DEDICATED TO THE TROOPS OVERSEAS:

MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND GIVE YOU SWIFT FEET TO CONQUER THE ENEMY AND RETURN HOME SAFELY. AMEN.

Chapter Eleven: Memories, Please Sign

*As he shuffled out of the shrink’s office and back to his room, Hiiro noticed the walls weren’t quite as intimidating as they had seemed. White. White walls. Why had they decided to use white? Most likely because white was a color that usually didn’t stimulate or add to anything. He figured some of the patients needed to see the blank walls.

“Like I said before: they figure that if you’re not crazy when you first come in here, they’ll make you crazy by the time you leave.” His eyes widened and he flipped around. Then they narrowed and he could feel his own cheeks been to taint a brilliant red as blood rush through them. He had been caught, not only off guard, but by her…

“Hnn.” He grunted.

“Hey, hey, hey, now! Before you go getting all Perfect on me…” Serena smiled. She remember what had happened the last time he had been Perfect- she had gotten to kiss his silky soft lips… and then to ruin the moment. She tried to brush that out of her memory and smiled brighter still. “Look, I wanted to apologize. No hard feelings.”

“Not accepted.” Her eyes now narrowed. Who was he to refuse her?

“Why not?”

“You are dangerous. You provoke.” He wanted to slink away, to melt into the white walls and disappear where she couldn’t find him; where she couldn’t make him feel.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Her eyes remained stormy, but the rest of her face became impassive.

“Not for me.”

“Of course.” She murmured, stepping forward. “I forgot. You are, after all, Perfect. And God forbid letting a Perfect one such as yourself become corrupt by little old crazy me.”

“Hnn.”

“At any rate, I wanted to apologize, and, ask you a favor.”

“No.”

“You don’t even know what it is yet!” She accused.

“No.”

“It won’t bother you.”

“Your presence bothers me. No.”

“Oh, feisty! Please?”

“No.” He growled. Hiiro clenched his hands into tight fists and his knuckles became white.

“Look, if it’s my ‘presence’, as you so graciously put it, that bothers you, this will only take a second.”

“No.”

“Damnit Hiiro! All I want is your ruddy signature! Is it so hard to sign your damn name?”

“No.”

“No as in no, it isn’t hard to sign your name, or as in no, you won’t do it?” She lifted her eyebrows. When she saw him shift and twitch, she had to laugh.

Her loud, clear laughter rang through his ears and echoed through his empty mind. She was laughing at him? Why? Who had given her permission to laugh at him? No one had ever laughed at him. Duo had once tried… but a flashing of his gun had shut the braided oaf up. But this little, insignificant, speck of a girl was laughing at him. His heart beat faster, his blood began to pump harder, and adrenaline flushed through his skin. How, how… how dare she!

“Don’t laugh!” He growled, trying to keep his temper in check. But she only shook her head and kept giggling. “Don’t laugh!” He yelled again, this time his voice wavered, and he shuddered. Hiiro’s hands twitched, and they had the urge to throttle her again. “Do not laugh!” He insisted.

“But you’re so… funny!” Serena gasped. Honestly, she was trying to stop, but his anger seemed to only make the situation funnier. And the scary thing was, she knew she was pushing him. She knew she was breaking through his shields… and she loved it. It gave her such a rush to know she could give a person like Hiiro a hard time. It empowered her and made her feel as if she was in control. And being in control? That was priceless.

Hiiro seethed with anger. Soon his eyes blurred and through the haze, his focus settled on Serena. Quickly he moved forward and grabbed her shoulders. Pinning them to the white wall, he held her there, captive in his vice-like grasp. She was going to pay- he was going to make her pay.

“I said, don’t laugh.” He whispered. Then he noticed her giggles had subsided, and she was looking at him. Her eyes…

“Hiiro.” Slowly the haze disintegrated, and he found his intense need to cause pain drip away in a flood of unexplainable relaxation. His cobalt eyes shifted and fell to her tender lips. The very same soft, very searing lips that had kissed him so gently yesterday. “Please let go Hiiro.” Her lips formed every letter, every word perfectly. Her tongue rolled his name, and he shivered with an acute sense of bliss.

“Why?”

“Because I asked you to.” She stuttered with a slight fear in her voice.

“I asked you to stop laughing- did you?”

“I tried.”

“I’m trying to let you go.”

“Liar.”

“I am.” He implored her to believe. But his arms had yet to so much as flinch.

“Then why aren’t you letting go?” She whispered. Her eyes were that of a deer caught in headlights. He reveled in the thought that he scared her. He should. Now she would take him seriously. Now she wouldn’t laugh. Now she knew how dangerous he could be.

“I don’t want to.” The words slipped from his mouth before he could catch himself. That was not what he had wanted to say.

“I want you to. Please?” Her soft voice trembled, and he felt her body shaking. She was so scared of him… Black over took him and his grasp slipped from her. Slowly he fell to his knees before her and held his head with his hands, trying to forget…

“Hiiro, you can’t kill Duo. He’s your best friend!”

