Uwebe dake de ima mo
Kimi wo moteasonderu
Kimi wa nani mo kizukazu
Minusu ni kouru ai
*
Only on the surface now
I'm toying with you
You do not notice a thing
In minus (180 degrees C) frozen love
***
" Is everyone alright?" Jean asked, stepping from the second plane.
" Where'd this stupid storm come from?!" From Pietro
" Think she got carried away?" From Evan.
" No. No matter," Wolverine said flatly. " Get everyone inside that cave over there. We can't fix the planes until the rain lets up."
" So, we just...wait here?" Pietro asked.
" Think you can handle it, Maximoff?" Evan snickered.
" Is that a challenge, Daniels?"
" SHUT UP!!!!!" Wanda spat, zapping both of them with hex bolts.
" Everyone quiet," Jasper warned. " Let's just get some sleep and relax until the storm lets up. Then we can continue to wherever you people ‘ave in mind. But as soon as everyone is in the clear...I'm going back out."
" You're bloody crazy, Jasper," Duke argued. " ‘E could be anywhere by now! ‘Oo even knows if ‘e's alive?"
" ‘E's a survivor. Just like Jasper said," Mudley argued.
***
Muguchina kimi ni
Muguchina ai de
Muguchina fukai kan wo
Muguchina boku ni
Muguchina ai de
Muguchina kizuato
*
In taciturn you
With taciturn love
A taciturn discomfort
In taciturn me
With taciturn love
A taciturn scar
***
~The coming is upon us. He is coming. He is going. It is all that is needed to bring down the coming beast.
=What is this beast?=
The beast. He's from the Otherworld.
=Show me signs. What is to come?=~
Signs came to Jasper as he slept. He was aware these were not just crazy dreams but one of his less controlled gifts. His gift of premonition. He was unsure of what to make of it. Was it a might be? Or a will be?
~The last days are coming. There is betrayal.~
Jasper awoke. Everyone else was still asleep. The rain was still heavy outside. He frowned. " Todd, I hope you're alright. I don't like this deep down gut feeling. Please prove me wrong."
He sat near the entrance...just a few inches out of reach of the stray wetness. He sighed and shut his eyes, hoping to be able to connect with Toad somehow mentally.
=Where are you? Please, Todd. Answer me.=
He trembled at the lack of response. " It's not true. You're still alive. I know you are."
***
Juuhachi nin me no kimi
Boku ni kisuite inai
Yasashisa ni urazuketa
Kouri tsuita kono ai wo
*
You are the eighteenth one
You didn't notice me
Supported by kindness
This love made frozen
***
Jasper's mind filled with visions. A suspension chamber. But why? Toad...he was in it. But, what was it? Where was it and why? He could figure it out. Why could he see these premonitions...but not see Toad? The only comfort he found was that this had not happened yet...and that Toad must still be alive.
Flashes leading up to that event blipped through his mind. He couldn't see it clearly, but somehow felt the impact of the speed. It was like a flipbook of still images...of photos.
Magneto.
Toad....he was yelling. Distressed. Jasper placed a hand over his heart. He never wanted to hear him yell like that. The pain he picked up. The hurt, the anger, the fear. What he was yelling at or for, he wasn't sure...but he knew it was something that hurt him deeply and frightened him. Pray whoever it was didn't cross him. He'd fix it. He had promised so.
Blips...more blips.
Strange machines
A strange man.
Toad again....alone and looking rather in a panic...dark corridors of metal. Strange flickering buttons in the background.
Another image of Toad. Standing with a cold and heartless expression. His arms were crossed. Whatever he was looking at, he had no feelings whatsoever for it. The hatred flooded Jasper's soul....and whatever it was...he hated it too.
Strange land. He saw a strange land. What weird plants...strange atmosphere.
Toad again. Sitting in a strange room...stacks of books...and notebooks by the dozen. So busy.
He had become angry. Strange garbs he wore. The smile he wore was wicked as he sent forth some strange force.
The image of some strange monster roaring/hissing blasted Jasper from his thoughts and he held his head in agony.
" What...is...happening?" He stammered.
***
Shizukana kimi ni
Shizukana ai de
Shizukana kaikan koroshi
Shizukana boku ni
Shizukana ai de
Shizukana...
*
In quiet you
With quiet love
Kill the quiet pleasure
In quiet me
With quiet love
Quiet...
***
Jasper narrowed his eyes as the sea of grey that was the sky. Shards of glass-like shards of rain speared the wet grass and dirt outside. He focused again, " I'm not quitting until I find ‘im."
He put forth more effort, somehow feeling a disrupted connection.
" You're with someone," he whispered. " I can feel it... ‘e's messing up the reception. Where are you?"
