Chapter Seven: Muggle Eyes and Ears

*The moment Lily appeared in her apartment, she felt as though she should throw herself onto her bed. She felt as though she should cry her eyes out, that she should rush to pack and leave as quickly as humanly possible. But… she stayed still.

It was as if she were frozen in place. Yes, James had hurt her terribly. In fact, she literally could feel her heart aching with the dull pain of breakage as she thought about him. Closing her eyes, she let her mind trace over her memories. She could vividly remember his face- the calm, original smile he had given her, the sincerity that had shone so deeply in his chocolaty dark eyes, the soft, silky texture of his pitch locks, every little detail. She could remember his quirks- adjusting his glasses when he was tired, running his hands through his hair when he was thinking, hiding behind humor when he was frightened.

And all of this told her that she loved him; how could she ever leave him? But! If he loved her as he had once proclaimed, why didn’t he show it anymore? Or even say it? He treated her worse than dirt. The thought that James had shunned her stung more deeply than any remark ever made by any living soul she had ever met. Not even Petunia’s cutting remarks had made her bleed so deeply.

Suddenly Lily felt very dirty. She felt ill, as if she had been tainted with a vile poison. She had been taken advantage of, used! No matter her freakishness, no one had any right to use her this way. This was the reason she had shut herself off from contact her first five and a half years at Hogwarts, and now that she opened up, this was what she got in return? No. She shook her head. It was not going to happen this way. She hated humans- never mind that she herself was one.

Humans were a thoughtless and greedy race. They were a vain, self-indulgent species that infested the Earth much in the way a virus might and ate away at it and the others creatures living in it until there was nothing left. Lily felt as if the humans had sucked the life out of her. The feeling of disgust and utter fear shot through her and up her spine. Goosebumps appeared on her skin.

And James Potter was the worst human of all! He was the greediest, most vain, most self-indulgent and thoughtless human on the face of the planet! She wanted to get as far away from him as possible. With that, Lily finally forced herself to move. Quickly, she transfigured an empty box into a suitcase and began to throw her clothing into it as fast as possible.

“Lils?” Lily whipped her head of red hair around and her eyes landed on Arabella and Sirius, who stood in the doorway of her room.

“Hello.” She barely whispered. Where had her voice gone? The one that had been so hell-bent upon leaving?

“What are you doing?” Ara asked her friend.

“Packing to leave.”

“Going on a trip Lily?” Sirius grinned doggishly.

“I’m going to visit my relatives.” Lily spoke before she thought. Well, Petunia was better than James, wasn’t she?

“Sounds like fun!” Sirius chuckled. Arabella elbowed him and glared.

“Lily, your only relatives are Petunia and Vernon. You don’t like them.”

“I like them a lot more than I like James.” Lily muttered.

“What?” Sirius squawked. “What’s wrong with Prongs?”

“Sirius!” Ara hissed. Then she looked at him strangely. “One day you are going to have to tell me where you two came up with those ridiculous nicknames. Prongs, Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail? Were you drunk?” Sirius blushed deeply.

“Yeah, someday. Back to the situation at hand?” He prompted her.

“Oh, yeah. Lily, look, whatever James did this time, I’m sure he has a reasonable explanation.”

“Really? You think so?” Lily suddenly grew angry and her voice rose three octaves. “So the fact that he stood me up again tonight to work on his paperwork can be explained? Maybe. But the fact that after we were attacked by Death-Eaters in the restaurant and when he showed up he cared more about finding out what happened than helping the hurt people? Or than making sure that I, his fiancée, was safe? That cannot be explained as hard as he can try!”

“Death-Eaters?” Both her friends gasped. “Are you alright?”

“Fine. I’m fine. Which James would know if he had asked!”

“Lily, maybe he was just caught up in the moment. I mean, he can be passionate about his work…” Sirius babbled.

“Yes. I know he can be passionate- he used to be passionate about me! I don’t know him anymore; he isn’t my James, he’s an imposter with an addiction to his work.”

“Lily, maybe James was on his way, and he was late and flustered, and…”

“I had to send someone to get him at the Ministry. Trust me, he wasn’t even aware that we had dinner tonight. In fact, when he showed up at the restaurant, he asked me why I was there, as if I had done something wrong by going out on my own! He can’t both ignore me and be possessive of me, it doesn’t work that way! It’s either or, and he chose either.”

