Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
***
Bright flashes. Those bright shadows. Where am I? What....who are these figures? It hurts! My eyes...the light hurts me eyes! That sound....what is that sound?! It's all muffled....they're speaking...I think. I can't make out their words. Turn off the lights please!
Toad swung his head to one side. His breathing was heavy...strained....high pitched squeaks escaped him. That nightmare again! He tossed to his other side, gripping at his pillow He grit his teeth and hid his eyes with one arm.
Why is the light bright? Where am I? It...hurts my eyes! My face! What's on my face?! The air...it tastes funny....get it off! Turn them off!
Toad let out a groan and began to "paw" at his face, trying to remove the object in his nightmare. His relentless tossing and turning made him shift to the edge of the bed. His whimpering became louder as he continued.
What are they doing? What are they? Are they people? Aliens? What the hell?! What are they saying...they....they're looking at me...why...WHY?! Where am I?! OFF!!!! No...no! Water...water....no..not water...WHAT IS THIS STUFF! I can't breathe! I need air! Let me out!!!
A loud scream and down he went, dropping on the floor, jolting awake and throwing the pillow that had been smothering him. He was wet...covered with sweat from his workout. He still breathed hard and wiped the sweat off his face.....and the tears. This nightmare would haunt him every once in a while...it always made him wake up in a cold sweat only to cry.
A head poked in...bald save a blond mohawk. " Toad? You okay?" He somehow knew he wouldn't get an answer...he was unsure how to react, seeing Toad wrapped tightly in his blanket, his boxers and undershirt soaked from sweat, his hair flat from the same...his face buried in a pillow in tears.
" Toad?"
" Go away," his voice squeezed through his sobs. Blob entered and walked over to him. Toad had no realization of the world around him anymore...just this teenie tiny space of twisted blanket and pillow. However, he had attracted more attention. Lance was next to peek in with Pietro and Wanda following after.
" Hey," Lance called in, " Is he gonna be okay?" Blob's response was a shrug.
***
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming....Confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling....I can't seem.....
***
" He looks awful," Wanda whispered to Lance. Boy, was she ever right. It had been 4 days since Toad had slept a whole night through. The nightmares were persistant and repetitive. But, because Toad was unable to sleep a whole night through, it meant the others were woken up time and time again...but they had more sleep than he did on a whole. Four nights since he was able to sleep a whole night.....three since he even slept at all. He looked terrible as a result.
He was quiet...seemingly falling mute since Blob found him that night. Dark rings formed around his eyes. His eyes were bloodshot and he had a terrible frown. It was as if he had cried for 4 days straight...and would have continued to do so, if there were any more water in his body to make tears. He seemed dead to the world, reacting only slightly but never acknowledging anyone the way he used to.
The guys stood behind Wanda, whispering to her...urging her to get his attention.
" Why me?" She asked.
" Because he LIKES you, Wanda," Pietro insisted. " Do something...talk to him...touch him. He'll drool all over you, but at least he'll be the same ol' Toad."
Wanda frowned and sighed. She nodded however and walked up behind Toad, placing both hands on his shoulders and leaning in from behind.
" Hey, you can relax now. It was just a bad dream is all. Not like any of that stuff could actually happen."
Toad swallowed with a small sound escaping his throat. He would have cried if he could. But he lowered his head and shut his eyes instead. His breathing made it very clear that he wasn't sleeping any time soon.
" Toad....Todd....you can't go ON like this!" Wanda scolded. " You're only hurting yourself!"
" Y'know...." Pietro spoke up, " As much as I hate to admit it...maybe we need some stronger help. If Wanda can't snap him out of it...none of us can."
" I can throw him against a wall," Blob suggested.
" Mmmaybe..."
" That's just cruel!" Lance scolded them both.
" Any better ideas?!" Pietro hissed back. Blob nodded and walked over to Toad, pushing Wanda out of the way and lifting the small mutant from the chair. Toad was better off as a ragdoll, making no fight. He was limp in Blob's arms.
" You can't do that," Wanda scolded. " Look at him...you'll hurt him!"
" That...." escaped Toad's lips, " ...stop...yelling. Hurts."
Blob laid Toad on the floor as Wand knelt beside him, " What hurts, Toad?"
" Head.......eyes.....bright light." Toad squinted his eyes, blocking the sunlight by shading his eyes with his hand.
Pietro didn't even need the cue from Wanda to zip about the house drawing the shades shut. She glanced at him again, " Is that better?" He didn't reply...just covered his face with his hands and rolled over slowly onto his back. " Those sounds....make them stop."
" What sounds?" Wanda looked around for anything that could be considered noise. Nothing was on. No television, no radio...Lance didn't have his jeep running. What sounds could he be talking about?
