Chapter Fourteen: Signature of the Lily

*Behind her, she could hear Alice chuckle. “Lily! Oh Lily you pratt! How dare you come back and act as if it’s nothing! Three months, and I’ve barely heard from you! What were you thinking, running off like that! And then you show up out of the blue, and don’t even act as if you’ve been gone!” Ara ranted.

“I’m sorry?” Lily asked, hoping it would get Ara to let her go. It worked, and then they just stood, Ara laughing and smiling, and Lily giving her the same plastic smile she had been wearing since she had ended things with James.

“Lily?” Alice whispered. Then she cleared her throat and stepped forward. “Welcome home. I know we don’t know each other very well, but from the way Ara and Si and Frank and everyone talk about you, I feel like I know you already.” Lily turned her smile towards Alice, only this time she let a bit of genuine happiness slip through. Alice was a nice girl after all.

“Thanks Alice.” Then Lily stepped forward and gave both women a hug again.

“Lils, where’ve you been?” Ara asked.

“With Petunia, you knew that! I even wrote to you to remind you!” Lily reminded her gently.

“You rarely wrote.”

“It’s dangerous to do much when you’re living with muggles. I didn’t want them to be targets because they had a muggleborn living under their roof, you know?”

“Why are you back now then?”

“It’s a long story- which I would rather not repeat right now. I’m sure you’ll hear it tomorrow at work anyway.”

“At work?” Alice asked. “Now I’m intrigued. Come on Lily, spill!”

“No. I’d much rather not think of it, actually. I’m going to have a hard enough time getting to sleep on time as it is, much less reliving the nightmare that the daily life usually is.” Lily let a hollow laugh escape her dry lips, and cracked a quirky smile towards Ara.

“Lily, are you sick? You don’t sound well.” Ara asked concerned.

“No, I’m fine. I’m just tired. You know how you can stay up really late, but after two o’clock, you’re sort of half asleep, and everything seems hilarious?”

“Actually, yeah, I know exactly what you mean.” Alice replied thoughtfully. Ara just nodded.

“I feel like that. Popcorn anyone?” Lily asked, holding up the bowl of freshly popped kernels.

“You sure you’re alright Lils?”

“Yup!” Lily smiled as she grabbed a handful of popcorn. “So tell me, am I on the couch, or is my old room the same as it was?”

“Same as ever!” Ara laughed. “Alice is staying in the spare—you don’t mind, do you?”

“Not at all. Listen girls, I’m tired. I’m going to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight!” They chorused. After a moment of silence in the kitchen, Ara opened her mouth, but Alice held up her hand and smiled.

“Go find out what’s bothering her. I’ll see you in the morning. Remember, tomorrow’s Sunday.” With one final wink, Alice laughed and took the bowl of popcorn all to herself. Ara grinned and shook her head. Then she headed into Lily’s room.

“Alright Lils. What happened?” Lily looked up, and hearing the sternness in Ara’s voice, she knew she couldn’t worm her way out of this one.

“Ara…” Lily sighed. She didn’t want to dump her problems on someone else. “Petunia decided to sell the house. It’s just hard for me to see it go, that’s all. I’ll miss my parents’ house, you know?” Lily prayed Ara would buy it.

“Oh Lily!” Ara’s eyes softened, letting Lily know she had, indeed, taken the bait. “You’ll always have a home here with me! I’m your family! Not Petunia! Blood only goes so deep. Besides, you’ll like Alice—she and Frank Longbottom are dating, and he’s become like an honorary Marauder, it’s great. And Si and I are back together, and Peter and Remus are back home, everything’s just like it used to be Lily!”

“I know.” She whispered. Not everything… she and James weren’t.

“James has been asking about you, you know.” Ara avoided eye contact as she approached this dangerous topic.

“He wrote me.”

“You sent the letters back unopened.”