“Lily, you can’t be serious! James loves you! He loves you the way I love Ara! It’s unconditional! He’ll always love you until the day he dies!” Sirius shouted. “Just because he’s being a stubborn mule right now doesn’t mean he doesn’t care! You’re just going through a rough time, like me and Ara-”

“Ara and I.” Ara corrected him absentmindedly. Had he really just said what she thought he has just said? She knew she should be worried about Lily, she certainly didn’t want to see her best friend leave, but… Had Sirius really just said he still loved her?

“Ara and I,” Sirius instantly corrected himself after Ara had told him to, “and you can’t give up now, you just can’t!”

“Si, Ara, there’s nothing left for me. I love James too deeply, but he doesn’t care. I can’t face him again. Not yet at the very least. I just… need some time away from it all. I’m going to stay with my sister and brother-in-law for a while. I’ll write, I promise.”

“Please don’t go Lils. We need you here.” Ara whispered suddenly. “I can’t live without you. I need your advice. How am I supposed to tell Sirius that I still love him without you here to tell me how?” Tears threatened.

“You, you still love me Ara?” Sirius turned her full attention to the girl standing beside him. She looked at him too, then blushed deeply.

“Bad timing…” She whispered.

“Ara, why didn’t you say something? God… I’ve missed you so much…”

“I thought we had decided to be friends, and that if you didn’t want me like that, it was hopeless.” She whispered.

“I thought the same way. I tried to date those other girls, but… They don’t compare to you.”

“Si…” Ara sighed gently, reaching up to stroke his face. Lily regarded them silently, unable to move. They were so beautiful together, so deeply lost within each other that they knew of nothing else. It gave her hope that maybe humanity was not quite all corrupt… not yet at the very least. As she watched the two lovers embrace after the longest time apart, she nodded to them silently, grabbed her suitcase, and waved her wand.

This time Lily appeared on a familiar, beaten trail that led straight into a dark and twisted mass of tangled trees and vines. She traveled the path for a short distance, then looked up at the circular cottage which her dearest giant friend called home. Knocking politely on the door, she waited until she heard the deep rumbling of a heavy voice.

“Who’s out there?”

“It’s me Hagrid, Lily.” She softly called.

“Lily!” The door swung open and she was greeted by a large, toothy grin and a pair of hands that ushered her inside out of the pitch-blackness of the night. “I was just thinking about you Lily! Professor Dumbledore here was just asking about you!” He gossiped. Lily quickly searched the room, and found another robed form sitting by the fire in her favorite armchair.

“Hello Miss Evans. How nice it is to see you again.” He smiled warmly at her. Lily managed a small smile back.

“Professor Dumbledore, it’s nice to see you as well. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.” The older wizard stood the greet her, and Lily noticed his white beard had grown longer since the last time she had seen him.

“No, no, it’s quite all right my dear. We were just finishing up.” He assured her.

“Well, I only dropped by for a brief moment… I wanted to say my goodbyes.”

“Goodbyes Lily?” Hagrid scratched his scruffy beard. “What for?”

“I’m going back to the muggle world for a bit.”

“What?” Both Dumbledore and Hagrid spoke at once- Dumbledore out of surprise, Hagrid out of worry.

“Yes. I know it may seem rather sudden, but I decided I really miss it enough that I need a visit home. I’ll only be staying for a month or so. Or maybe forever. It really depends on how I feel after I’ve had my break.”

“You mean it depends on how long you can avoid James.” Hagrid narrowed his eyes. Lily averted her gaze to the floor and blushed.

“Where would you get an idea like that?”

“Lily, is something wrong between you and James?” Dumbledore gently asked, his gentle eyes narrowed in slight concern for her well-being.

“No, nothing for you to be concerned about.”

“Hogswallop Lily, and you know it! You yourself told me just the other day you were in here telling me that you felt he didn’t love you anymore, and that he was being a workaholic!”

“Hagrid, please. Don’t make this any more difficult than it already is. I’m done with him, and that’s all I’d care to say.”

“Lily, are you saying that you and James are breaking off your engagement?”

“I suppose so.” She whispered.

