Chapter Ten: Art of Shrinks

*When Serena reached her painting easel, she quickly settled down. What was she going to paint today? Her black on black masterpiece had been thrown out when she had dumped the black paint on the nurse, so she had to start all over on the blank canvas.

“Hello Serena. What are you going to do today?” The art nurse approached her, keeping a distance.

“Don’t know.”

“How about a portrait? I’ve never seen you do a painting of another person before.” Serena looked over her canvas and nodded.

“Alright.”

“Good. I’ll be back to check on you later.” The nurse told her gently. Then she walked off. Serena stared at the blank canvas for a while longer. Who would she possibly paint? She had no friends in this place. No one would pose for her, and no one around the hospital really inspired her anyway.

Suddenly a blast of cold air wafted through the room, and Serena looked to see where it was coming from. Two tables over, right in front of the courtyard door sat Hiiro Yui, the very man who had made her so sick the other day. She had expected that whenever she saw him next she would have instantly lost her temper. She had thought she might get sick again, or that she would feel some sort of deep seeded hatred for the man. After all, he had tried to kill her!

But she didn’t. She felt… indifferent. No, she felt… at peace. It was the oddest thing, and it almost made her angry. But nothing could really anger her at the moment.

No one had ever made her feel such waves of serene tranquility. Serena took the moment to look at Hiiro. He was hunched over a drawing pad, sketching what looked to be a giant mecha. His face, the very same that had been so stoic and then so furious the day before was neither. Instead, he looked to be in a deep trance concentrating on his work. In fact, he looked peaceful himself.

Her eyes traveled to his lips… she remembered the feeling of her lips pressing gently against his as he pressed back, vying for power over the other. She remembered the intense heat- hotter still than even the blistering water she had stood under in the shower that morning.

Slowly, without her consciously realizing it, her right hand began to move on the blank canvas before her. Her trained muscles sketched his hair, his strong jaw, his neck, and then she moved in with details. She lovingly carved his expressive but empty eyes into the cloth, then his nose, and finally his mouth. She lingered over his lips, trying to perfect them. When she was done with the sketch, she picked up her color palette and began mixing together a skin color.

“Serena…” The nurse stepped up behind her. “That is… extraordinary work.”

“Hmm.” She simply brushed the woman off, too busy concentrating. The nurse simply stood behind Serena, watching her work for a few moments. Then she looked up to see Hiiro Yui, who had to be the subject of Serena’s painting. The likeness was incredible. Serena was talented.

“Keep up the good work Serena.”

“Ok.” The blonde replied, not even sure of what the nurse had just said to her. Serena worked for another hour before it was time for lunch. Because she had splattered a great deal of paint over herself, she ended up being one of the last ones to leave the room. However, as she threw away the paper towels, she took notice of something in the garbage can.

Reaching in and braving the disgusting germs of the trash, she salvaged a piece of fine drawing paper. It had been folded into several pieces, and half ripped down the middle. When she had finally reconstructed the drawing, Serena gasped. It was the drawing Hiiro had been working on. But it was so… good. Detailed, precise, and it was labeled. It looked to be a mobile suit of some kind, but of what kind she was not sure. Why would he have thrown it away?

“Serena?” Oh no! She inwardly groaned.

“Big Berga.” She clipped.

“Time for lunch.”

“I know, thank you.” Serena quickly refolded the picture and pocketed it.

“And Serena? After lunch you have a meeting with Doctor Carl.”

“Splendid!” The blonde grumbled. Bertha smiled. What a girl.

>>>)(<<<

Serena walked into a new office and had to wince as she did so. It was so bright… her eyes were still sensitive to light. In front of her sat a giant mahogany desk, where Doctor Carl was seated. Off to the right side of the room was a sofa, and off to the left were two large armchairs. Next to the armchairs there was a giant window covered by a heavy, crushed velvet, red curtain. Plants and ferns placed sporadically about in the room, giving it a warm feeling.

“Serena” The doctor nodded tiredly at the girl.

“Look at it this way: You got a bigger office because of it.”

“I don’t want to think of it anyway Serena. I want you to think about it.”

“I don’t want to.”

“You’ll have to confront your actions some time Serena. Isn’t it better to do it now, while I’m with you to help you sort things out?”

“No. It would be easier if you left me alone.”

“How do you feel today Serena?”

“Let me think really hard about that one Doc. Yesterday I uncontrollably threw-up, and then they gave me shock therapy… I feel swell!” She beamed a false smile.

