Only tell me that you still want me here
When you wander off out there
To those hills of dust and hard winds that blow
In that dry white ocean out there
***
Did you ever love someone so much, there were no words? I don't mean the lustful love. I mean to love someone so much, nothing pleases you more than to see them smile, even if you are not the cause. Being one of few words, it's hard to find something that would even make me speechless. But, it happened. Through all my solitude and hate....it was enough to simply see her to make everything that was wrong in my life, which was pretty much everthing, just vanish...fade away. I could fly when I saw her smile.
There was nothing more I wanted to do from the moment I recognized her than to see to it she always smiled....always laughed. Anyone that made her do otherwise would suffer greatly at my hands.
Who is she who makes this beast merely a mouse at her feet? She has such a talent for it. She who is the defender of all that is cute, cuddly and small. She is my sister....my twin...my other half....
My Yukina...
***
Lost out in the desert
You are lost out in the desert
***
" Her daughter, Yukina left some time ago in search for her missing brother." Buri said to me. She spoke clearly against my back as I stared at the stone with my mother's name upon it. Kami, bless her soul.
" We've not seen her since," She continued.
I remained silent. Unlike the other Koorime, she was very helpful. Not afraid of me....at least...not after I promised to do no harm. I turned from her and began to walk away.
" You're him. You're the baby."
I heard her words. I knew what she wanted. It was her wish that I survive....return to revenge myself and my mother's sadness. She sought for me to kill her...to rightfully punish her for going with such a barbaric cruelty to a helpless infant. However, I never wanted to hurt her. Things happen. There were more important things to worry about.
She was missing. Perhaps she had our father's adventure in her...and she would not return until she found me. If such was her foolish task, I would humor her...and watch over her on her silly journey.
***
But to stand with you in the ring of fire
I'll forget the day's gone by
I'll protect your body and guard your soul
From mirages in your sight
Lost out in the desert
***
I've seen her....the day my jagan was implanted I could see her lovely face and could not recognize myself. She was my twin? She was my complete opposite. So lovely....so young....so innocent. It was my own scold to refuse meeting her. After the life I lived, what would I have to offer such a perfect gem?
I haven't felt this way since I held my mother's tear gem in my hands. It felt like so long ago. I'm glad I killed the bastard that made me lose it. But, Yukina....she is a gem herself. Her face brought me peace. When she would frown, I would remove the cause. When she smiled, I stood idley by to bathe in that radiance that was her laugh.
She never saw me during these times. She had no clue what she sought was right above her head the whole time....right over her shoulder...following her delicate and graceful footsteps.
If I could not see her with my own two eyes....I'd sit content in a tree and use the jagan to see her from a distance. My day was not complete without her.
The day I can't see Yukina...is the day someone dies.
***
If your hopes scatter like the dust beneath your track
I'll be the moon that shines on your path
The sun may blind our eyes
I pray the skies above
For snow to fall on the sahara
***
"Yukina." I repeated her name several times throughout the day...after day...after day. Baka, that Koenma. How daring...did you not set me up for such a thing? My swift step was not what you were seeking. For a cowardice brat, you sought the excitement of drawn blood surely to come from my blade.
I was too clever for you....
Yusuke....formidable. I like him better than that baka ningen, Kuwabara. I enjoy the fight in him [Yusuke]. Always fun and always something new up his sleeve. I trusted him enough....I wouldn't trust anyone to my Yukina. To my treasures.
I knew I would go with you, Yusuke, even if you didn't see me. I didn't care what that baka baby wanted...I wanted Yukina.
" The day I can't see Yukina...is the day you die."
" Forgive me!" He said to me as I stood between that ugly mug and my Yukina. I cannot forgive someone blinding me.
" I'll give you all the money you want."
What use have I for money? Money cannot purchase the happiness her smile alone placed within my heart.
" Yes, I'll give you her precious tear gems."
Kisama! How short my fuse and how grand to feel my knuckles smashing teeth from his mouth, and to have blood drip from him. My attack, my punishment....how dare you take away my light. No one steals from me.
" Hiei, stop it!" I hear from Yusuke. My glare through the glass shows I acknowledge him. Yes,Yusuke, I saw you. I knew very well you were worried about me....about him...about her. I couldn't understand why you would seek for my welfare. My welfare is nothing without her smile. I'd rather die than to see her in misery.
" It is not from me he should seek forgiveness." I hear whispered from my lips in a snarl. Yes....one more punch and I'd be sure to finish him off....see darkness, scumbag...just as you stole the light from me I would steal away yours.
It was with this desire of pure satisfaction that I pulled back my fist, and let it fly forward...
***
If that's the only place where you can leave your doubts
I'll hold you up and be your way out
And if we burn away
I pray the skies above
For snow to fall on the sahara
***
" Stop it!" Her call...her lovely voice screamed.
How swift....there she was, clinging to my arm. I've always wanted to touch her. Pure shock but I would not forgive this man that had caused her such pain.
