It seemed like the perfect thing for you and me
It's so ironic you're what I had pictured you to be
But there are facts in our lives we can never change
Just tell me that you understand and feel the same
***
" Toad, hurry up!" Pietro called up the stairs. " Hell had to freeze over for Principal Kelly to let us back in school and I'm not about to let you screw it up!"
" Lay off, Pietro," Lance sighed, tired of hearing the motor-mouth.
" Why don't you just run to school and we'll catch up in the jeep."
Pietro didn't need a second offer and he was out the door. Wanda stepped from the kitchen and frowned, " He always like that?"
" Damn near," Lance replied.
" Toad, what's taking so long?!" Blob called up. Toad came bounding down the stairs with a pop tart in his mouth and struggling with the windbreaker jacket. It was definately a crisp late Autumn day outside. He simply nodded to them, unable to speak with that thing in his mouth.
With that, they hurried into Lance's jeep and began the drive. Blob turned and noticed Toad looked a little different that morning and frowned,
" Toad, you're turning purple."
" Eh?" He had finally finished his breakfast. " I'm cold, that's all, Yo. Don't have the best circulation for cold weather."
" Cold doesn't bother me." Blob smiled.
" Course not," Lance called back. " Blubber."
That day seemed to go by rather quickly. It was lunch time before they knew it and they were quick to meet outside before going their separate ways. Pietro liked to flirt with the girls, Blob usually sat with Toad, but today sat by himself. Lance often sat with Kitty. Wanda looked around. She'd not really made any friends and everyone pretty much got on her nerves and the places she thought about sitting, the girls would give her the cold shoulder.
She noticed Toad sitting under a tree and scowled. No matter. She sat beside him quietly. She almost felt as though he didn't notice. But, he lifted his glance from the book...yes...the book he was reading and then returned to it. All the signs needed to prove he had noticed. She looked down at the jacket he was sitting on. An apple....was that all he was eating? Toad usually had a larger appetite it seemed. She had expected him to eat more...and then bound about campus hunting for bugs. Every few minutes, he'd sniff. She thought very little of it. After all, it wasn't a medical alert if someone sniffed back the build-up. Everyone did it. But he was awfully quiet. He seemed very entranced in the book he had...he didnt even touch the apple.
" What you reading?" Wanda asked, finally hating the silence.
" Thief of Always."
" Any good?"
" Pretty good."
" Something wrong?"
Toad lifted his gaze to her again and thought, shaking his head, " No. Why?"
" You just don't seem like yourself today."
Toad stayed quiet and with no expression though inside he was amazed Wanda had noticed anything about him. It meant she had indeed been paying attention to him despite her attitude. This attitude bothered her a lot....he could see it in her face. Concern. She was honestly converned? He almost thrived on it...and disbelieved it. Wishful thinking was what he dismissed it as and returned to the book.
He cleared his throat. Wanda glanced over at him. He sniffled and coughed. She offered him her drink, thinking perhaps his throat was dry or he was choking one...something...spit or something. He accepted the offer. Orange juice...his tightly shut his eyes after drinking and began to cough heavily.
" You okay."
" Fine," His voice was forced out. Very hoarse and scratchy. The tears formed on his face from his efforts. He wasn't crying but the force from his coughing made his eyes watery.
" Don't die on me. As much as we beat on you, none of us want to be responsible for killing you."
He cast her a semi-offended glance. It made her look away. Perhaps she could have said something a little different.
***
This perfect romance that I've created in my mind
I'd live a thousand lives each one with you right by my side
But yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance
And so it seems like we'll never have the chance
***
Toad sat on the couch in the den, looking through his text books. Big biology book. In fact, the thickest text book Wanda could even imagine for a school to use. She had been watching him...at least...when no one was watching HER. Papers EVERYWHERE on that coffee table. Whatever he was working on, it must have been serious.
" Toad, you're making a mess!" Pietro shot out. He reached down ready to swipe the entire pile of scattered papers and text book to the floor. However, he felt the horrible shock which was so familiar. The next thing he knew, he was slumped in the corner.
" Wanda, what's the big deal?!"
" Leave him alone, he's doing homework." Wanda scolded, " Y'know, the samee thing YOU should be doing!"