“Sarcasm again. Serena, why do you hide behind you sarcasm?”

“To stop nosey little old bald men like yourself from digging into my private life. Shove out!”

“I’m not trying to be nosey. I want to help.”

“I don’t need as much help as some of your other patients. Take Hiiro Yui for example. Wouldn’t you be better off with him in here?”

“Why did you bring him up?”

“It was just an example!”

“Your example could subconsciously have a meaning.”

“Look. All I’m trying to say is that he is a dangerous man who should be locked up here longer than I am. And here I am getting the police interview.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened yesterday in my office? What triggered your illness? All we know is that you two played Twister.”

“And I lost. And then I got annoyed with him because he was too stoic, so I threw-up on him. End of story.”

“Why do I feel like that’s only half of it?”

“Look. Believe me, don’t believe me. I don’t care. Just let me out.”

“Serena. A person who tries to commit suicide is always looking for a way out. Are you still looking? Why?”

“I think I’m going to pull a Hiiro here. Hnn.” She grunted. Carl looked at her oddly. Hiiro hadn’t grunted much around him.

“Serena. You said it bothered you that Hiiro was so stoic. Why?”

“Why? Why do you care? Why do you want to know why?”

“I care because I’m a doctor-”

“Shrink.”

“Doctor, and I want to help. And I want to know why because it might help me with finding insight into your brain.”

“I want you out of my brain, remember?”

“I know. But it’ll help you.” Serena half laughed.

“If I cared about helping me, I wouldn’t have tried suicide in the first place!”

“Why did you try it? Did you feel like you had no other options? Did you feel unloved? Was there a pressure you couldn’t deal with?”

“Pressure? Yeah, you! You’re driving me crazy- and trust me, it’s hard to do! I think I’m done here.”

“Serena, please. Open up.”

“And you close up. Like I said, I’m done. Old man, I’m out of here.” She stood and made for the door.

“Serena, you’re only hurting yourself.”

“Good.” She muttered. The Doctor stood, slightly stunned, as the petite blonde walked out of his office door.

The Doctor sat back in his chair and sipped down a cup of water with two Excedrin. That girl… it was almost as if she wanted the pain. It was like it was the only thing reminding her she was still alive. But how did he reach her? A knock came on his door.

“Come in.” He called. When the door opened, he looked up and breathed deeply. Hiiro Yui. “Hello Hiiro.”

“I have a meeting with you now.” Hiiro told him unceremoniously.

“Wonderful. Sit on down.” Hiiro did as he was told and sat in one of the chairs in front of the desk. “So tell me how you’ve been Hiiro.”

“Fine.”

“Really?”

“No.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Serena is confusing me.” He honestly answered. What the hell was he doing? He should just hold his tongue. He should… but he needed this solved.

“She confuses everyone Hiiro.” Carl smiled. Hiiro seemed so innocent at times. “How does she confuse you?”

“She makes me feel emotions.”

“That’s normal Hiiro.” The doctor told him frowning.

“No. I was trained to have no emotions. I was trained to have to emotional feelings or attachments. Serena gives me feelings. I need to repress these feelings- especially my temper.”

“You were taught to repress your feelings?”

“Yes.”

“But why? Feeling emotions… that’s what gives us a sense of morality, a sense of guilt and conscience, and a sense of compassion.”

“That was why. The men who raised me could not afford a soldier who faltered due to emotional weakness. I could not have compassion for the enemy.”

“Incredible. You mean to tell me you’ve repressed your emotions for this long?”

“Yes. I need to revert again.”

“No, you don’t. Hiiro, you need to let loose the bottled up emotions. The reason your temper is so volatile is because you never release steam. If you vented once in a while, it wouldn’t build up so much, and then you would be normal.”

“I can’t be normal. I need to be Perfect.”

“No one is perfect.”

“I was. Then my temper released. Serena released it again yesterday. Why?”

“Why did she trigger your release?” Hiiro nodded. “I don’t know. She has that tendency to rub the wrong way on people though.”

“But last night I felt guilty. I know I trigger her second sick spell. And I wasn’t punished. She was shocked, and I wasn’t.”

“Serena needed something to bring her back to reality. If you felt worried for her; that was your punishment. The punishment of feeling something.”

“Not good enough.” Hiiro grunted.

“Well Hiiro, it’s going to have to be.” *