Chapter Two: Communicate?

*“You’ll like it here Mr. Yui. All of the others are nice. A little insane, but if they weren’t, why would they be in here?” A short woman with red hair chuckled.

“Hnn.” The woman stopped cold and grunted loudly, trying to clear her throat.

“Yes. Well. At any rate. Since you’ve checked yourself in, you have to stay for a week minimum. At the end of this week, the doctors on their overall evaluation of you will judge your sanity. Then you will be released, or free to leave anyway.”

“Hnn.”

“But you must understand the one exception. In putting yourself here, you run the risk of being detained if we feel you are truly mentally unstable enough to cause harm to others.” At that comment, Hiiro inwardly groaned and rolled his eyes. If he was in a mental hospital for pulling a gun on his friend, he would surely be detained. Then he straightened. He was Perfect. But a question nagged at him.

“If you deem me mentally unstable I can’t check myself out- even though I’ve self- imposed my stay here?”

“That’s right. But that’s only if you’re a danger to society. Didn’t they tell you when you were signing the forms?”

“No.”

“Well.” Silence ensued. Finally the woman laughed nervously. “Ah, this is your room. I’ll let you get settled, and then in about twenty minutes I’ll be back to give you schedule of activities and such. We try to keep busy here. Is that enough time for you to unpack and settle down?”

“Yes.”

“Then I suppose I’ll see you in twenty.” The woman winked, and Hiiro shuddered involuntarily.

Once the woman closed the door, Hiiro relaxed. Or at least he calmed his temper. He had been on the brink of pulling his gun at the woman. But he hadn’t. Perhaps it was the guilt from his episode with Duo that had stayed his nervous hand- or maybe he just had been too tired to deal with it all. Grunting loudly at his useless and listless thoughts, Hiiro dropped his bag and began setting up. An entire week in one place with a bunch of loons was not what his idea of Perfection.

Some Perfect Soldier he had turned out to be. Here he was in a nut house because he couldn’t control his temper. Perfection was not expressing feeling. Perfection was keeping a calm and stoic face, not allowing others to catch a glimpse of it all. He was a failure, first as a soldier, and then as a human.

No, he told himself. He had never had the chance to be human, so he couldn’t be a failure at that. Yet. But once these damned psychologists got their meat hooks into his subconscious and started to try to dissect his mind and motives, he knew the buried humanity would surface. How could it not if he was dredging up his past? And once it surfaced, he would indeed become a failure at humanity as well.

Wasn’t that always the way though? Hiiro allowed himself to sigh aloud. He slackened his knees and sank to the bed. Propping his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands, he rubbed his face roughly, trying to wash away his self-pity. He couldn’t afford it right now, what with the doctors watching him so closely and all. To be accused of chronic depression was the last thing he needed.

>>>)(<<<

This. Was. Hell. In every which way, this damned place could be described as hell. Just because she had had a few bad days they had shut her up in this loony bin. And now they expect her to talk about her feelings? What the hell was this all about? Did they honestly think they would be able to have some sort of major break through with her?

“Now then. Sara wasn’t it?” The doctor in front of her looked up from his papers.

“Serena.” She corrected him.

“Ah, yes. Serena. How are you today Serena?”

“The same as I am everyday.”

“And how is that?” The doctor humored his patient.

“Can I ask a question?” Serena ignored his question.

“I don’t see why not.” The doctor conceded.

“How long have you been a doctor here?”

“Nearly three years.”

“And I’ve been here for about three months. Now in that time, I’ve been coming to see you twice a week every week. How is it that you don’t know my name or how I feel yet?” Serena settled back in her chair and watched as the doctor struggled with her question. ‘Let’s see him talk his way out of this one. I’m sure his answer will be more than original.’ She inwardly smirked.

“It’s not that I don’t know your name or how you feel Serena, it’s just that I have a lot on my plate, and it’s very hard to keep track of everything. I slip occasionally. I’m sorry.”

“You picked this profession, not me. Don’t apologize to me, apologize to yourself.”

“Enough. That tone of voice and attitude is not appreciated Serena.”

“So sorry.”

“Feeling sarcastic today?”

“Always.”

“Sarcasm is often just a means of hiding behind humor when you’re not happy. Are you happy Serena?”

“I don’t know doctor. You seem to know everything else, why don’t you tell me. Am I happy?” She chided in a snippy manner. The doctor sat back in his chair and rubbed his chin, as id he were trying to decide something.

“Alright Serena. I’ll tell you what I think. I think you’re unhappy that you’re cooped up in a mental institution.”