" I'll get to it."
" It'll take you ten goddam minutes, Pietro! For Pete's sake, are you ever gonna chance?"
" Hey, I..."
The sound of a slam cut him off. They both looked to see Toad picking up his text book overflowing with his notes, grab his backpack in the other hand and walk silently past them. The expression itself spit venom.
" Where are you going?" Wanda asked. Toad turned to her, still with a viscious expression, " I'm really not in the mood for all this noise. I'm going to my room where I can have a little quiet."
With that, he turned and skipped up to his room and shut the door. It left the twins dumbfounded. Within his room, a part of Toad scolded him. Wanda has become very interested in him recently. He wondered if she noticed that he noticed. It was a good chance to take the advantage. He shook his head and turned on the radio. He played Motzart....Canon in D. It was a quiet and relaxing piece. He wondered why he never played his Classical collection more often. Oh yes, he remembered...he was afraid of being teased more than he already was. It wouldn't do for the Toad to come off as a prissy articulate.
=I have nothing else.= He thought to himself. =Play the part of jerk in public...but when I'm alone...when no one's looking....I can be who I am deep down. The me I hide in my desperate attempt to fit in. The submissive one. The pushover. Who wouldn't want a toadie to hang around with? The dupe.= He looked towards his closet and the towards the door. He unfolded his legs, as he was sitting crossed-legged on his bed and made way for the closet, pulling out a dictionary.
=I see. Toadie: {n} a person who praises and is artificially pleasant to people in authority, usually in order to get some advantage from them.= That was Toad to a tee. Some good it did him.
He brought a hand to his forehead and sighed. He had been feeling very light-headed lately. He had dismissed it often the previous week as nervousness and over-determination. He had promised himself that he'd do better academically. If he couldn't be true any other way, he'd at least be an educated fool. You don't have to be beautiful or well-loved to be an educated money-maker. He'd grown very tired of being considered the stupid one...next to Blob. But Blob's uneducated manner was his own problem. If he had nothing else, he'd have his academics. He'd take courses to greatly challenge his mind and abilities. His mind was so underworked and finally it was catching up to him, causing unbridled boredom which seemed to effect his mood in such a horrible way. He'd been rather unpleasant the past couple weeks from his boredom and hum drum routine.
No one noticed....Wanda...she was only recently noticing. Toad had been spending a great deal of time in the library, reading up on many subjects. Mostly biology-type things and technical topics. It paid off swiftly. No one had even noticed that the clock on the mantel in the den was working. It had been idle for almost 4 months. He had read up on the workings and took the clock apart when no one was home...and repaired it.
Perhaps he was overwhelming himself? He had over 30 books he borrowed from the library and at least 4 extra notebooks outside from the ones he had from school filled with notes.
He cleared his throat again. It was dry and scratchy, causing him to cough. He glanced at his clock. Only six. Yet, he felt as though it were 3 am. He finally wrapped up his assignment and headed downstairs, seeking the tylenol and hot tea.
He took the pills and waited for the water to get hot, taking it out and mixing a spoonful of honey. Lance happened in and eyed him curiously. Toad's mood was of course no better.
" What?!" He spat, sending Lance back a few steps, startled by the loud defense. " Am I not allowed in my own kitchen?!"
Lance raised his hands, " Cool it, Dude. I just didn't expect to see you in here."
" Y'know, you need to check your attitude," Pietro chimed in, hearing the spat from the den. Toad shot him a venomous glance. Seemed everything involving Pietro involved venom from him.
" EXCUSE me!" He spat. " I forgot, I'm supposed to be the happy-go-lucky one. I'm not a worthy human being like the rest of you!"
" What is your problem?!" Lance accused. Toad shook his head and emptied the mug of tea.
" Forget it. I'm going to bed."
" It's only 6:15," Blob announced.
" So?!"
" Sooooo," Blob stepped back, " Uhm...good night?"
***
Aint it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't move on even though you try
Aint it strange when your feeling things you shouldn't feel
Oh, I wish this could be real...