" Stop.....make it stop...make it stop..." His voice grew louder as he began to flail, " Stopit! Makeitstop! Makeitstop!!!! STOP!!!!"
Pietro and Wanda hovered over him and held him down as he seeemd to convulse, screaming for this unknown sound to stop. The touch however only seemed to infuriate him more, making him scream and attempt to flail harder. Toad was unaware of the strength he possessed, which he used to fling Pietro into the wall several feet away and knock Wanda over. He was left there to turn and scream these sounds away. Blob tried his turn...holding him down.
" Snap out of it, Little Buddy!" He scolded. Toad glanced up at him....and Blob gasped. That was not the look he usually looked with. It was so blank...he... " He's not even here?!"
" What?!" Lance growled.
" He must be asleep!" Wanda hissed from the carpet.
" He looks wide awake to me," Lance replied.
" His brain shut off."
" Speaking of brain," Blob interrupted, " what about Pietro?"
Lance ran over to Pietro slumped by the wall. A groan of pain alerted Lance that Pietro was fine. Hurt more in the pride than anything else...and luckily so.
***
...To find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence
I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before
So insecure
***
" What are they doing here?" Scott asked quietly. Evan turned and scowled.
" Maximoff! This is a no B zone!"
Pietro narrowed his eyes and swiftly approached Evan, " Look, Daniels, I'm in a VERY bad mood!"
" Hit your head?" Scott asked. Pietro didn't reply but pressed the ice pack more firmly on his head.
" What you got there?" Kitty chimed in, glancing at a figure in a dark cloak. The hood was draped almost like a bag over its head. Wanda was silent a moment. She had been on one side of Toad {the figure}, holding him up and making sure the hood didn't get too high.
" We are in some DEEP trouble. Where's Jean?"
" She's in the Ladies' Room," Kitty replied. " What's going on?"
" Not here. Dark place. It's too bright out here."
Jean met Kitty, the boys and the Brotherhood in the school cellar. She didn't seem too surprised about the cloaked figure. The others however gasped to see Wanda pull the hood from Toad. He swiftly looked around as though something were after him.
" You look terrible.." Scott spat before he thought about it.
" Moreso than usual," Evan chimed in.
" People....I hear people again....where...." Toad began to back away, staring blankly at everyone. Jean stepped forward, " Toad, it's us." She reached out to touch his arm. He let out a yelp and swatted at her.
" Go away! What do you want?! Who ARE you people?!" He began to look around, breathing heavy again, " Those sounds...." he brought his hands to his ears and grit his teeth, " I hear those sounds again...where are they coming from....STOP!"
Everyone seemed to look at eachother in confusion. Jean sent herself into his mind. Immediately she fell to her knees, " It's so bright!"
" Jean!" Scott called, running to her side.
" Scott, it's so bright," her eyes were shut tight. " That swishing sound....the thumps....like...."
" Like what?"
" It sounds...like an ultrasound...almost....except....through earphones."
" Is that the sound he's been yakking about?" Pietro hissed. " That's supposed to be soothing."
" No," Jean whispered, " there's beeping too. And tapping. Its so annoying."
Toad glanced at Jean. " You hear it too?"
Everyone swiftly turned to face him. Toad crawled over to Jean and took her arms, " What is it? What is that sound?"
" I...don't know, Toad." She stammered, taking hold of his arms in return.
" Maybe the professor can help him?" Evan suggested.
" Great, party at the X-House," Lance muttered.
***
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
***
" So...can you help him?" Lance asked, feeling exhausted.
" First and foremost, he need some rest." Xavier replied. Everyone had made themselves comfortable as they waited for restults.
" If he were able to rest, we wouldn't be here." Pietro spat.
Xavier motioned for him to calm down, " I understand how you feel, Pietro. But, I won't be able to do very much in the state he's in. He needs to get some rest."
" Gonna give him lotsa morphine?" Blob asked.
" We'll definately give him a sedative," Xavier replied. He smiled. " Jean, were you able to identify anything?"
Jean sighed, " It was like...I dunno. Like being in a hospital....but I couldn't see anything. The lights were so bright."
" Strange. I wonder why he'd dream about that."
" Toad's sensitive to light we've noticed," Lance spoke up, thinking maybe the bit of info might help out. He certainly got some attention. " He doesn't like bright light anyway. But after these nightmares, he's been throwing horrible fits about bright light. He's been screaming out like someone is poking his eyes out or something. He says it hurts."
" How realistic," Xavier muttered to himself. " Hopefully he'll be able to explain a little once he gets some sleep. We've got him hooked up to a monitor. Beast will keep vigilance over him."