He wasn't expecting an answer. The questions were more thoughts spoken. " I'm not letting you go again," he warned himself. He scanned hard, trying to identify this other presence. He'd felt it before....faintly...but before.
The presence was a powerful one even in it's faint state. " ‘E's S-Level, isn't ‘e?" He dropped his head, shaking. " If ‘e ‘urts you...I'll ‘unt ‘im down."
The images were blurry and without sound. He hated visions that catered to one specific sense. The blurry vision was enough to clarify Toad was indeed alive and with some strange figure. But, the area...it was hard to figure. It looked dark. He felt some relief with that. Toad could see VERY well in the dark, so few surprises could catch him. But, the vision of blue-grey teased him. Sky? Toad couldn't fly...but that other figure...could he?
=Speak to me= He whispered in his mind. Garbled sounds replied....then fell silent.
= I know. Perhaps if I try harder...I can see through YOUR eyes.= He suggested mentally.
He pushed harder, focusing on the blur he KNEW was Toad. He made it successfully with effort. He then rolled in the dirt at the memories he was unprepared to greet.
***
Kaerenai
Kaerezu ni
Muguchina ai
Shizuka ni
Shizuka ni
Karameau futari
*
I cannot change
I cannot return
Taciturn love
Quietly
Quietly
We two entangled
***
The memories flooded against him like white blood cells to an infection. They flashed mercilessly against his mind.
Toad....about 5. York, England. He was so cute. Jasper never thought otherwise. Todd was there, playing with ball by himself. He was crouched down and bounced it alone. His focus was lost when a rock flew past him, then another which his him in the arm. He fell over and watched as the boys laughed at him.
" FREAK!" The cry burned at Jasper's ears. Toad...these were the memories that were in his mind directly. He was thinking...remembering this...now.
He watched helplessly as Todd was chased about the yard by the bullies. Time and time again. Similar memories. And they became more and more recent. The sixth grade....a taller boy grabbing him, slamming him into the cinderblock walls of the school building and digging mercilessly into the smaller boy's pockets, pulling out lunch money and then tossing him to the floor.
" Thanks for the charity donation, Tolansky. Great to see a regular contributor!" The larger boy taunted as he laughed down the hall with his buddies. Toad crawled onto his hands and knees, and knelt in the hall, humiliated. There would be no lunch again today.
Jasper shivered as the memories constricted.
Duncun Matthews. Jasper didn't know his name from experience...but Toad sure did. It was all Jasper needed. The bullying....it continued endlessly and moreso once he hit high school. Toad's images of constant abuse from the jock and his buddies.
Being stuffed into the tall trash can of the boys' restroom.
Having his lunch tray taken from him and then beaten with it in the schoolyard. And...no authority doing anything about it.
The incident at the football field when Scott just happened along.
The memories of torture were not of Duncun alone. Toad even resented...just about everyone.
The humor Toad had with Evan....sure it was no big deal that he wasn't allowed to be in the movie. But the manner of rejection...it was wrong.
This Nightcrawler person...there was a small list.
Rogue....took his powers....he deserved that. Slamming his tongue in a jeep door. Ouch! The rude talk when he asked simple questions.
Pietro...a general admiration and general dislike.
He was angry about even the Professor and Storm. This "audition" he was put through. He knew for a fact none of the others had one. Even the good Professor never intended to be true to him.
Mystique....the very name in his mind made even Jasper want to vomit from empathy. So much hate.
Wanda...anger....rejection. Such unhealthy thoughts.
Magneto....a small flame there too. The reasons were somewhat clouded. But Jasper was sure they were good ones.
He froze at the sudden realization of Toad's next thought. Did he NOT believe Jasper's feelings? He frowned and turned to the others. Toad didn't believe they cared either. And in Jasper's state...he could confess...he was right. They...DIDN'T love him....didn't really even like him. Not as the buddy buddy system goes. They tolerated him...sympathized with him as a brother. Nothing more. Jasper realized that Toad really DID have no one....but him.
***
Kokoro muguchi ni
Kokoro shizuka de
Kokoro ni hamukete
Kokoro muguchi ni
Kokoro shizuka de
Kokoro moteasonde mite mo
*
My inner heart's reticence
My inner heart's quiet
Striking towards the heart
My inner heart's reticence
My inner heart's quiet
Even if I try to toy with your heart
***
Jasper sat curled at the entrance of the cave, letting the tears flow quietly and freely, fearing no eyes. So much hurt. So much hate. The hope within him was fading. Everything within Toad had somehow merged with his own feelings. The empathy burning Toad's inner soul into Jasper's conscience. He grit his teeth angrily and shut his eyes tight, lowering his gaze into his knees as white silky hair fell into his smoothe face.