“Bingo.” Was Serena’s sweet answer. The doctor sighed.

“But Serena, it’s for your own good.”

“How so? You think that by stuffing me up and away in a mental institution you’ll be able to cure me? Separate me from my problems and solve them? Somehow I highly doubt anything you do is going to help me.”

“We don’t want to shove you in a corner Serena. We only want to get to know you so we can see your problems objectively and help you to see alternate routes to solving them.”

“Oh yes. You want to get to know me so badly you can’t even remember my name. You’re a lying sack of crap, and frankly, I don’t want to be here. Let me out.”

“You know we can’t do that.”

“You can. You mean I know you won’t.”

“Serena… why must you always be so difficult. Is it so hard for you to just talk? Communicate? I’m an ear here to listen, take advantage of that.”

“You’re an ear out to listen to my problems? Well I don’t want an ear. Mine suit me just fine. I don’t need your help.” She narrowed her eyes and glared at him. Her secrets were her own. Never would she just up and tell them to anyone… the only person who deserved to hear her secrets was someone she could trust. But there was no such person, she knew. She had been betrayed too many times, enough times to know that no one be could be trusted. No one.

“Serena. You tried to overdose yourself with Excedrin and alcohol. You tried to commit suicide Serena, you tried to kill yourself.”

“Would have solved everything.”

“No, it wouldn’t have. What made you want to end your life?”

“None of your business.”

“Your mother seems to think it was school.” Serena snorted. Her mother? What a joke! This fraud of a doctor was going to listen to her mother? Then he was more diluted than she was!

“Was that it? School Serena? Were you having a hard time socially? Did it drive you to this? Is that why your grades were so bad?” The doctor continued.

“Look old man! My grades were bad because I’m an idiot! I had no problems socially, so back off!” Serena stood. The doctor looked startled for a second.

“Very well Serena. Sit down.” Serena looked at him angrily, but sat back down. Bastard. He was never going to get anywhere with her, she would make sure of it. “Serena would you like to know something?”

“What’s that?” She clipped. The doctor shuddered. Her voice was so cold. He wasn’t often afraid of his patients, even though most of them were mentally unstable. But Serena… it wasn’t her physical appearance so much as it was her voice and eyes that scared him. There was such emptiness and desperation, and hatred for humanity within them.

“Every time you come in here, we have the same conversation. We haven’t made any progress in the three months you’ve been here. You would be able to get out a lot faster if you would just talk.”

“Bull. You wouldn’t let me out. I still have to reach that damned weight goal. Or may I remind you your other doctor friends have been telling me I’m an anorexic bulimic too?”

“I know very well what your case is.”

“Then why should I talk if I won’t get to leave when I do?”

“It might help speed up the healing process is all.”

“I can’t gain weight any faster when I’m ‘healing’ than when I’m not. Gaining weight is biological, not mental.”

“Anorexia is not just a physical illness. You think-”

“You think you’re fat too, and that distorts the way you see things and yourself. I know. God, you’ve drilled that one into my head so many times I’m going to throw up if I hear it again. And I can throw up very easily now. One of the few perks of being bulimic.”

“There are no perks in being bulimic.”

“So you’d think. But I have to disagree. I lost weight, not to mention I learned to throw up on cue.”

“You can also destroy the lining to your throat, become so emaciated that you will never be able to have children, cause damage to your heart and brain, and ruin your teeth.”

“My throat is fine, and my teeth? Pearly white.” Seren smiled evilly just to prove her point.

“But what about the other side effects?”

“I didn’t want kids anyway. They’re annoying.”

“And your heart?” Serena stopped. That was one thing she did miss. Because of her eating disorders, she had caused permanent damage to her heart. She had always liked running, but now she couldn’t anymore. Or she couldn’t for long periods of time anyway. But she wasn’t going to let this damned doctor get the best of her. She couldn’t let him know his words had struck a cord within her.

“My heart? Who needs to be able to exercise anyway? Now I have an excuse to get out of P.E. in school.”

“Serena.” The doctor moaned. She was so tiring. He glanced at the clock. “Very well. Our time is up. We’ll continue-”

“You mean repeat.”

“Continue this next time we meet.”

“Fine.” Serena stood. She made for the door as quickly as she could, but just as she reached for the handle, it moved for her. Jumping back, Serena watched the door open. She hadn’t been expecting that one. Serena looked to see who it was. *

~~~NOTES: So? Everyone on board for this one? PLEASE REVIEW! Is R too much for this fic? Do you think I could lower it to PG-13? I can never tell anymore. HELP! TELL ME! Much love, Vixen~~~