" Finally," Beast sighed, glancing at the monitor. Toad's heart rate had been sky high, encouraged by his rapid panicked breathing. Toad had protested violently to being hooked up to the I.V. and to having all those things poked at him and stuck on him. Beast felt it important though, since he needed to be checked. After three injections of a sedative plus the I.V. of a drip-dose of the same medication, Toad's heart rate dropped to a normal pace and his breathing was slow and normal....signifying sleep. He looked so comfortable, one hand under the pillow pressing it against his face. Not a sign in the world there was any problem.
~ " Have you made a decision?" Came a female voice followed by a tap on the glass. That face....somehow it was familiar, but he never remembered ever seeing this person before. Through some type of liquid he was able to peer out at this individual...it was blurred, but he saw that pink thing tapping the glass....pencil eraser.
" Mark this one down, Nurse."
" Something special about this one?"
" They're all special, Nurse," the man replied. " This one....he has a defect. Mark him as defective."
" Should we release him then?"
" Nonsense. It's the others we have to release after monitoring. The defective ones stay behind for further testing."
" Defect reason, Sir?"
" An imbalance....severe chemical imbalance."
" Easily treated, Sir."
" Nonsense. He'll be fine. We'll keep a close eye on him. Mark this tank and continue. Put him in the second nursery after he's complete."~
***
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting....reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting. How I can't seem....
***
A slight change in the beeping rhythim alerted Beast to look up from his book. He glanced at the monitor. A slight increase in heart rate. He glanced at Toad to find him twitch here and there. He felt sorry for the boy. Nightmares were no fun. Still, nothing looked too dangerous. These were normal nightmare changes. A sudden gasp of air from him though...that made him concerned.
Toad began to whimper, as if trying to make words. Beast scratched his chin. The heart rate began to increase...the breathing got heavier.
=Professor= he sent mentally =he's beginning to react negatively.=
=Keep an eye on him and wake him if it gets too dangerous.= He sent back.
Beast gave a nod and kept an eye on Toad as he began to react to his nightmare. The gasps for air and the twitching...it was unnerving.
***
...To find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a trance of confidence
I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before
So insecure
***
What are they doing now? The watery stuff...it's gone. That...woman...she was with that guy. Where am I now?
Toad gritted his teeth. A new background. He didn't like the change. At least he knew what to expect from the other place.
~ " Looks like you'll be here longer than we originally thought," The nurse said to him. She patted Toad on the head and forced a shirt over his head, messing the little bit of fine hair he had on his head. It was white. Why did everything have to be white? Everything was blurry...so bright in these cold halls. Welcome was the dim light of the nursery. But, it wasn't as he would have imagined. Somehow this wasn't right. He glanced up at the nurse who set him in a white crib. No, this wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to feel this way. It was too hard...red sheets with ugly tractor wheels on them. A flat pillow. White walls with baby toy animals bordered along them. A plain clock hung on the wall.
He peeked through the bars of the crib, seeing several other cribs. They were marked funny. These were Roman letters....why couldn't Toad read them? Understand them? He opened his mouth wide, but only baby noises came from him. He was swiftly silenced with a pacifier.
=Look at them all= He heard a voice speak subconsciously. = There's so many. Why are they here? At least a dozen....named and tagged...as though they were some group of lab rats.=
Lab rats? I know these people. They were in those watery things next to me. Robert Omber....he's in the next crib. Latoya Black....she's on the other side of me. Is this our order? They're always in this position. Nurse? Why is she here again? Why am I here?~
***
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
***
~ " Let's take a look at you, Miss Latoya," the nurse smiled, picking up the black baby girl with the tight fuzzy black braids tied with pink yarn. Toad watched through the bars of his crib. Nurse carried her to the table across the room. What was that? She pulled out a needle and rolled up the sleeve of the young mutant black girl. They were all mutants....seemingly born and ranched with them. This wasn't considered a defect in this place.
The clack of the pacifier hitting the ground alerted him as Latoya began to scream from the injection. Did it really hurt? Did it burn? Was she just scared? Communication was so limited among them that even when she was back in her crib Toad couldn't speak. He peered up at Nurse who looked at her chart. She smiled down at Toad and picked him up.
" Todd Tolansky, you're next, hun."
=Next? Next for what?=
She set him on the table and felt for his meatiest spot. Toad was rather scrawny. He had meat but was a wee bit thinner than the other babies in this nursery...or both nurseries put together in all honesty. He glanced wearily at her, ready for sleep and finding more comfort in the dim light than those bright lab lights.
That needle again....what was that yellow stuff in it. Nurse squeezed his arms and legs. She sighed, " Looks like we'll have to use an artery instead."
