gave their lives so the others they believed in, the others they loved, would have what they believed would be a better life. You want to end yours because you can’t handle the pressure alone. Serena, no one can handle the pressure alone.”

“But I don’t want to burden anyone else. They’ve already got so much to worry about, plus my problems? Where’s the fairness, the justice in that?”

“Everyone builds off of someone else’s problems. That is human nature. That is how it is supposed to be.”

“But…”

“Listen. During the war, there was a major battle. It was the same one I met the other pilots. In it, it was assumed that there was no other chance for us to live, and at that time I had been taught that if there was no chance in battle, I was to destroy everything. The suit, the knowledge, myself. And I did it. I did it because I thought I couldn’t handle the problem and that there was no other way out. But I survived the explosion. When I woke, I was with Trowa in his circus trailer with his girlfriend. And Trowa told me I had been out for three months. A lot had happened within those three months. Too much. And if I had died then, I would never have known what I had missed. It’s the same as yourself. If you had died, think of what you would miss. You would miss life. Don’t think killing yourself is the only option, because it most certainly is not.” Hiiro waited to what effect his story would have upon her.

She sat quietly listening to his story. So she wasn’t the only one. He knew. He knew what it felt like to be abused… she could hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes when he had mentioned he had been trained to kill himself if necessary. He knew how it felt to think there was no other option besides death. He knew. She wasn’t alone. She wasn’t alone. But fear still plagued her. And she still felt as if everything was meaningless. But she would not show him. It wouldn’t be fair to shove her problems all onto him; he had enough to worry about. She would just keep them in a little longer; it wasn’t like she couldn’t control herself…

“Hiiro. Thank you.” A cheesy and fake smile crossed her delicate but bruised features.

“Huh?” He was just a bit shocked. She understood? She was still hiding something…he knew, he could tell. She was still hiding from her demons… well, he would let her hide just a bit longer, she needed to tell him herself, he wasn’t going to force her.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you for helping me as much as you have.” She told him. Well, it was true; she would never be able to repay him for as much as he had helped her.

“That’s how you should have been all along. Serena… I, err, are you sure your feeling better?” He asked her. He wanted her to tell him. For her to shout out what she was hiding. He cared for her…. Not just lust, but he valued her friendship, her warmth, the energy she brought him, the inspiration she instilled within his soul, and her beauty. He loved it all, every little piece of her. Love? But she needed to let it go; to let go of the past and move on, and she couldn’t do it hiding the way she was.

“Hiiro? I’m sure I feel better. Hiiro. I, I,” How was she going to do this? She had to get it off her chest. But she couldn’t. She took a deep breath and sighed. “Hiiro?” He looked at her questioningly. She leaned forward and hugged him. As her chilly arms surrounded him, he reached up and hugged her back. As she began to pull away, she quickly dipped her head back towards his and captured his lips in a chaste kiss. He could take it or leave it as he pleased. *