***
It was 1:25 am. Wanda woke up and rested on her back for a long time...contimplating just how bad she had to pee. Not bad...she could wait another hour if she had to...but she'd never get back to sleep now that she was awake. She got up and put on her robe. She wasn't taking any chances of the boys spotting her in just her skimpy scarlet silk nightie with the spagetti strings. It was evident as she walked down the hall that everyone must have gone to bed at a decent hour. Perhaps around 10 or 11, save Toad.
She stepped into the bathroom and gasped, seeing Toad slumped on the floor, resting his head on the edge of the tub.
" Toad?" She flicked on the lights...killing the effect of the night-light.
" DAMMIT!" He spat, covering his face, " Turn that damn thing off!"
The force in his voice startled her and she was quick to flick it back off. She stepped over to him. Even with the dim light, she could see his tortured expression. She looked him over. Pajama pants. White...blue vertical stripes. Like he needed to make his legs look any longer. It was hard to notice though since he was scrunched up.
He knew why she was there and began to force himself up.
" Are you okay?"
" Fine," he muttered. He used the wall for support.
" Are you sure?"
" I said I'm FINE!" He spat at her. She jumped back, startled. The glowing eyes glanced directly into her face. However she could sense that it wasn't anger but frustration. She somehow knew he was very uncomfortable...which perhaps contributed to his moodiness lately. He turned away, " I'm sorry. I'm just not used to everyone fussing over me."
Wanda opened her mouth to call after him, but decided not to aggitate him further. She frowned after his exit. Perhaps it was just the lighting...but he didn't look that great at all.
***
Aint it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right
Aint it strange how fate can play a part
In the story of your heart
***
" You should have stayed home today, Toad," Wanda whispered to him at his locker. He didn't even look at her but swallowed hard. The rings around his eyes were dark.
" It's our second day back, Wanda."
" So? Not your fault."
She looked over her shoulder. No sign of the rest of the Brotherhood...no sign of the X-Men and she didn't even know the rest of the people. She placed a hand on Toad's shoulder and frowned, " I know you keep insisting that you're feeling fine, but you don't look fine."
Toad jerked away and glanced angrily at her, " Until you can show me your medical license....DON'T analyze me."
With that, he turned and stormed off to his next class. Wanda frowned and watched him walk off...she stayed perfectly still until she was pulled from her thoughts by Pietro, " Wanda...let's go. We're gonna be late."
" Todd, are you listening?" Toad shot up and noticed everyone staring at him. The teacher tapped on his desk and eyeballed him. " Can you answer my question?"
Toad swam swiftly through his thoughts. " Uhm...I'd have to say....acidacillic acid?"
" Lucky guess, Tolansky. Try keeping awake during my class, alright?" The teacher walked away, " Exactly. Acidacillic acid...white willow tree bark....asprin...."
Toad glanced at his notes, semi-droning out the voice. Asprin didn't sound like a bad idea at this point.
" Tolansky," He turned to see Evan. What did that X-freak want? " I bet I destroy you. Weight room today."
Toad eyed him impatiently. He began to walk dominantly towards him, almost in a threatening motion, cornering Evan against the wall. He grabbed the gym shirt and lifted Evan from the floor.
" I couldn't give a rats ass how much or how little your max is. I'm not your rival. Do I friggin LOOK LIKE PIETRO?!"
The coach blew his whistle and separated the two in a hurry, and breaking up the chanting crowd. " Alright, you two. Break it up. Who started this?"
Toad backed up but didn't take his eyes off Evan. Somehow he didn't like the feeling of that stare. He wondered if Toad was gonna eat him or something. " It's okay, Coach. Got a little carried away is all."
" Try to keep your feet on the ground then. I'll be watching both of you."
***
Sometimes I think that a true love could never be
I just believe that somehow it wasn't meant for me
Life can be cruel in a way that I can't explain
And I don't think that I could face it all again
***
" Get away from me," Toad hissed as Wanda came close to him. He'd been leaning forward against a tree for some time, now caring about his surroundings.
" No," she said flatly. " You can't keep going on like this."
" Why do you care?"
Those words hurt. Despite how she acted in public, she didn't HATE him. She didn't really ADORE him either. She tolerated him and often thought about this endless devotion he had towards her. Yet, lately, he was short even with her.
