WARNING: DARK CONTENT- Please take note, this chapter is RATED R!

Chapter Nine: Razors

*Hiiro stepped out of his room. It was late, but he had heard shuffling and his training wouldn’t let him ignore it without finding out what was happening first. He cracked his door open and slid out of his room. Padding down the hallway, he came to the bend between the wings. To his left he knew was the cafeteria, art room, and court yard. He knew straight ahead was the hallway to the doctor’s offices, psychiatrist offices, and nurse quarters. Then he heard the shuffling again and looked to his right- towards the woman’s wing of patients. He could see three orderlies and Nurse Bertha standing outside one of the rooms.

“Hiiro.” He turned around. There behind him was a nurse he had seen before somewhere. “You are supposed to be in bed. I’m doing checks now. If you get back now, I won’t write up that you were out.”

“What are they doing?” He asked, his eyes never leaving the women’s wing.

“Bringing Serena back in.” His eyebrows rose slightly.

“Where was she?”

“Didn’t you here? They took her for shocks.”

“Shocks?”

“They strapped her to a table and ran electricity through her, in the very broadest sense. They tried to jolt her back to reality.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s as crazy as they come Hiiro, that’s why. But don’t you worry. You aren’t crazy. Come on then, go back to bed. Otherwise they’ll need to start giving you meds to sleep.”

“I don’t need drugs to sleep.” He grunted.

“Of course not. You’re sane. They just give the drugs to the patients. You don’t count unless they decide you need it. Which they might- if I write you up. Come on, back to bed with you.”

“Hnn.” But he did finally tear his eyes from the scene across the hallway and walk back to his own room. When he had lain back down and the nurse had made sure he wasn’t going to leave again, she left him alone.

For a long time Hiiro lay awake in bed. He had been so angry with the girl. So furious. Had he been the one to trigger her response? The one to make her throw up the second time? Why would they give her shock treatment just because she threw up? What if she had been sick? Not just throwing up, but with a fever and a cough? Would they have stopped long enough to check? Or would they just decide she needed the treatment without finding out why?

They were doctors. They would find out first. That was their job. But they hadn’t asked him why he had broken down the door- or if he had done anything to provoke her. That didn’t make any sense. Why didn’t they care about him? He was just as imperfect as the next person over, therefore crazy. He was just as crazy as Serena was. So why didn’t they ask him?

Guilt ebbed at his stomach. He had gotten away with it with Duo, and now he was doing it with this little girl. He was losing his temper. The only way to regain his Perfection was to regain his control over his emotions. He needed to do that. Now. But how? Venting like the shrink had told him to do was not helping- it was in fact making things worse. So he should stop talking? No- they would keep him in the mental home for sure if he did that.

Hiiro rolled over, closed him eyes, and fell asleep instantly. He would just need to think about it in the morning.

>>>)(<<<

The bright sunlight streaming through curtains hurt her eyes. Her whole head throbbed. Her jaw was sore, her teeth even ached. She felt as if her mind was going to explode. Why did they do that? She wasn’t crazy. Serena knew she wasn’t crazy. All she had made were a few simple mistakes, and here she was, locked up in an insane asylum, receiving the occasional shock therapy.

“Serena?” A cheery voice echoed in the room. Her head pounded ten times harder.

“Who’s there?” She whispered, her teeth clenched and her eyes shut tight.

“It’s me, Jake.”

“Jake… the nutritionist?”

“Yeah. I’m here with your breakfast and morning medication.”

“Joy.”

“I know. But you lost a lot of fluids yesterday, you need to gain them back quickly. Otherwise, they’ll stick you on an IV again.”

“Nothing’s worse than shock therapy. Let them.” She replied dully. “I don’t think I can chew. I think my teeth were rattled from my brain.”

“I brought you ice cream…” Serena suddenly perked up.

“Cho, chocolate ice cream? With… chocolate syrup?” She whispered, her jaw unclenching and her eyes opening halfway so she could look at the man in front of her.

“With a cherry on top!” He smiled brightly. She smiled slightly.

“For breakfast? What, and Big Berga didn’t throw a fit?”

“Actually- she doesn’t like being called that. And actually, she suggested it. She even told me your favorite flavor.”

“Big Berga?” Serena’s eyes now opened wide with disbelief.

“Yes, Nurse Bertha.”

“Well. The world is coming to an end and hell is freezing over. I don’t believe it. Now if only pigs would fly.”

“Well, you may have to wait a while for the last one.” The man chuckled. “Come on, have a bite.” He picked up the spoon and dug into the ice cream. Just as the spoon reached her lips, she pulled away, ignoring the dizzy feeling she got when she did.

“Freeze.”

“I thought that was the ice cream’s job?”

“Funny. How many calories are in that stuff? What, are you trying to fatten me up so you can eat me in place of the turkey for next Thanksgiving?”