=Artery? For?=
She tested the sterile needle and turned Toad's head. He had pudgey cheeks, perhaps one of his meatier parts. She felt under his jaw where his head met his throat. She felt for that beating which he felt pulsating back. It would almost be soothing if she didn't do it so hard. The tip met it's mark...and was in. Toad was initially still, whimpering his objection. She was so slow in giving injections. It was already taking effect before she had finished the last drop.~
Ow. It's kinda tingley....what a strange sensati.....My god! It's beginning to itch...burn...BURN! IT HURTS!!! What is it?! It hurts....my veins are on FIRE!!!
Beast grabbed onto Toad who flailed about, screaming at the top of his lungs, yelling out his objections to being touched by the nurse in his nightmare. She was too rough and not compassionate enough...and this stuff...what was it anyway?
" Todd! Todd!" Beast yelled. He glanced at the monitor beeping wildly that it even sparked.
=Professor!= Beast sent a distressed mental call. = I can't wake him up!=
The distress alerted everyone with Xavier's expression. Amazing how fast everyone was able to rush to the bedside and gasp at Toad's convulsions and fits and breathlessness between screams of pain.
***
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing...confusing what is real...
***
~ " Doctor! He's having a negative reaction!" The nurse screamed. The commotion triggered the babies in the second nursery to all become fussy and upset. Toad however, he flailed about on the table screaming as if he was being skinned alive and bleached. The doctor ran in and examined him...or at least tried to.
" Bring the emergency elixir, stat!"
The nurse was off in a flash to get the anti-whatever it was she had given Toad. That bright light! There it was again! The doctor had it! What was he looking at?! What was happening?!
The nurse returned and handed the needle to the doctor who swiftly injected the stuff into Toad. It was 45 minutes before the pain had dulled enough for him to quiet down.
" Prepare the equipment for testing, Nurse. Record results. Allergic reactions. Other side-effects unknown at this time. Preparing subject T-3: Todd Tolansky for follow-up examination."~
***
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming....
Confusing what is real
***
" Bright lights! Those lights! They hurt!" Toad yelled throwing his arms over his already tightly closed eyes. " Don't do anymore! It hurts!"
Beast did his best to try and wake him up. Nothing was working...he was in too deep. The teenage mutants could do nothing more but watch in utter horror at these violent reactions to what was underestimated as a harmless nightmare.
~ " Interesting reactions. How did subject T-4: Latoya Black react?" The doctor asked, examing Toad who sat in his diaper on the cold steel table of the medlab. He still sniffled his objection to the treatments and elixers and medicines.
" Not as violently as he did, Sir. Normal reaction from infants given needles."
" How many injections has she had?"
" Six since we began her study, Sir."
" T-4 is blind, isn't she?"
" Yes sir, she was diagnosed as blind about a week ago. We don't know how it slipped."
The doctor sighed and slumped back, " Note...don't use it anymore. We can't risk all of them."
" Sir?"
" Tests conclude Formula 647 causes eye problems in a swift amount of time. Subject T-3: Todd Tolansky's vision has diminished. Pupils indicate a rapid reaction to light not present in original testing. Did T-4 show signs of discoloration?"
" No, Sir."
" Subject T-3 shows signs of iris and pupil discoloration. Pupils black to green....iris brown to olive. Possible risk of cataracts later in life." The doctor...smiled? " Provided of course his mutation doesn't adapt or correct the problem."
The nurse took the notes, " Diminished vision via sensitivity to light and discoloration of eye-'s make-up. Increased chance of cataracts. Hypothesis of current situation: mutations already developing in infancy will evolve and adapt to sudden handicap."~
***
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling....
Confusing what is real
***
Toad shot awake and would have surely fallen from his bed had not there been rails there.
" Thank goodness!" Beast sighed with relief. " We tried everything to wake you up."
Toad glanced at the crowd blankly, perhaps moreso confused. " Mirror."
" Pardon?" From Beast.
" Mirror."
Blank and confused stares about the room. Kitty pulled a mirror from her pocket and handed it to Toad, who looked at his own face. He ran his fingers along his eye and trembled. " Discoloration," he whispered, " Brown to olive. Black to green. Forumla....647.....Vision Poison."
" What is he talking about?" Pietro snapped. Wanda cast him a glare that silenced him at once.
" Todd," Xavier called to him, " is there anything you can tell me about this nightmare."
" I...." He glanced sorrowfully at Xavier, " I've...been there before."
" Where?"
He lowered his head...tears beginning to steam down his face, " It hurt..." he whispered. He brought a hand to his face, covering one side, moreso over his eye as he began to sob, " I...had...brown eyes."
TO BE CONTINUED...