“Duo…” He whispered, falling to his knees. “Duo, I’m sorry…” But Duo stayed down, still trembling. Hiiro cringed. His friend had been through as much as he during the war, and nothing had ever scared him before. But he, Hiiro, had scared him. The one who was supposed to be his friend… had scared him….

His mind filled with the memory and his body shut down as he dealt with the overpowering swell of hatred that rose in his chest.

Serena, who had been terrified of Hiiro, stood against the wall in shock. He had… he had… just like…

“Come ‘ere you lil’ whore! That’s right! You’re mine! Do as your mother says and get your lil’ ass over here now! ”

“Please no! Please let me go! Please stop!” She begged. But he just smiled darkly and continued advancing on her. As she slowly backed up, she tripped over the couch, and he lunged on top of her. The stench of alcohol sickened her, and the smell of cigar smoke stung her eyes and nose. His hands moved under her clothes… lower than they should have… and then…

The memories made her sick. She wanted to throw up. Looking around for a garbage can, she found none. Then, out of shame and horror, she collapsed to the floor in front of Hiiro.

The two lost children sat on the floor across from each other only for a few moments, each rapt in their memories. Forlorn and beaten, they each managed to break the spells binding them to their eccentric pasts and awaken to the present once more. Hiiro was the first to come to.

“Serena?” He asked the insane girl before him, the guilt from Duo’s incident carrying over.

“Please don’t touch me…” She seemed to be in a daze. He reached out and once more took hold of her shoulders. As he shook her, his eye caught the flash of white as a note fell from her pocket. Momentarily studying it, his eyes lit up in recognition. It was is drawing from the art class. How had she gotten it?

“Hiiro?” Serena snapped out of her reverie.

“You alright?” He asked her monotonously.

“Sure.” She replied with the same glum. “You?”

“Sure.” Silence as they traced the pattern of the tiled floor.

“You’ve got my picture.” He began.

“I saved it from the germs.” She managed a small smile. He glared sharply.

“It’s mine. Why did you take it?”

“It was fair game being in the trash and all. Besides. I thought it was good. Really good. I was going to ask you to sign it. All great artists sign their work you know.”

“They do?” His eyes lit up. He was… a great artist?”

“Yeah. That’s what my friend used to tell me. She said that all great artists had a mark of some kind- either their name, or a symbol, like that Prince guy.”

“Who?” He asked.

“Never mind. But will you sign it?”

“I should rip it up.” Her eyes opened wide in alarm.

“Oh, please don’t!” She begged. He looked sharply at her. This time when she had said ‘please don’t!’ it hadn’t sounded so desperately scared, just very pleasing and sweet. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Feelings? Stop! He wasn’t supposed to care! He wasn’t supposed to have any feelings of his own- and guilt was one. Not to mention he wasn’t supposed to consider feelings of others.

But wasn’t that the reason he was here? Because he had taken into consideration Duo’s feelings? Because he had wanted to atone for his sins towards his comrades? He had told himself it was to re-collect his emotions and lock them back up, but now…

“Which would you prefer, a name or a mark?” He asked her. Once again he did not understand how his mouth could possibly say something he hadn’t wanted it to.

“Your name.” She decided easily. He solemnly looked at the piece of paper and took out a pen. Quickly he scribbled his name in the bottom right corner of the sketch.

“Thanks.” Serena nodded. She didn’t understand why she wasn’t sick. She always threw up after that image. But this time she hadn’t. Even if she couldn’t find a trash can she would have thrown up. But seeing Hiiro in front of her, she felt horrible and couldn’t do it again. It had always been so easy to become bulimic with memories like that. It was what had helped her when she had been an amateur and unaware of how to begin. But unlike most girls, she had never needed to stick her finger down her throat. She just needed to remember the first time her mother let her boyfriend rape her.

“Serena! Hiiro! What are you two doing?” They both looked up to see Doctor Carl staring at them wondrously.

“I um, we were…” Serena stammered. Hiiro stood, then reached down and grabbed Serena by the small of her waist and effortlessly placed her back on her feet.

“We ran into each other.” Hiiro lied through his teeth.

“And you just decided to sit and have a conversation?” The Doctor asked skeptically.

“We got carried away.” Hiiro grimaced. “It won’t happen again.”

“No, it certainly won’t.” Serena whispered under her breath. The Doctor eyed her sharply. After her outburst in his office this morning he had expected to hear that she had thrown up, or caused a disturbance, not to find her on the floor near his office chatting with someone she seemingly did not get along with.

And Hiiro! He had not believed he would see the sturdy boy on the ground from running into someone of Serena’s height and weight. But he was, and they were talking amicably, no problems in sight. No wonder Hiiro was confused with Serena’s actions… he couldn’t decided upon his own actions!

“Well, are you two okay after bumping heads?”

“Fine.” Serena gathered her courage. “Thanks Hiiro, for the signing and all.” The she turned on her heel and stormed away towards the art room. *

~~~Hey all! Sorry this has taken a little while! I’ve finally finished my own original novel and had to get it ready for a publisher. I’m hoping it’ll be published (dare to dream). Oh well! More to come soon, and please review! Much love, Vixen~~~