“No. If we were trying to do that, we’d be feeding you stuffing. All we’re trying to do is make you comfortable since you didn’t have the best day yesterday.”

“Who told you about that?” She grumbled.

“Bertha.”

“Well, that’s better. Hell’s melting. At least that seems more normal.”

“She just wanted to make you feel comfortable.”

“Then tell her not to give me any more shock therapy treatment. For crying out loud, it was Hiiro’s fault.” Serena whined as she began eating the ice cream.

“Hiiro?”

“He’s new. Only here for a week, thank God. He’s some ex-soldier who checked himself in for anger management.”

“How was yesterday his fault?”

“He’s annoying. My God, he’s annoying. That stupid shrink told us to play a game to get along, so we end up playing Twister, of all games, and just when I think I’m going to win, I fall. Then he goes off on some tangent about being perfect… it made me so mad that he was so… indestructible.”

“How so?”

“You should see this guy. He’s all muscle and stone. I could have sworn he didn’t know what emotion was until after the Twister game. I just wanted him to show some emotion… that was it! So I threw up on him. Just to get a reaction. And he went ballistic!”

“Well, if he’s here for anger management….” Jake replied uncertainly. He wasn’t sure what to say.

“Whatever. If he’s here for anger management, and he was showing no emotion before I threw up on him, how was I supposed to know he had that violent of a temper? He was so mad… but then I couldn’t stop throwing up. I think he thought I was sick- which I was- so he kicked the door in and brought the nurses in. Then he just left. I mean, he didn’t even stick around to check and see how I was. What a creep.”

“So it’s his fault. Do you think he feels sorry?”

“Who cares? And people think I’m crazy. He’s the real nut.” She said, finishing up her ice cream. “Look. I have an art class in half an hour, and I have to get dressed.”

“Right. Well, have a better day Serena.”

“Yeah right. I’m crazy, how great could my day possibly be?” But the man only smiled and left the room, closing the door behind him. Serena waited for a minute. Then she stood. Wobbly at first, her legs soon remembered how to walk, and she made her way dizzily to the door. Poking her head out, she called to the nearest nurse.

“Nurse?” The nurse looked at her with a slight hint of fear in her eyes.

“Ye, Yes?”

“I would like a razor to shave my legs.” Serena told the nurse. Inwardly, she sighed. This was ridiculous. Having to ask to use a razor…

“Ok. Let me get you one. I’ll need to stand outside the door and supervise though.” The nurse tittered.

“Fine.” Serena nodded knowingly.

Fifteen minutes later Serena was letting the hot water drip over her head, neck, and back. Her foggy mind was in a state of serenity and she felt the little droplets of water pelting her skin like little pin drops. It felt good, to have the scalding water rush over her, turning her skin first red, the purple. She had turned the heat up to the point it burned her to stand directly under the water. But that was the only way she knew she was alive- through the pain.

Outside her door the nurse was chattering away about any and everything going on in the hospital. Serena took a look at the razor the nurse had given her. Quickly she shaved her legs. If she didn’t hurry, she would be late to the art class. As she finished with her legs, she brought the razor up to her face and really looked at it. It was a little pink, single bladed plastic razor.

How did people manage to kill themselves with these razors? She didn’t understand. They slit their wrists, did they? With that little blade? Was it that sharp? She looked closely at it. Maybe it was. Gently, as if it were a snake she didn’t want to bite her, Serena carefully removed the blade from the plastic razor. Then she gently dragged her pinky across it. She felt nothing. But then a small welt of red blood rose and fell, dripping away with the water down the drain.

So it was that sharp? No she understood. It was so sharp people couldn’t feel it cutting into their skin, into their wrists. They couldn’t feel the cool metal blade as they dragged it through their skin and slit the lifelines in their wrists. She swallowed hard and salty tears mingled with the searing water as it poured down over her face. Serena looked in wonder at the small razor in her hand. A miracle tool, for sure.

“Hey, are you alright in there?” The perky nurse’s voice rang dully in her ears.

“Yeah, almost done!” She echoed vacantly back, her eyes still fixed on the gleaming metal of the little razor. Very slowly, she brought it to her wrist and lightly dragged it across her skin. A ting red welt appeared, but she had not pressed hard enough to break the skin. She repeated the motion on the other arm, then blinked. Not yet. Quickly she fumbled for the plastic razor and stuck the blade back in it. Then she shut the water off and dried off. She was going to be late now.

As she stepped out of the bathroom, she handed the razor back to the nurse. Brushing her hair, she threw on shorts and a ling sleeved shirt. “Did you have a nice shower?” The nurse asked her.

“Very nice.” Serena nodded, smiling at her reflection.

“Oh, good! I’m glad! You’d better hurry, or you’ll be late to art class.”

“Yes, I’d better. Being late would never do.” She smiled at the nurse sweetly, then quickly exited her room, leaving the slightly confused nurse behind her. *