" Why....why didn't I see this before?" He asked in whisper as he sobbed. He felt it. Every dissapointment. Every pain. Ever shattered thought. Nothing had ever been any more painful to Jasper before. It only made him scrunch up tighter, ironically keeping in all of it. He wouldn't let it go. This was who he chose for his partner. He always knew Toad was the one he would always want. He felt a strange bond as a child. He felt it now as well. It was stronger now. Moreso now that he had taken in the inner-mind Toad hid away.
It was not all about bad memories. Deep down, he saw the things Toad always hid away. His great knowledge...great potential. Verses from great masterpieces no one had ever known he'd read.
Othello
Hamlet
Cyrano de Bergerac...even in it's original French
Toad knew several languages. One has a lot of time to read when alone.
He was a WIZ with mathematics. The complexity and intelligence in such a field boggled the mind of even Jasper. He could have been considered a genius with such a grand intelligence of the numerical language.
He was familiar with mechanical build...but not of the names. He knew where everything went and what it looked like.
Despite Toad's poor use of the English language via slang and grammatical carelessness...he was indeed an articulate.
He was a hopeless romantic as well. Why he had never tried to use it to the extent his inner psyche showed was shocking. With that type of suave and charm....WHO could ever say no?
He knew how to cook.
Jasper smiled slightly. Such a mind. Yet, he never dared show it to anyone.
Jasper stood up and wiped the tears from his face, peering out into the rain.
***
Kaeranai
Kaerezu ni
Muguchina ai
Shizuka ni
Shizuka ni
Karameau futari
*
I cannot change
I cannot return
Taciturn love
Quietly
Quietly
We two entangled
***
Lightening. It only made the anger in Jasper grow as he clenched his fists and growled inwardly. With the next clap of thunder, he ran out into the pouring rain. Ran until he reached the beach.
" WHERE ARE YOU?!" He yelled out. He was answered by thunder and lightening.
" You may think you ‘ave no one...but you ‘ave me. I'm nothing but honest, Todd. I won't let you down. I'll find you or I'll die trying. I'm not about to lose you again!"
He backed up, thinking hard about the best form to take. The anger flared up within him. He didn't care who that man was Toad was with. He belonged with him....his partner...the only one who loved him and MEANT it!
The sudden rage build-up made him grab his head from the pain. He dropped to the sand but was quickly up on his feet again. He let out a loud scream/yell and released a powerful blue psychic blast into the water, blowing up a shark off the in the distance and making a splash of great height and width.
***
Itsu kara ka
Anata ni kizuite ita
Demo
Anata no soba ni ireru dake de ii no
*
From sometime ago
I had noticed you
But
To be only by your side is all I need
***
Jasper breathed deep and hard as the emotions flared. Memories flooded that were now his....that he had kept only to himself...but felt now was a good time to remember them...to ensure his feelings.
~ " Does it ‘urt?" Jasper asked. He was no more than 4....before the release of Black Womb to the orphanages. He had tracked little Todd into a corner alone in the nursery. He was shivering...a reaction from some strange elixer. It made his tummy hurt and he felt both hot and cold all at the same time.
" Yes."
Jasper sat beside him and hugged him, rubbing his arms and belly. Todd leaned into him...so tired but too uncomfortable to sleep.
" Na says we'll be going to get new parents soon."
" Nnn," Todd replied, a forced sound from tired lips. Somehow this was comfortable...resting his head on Jasper's shoulder.
" Think we'll stay together? Or forget each other?"
" I want to forget this place," Todd whispered.
" But, without it...we'd never ‘ave met."
" Come with me?"
" I ‘ope so."
Todd smiled and nuzzled into a more comfortable position exposed as a sleeping bundle only by the full moon filtering in from outside.
The next memory of Jasper being let off the bus and into the hands of the caretaker of the orphanage in London. He turned around with a smile...and then frowned as the bus drove off. =Why wasn't Todd left with me?= He asked himself and cried as he saw the small head peeking out the back and waving sadly.~
" I won't let it be over that easily!" Jasper yelled out to sea. " All we had was each other!"
***
Boku wa saigo ni kimi wo dakishimeta
Kore ga saigo ni naru to mo shirazu ni
*
I held you close at the end
I don't know if this will become the end
***
Jasper held onto nothing and imagined that night. Just as he had done as a child, even as the new partner, all he wanted most was to feel his presence. He didn't like to be touched....but he always made the exception at this chance. As Toad slept that week with him in Black Womb II, he took great pleasure in holding the sleeping figure...filling some strange security within himself. It was no dream...Toad was there. The body proved it.
He shook his head. It would have been so perfect had it not all been some crude game. He looked up towards the sky and narrowed his eyes.
" I'm coming for you."
To be continued..