" Stop it, please!" She pleaded. That face....it made a pain in my chest no blade could ever make.
" This man has caused you..." I spoke...trying to talk some sense into her lovely head. Ah, but she was too clever for me, manipulating my feelings for her and that twinge of compassion and desire to please in my heart.
"...Enough pain and suffering already. I don't want anyone to cause me anymore pain. I don't care who. Please...stop it."
Clever. You've tamed a beast, Yukina, and not even realized that those claws were held just under your chin. I could not argue with you. Those tears....I never wanted to see those tears again, Yukina. I, especially, did not want to be the cause. With that in mind....I obeyed you.
You found me, Yukina. You didn't even know it. You found what you were looking for...I found what I was looking for. We would never speak a word of it to each other. The ignorance is enough so long as I can see your smile. It deepens my submission to you....when you smile....at me.
" Is it enough to have protection from one's own big brother?"
Ah, Kurama....so observant. You toyed with me then. We were in good humor. That rage...that beast was gone the moment she pleaded with me. Such innocence...how could I corrupt such an angel.
" Is it enough?"
" As you like it."
I nodded. " It is enough, then."
***
Just and wish and I will cover your shoulders
With veils of silk and gold
When the shadows come and darken your heart
Leaving you with regrets so cold
Lost out in the desert
***
Why Kuwabara? Of all the people in the world...why him? Ah, no matter. As much as I'm disgusted by the idea...he makes you smile. I suppose for that, I'll let him live a while longer.
You became so obvious to Yusuke...to Kurama....my weakness. It was my code that held me to them. They were better as my allies. You, Yukina....you were different. You were my blood, my heart.....my soul. All you had to do was but say a word, and I was at your command. My Thick shield over you blinded you, I admit. Or did it?
My eyes....my eye...is for you. You...you gave up what was always a security in Koorime...for me. Perhaps we're not so different after all. Our words were unspoken. However, despite my attempts, I think you knew.
You are clever. So clever...you even gave me the satisfaction to pretend you didn't know.
***
If your hopes scatter like the dust beneath your track
I'll be the moon that shines on your path
The sun may burn our eyes
I pray the skies above
For snow to fall on the sahara
***
" Hiei-Chan!"
I hate it when people call me that. It feel like a cuddly, fuzzy little mouse. I don't mind it from you. You can call me anything you wish....just don't do it in front of the guys. They'd never let me live it down.
My eyes fall on that lovely kimono you're wearing. Did Genkai get it for you? It looks much warmer than the other. In this dry winter weather, I would hope so.
" How are you fairing?" Yes, I must ask.
" To be honest, Hiei-Chan, I was very lonely. Busy season and the others haven't been able to see me for a while."
Genkai is good company I suppose. I've never had a problem with her. Very wise and very....attractive in a creepy old woman kind of way. She is a good guardian for you, Yukina.
" Lonely?"
" Yes. Genkai is great company. But, I miss the rest of you when you are not here."
Even me? We're at it again. Our words go unspoken and we can feel it in each other's hearts what we have to truley say to one another. I turn to the dusk fo dark twilight blue. It is cold, but it doesn't bother me. I'm used to the bitterness and you...you should be too. Ah, but this ningen world has so pampered you that I see you quiver with a chill. Your smile is what catches my attention now.
" But, you are here now, Hiei-Chan. I'm not lonely anymore."
***
If that's the only place where you can leave your doubts
I'll hold you up and be your way out
And if we burn away
I pray the skies above
For snow to fall on the sahara
***
I never knew you could climb trees, Yukina. But here you are resting between my thighs and back against my chest on this branch. The lovely shaw about your shoulders warms you....or am I? Such a clear cold night. So dry though. It's like an icey desert. What I'd give for some rain....tomorrow. Tonight is mine...with you.
" So many lovely stars," I hear you coo. I can't help but nod. Makai stars are not as lovely as Ningengai. I will give those silly ningens that.
" I love to come out here and look at the stars at night."
Just keep talking, Yukina. Your voice like this brings me such comfort. But, you go silent and rest your head back against my shoulder. Your face is cold against my lips as I find myself kissing your forehead.
We are the perfect set of bookends, you and I. Yet we are as different as the sun and the moon. Which are we, Yukina? I, who am of fire...yet a heart of pure ice. You, who are of ice...and with a heart of fire. You melt me and cool me all at once.
" Hiei-Chan, look," you hold out your hand. I follow your example. Cold....I can't help but smile at your happiness and hor content you are. This kiss from heaven....do you think Mom sends us this?
This bittersweetness like you and I...was this for us? This light on darkness...it reminds me of us.
How so, you wonder. Yes, we are speaking unspoken again. I am a vast waste of desolate nothing...a desert of fire...a tumbleweed here and there, but nothing else to indicate I was alive other than to feel nothing. You, who are born of the same blood as I...yet you maintain so much life within you. I see and hear nothing but life and song within you. You cool my fires and melt my heart.
It's like snow on the sahara.
END