" Why do you have to be so cruel?" She asked quietly, fighting the urge to yell at him.
Toad didn't answer. Probably because he didn't have one suitable enough to give. He staggered sideways and would have fallen hard to the grass had not Wanda caught him. " Todd!"
He glanced up at her slowly, " You called me by my name."
" I did?" She was so surprised she hadn't realized that she had used his first name. " I'm taking you home."
" I...have a test..."
" Make it up," Wanda scolded. She picked him up, allowing him to use her as a crutch. " I don't even need a thermometer, Toad. I can feel a high fever just like this. You look like ass."
" Gee, you're a basket of roses too," he scowled.
It didn't take much to convince the principal to let them go. It was obvious that he wasn't faking it. Toad objected often but Wanda ignored him, dragging him home and tossing him onto the sofa.
" You need some rest."
" I..." he tried to stand up. But she pushed him back down.
" Rest. You keep pushing yourself and you're gonna be in worse shape than you are now. And I can't stand the attitude as is."
After much battle, Wanda finally won her case and set him up. He refused to watch television, finding even the slightest of noises made his whole head hurt. He tried once again to argue...waiting for her to return...only to fall asleep from his effort.
She smiled when she returned, " Bout damn time. I thought he'd never stop fighting."
***
I barely know you but somehow I know what you're about
A deeper love I've found in you, and I no longer doubt
You've touched my heart and it altered every plan I've made
And now I feel that I don't have to feel afraid
***
Wanda was like a warden when it came to that den. She altered her excuse to hide her true intentions. If the others knew exactly how she felt and why....they'd never let her live it down. Not like she was in love with the Toad or anything....but she pitied him. Especially now when he hadn't even the energy to fake his stupidity.
He'd been asleep the majority of that afternoon, that evening and even into the next day. Wanda stayed home with him while the others went back to school.
She sat, watching daytime television. The wonderful world of Maury, Sally, Jenny and Dr. Phil. Jerry Springer was just too loud. Flipping through the channels, she wanted something more quiet to watch so not to wake Toad just a few feet away.
She frowned at the lack of things on...and settled on PBS for the time being. Sesame Street would be going off in a few moments to make way for Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. How pathetic...but it was either that or boring soaps.
She was in no mood to watch those depressing soaps. Hailey sleeping with mystery man while Blair's daughter, Star tried to convince her and Todd that they were still in love. But, let's not forget Vicki's battle to forget Mitch Laurence. Bah, not worth the effort to figure out. Mindless things for mindless moments was the key.
~Sesame Street was brought to you today by the letter "T" and the numbers 6, 9 and 10. See you next time!~
" I've got to be out of my mind," she muttered. She then heard a stir and turned to see Toad waking up. She smiled, glad he hadn't...like...died or something. She walked over and leaned over the couch, brushing his tattered bangs from his face.
" Well, you still feel feverish...but not like the back of an oven like you were yesterday."
" Why are you here?"
Wanda kept silent a moment, trying to figure what he meant. She shrugged, " I was worried about you."
" Really?"
" Yeah. There's only one Toad, y'know. Can't have ya goin and dying on me."
Toad smiled. Wanda couldn't decide if it was a blush or the fever turning his cheeks that color. He turned away and tried to drag himself off the couch. Wanda grabbed him, " What?"
" I'm hungry."
" I'll get it."
" Wanda, I told you I wasn't used to being fussed over," he whined.
" Shut up and lie back down!"
Who could argue with that? Toad settled back down and rolled his eyes. He should have been enjoying the hell out of this....but he just wasn't up to par yet. It wasn't long before she was back with chicken soup. He turned his nose up at it at first, waiting several minutes with the intention really to wait for it to cool.
~Except for pretend, Fischer doesn't have feelings...*I* have feelings.~
Toad then turned to look at the television. " I saw this one already." He then turned bright red again and even let out a chuckl before turning to his soup, " Hey, a fly is in my soup."
" Told ya I'd take care of ya," Wanda joked. The fly must have invited itself into the broth after it was set on the table. Toad wasn't exactly offended by it, finding it somewhat comforting to still sneak in his prefered snack.