“I couldn’t read them… not after he ignored and used me like that.” Lily whispered. “James, of all people, should have known how I would feel if he did that, and he did it anyway…”

“Lily, you need to see him now. He isn’t the same James he used to be.”

“I know. That’s why I left.” Lily pointed out.

“No, that isn’t what I meant. I meant since you left, he’s changed even more. He took you leaving him really hard. When Hagrid accused him of breaking your heart, he actually yelled at him.”

“He yelled at Hagrid?” Lily shot up, self-pity forgotten.

“And he’s become like a mindless drone. He doesn’t even work as hard as he used to. He stares into space, he’ll come by and sit in your room for hours sometimes—just sit there, hardly even blinking! And he’s always upset, never happy. Every time someone mentions you, he gets misty eyed, then denies the fact that you’re broken up, and then he stomps off in another direction. Lily, the man loves you so much that he’s pining his life away for you.”

“He, he is?” Lily asked, not wanting to get her hopes up. “Yes. And once I come crawling back, he’ll start taking advantage of me again. I know how these things work, Ara. I’m a freak; remember? Freaks aren’t given the time of day, and certainly not any respect.”

“Damnit! I knew that sister of yours would brainwash you with those freak-lies again! Lily, it is not true, you are not a freak, you do to get the time of day, and you get a great deal of respect. James loves you. He loves you.”

“I’d rather not get my hopes up.” Lily closed her eyes and lay back down on her bed. Ara looked at her for a moment, then nodded to herself.

“Lily, Alice and I have to go to a meeting tomorrow in Hogwarts. Hagrid will be there, and so will Dumbledore and McGonagall—”

“And the Marauders.” Lily added knowingly.

“And the Marauders, and some other people. I’d like it if you came—so would everyone else.”

“I don’t know Ara. I don’t like big groups, you know that.”

“Come on Lily. You’ll want to be at this meeting, I guarantee it!”

“Will I know anyone else there?”

“Everyone else.” Lily looked up at Ara. “Lils, I’m your best friend. Trust me, you’ll want to be there.” A silence befell them for a moment.

“Alright then. I’ll go.” Lily nodded, swallowing hard. She’d have to face James…

“Good. Get some sleep; you’ll need it! Night!”

“Night!”

>>>)(<<<

As Lily stepped back onto the Hogwarts grounds, she breathed in deeply, remembering her years at the school. The first five seemed to have flown by, all melding together in a pain and suffering, but the last two… Her last two years seemed to stand out like golden gems in a pile of glass. They were her dream, her heaven.

“Come on Lily, let’s go, we don’t want to be late!”

“Coming.” Lily softly called as she trotted to catch up with the other girls, who had left her behind when she had frozen herself back in time through her memories. Up the stone steps, through the long corridors, around the well-lit corners, the lavishly furnished castle, and towards the gargoyle that led to Dumbledore’s office.

“We’re ten minutes late.” Alice whined as they climbed the spiral staircase.

“It’ll be fine when they see who we’ve brought with us.” Ara laughed. Lily remained silent, still not sure what they were going to a meeting about. Finally, after what seemed like a moment of time stretched into eternity, they entered the main room of Dumbledore’s office.

“Nice of you to join us, ladies.” Moody belched loudly. Lily hissed, slightly afraid of the madman.

“Thanks Moody, we missed you too. But we have a reason we’re late. Look who’s back everybody!” Ara announced as she grabbed Lily’s arm and yanked her into the center of the room. Everyone seated at the table had a wonderful view of poor, pale, frightened Lily as she stood, alone, for all of them to see.

“Lily, you’ve returned.” Dumbledore smiled warmly at her. Lily managed a tiny smile back.

“Hello.” She whispered.

“Lils!” Sirius jumped up and caught her in a large bear hug. She hugged him back lightly, and then hugged Remus and Peter as they said hello in the same way. Hagrid, too, stood and rushed to greet the blushing and nervous redhead back from the muggle world.

“Lily!”