“I don’t understand Lily. I thought you were going to tell him what was going on?”

“I did!” She sobbed. “Oh, I tried to! We were supposed to meet for dinner at a fancy restaurant, and I was going to tell him, but he stood me up again. But while I was there we were attacked by Death-Eaters…”

“Death-Eaters?” Was the shocked yelp from both men.

“Yes. Ten of them. I took care of nine of them, the last ran… but when James got there, he wanted to know what had happened more than he wanted to help the people that had been cursed! So I told him right out front that I felt like I was being used, and what does he do? He starts getting angry at me! I’ve taken all that I can, and now… now I just want some time away from this world. I’m going away.” For a moment all was silent, both men digesting what she had said.

“Lily my dear, you cannot run from this world. You are who you are, and you belong here. I understand that you may be going through quite a difficult time, but running is not the answer.” Dumbledore finally spoke.

“He’s right Lily. You can’t hide. James won’t stand for it. He’ll find you.” Hagrid added. Lily snorted.

“He’ll be too busy hunting his Death-Eaters to think about me. I doubt he even noticed when I apparated in front of him.”

“Lily, you’re not being fair to James.” Hagrid warned her.

“Oh Hagrid, if you only knew what he is now… he isn’t the James that you knew! When was the last time he visited to catch up? He’s too busy… he’s lost track of everything but hunting and paperwork- I think I’m being plenty fair to him.”

“Lily, you are sure you wish to go back to the muggle world? Your use of magic will be strictly limited to being preformed within your own house… no outside performances for people…”

“I know, and I’m willing to live with that. I don’t want to stay forever really, I just need to get away and come back with a fresh prospective.” She sighed, lying through her teeth. She fully intended to leave and never return if at all possible. She was going to forget she was a witch.

“I forbid it! You can’t go! I won’t let you! Them muggles is dangerous Lily!”

“Now, now Hagrid. Lily is an adult, and fully capable of making her own decisions regarding where and how she wishes to live. But Lily, I do have one final request of you.”

“Yes Professor?”

“Just before you arrived, Hagrid and I were discussing Lord Voldemort-”

“Professor!” Hagrid hissed, fearful of the name uttered. Dumbledore simply continued.

“And we were thinking that perhaps we should send an auror out into the muggle world and see how much the muggles know about the situation.”

“Yes?” Lily listened carefully.

“Well, since you seem to be headed to the muggle world, and you’ve not only taken the training needed to become an auror, but have also had experience in dealing with Death-Eaters, I thought perhaps you might be my spy, my muggle eyes and ears on Voldemort’s movements.”

“Professor… maybe you should get someone with more experience, or another auror. You want me to spy on the muggles for Voldemort’s activity?”

“You’re the best candidate. And it won’t interfere greatly into your muggle life… all you’ll need to do is owl me a weekly report on how things are going.”

“Well…”

“Please?” The last please melted through Lily’s tough exterior.

“Alright Professor, I’ll do it.”

“Wonderful.” The Professor’s eyes twinkled, and Lily smiled a tiny smile.

“Well, I’d better get going If I want to get to Petunia’s before it’s so late that it would be rude to show tonight.”

“Lily you can’t go!” Hagrid cried. She gave him a large bear hug.

“I’m sorry Hagrid, I have to.” She told him, holding back tears. “But I’ll write, I promise. But please, don’t tell James where I am. Promise me?”

“Lily…”

“Promise!” She begged.

“I don’t…”

“Please Hagrid. I can’t see him.” She cried. He sighed and his large shoulders slumped.

“Alright, I promise not to tell James.”

“Thank you Hagrid.” She nodded. With one final small smile, she waved her wand and disappeared.

“Professor, how could you let her just leave like that?” Hagrid immediately began.

“But I didn’t. She’ll be forced to keep up on current events and such with the magic world because of the job I gave her. She’ll always write, and we’ll always know where she is. It was an ingenious idea, if I do say so myself- certainly one of my more brilliant ones.” He smiled, his soft blue gray eyes sparkling.

“I suppose so. I still miss her though.” Hagrid grumbled. But he kept his other thoughts to himself, already knowing in his heart Lily had done what she needed to do, and that she would eventually return. He would just have to wait it out. *