***
Aint it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't move on even though you try
Aint it strange when you're feeling things you shouldn't feel
Oh, I wish this could be real...
***
Wanda woke up, feeling the thereputic stroking through her hair. She was surprised to find she had fallen asleep against the couch and the action was being performed by a drowsy Toad. He was half-asleep, in fact his eyes were even closed. Wanda blushed and looked at the time. There was still two hours before school let out. She smirked and leaned into the touch. It was very soothing, despite the smell of sweat from Toad's fever spells. It took everything she had not to fall asleep again. If she did, she'd surely be out when the boys came home. This would not be the best position to be caught in.
She thought hard about Toad's attitude. She'd spent the day running all over the house taking care of things. She'd even been in Toad's room a few times for things he would probably ask for. She'd found a few things which perhaps he'd never intended for her to see. Sketchbooks filled with sketches, a dollar store brand journal filled with lyrics and poetry. She even found a clarinet when she went snooping under his bed. Did Toad even know how to play the clarinet?
She frowned and looked into Toad's face again. She had never heard him play....nor had the boys ever mentioned it. She bit her bottom lip and stood up, quietly skipping upstairs to retrieve the intrument.
***
Aint if funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right
Aint it strange how fate can play a part
In the story of your heart
***
Wanda still examined the clarinet when Toad woke up. He had no expression so she couldn't tell what he was feeling or thinking. He rested his head on his hands, which were crossed on the cushion and eyed Wanda intently.
" Know how to play?"
" No," she replied. " Do you?"
" Yyyyyyyyep."
" You never played it..." she was cut off.
" Took it up in the third grade. I stopped playing last year. Figured guys in high school played football, or some other sports. Did...manly things...not some preppy hobby like band."
" I think it's sweet. I prefer artists over jocks."
Toad sat up and brushed the hair from his face. He walked over and took the case and took it back with him to the sofa and put it together properly. He ran his finger over the reed and crinkled his nose.
No matter. He pulled out a fresh reed and replaced it. He was certain it was horribly out of tune. He did a quick review of his fingering, checking the instrument for sticking or any repairs. Everything seemed fine.
Wanda watched quietly as Toad tended to the clarinet lovingly with expertise. She was almost pushed for him to hurry so she could hear him. But she contained herself as he examined it one last time before placing the reed to his lips. He did a quick check and swiftly tuned it. He couldn't hear people calling him half the time, but when it came to music, his ears were well-attuned to the pitch.
The moment finally came when Toad brought it to his lips again and played a flowing tune so naturally it was as if he were born specifically to play the clarinet. He had the piece memorized, even after all this time and played masterfully with no mistakes.
Wanda sat back in complete relaxation, and...since no one was around to say anything, even smiled, showing her enjoyment of the music. She almost protested verbally when he stopped playing, but was satisfied with showing her objection with a frown.
" There's a lot more to you than you let on, isn't there?" She asked.
" A lot."
" Why don't you ever show it? I mean...the things I've found..." BUSTED!! " It's like you were born in a high-class aristocratic, silver-spoon in your mouth family."
He shrugged, " Maybe I do have rich aristocratic blood in me. Who knows. I just know I love to play....loved." He frowned and put the clarinet away sadly. " I don't think I'd ever be able to play it again."
" Why?"
" It's not a very manly instrument. For the five years I played...there was maybe only 1 other guy who played. The other seven were girls. Y'know, people associate guys in the band with playing trumpet, or saxaphone, or drums, or tuba or something. I like a moderate sound. Would have taken the violin....if there was another guy. All female orchestra. Not intended that way but. ‘Boys don't play girlie instruments.' So...I dunno. I like classical music...and clarinet was always my favorite."
" The poetry...."
Toad blushed. " That wasn't supposed to be seen by anyone."
" I know. I could tell." She held he book to him, " Why can't you talk to me like this....even if it's just when no one is around? These...are beautiful."
Toad turned away, feeling sickly and embaressed being complimented on his deepest romantic ideals.
" Would you play again?"
" Now?"
" Anytime."
Toad shrugged and glanced up, seeing the rest of the Brotherhood walking in.
" Hey, he's not dead!" Blob cheered.