“Hello Hagrid.” He mumbled, holding tight to his moleskin coat. When they finally parted, Lily turned, and she came face to face with none other than the very person she wanted to run from for the rest of her life.

“Hello Lily.” James whispered. His deep, hoarse voice speed her heartbeat ten fold, and her ears began to ring. Her eyes pricked, and she could feel her throat tighten as she had to confront the man she loved.

But were those dark circles beneath his eyes? Almost black… And his eyes were completely sunken in and bloodshot. His once handsome face was ghostly white, and his cheekbones were easily visible through his thin face. His once wild glossy black hair lay limp, and his glasses were half cracked and siding off his nose. The black robes he was wearing were threadbare, and his shoes were non-existent—all that donned his feet were socks, one of which had a hole in the toe.

“Hello James.” She wanted to burst into tears, to hug him, comfort him, bring him back to life. But she refrained. How could she ever let him have her heart after what he had done before? He would only turn on her and use her again.

“Lily…” James tried to say more, but he was too choked up. With his hands, he slowly reached out and lightly let them slide down her arms, which lay limp at her sides. His Lady Lily had returned. Three months… for three months he had been walking as an eternally damned soul trapped with the living. No one understood… Lily was his very air, the very core of what created him, what allowed him to function. Without her he had become a mindless drone, only capable of simple tasks.

And now, here she was, his life force, standing before him as perfect as ever. Her shining, soft red hair lay—limp over her shoulders. Her bright, sparkling emerald eyes—lifelessly searched him for something he was scared to reveal. Her pale, smooth skin was still pale and smooth, but this time he could see she was tired, and worn, not healthy and rested. Her robes were brand new, but they did not seem to fit her as well as her old ones—perhaps it was the way she presented herself; the same way she had when he had first met her, when she had thought of herself as a freak. No!

The entire room watched as James reached out and gently ran his hands down, over Lily’s arms, testing her to see if she were real. And they watched as he looked her over, with disbelieving eyes. And then they watched as he fell to his knees, his mouth hanging open in a silent plea.

“Oh God Lily!” James sobbed as he fell to his knees at her feet. “Lily, I’m so sorry! God, what have I done?” The entire room was silent; the breathtakingly beautiful scene had captured the hearts of everyone, but no one so much as their friends. Only they truly knew how much the couple was suffering from their separation. “Lily, I am so sorry.” James’ sobs were becoming whispers. “Look what I’ve done to you, look what I’ve done! You’re so unhappy… I made you cry… Lily…Forgive me!”

Lily simply stood, in awe that James had dropped to his knees before her, begging his forgiveness. And he seemed to mean it—this was not one of his half-way, half meant, half-baked apologies, he was a beaten man, on his knees for her!

“You hurt me James.” Her voice wavered, though it was barely louder than a whisper. The crowd strained to hear the words uttered by the two star-crossed, wayward lovers. “You broke my heart. I trusted you. You used me.” The tears she had been holding leaked slowly, one by one, slipping down her flawless cheeks and dripping onto James below her. “You broke my heart.” She finished.

“Lily.” He slammed the floor with his fist. “I should have known better. More than anyone I should have known better! I never should have missed those dinners. I should have cared more about those people than about the situation. I should have paid more attention. But Lily, you have to believe me; I swear upon my parents’ graves, that I would never use you! Lady Lily, I love you.” By this time James’ head was bent, and tears were pouring down his face, wetting the carpet below him.

“James…” Lily whispered. Suddenly, she bent over at the waist and wrapped her thin arms around his neck in the gentlest of hugs. James, feeling her move toward him, took the opportunity to look up into her eyes. But he found they were shut tight, tears still slipping from them as she cried the pain out of her heart. James wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in tighter, while Lily buried her face in the crook of his neck and sobbed louder.

For a moment in eternity they stayed that way, man and woman frozen in an embrace that could warm hearts of ice and shatter hearts of stone. They stayed still, outside of time, in a moment of perfection, where only light radiated and bound them together, intertwining their destinies, their souls.