" You owe me $20, Pietro," Lance laughed.
Wanda and Toad groaned.
***
I locked away my heart
But you just set it free
Emotions I felt held me back from what my life should be
I pushed you far away
And yet you stayed with me
I guess this means
That you and me were meant to be
***
" Toad, hurry up!" Wanda called up the stairs, " We're going to be LATE!"
" Toad's got a habit of not being very punctual," Pietro laughed.
" Toad's not the one in detention for being late..." Lance teased. Pietro blushed deep red. " That wasn't my fault."
" What time does it start again?" Blob asked, looking at his watch.
" I told you four times!" Wanda scolded, " It's at 8pm sharp. If you don't show up, I'll be hexing your asses for the rest of your life."
Everyone was silent when Toad came bolting down the stairs, " Cab's outside!" He blabbed as he ran out trying to get his blazer on. Wanda was quick to run after him. The door slammed after them leaving the Brotherhood boys to laugh about the departure.
" Think they'll make it?" Lance asked.
" No doubt. They've been fussing about it since...geez...forever." Pietro replied.
" It's like a drastic turnaround in just a few months."
" Could be just a front," Pietro smiled. " You've never actually seem him put any effort forth, have you?"
" Maybe he does it when no one's watching," Blob suggested.
Both stared at him with that "yeah right" expression.
***
Aint it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't move on even though you try
Aint it strange when you're feeling things you shouldn't feel
Oh, I wish this could be real...
***
" Any moment now," Toad sighed, pinning a white rose to the pocket of his black blazer. He checked his cummerbond to make sure it was on right and then his matching bow-tie.
" You look fine," Wanda smiled. " You'll do fine, I promise. Just relax."
" It's..."
" Just like riding a bike," Wanda smiled. She rubbed at Toad's shoulders and looked into the mirror from over his shoulder, " Put on your confident face, Toad."
Toad couldn't help but smile and laugh. Wanda could be really silly when no one was watching. He hugged her, " What would I do without you?"
She accepted the hug and laughed, " You'd be a mess."
Toad turned when he heard the call of the one in charge. Wanda smiled and skipped off, heading for where she needed to be. Toad sighed heavily. He glanced up to see the instructor smiling at him, " Nervous, Mr. Tolanksy?"
" Very."
" Don't worry about it, you're a natural."
" Doesn't make it any better. Butterflies in my stomach." Toad blushed.
" Once you get to your seat and we get situated, you'll only have one thing on your mind...and it won't be nervousness."
***
Aint it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right
Aint it strange how fate can play a part
In the story of your heart
***
The instructor was right. The moment Toad was in his seat....first seat position...highest honor for every section....he lost all doubt. He focused his attention on the pieces in front of him and thought only about precision. Precision is what he got.
He would have smiled if it weren't for the clarinet between his lips. Each piece he was set to play, he did so with perfection. He could hear the rest of the band/orchestra around him, which only intensified his desire to play and jump-started his adrenaline. He was even hyped up enough to play his solo with everything he had.
Classical and Christmas were the majority of the performance...but what little time was left for the jazz band was well-spent. Toad had managed to win a spot as the jazz clarinet. But, these pieces were difficult. No matter, he practiced hard on them....on the practice field after school {since the football players used the big field} by himself. Wanda would come and watch him and critique him. They had wonderful times out there during the hard practices. No one ever seemed to use the practice field as it was surrounded by tall weeds and cat-tails. It only made the experiences more enjoyable, knowing that no one they knew or that knew them would happen along.
How they managed to hide all these things for so long was quite a talent. Either they were crafty, or no one ever paid much attention to them. No matter, from the alone time, Toad was able to practice until he was back to knowing it all like it was an innate skill.
Crescendo. And the symbols making a loud crash, thus ending the performance. It was then they all stood and bowed. After taking the second bow, Toad peered over his shoulder at Wanda behind him with the violin.
" I told you that you could do it," She smiled, wrapping an arm around him and planting a big scarlet kiss on his cheek. Perhaps that alone was enough for applause. She showed no remorse and Toad merely blushed and raised a hand to his cheek.
That was nice. And neither of them cared...
...that everyone was looking.
END
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