When they broke apart, James smiled at Lily; a beautiful, brilliant smile that she could remember had always made her feel giddy inside. She gave him a small smile, spent from the emotion drain of the evening.

“It’s going to take time James.” She told him gently.

“I’ll work on it, I promise.” He vowed very seriously. She nodded, and his hand slipped down and grasped hers in a death grip.

“Are you two finished now?” Moody broke the silence with a rude snorted as he hocked back spit. The rest of the occupants shots glares at him—every single other person had wet eyes. Lily and James blushed, and Lily gave a short, nervous laugh and nodded.

“That was beautiful man, just beautiful.” Sirius clapped James on the shoulder strongly pretending as if he hadn’t had tears streaking down his face.

“The meeting, witches and wizards?” Moody prompted again. They sighed, but nodded. Dumbledore, who was just finishing wiping his own tears away, smiled happily.

“Lily, please have a seat and let us explain to you what exactly is going on.” He suggested. She nodded, and as Ara and Alice took their seats besides Sirius and Frank, James pulled her to sit in a seat that had a name plaque with her name written across the front. She felt like laughing hysterically about it for some reason.

“I’ve been saving you a seat.” James whispered. She blushed, but said nothing. Sitting down and getting comfortable in the chair, Ara passed her a handkerchief, and as she wiped her tears away and collected herself, Dumbledore began.

“Lily, we are the Order of the Phoenix, a secret society designed to help thwart the Dark Lord in all his plans to gain power over the wizarding world. We here are the only members, bound by an oath of blood to each other and to Fawkes, the phoenix, for faithfulness to each other. We are willing to lay our lives down at any given time in life in order to prevent the Dark Lord from gaining further power. We meet every Sunday, and we discuss what we have learned from listening to the spies and other civilian-dressed Dark Lord sympathizers, as well as how we might possibly stop him.”

“I like the sound of it already.” She smiled lightly.

“Since the beginning, three months ago, we have considered you a member, however, due to your correspondence with me about the muggle opinions of the movements or the Dark Lord, you were unable to sign the oath. Will you today, sign in blood and join us in the Order of the Phoenix?”

“I would be honored.” She smiled.

“Lily was your muggle correspondent?” Remus asked in awe.

“I was with my sister in a small muggle town, and before I left, Professor Dumbledore asked if I would write him a weekly report for the duration of my stay and inform him of muggle awareness to Voldemort’s movements.” She explained.

“Well, no offense Lils, but why’d you come back?” Sirius asked. Ara elbowed him, but he continued to grin. Lily frowned.

“Her house was being sold.” Ara answered for her, trying to save Lily the time of remembering the loss of the important old home.

“Actually, Ara, that it isn’t all.” Lily gulped. “The other night I was in my room, and my sister was in the kitchen. I heard few bangs, and someone shouted out the worst of the Unforgivables. I raced downstairs, wand ready, but it was too late for one wizard. It was a Death Eater, and another wizard in my home, duking it out in my entry hall. I managed to trap the Death Eater, but it when I checked to see who had been killed, I was mortified. Joseph Yammer is dead.” A loud clamor went up amongst the table. “Anyway. I brought them back here, and they were taken away, of course. By then I had decided it was time for me to come home, I was needed to help fight here. Then my sister decided to sell our muggle home, which I love very much. I came back right away.”

“We’re very sorry about everything you’ve had to deal with in the last few days, I’m sure it hasn’t been easy.” Professor McGonagall sympathized.

“But believe me, I would like nothing more than to sign the oath—I would rather fight bound to my honor and to a blood oath than to anyone I didn’t trust.” Remus smiled, and handed her the parchment and quill. For a moment she looked at the quill, and then she sighed. One thing about muggles: pens were much easier to use than feathers! Nevertheless, she quickly pricked her finger, and scrawled her name out in her own scarlet blood.

“Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Lily Evans. Are you ready for your first assignment?”

“I am.” *